the only thing worse than bad memories is no memories at all [closed]

Embarrassment couldn't begin to describe the feelings coursing through Ivystar's veins as she walked alongside the river, with not one, not two, but three Asylum cats trailing behind her. These cats were everywhere. Home didn't feel like home anymore, it was simply a shell of the place of comfort and warmth that it used to be. It was menacing and cold, and absolutely miserable for everyone present. Except, of course, the cats of Asylum themselves. They certainly never seemed to care, did they? RiverClan had gone peacefully, but that didn't mean that they hadn't suffered losses of their own. They'd lost their pride, their dignity, their faith, and their home. They'd lost practically everything that made them who they were. When Asylum invaded their lives, they stopped living and started simply surviving. That was all they could do, really- survive. Make it through the day to see the sunrise in the morning. It was a cold and miserable existence, but they would make it through- Ivystar would see to that, or she'd die in the process.

Somewhere within her general vicinity, Ivystar heard the familiar shaking of reeds and tall grasses. The crisp sound of pawsteps was evident, as the snow seemed to suck up any other sound and stuff it away, making any small noise that much more noticeable. It was almost as if something was calling for her, beckoning her towards the dense patch of reeds several fox lengths ahead. She looked back to her Asylum guards for a moment, contemplating whether they'd tackle her to the ground for taking a few steps out of line from their usual route. Shaking her head, she began to pad forward, veering slightly to the side to get a closer look at what it might be. "Hello?" She mewed, ears swiveling around to listen for the noise again.

Dennis took small, uncertain steps as he followed close behind Storm. They’d been walking for a while now, and the little tom was getting progressively more nervous as they went. For one thing, there was the fact that his memory was screaming at him, telling him he should remember this. It was like an itch he couldn’t reach, a locked door to whatever memories he had of this place. It was infuriating and terrifying, knowing you should remember.

Trying to get his mind off of his anxiety, he sped up so that he was side-to-side with Storm. ”Uh, Storm? How close do you reckon we are now? I think I kinda-” He stopped. He didn’t have the sharpest instincts, but he could’ve sworn he heard pawsteps. He looked at Storm with panicked eyes. What if it was a predator? Or the vague cats from his memories, the ones he remembered in his nightmares? His heart was hammering in his chest and his mind began to race. He should’ve just stayed home. He knew this would happen. He was a three-legged kittypet, why in StarClan’s name did he think he could-

”Hello?”

A friendly voice. That’s what his brain immediately told him it was. His breathing slowed. No hesitation, no anxiety. This is a good voice, his mind told him. And he believed it. Forgetting himself for a split second, he called back. ”H-hello?”

Stormpaw had known this was a terrible idea when she'd agreed to it, but it hadn't occurred to her simply how bad it would be. That was, until now, when she heard Ivystar speak. This was mousebrained. What in Moons' name was she doing here!? She had to leave. Now. She realized that clearly now as she heard approaching footsteps. She'd felt sorry for Spiderquill (Dennis?) but she couldn't risk her own identity. ThunderClan probably had forgotten her by now, and Ivystar would no doubt question who she was. Her awkwardness and Clan knowledge would give her away and she'd tell Oakstar and he'd--- she couldn't breathe. How had it come to this?

After she'd offered to bring Spiderquill back to RiverClan, they'd agreed it would be best to wait until the next morning, as Stormpaw knew it would be nightfall before they reached RiverClan territory. And so, our heroes they'd set off the next morning, Stormpaw sticking to shadows and being unusually silent. She couldn't risk a SkyClan -- or Moons above, a ThunderClan -- patrol finding them and telling Oakstar. And, by some miracle, they'd reached Moonlit Creek. "I don't imagine you remember how to swim?" They were the first words she'd said the entire time, and they were accompanied by a soft smile, which seemed so out of place on her unnaturally sad face.

They'd crossed via the rocks lacing the creek (and the fact it was shallow enough to wade) and remained on RiverClan's side of it. As the creek gave way to a river, Stormpaw's calm quietness faded into nervous anxiety. Her eyes were wide and her ears swiveling at any tiny noise. Her heart sped up and her breathing quickened. She cast scared glances at the other side of the river, and tears pricked her eyes as she spotted Sunningrocks. Dacedream had died there. This was a bad omen. She didn't belong here. Run, run, the voices whispered, hurry, hurry, they chanted. She wanted to yowl. She wanted to scream and run and drag Spiderquill back to the safety of Twolegplace. They would be safe there. What if he'd been running from something and had developed amnesia from a dog attack while trying to run? What if she was bringing him back to the very prison she'd escaped from? What if--

Rustle, crunch.

