Giving Everything to Never Make it Home [OPEN]

Pink sunlight clashed against the blue sky as the sun slowly fell below the horizon. The cold was back, nipping at the eyes, nose and paws of all things out in the open and exposed to the breeze. There was a crisp smell in the air too, one that only the coldest of times brought. Maybe it was just the magic of leaf-bare, or maybe it was the earth crying out for mercy in the only way that it could. Falconmoon was perched quietly on a naked branch, staring at the sky and at nothing at all at the same time. His patrol had gone on without him, but that was hardly new. He did his best hunting when he was alone and everyone in Skyclan knew it.

Falconmoon wasn't hunting though, not right now. As the frosty night began to close in on the day, it was almost like he became part of the landscape itself; Just a cat-shaped clump of snow clinging to the top of a branch. Falconmoon's gut felt twisted as he wrestled with a heavy guilt and on some level, a smoldering anger. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Perchstar demanded war over something so petty. It wasn't fair that Beechfang had to live to regret a single murder for her entire life over a medicine cat that he doubted even Perchstar remembered very clearly. It wasn't fair that his children were going to bleed over someone else's rotten and worthless pride. Whetehr that was Perchstar's or Birdstar's was not the point.

It was times like these that Falconmoon felt at his weakest, feeling the persistent tugging of the caged beast within to do something... rash. If Perchstar were to die, he doubted any other Riverclanner would feel compelled to pursue a war with Skyclan. It wasn't anyone else who felt insulted, Stars forbid. If Beechfang were to die... would that stop the fighting? Falconmoon supposed probably not, not unless it was Perchstar herself that did it. For all of her vitriol toward Skyclan stubbornness, she showed signs of having exactly the same demons that Skyclan leadership had suffered for generations. Stubbornness, fragile egos, vengefulness... Hypocrite. He thought with a sudden lash of his tail that sent snow falling to the ground.

I put one Riverclan leader in the grave, I could do it again. An angry thought nagged in the back of his mind, but it was only a thought. Falconmoon murdering the Riverclan leader again would only make what was festering worse. The only real logical thing to do disgusted him as much as his inability to come up with a better plan. If he brought Beechfang to Perchstar and let her execute her, maybe that would be enough to satisfy the blood-thirsty tyrant. If Falconmoon had to go that route, the Stars could mark his words that Riverclan would know fear like they never had before. Maybe he would give in to the shadows that were beckoning him, calling to him on the daily since the threat of war began to loom over him like a giant claw. Maybe he would forsake his newfound peace and once again embrace the trail of blood that had become his signature and calling card over the span of his previous lifetime.

Was the return to the shadows worth it though? Would it truly be a victory to prove all of the stars in Silverpelt that had doubted him that they were right after all? Would it be a triumph if all of those that had argued and spoken on his behalf to forgive him and grant his second life, despite not being a leader were proven to be fools? The cold, harsh reality was this, no matter how he longed to deny it: Beechfang was old. She would die sooner rather than later, whether to Riverclan claws or his fangs, to illness or an accident, to a monster on the Thunderpath or some predator attack. It mattered not how she died. Her time was coming to an end no matter how one looked at it. Perhaps if her death could be useful, if it could save the lives of many more who had no real part in this folly, he could let it go and accept the circumstances without allowing the Dark Forest back into his daily life.

It was a bitter herb to swallow, but the logic was there, and Falconmoon... Dawnhawk even... had rarely allowed his emotions to rule him no matter how intense they may have been from time to time. There was a deep sigh, a long flow of silver from his nostrils, and Falconmoon hung his head as if in defeat. It was what it was, no matter how terrible. This was to end in bloodshed one way or another. Hopefully at bare minimum, it would be over with quickly. All he could do was provide council to leadership, and likely they would need it if this ended poorly. They would be emotional, but for the sake of everyone else in the clan... Falconmoon had to try to make them see reason. He could at least promise to himself and to the stars that were apparently on his side that he would do that much.

Soft sounds from below pulled Falconmoon out of his ponderings. He looked down in a hurry, heart thudding, but was relieved to see that it was Thymelight. She was casually making her way up to his branch. He also took note of the dock that was on the ground at the base of his tree. He sighed a silent sigh. He knew what it was for, despite not being a medicine cat. He knew a lot of things a warrior "his age" should not know. He stood on his branch, preparing to make room if Thymelight wished to be beside him. Once she began to speak, he could hear it in her voice that she thought the question was stupid even before it left her mouth.

"You're not being rude, Thymelight." He said softly and truthfully. He was aware that he looked like something a dog puked up. Maybe twice. He certainly felt that way. "I am just... very stressed out right now. The last thing I want is to send my kits, or any of these lesser experienced warriors into actual combat with another clan. Fighting predators is harrowing enough, but war? War is ugly." He sat down again, leaving plenty of space for her as well.

"The warrior code says not to kill, but that all goes out of the hollow once the fighting actually starts. I worry Skyclan isn't mentally or psychologically ready for what they're about to see." Then again, who ever was ready for the first time seeing a real battle? This wasn't a skirmish, this was far more complicated. Far more terrifying. "And its all because Perchstar can't just take a personal blow to her pride. She is willing to send warriors and apprentices, on both sides, to their deaths just so she can get after an old she-cat well on her way out regardless of war? She's stupid. She's selfish. If the Stars have any sense of justice, they'd strip her of all of her lives the next time she dies." His tone sounded more grim than angry. Maybe he was finally tired of feeling enraged and the numbness was beginning to set in.

He had little doubt that this was a test for him from Starclan. Would he revert back into the monster he once was when the fighting begins? Had the Stars already ordained that he would lose one of his kits to this pointless war? They were testing him in the most cruel way possible. The truth was that it scared him. He wasn't confident that he wouldn't finally snap and go back to being the viper hiding in everyone's nest that he used to be.

If I pass this test, if I resist the urge to purposefully take lives... I want this to be the very last time you do this to me. He sent a silent, mental message to Starclan above. He knew it was going to be bad. But how bad?

Upon her mentioning that she'd never seen war, Falconmoon stiffened ever so slightly. Holy Starclan you bird-brain be more careful of what you say! He scolded himself. He looked at Thymelight while she talked and nodded. At least she didn't catch the part where he sounded experienced in these matters. Heh. If she just assumed he'd heard it from elders, he wasn't about to correct her. She continued onward and dropped the subject at least, and for that he was grateful.

"It achieves nothing, Thymelight. I like Beechfang, but this is something that Perchstar and Beechfang should be working out. This isn't a Skyclan problem. This isn't a Riverclan problem. Perchstar and Beechfang should fight it out and let that be the end." He said with sharpness in his voice. He had a mind to solve all of this, but it wouldn't be pretty. Not to mention it was a path he was desperately trying to avoid just as much as the war itself.

"Perchstar wants the forest to bend to her word and to fear her voice. It is foolish, selfish pride and nothing more. This is how a lot of conflict starts. Pride. Vanity. Envy. Rarely is it ever logical, because in logic lies resolve... of which most she-cats do not have." Definitely not any of the current leaders.

"I tried to convince some Riverclan warriors to see sense, to stand up to their tyrant leader and refuse to fight, but they won't. They are short-sighted and care only for their own glory. They have no concept of what a war really is." He was broody now, with his tail flicking and twitching irritatedly. "Its going to happen. Hopefully it will end swiftly and it will end anyone else's desire for bloodshed on a stupid leader's behalf." He doubted it, but he could at least hope.