ten million [open death topic]

It was harder to breathe today. Harder to calm the burning pain in her chest, every part of her aching from jaw to paw. She felt sick and exhausted all at once. It was hard enough to just keep her head up as she focused all of her energy into listening to her mothers voice give the order to leave, followed by the marching of paws one by one that echoed throughout the camp. A war Firefly would have loved to have been a part of. Would have loved to fall in line behind Mottlestar and Comfreyheart.  Briefly - just for the faintest of heartbeats - she felt regret in her decision to retire. Though just as quickly as the feeling came, it disappeared as a slight breeze blew aside the curtains that draped across the elders den entrance: Mottlestar, at the lead, her small stature insignificant compared to the determination in her eyes. Her head held high. Proud of her warriors. Confident in her leadership. Fury in her eyes that it had even come to this.

Firefly's thoughts wandered back to her elder ceremony, a small smile curling her lips. There was no need for regrets when Mottlestar had already expressed reed-lengths over and over of how proud she was of her ‘little flame’, solidified in the tears she shed for the young russet ThunderClanner, now ranked amongst the elders.

As the marching line began to disappear through the brambles of the camp's entryway, the smile faded as her heart beat painfully quickened at the sight of a heavily scarred tom she no longer cared to let even her thoughts utter the name of. Of anyone's death, she wished it was him who didn't return… So long as it didn't harm her mothers heart, the retired warrior would comply.

A hush fell over the camp in their absence. An uncomfortable, suffocating silence. Fear and anticipation for the outcome hanging heavily in the air. Eyes drifted towards Highrock to be greeted by the familiar and warming sight of Acornstem's brown pelt drifting in the winds that rallied war. Her eyes were cast forward, never leaving even as the line of warriors disappeared. She wished dearly to comfort her mate, cursing herself for not being able to gather strength greater than lifting her shaking head.

The wind died down and the curtains fell closed once more, plunging the elders den into darkness. Scarred face lay against her paws as Firefly attempted to sleep away the pain that pinched within her chest, a heavy sigh escaping her.

…

It was relieving that sleep came so easily. Even better when the sweetest of dreams came with it: Acornstem. She was there for the deputy's worst, and the deputy was there for hers. Shoulder to shoulder, tails intertwined. Unconditional love that had blossomed from the tiniest of seed. A love that neither of them had ever expected, but welcomed without the slightest hint of hesitation now that it was known that the feeling was mutual. The delightful dream played out as she ate a meal alongside Acornstem, talking about everything and nothing.

When they were done with their meal, Thrushnose approached with the idea of going on a hunt. Enthusiastically agreeing, Firefly found herself suddenly side by side with her beloved brother tracking down birds and mice; the forest bathed in the warm glow of Greenleaf sun that set her russet pelt aflame. She felt just as young as she looked, green eyes shining in a smile as her brother proudly showed her the rabbit he had caught.

As the dream melted away to the sandy hollow training grounds, she was met with a curly pelt and the uneasy eyes of her best friend: Curlyfluff. At his side, his daughter who came out an exact copy of Rosethorn. The thrill of a spar radiated off of her as she and Curlyfluff tumbled about, kicking up sand and swears (mostly from her own tongue). Once again, Firefly didn't come out victorious in her fight with the curly warrior, and once again he cried over it. Next time. Next time she wouldn't lose. Next time she would really give him something to cry about.

A full day passed with the company of Thrushnose,  Curlyfluff, Sweetheart and Acornstem, ending with the deputy joining the large nest prepared for two in the elders den just as the moon began to rise above the tree tops. As usual, Acornstem’s fluffy tail lay across Firefly to keep her warm as the two fell asleep nose to nose. A smile crept across her face in the waking world, giving away that her dreams were light and airy.

….

”Firefly!” Russet and black ears flicked once at the familiar and irritatingly loud, over-the-top squeal. Her eyes squeezed tighter shut, refusing to let go of the wonderful dream she was having. Not yet. She hadn't told Acornstem she loved her yet before they drifted off to sleep.

”Did you know you can run forever and ever up here and never get tired??” Eyes blinked open, head raising to finally look to where the grating voice came from. At first, her face showed only irritation at being woken up. A growl deep in her throat as she warned whoever it was to cease their yapping. ”You'd better have a good reason–” Eyes immediately softened upon seeing the starry brown and white pelt of her long dead, yet still dearly beloved sister. Her beloved Rosethorn. Her best friend. But just as quickly as she had come, Rosethorn’s starry form was gone, making a mad dash around Firefly’s nest and then out of the elders' den without so much as disturbing the curtain that blocked out the midday sun.

Her head swiveled to look at the elders that napped around her, finding that not a single one stirred… Because none of them were there with her.

