The future's in your paws. Shape it well.Roleplay in a cat Clan of warriors. Based off the Warriors series by Erin Hunter. Takes place in an AU before the cats in the books existed.
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Subject: Now Your Dreams Are Memories, Seem More True From Far Away [Birdstar] Wed 14 Feb 2024 - 12:27
It had rained the previous day, and over night puddles had frozen between rocky crevices and gullies. To say that Beechfang was unimpressed with the bleary, cold state of Skyclan territory was an understatement... But it was mostly overriden by the fact that the clan had made it home. Most of them, anyways. Beechfang at times had not thought to be one of them.
She walked alongside Birdstar, her mind as uneasy as the winds that stirred through the trees and tension that hung over Skyclan's camp. War... Because of her. Not the first time, but it would be the last if Beechfang had any say over it. So many mistakes to get to this point, some she regretted more than others. She had vowed to change, once. And yet, here they slept, in the nest her paws had stained with blood and made a mess of more than once over the seasons.
It seemed like her promises were never ones she could follow through on keeping. She had wanted to change for Dovefrost, be a better person... Cloverheart had died at her paws. Smokefeather, telling her and Bloodstrike not to do anything stupid... And there they were, doing just that. Birdstar... "I said I never wanted to be the cause of hardship while you led them... I'm sorry."
Characters : [R]owansong [Ro]okflight [S]ilverhawk [P]igeonpouce [F]ishpaw [Fa]lconpaw [Fo]xsnap Clan/Rank : [R] RiverClan T5 Elder [Ro] RiverClan T4 Warrior [S] ShadowClan T5 Warrior [P] RiverClan Hybrid Medicine Cat [F] ShadowClan Apprentice [Fa] WindClan Apprentice [Fo] SkyClan T2 Warrior Number of posts : 2887 Gender : any or username Age : 22
Subject: Re: Now Your Dreams Are Memories, Seem More True From Far Away [Birdstar] Thu 15 Feb 2024 - 17:06
"Some days end when I need a few friends."
Birdstar SkyClan | she/her
Birdstar wished for anything other than the gray silence that settled over the territory. If it was raining presently, rather than just wet and cold with the aftermath of it--snowing even, or storming, or the earth could buck beneath their paws again, or... anything. Anything with some energy to force Birdstar's thoughts to centralize there, but nothing rumbled out of the dreary skies. Neither the occasional clinging raindrop pattering to the ground nor the clattering of branches in the wind were enough to capture her from the private spiral. What would she do, if Perchstar and Mottlestar broke from the dead undergrowth now? If their combined army descended on her and Beechfang to pick their bones clean before moving on, chasing their scent through the trees like hounds until they broke through the defensive walls surrounding camp? Was Perchstar honestly set on slaughtering elders and kits to make her point? When the moon swelled full again, would there be a SkyClan that remained to make an appearance at the Gathering? Trying to imagine the number of bodies that lay between the present and StarClan's condemnable truce made Birdstar sick.
When had she done everything wrong? Once, she thought she had it figured out; that maybe she could be a good leader, could be good at all. A bitter, explanationless scoff sent a puff of Birdstar's breath into the air. She wished she could venture to the Moonstone and forfeit her remaining lives. Birdstar had no desire for them any longer. Something must have gone wrong with her, anyway, for her to put SkyClan in this position again-- and worse off than they'd been when she was small. Knowing how they hated their family, Birdstar imagined their ancestors would gleefully accept her request to retire. But she knew she wouldn't let herself step away until the mess was done. Besides, what kind of sister would she be, to turn either an active war or the bloody remains of one over to Wolf? A terrible one. But then, seeing her success in every other venture--particularly with most of their other siblings--perhaps it would fit her.
The scrape of a low voice made Birdstar's ears twitch back. It was impossible to forget her mother's presence wholly, but the unexpected, grounding meow still managed to startle. Birdstar slowed her steps considerably (not to a full hault, though she took her time dragging her paws) and sighed. "No... don't be." Her brow furrowed deeply when her eyes squeezed shut, allowing herself a second just to scowl before finally looking at Beechfang. "You didn't want this. You told me it was a fool's decision." The commotion of a family of ravens noisily taking off in the distance nearly drowned her out, but Birdstar went on without regard for them. "I can't even blame Bloodstrike or Ravenclaw, when it was their idea. I want to, but I can't." A laugh heavy with deprecation rather than humor shook out of her chest. "I could have told them no. I should have listened to you... I should have known better. I don't blame you for accepting an offer I begged you to."