She realized didn't have time to muse on what if's when she heard the voice of RiverClan's leader, Ivystar. She was Spiderquill's mother, she wouldn't hurt him. But Dustcloud wouldn't willingly hurt her, either. She'd want to bring her home, but she wouldn't want to hurt her. Ivystar would want to bring Spiderquill back to RiverClan, not knowing it would hurt him, and Spiderquill wouldn't be able to tell her. Her heartbeat was beating like a wildfire. She looked pleadingly at Spiderquill, "We have to g--" He answered her back.

Stormpaw stared in wide-eyed horror at him. The footsteps were racing towards them. She'd have no choice. She had to leave. Now! "I'm sorry!" She wailed, before turning around, tears in her eyes and sprinting. Hurry, hurry. Run, run. Looking over her shoulder once more she paused and called out to Spiderquill, "Come with me! I never should've brought you her-" Ivystar. Stormpaw's haunted eyes met Ivystar's green ones and she completed broke down. "I'm sorry, Dennis!"

And like that, Stormpaw had disappeared from the Clans for a second time.

When she heard the nervous rustling of paws she shuffled further even further, narrowing her gaze and trying to place the sound she was hearing. And then she heard his voice, and everything began to make sense. Without a second thought, she rushed forward, brushing past the long-dead reeds and cattails dotted alongside the river. The sharp corners tore small cuts all over her pelt, but she didn't seem to feel it, or even care. Once she'd made it past the barrier, tears began pricking behind her eyes. She didn't even register the presence of the odd rogue cat and tuned out any sound she'd made. Her jaw had gone slack and she was completely frozen, gaze shifting up and down Spiderquill's body... Or what remained of it, at least.

As if she'd been struck by StarClan themselves, she raced forward, nearly bowling into the tom. A few scarce tears ran down her face as she curled her fluffy tail around his body, pushing her face into his shoulder and trying to get as close as she possibly could, as if she would lose him again if she moved even an inch. "I... I thought y-you were dead, Spiderquill, I... Your leg..." She pulled back slightly to look into her bright orange eyes, almost not believing that it was actually him. But she knew it was- there was no way that it wasn't. "Stars, Spiderquill, you must be hungry, and cold. We... We should get you to camp."

Dennis stood there, frozen, as his companion ran away and the source of the voice got closer. He turned his head to see if he could still see Storm, regretting his decision. He could still go home, he just had to follow her. Oh stars, this was a mistake. He'd been lulled by the stranger's familiar voice, tricked into thinking she was a friend. He could hear her approaching fast now. She was going to kill him, to punish him for being on her territory. Oh stars-

And then the cat hugged him. She held him close as if scared he would drift away(which, to be fair, he was wishing he could). Tears stained his shoulder as she pressed her head to it. For a moment he pressed back, comforted by her embrace. It felt like home, so familiar and soothing. But then his thoughts caught up with him, and he pulled back. She looked so relieved, her eyes wide with disbelief. Spiderquill, she called him. So Storm was right after all. He felt like he should be happy. Ecstatic even. He'd finally found where he came from, and one of the cats from his past. He could pretend to remember, to be normal. Everything would be okay again. But the horrible feeling gnawing at his brain told him that that could never work. He'd still have that infuriating inkling that something was wrong, missing. As much as it pained him, he stepped back further until they were no longer touching. He couldn't bear to look into her eyes, hopeful and teary, so he looked down at his paws and took a deep breath.

"I- I'm sorry, but... Um. I-it's Dennis. I-" He swallowed the slowly growing lump in his throat. "I don't know you." He cringed at his own words. Why couldn't he have said that better? Why couldn't he have lied? He looked up into her eyes, dreading what he'd find there.

Ivystar was almost ready to turn and head back to camp, when she felt Spiderquill push away first, shuffling his paws and avoiding her gaze. "What's Den-nis?" Her tone clearly portrayed just how confused she was, her gaze showing it even stronger. The foreign word felt strange on her tongue, and she felt an odd sense of disdain for it. Whatever it was, that strange she-cat that Spiderquill was with must've taught it to him. The words that Spiderquill uttered next, however, sent Ivystar collapsing into the snow.

"Y-y-you... You what?" The cold, powdery white snow sent shivers down Ivystar's spine, but she already felt numb. "You've... F-forgotten?" Her own son not remembering who he was... it seemed so unfathomable, like it wouldn't happen in ten thousand lifetimes. Two sons that had gone missing, and within the span of a few moons, they were both back, yet... so, so far away.