Fear. That was the feeling that coursed through her as she lay in her nest all alone. Fear that she was being forced to give up the wonderful life she had yet to fully live.

Her eyes shut tight as the molly curled in on herself, nose tucked under her tail like a kit who wasn’t ready to wake up. A dream. It was a dream. She was just in a nightmare. She had to be! She wasn’t ready yet; Acornstem needed her right now more than ever - at least until their tiny mottled leader made her triumphant return. She couldn't go without speaking with Thrushnose one last time. And what of Curlyfluff? Sweetheart? She couldn’t just let them wander lost on their own. Not yet.

Her fur fluffed up at the unexpected presence that could be felt beside her, though it was much too small to be her mates. Instinctively, her body melted into this familiar warmth, fur laying flat; this was a warmth she knew from birth. There was a devastatingly sad look in the warrior's gaze as her eyes peeked out from behind her tail to look into the softened golden ones that ever so gently looked back at her. Her black and orange calico pelt sparkled beautifully without a single drop of light needed to aid in its glory. ”Please… Please don't say it.”

---

It wasn't hard to come to the conclusion that the starry pelt of Firefly's sibling running by, only to fade back into the ethereal swirl of stardust and light would have tugged at the heart stronger than would have been expected. However, the stars would still impart a kindness to the russet molly, as the sensation of a strong sense of warmth nestled right up aside her. It was smaller than she was, almost significantly so, but the warmth that it provided had enough heat that it could have easily been mistaken for that of an open flame. Even then, the heat wasn't one that inspired any sort of fear, terror, or longing. It was a soothing warmth, there to envelop and engulf Firefly to protect her from any terror or sorrow that would have attempted to lurch its way into her chest at the sight of her sibling.

Right next to that warmth was a gentle, warm rumbling. A hushed whisper as a comforting tongue would come to groom just between the former warrior's ears. "It's alright, my little flame," A familiar voice rumbled. One that was all too familiar. All too warm, too kind, for it to have matched the leader that had just marched her Clan to war. Yet there was only one feline amongst the forest that knew that title and spoke with such a timbre. Only one molly whose soul would sing to that of the warrior of flame in such a soothing manner, despite the own blaze that she burned. As soon as Firefly's gaze would turn to attempt to confirm the suspicions that no doubt swirled within her mind, the confirmation would be right there. Curled aside her daughter as a mother to nurse her kit was the very tortoiseshell that had last been seen with a fury unlike any other, ready to burn the entire forest down for her Clan.

None of that righteous indignation filled her now. It was only that ever-burning love of a mother, that forever-consuming need to be the one to take care of her kits. Meeting her daughter's gaze, it was clear that there was an insurmountable grief of her own that filled her amber eyes, a melancholy smile tugging her features upwards. The pain of reality was not one that either of them would be able to escape. After all, if she was here, then there was no doubt as to what had happened. Fate had sounded the death-bell, and the small tortoiseshell leader had no choice but to answer its beckoning call. Now, it rang for the russet warrior that had never stopped blazing.

"It's going to be okay, little flame. I'm going to be with you every step of the way, alright?" A gentle promise. One made with the respect due such a ferocious warrior, but laced with the promise to provide guidance and care. This was a task that no warrior could train for. Not even a leader, though she had been forced to endure the experience of repetitive deaths nine times over. For that reason, and that alone, she had sworn to the stars that she would be there for every single one of her beloveds so they did not depart from the forest on their lonesome. No cat deserved to find themselves thrust in such a position, and though it left an insurmountable grief to hear the death-bell sound for her daughter so close to her own... She was right there to answer the promise she had made.

"I know it's hard to let go. You've never stopped burning oh-so brightly, my Firefly. But your vibrant flame has outgrown that of which your body can handle." Yet again, the mother pushed her nose into her daughter's softened fur in a comforting gesture. A physical token of just how close she would remain and stay as long as she had the power to do so, and the stars would be sorely mistaken to revoke that power from her. "It is time for you to no longer be my little flame, but my bright star. My bright star, who forever shines upon her Clan to guide them." Though she spoke in hushed tones, there was no revoking the warmth she offered. "It's okay, my bright star, to come join me in Starclan."

---

If StarClan had sent any other cat, Firefly would never have given in so freely. Would have continued fighting death as though it were another heated battle against an enemy who only wished her harm. Would have fought StarClan as a whole for taking everything away from her when she wasn’t ready to let go… So many choice words she would have had for anyone who wasn’t Mottlestar. The soothing tone and comforting rumbles of her mother was enough to make her nod solemnly in agreement - if the leader of ThunderClan was okay with her own demise, then Firefly would have to be as well. There would be plenty of time in the realm of stars to ask what happened on the battle field. An eternity, even. As much as she still didn’t want to leave, at least she could still watch over those she left behind from the comforts of the stars. Her mother at her side. It went unnoticed to her, but her pelt had already been dusted with the same beautiful stars as her mothers tail motioned for Firefly to stand alongside her.