Subject: Re: Now Your Dreams Are Memories, Seem More True From Far Away [Birdstar] Fri 16 Feb 2024 - 15:11
Birdstar's paws slowed, and Beechfang's along with her as she spoke. "Don't scowl at me." Beechfang grumbled at her daughter's expression, though the admonishment was barely there. The weight on the leader's shoulders because of this, because of her, was sickening. She had never wished for her family to endure such pressure and strife as she had dealt with in the past, but the past had a way of reminding you of it. Whether they wanted it or not. Her choices had consequences, it had taken her much, much too long to truly understand that.
"You didn't have to ask... I didn't have to come back. I made that choice, Birdstar, despite knowing what it might lead to. I don't know if I had the willpower to have walked away." She paused, frowning. "I'm not sure I'd have the willpower to choose differently now, either." She admitted. She didn't have it in her to give up on family and leave them behind. Perhaps a better cat might have, knowing the danger she put them in. Beechfang though... Beechfang had lost enough family. She would fight to stay by them. Ravenclaw and Bloodstrike were both gone now. Two cats who had done so much for her that she hadn't deserved.
"This clan has seen more peaceful moons under your leadership than I've known my entire life. It's grown and flourished under you and Wolfblossom leading it." She mewed, "I am proud of you. Both of you. Regardless of our current situation."
Characters : [R]owansong [Ro]okflight [S]ilverhawk [P]igeonpouce [F]ishpaw [Fa]lconpaw [Fo]xsnap Clan/Rank : [R] RiverClan T5 Elder [Ro] RiverClan T4 Warrior [S] ShadowClan T5 Warrior [P] RiverClan Hybrid Medicine Cat [F] ShadowClan Apprentice [Fa] WindClan Apprentice [Fo] SkyClan T2 Warrior Number of posts : 2887 Gender : any or username Age : 22
Subject: Re: Now Your Dreams Are Memories, Seem More True From Far Away [Birdstar] Sun 25 Feb 2024 - 10:54
"Some days end when I need a few friends."
Birdstar SkyClan | she/her
All that Beechfang's scolding earned was a huff. For the first time, Birdstar thought that if she had the right to scowl at any cat, it was her mother. Her claws and the echoes of pain they caused, still felt years later, were the reason for this mess. But... Beechfang already knew that. She was heavy with the weight of her course, and her voice bore no real admonishment. There was no reason to let the surprise moment of resentment fester, so it flushed out on the wisps of Birdstar's next breath. "I made my choice, too," she said. Her voice was quiet, but there was an edge of insistence to it. "I know I didn't have to ask. I know." Birdstar's eyes narrowed before she quickly looked down at her paws. "You never would have come back if I never made the offer."
The fault was on her again. Anything to absolve her mother of meaningful fault; anything to avoid facing Beechfang with any degree of acrimony. "...Neither would I," she whispered to Beechfang's confession. Even know, even turning herself in circles until her paws were bloody stumps and tearing herself apart continually in mind; even with the health and livelihood of all she held dear threatened; Birdstar couldn't say with honesty that she would change her decision. She doubted even the power of foresight would have swayed her paws from traveling toward Twolegplace on that fateful day.
Fools. What fools they both were, and what a foolish, greedy heart she held. But it was hers, and Beechfang had always sheltered within its walls. It was hers, and Birdstar would not abandon it.
Her ears twitched as a sign of attention just before Birdstar raised her head. The praise made her pelt crawl, and she found herself shuffling to turn away only moments after facing Beechfang again. Birdstar knew it was true--she knew, aside from the lie that culminated in this mess, her missteps were few. She could recall her first few Gatherings as a leader, watching SkyClan grow and grow. Some glimmer of pride shone through the ugly things in her chest, but... It still didn't feel right. "But look where I lead them," she tried to protest. "What does any of that peace mean when I force them to die?! What does it matter that SkyClan thrived, if Perchstar intends to bleed all our throats?" Birdstar's breath caught, once, before she screwed her eyes shut and stamped a paw against the ground. "Briarthorn never should have chosen me for deputy," she muttered after a tenuous pause. "It should have been Wolf all along. She never would have let this happen. Or- or maybe Trufflesnap would've actually been happier, if she'd been a warrior and it'd been her. Or--I don't know, but..." Her jaw worked, but Birdstar couldn't pull any of her stuffy thoughts out through her tongue, so her faltering voice died off entirely.