A fitting end to be guided through death with the very cat who brought her into this life.

…

A russet pelt was curled peacefully in a nest big enough for two, her flanks heaving one last sigh before falling eternally still.

Firefly is dead.

*a special thanks to Kitty for writing out Mottle's part as well as Lapis for words by Rosethorn

Acornstem's tail thumped as she laid on the Highrock, a thousand thoughts still rushing through her head as she waited. Her eyes drifted towards the elder's den, before suddenly a chill ran up her spine. She couldn't place it, a sudden concern for her mate - she knew that Firefly had been feeling under the weather but had brushed it off to stay in the nest instead of joining the deputy in waiting in the camp clearing. But..Surely she would be awake by now. With a huff, the deputy pushed herself to her paws and jumped from the rock - her absence would be quick.

She made a stop by the fresh-kill pile, picking up a squirrel before she paused to stare at the pile. The hunting patrol would be back soon, right...? Perhaps they would have a feast to celebrate their victory! ...They would win, right? Another concerned gaze towards the camp entrance before she shook it off and walked into the elder's den, pushing her way inside. All of her worries melted at the familiar shape of Firefly curled up in their nest, padding over as she dropped the fresh-kill pile. "Firefly, are you awake?" she spoke - but the silence that followed caused her heart to twist.

Her whiskers twitched, blinking a few times as she studied her mate before a soft sigh escaped her. "You aren't pouting, are you?" she asked, taking a step forward to nose Firefly's shoulder. "I...I know you wanted to go but I'm thankful, I-" her voice cut off suddenly as her nose brushed her mate's fur. Cold. Everything was cold, yes, but Firefly - her spark, her inspiration and cornerstone wasn't...She wasn't... "Firefly?" came the soft squeak, her eyes starting to burn as she shoved a paw more roughly into her mate's side but nothing - she wasn't moving. She wasn't breathing. No. No! "Firefly, please," she begged, turning quickly to cry out for Echosong but she caught herself.

...This was going to happen.

It was always going to happen.

Tears started to roll down her face as her voice died, slipping onto her haunches as she stared down at the squirrel she had brought, a squirrel she had planned to share with her mate. "Oh Firefly," she whispered, choking back the tears as she shook her head, crawling forward to take her place at her mate's side as she buried her face into Firefly's back. "I'm sorry, my love. I knew...We both knew this would happen, that our time together was short. But it was good - I don't regret it, not one whisker. I just..." Her tears started to flow freely as she squeezed her eyes shut and a sob tore its way from her throat. "I just hope you didn't die in fear - I should have... I wish I was there for you."

Laying beside his now deceased bestfriend, Curlyfluff's sobs joined alongside the rest of his clanmate's. Her struggle against the sickness had finally been put to rest and so had she, much to his distress. Firefly... she'd been such a strong and fearless warrior... seeing her so frail and still was much more than the curly-coated tom could handle. There was so much he wanted to say that he hadn't been able to, so many unspoken words to his bestfriend... so why had StarClan needed to take her so soon? He'd found that more often than not this world was far too cruel.

With his own thoughts drowning out the cries of his clanmates around her lifeless body, Curlyfluff lifted his head from her cold russet pelt. Leaning over to her ears and closing his eyes, he wished that he could've been taken back to the day they'd met. But even so, he knew that they'd see each other again... someday. Until then, he swore to keep his eyes on the stars above. He would imagine the twinkling lights as ten million fireflies fluttering above, each one representing a little piece of his beloved clanmate.

"You'll be forever missed, dear friend," he mewed softly, his throat soar from the all of his crying as he tried not to choke on his words. "May StarClan light your path and don't you ever stop fighting, okay?"


-----


Sweetheart wanted to be anywhere but here. Firefly, the once mighty warrior she had looked up to now laid motionless and breathless with her friends crying over her cold body. A frog had begun to grow in her throat and she could feel the saltiness of tears creeping out of her eyes, but she couldn't cry, not here. Not with everyone watching.

'We'll battle again in StarClan, I'll make sure of it,' Sweetheart thought to herself silently, watching as her dad continued to cry over his dead friend's body. This really was the pits and she just couldn't take it anymore.

Getting up, she silently thought her final condolences towards the elder before storming out of the den, the tears she'd been trying to hold back now flowing down her cheeks. Her heart hurt from a sort of pain she hadn't felt before and she hated it.