Subject: Re: Now Your Dreams Are Memories, Seem More True From Far Away [Birdstar] Sun 25 Feb 2024 - 18:52
Birdstar's soft voice reached her ears, and it was as if they were talking in circles. Yes, she wouldn't have come if she had not been asked. Birdstar had made that choice, she had made that choice. "I don't regret the time it gave me with you and Wolf." Though her relationship with Wolfblossom had forever held an undercurrent of awkwardness, a flash of unease and doubt. That, Beechfang's fault too. But it was so much more than the nothing it could have been with so many of her other children. Birdstar had given her that.
Birdstar continued, asking questions that Beechfang had asked herself so many times over. "We've made our choices, for better or worse." She reiterated gently, "For the great heights you led them to, they would have just as great a fall eventually. If not this, something else down the line. There is no sense on dwelling on the what-ifs." She mewed, "Briarthorn made you deputy because she saw something in you. Not in Wolf, not in Truffle, but in you. My father was made deputy because Wolfstar saw something in him, too. Regardless of how things ended, the mistakes that were made along the way... They made the choice that was right at the time. They made the choice that they felt was right. Just as you have."
Characters : [R]owansong [Ro]okflight [S]ilverhawk [P]igeonpouce [F]ishpaw [Fa]lconpaw [Fo]xsnap Clan/Rank : [R] RiverClan T5 Elder [Ro] RiverClan T4 Warrior [S] ShadowClan T5 Warrior [P] RiverClan Hybrid Medicine Cat [F] ShadowClan Apprentice [Fa] WindClan Apprentice [Fo] SkyClan T2 Warrior Number of posts : 2887 Gender : any or username Age : 22
Subject: Re: Now Your Dreams Are Memories, Seem More True From Far Away [Birdstar] Thu 7 Mar 2024 - 17:18
"Some days end when I need a few friends."
Birdstar SkyClan | she/her
Though her eyes reopened, Birdstar couldn't bring herself to look at her mother. She stared down at the frosty ground, at her white paws blending into it; ignored the touches of red, old and fetid, visible to her alone. She wanted to wince over Beechfang's words, but she suddenly lacked the energy again. More time, time Beechfang should've been spending with them rather than racing to make up, time she couldn't make up for some of them... Birdstar wouldn't give that up for anything either, even if the cost was war. She knew well that foresight would not change her actions. But maybe-- maybe, if she possessed a tuft of it, this could have been avoided.
"Why can't Perchstar see it that way?" She lamented, tail starting to lash again. Her claws flexed, digging into the frozen earth. "She knows me--as a leader and a cat. She knows I'm good!" Here, Birdstar finally turned to Beechfang again. The war between conflict and sorrow burned in her eyes. "All the good we do is never worth a thing, anyway. Is this what SkyClan is meant for? All I hear are stories of our suffering, our conflicts. Even when we grow, we ultimately fail. What have we done for our own ancestors to act like they despise us?"
Subject: Re: Now Your Dreams Are Memories, Seem More True From Far Away [Birdstar] Sat 9 Mar 2024 - 12:51
"Cloverheart was her friend, not just her medicine cat." They all did stupid things for the ones they loved. "She views the world in absolutes, I did too once. Eventually she'll learn that risking everything for the sake of one cat isn't worth it... Probably learn it the hard way." It had taken the clan a lot of grief before Beechfang had learned that lesson herself.
"Above anything else, Riverclan have always been prideful. More than us, they're just better at hiding it. To take me back when she had thought I was exiled and gone probably stung. To her it won't matter why." Beechfang's eye met her daughter's conflicted gaze, both sympathetic and resolute.
"Sometimes it feels like we are doomed to the same mistakes, to the same follies. The ancestors can shove their opinions of us where the sun doesn't shine, as far as I'm concerned. Not all of them scorn us... There are good cats up there too, much as I hate to admit it. But you have to live for your clanmates, live for the future. Not some ghosts of the past. 'Course, that's easier said than done."
