The Dark Side of the Force [C]

Darkspirit had been feeling like something the Dark Forest had drug in for what felt like moons. Fever. Chills. Cough. Sometimes he was convinced that she shadows were coming alive. They came to life from the darkness and crowded him. Surrounded him. Suffocated him. There had been true horrors in his past that these modern day cats could never know. And yet... it was his own clanmates at this very moment that filled him with such disgust. He hated their every touch, their every false concern and statement asking about his well-being. None of them cared. They only pretended. They could probably cure him now if the wanted, but here he lie in complete and ever growing illness.

One night when the shadows refused to leave him alone, constantly reaching out with their dark tendrils to try to pull him into the blackness, the tom found he was unable to stand it any longer. Darkspirit got up from his nest, made some excuse to anyone watching that he needed air and water not trapped in a saliva crusted mossball, and set out into the foreign territory. To the Dark Forest with Thunderclan and everyone in it. He didn't even know where he was going really, only that he was, indeed, going. His paws carried him forward, one step at a time through the cold snow and biting breeze.

"Darkspirit? Where are you going?" A voice behind him asked, a voice from the shadows. The tom looked for the source of the noise, though dizziness in his vision made it hard for him to focus. From the darkness came Twilightkit, though the tom was hardly a kit at all. He wasn't quite as big as Darkspirit, but he was old enough to be a warrior by now.

"Away from here. Away from kits and Thunderclan. Away from a clan that doesn't care about any half-blood members." Darkspirit hissed. Twilightkit only tilted his head to one side, confused.

"They like me just fine. My siblings too." He didn't sound angry or offended in the slightest. His bright orange eyes against his snowy pelt marked with ash gray striping looked almost entirely like a typical domestic cat... but he was half Geoffrey's Cat and everyone knew it. Darkspirit only growled at his response, his tail lashing in annoyance.

"I'm not talking about you, genius. I meant me. Mark my words Twilightkit. They pretend to care for you so long as you are exactly what they want you to be and even one paw out of line means you are no longer important to them. Firefly made it clear they don't want half breeds in their clan either. I'm a Skyclan cat. Maybe I should just accept that." He then made a leap into a nearby branch as if to prove a point... though he hadn't expected the wobble of the branch and staggered on it more than he thought he would. His weakened state did him no favors.

"You're not making sense. You're sick. Come back to camp with me." Twilightkit quietly and politely pleaded. Darkspirit grit his teeth together as anger surged forward. This kit knew nothing. He'd been sick and taken care of this entire time. Ironic that once real sickness hit the clan, this young tom was regaining his strength.

"Go away Twilightkit. Just. Go away." Darkspirit didn't wait for anymore words from the well-meaning kit. He simply began to leap onto other branches, though not gracefully at all, until he was well away from Thunderclan's new camp. Twilightkit did not follow.

---

Darkspirit leaped out of a tree and was back on the ground once he scented Skyclan cats. He'd made his point well enough with Twilightkit... and his body was heavy and tired from the unusal movement. A coughing fit wracked his body. Vile, black spit came from his mouth that tasted heavily of iron. Despite the freezing, bitter breeze, he felt hot. Once he took a moment to get his coughing under control, Darkspirit began to pant heavily like he was in the middle of a cloudless day during greenleaf. He forced his heavy, tired limbs to move onward. Skyclan would find him eventually. He did nothing to hide his presence or muffle his paw steps.

The sound of another's pawsteps crunching in the snow ricocheted and echoed off of the trees. Was it his illness making the sounds hard to pinpoint, or the forest itself? He blinked his mismatched eyes a few times until he realized he was looking at Birdstar. She looked about as miserable as he felt. He sat down, unable to find words at first, so she would know he wasn't here for trouble.

For all of his resentment and even hatred of Thunderclan and all of the times he told himself to just leave... with the moment right in front of him he found himself unsure of what to do next. He certainly wasn't about to go back, but to go forward? Really? He couldn't help his panting. How was leaf-bare so hot?

"I'm tired..." He began at first, surprised at how tired his voice sounded even to him. He'd need to rest after this. If Birdstar turned him away, so be it. He would lie down in the snow and wait to move on to the next life, or ask that Birdstar show him mercy and end him where he lie.

"I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of feeling isolated and like I don't belong. I'm tired... of Thunderclan." He had to pause a minute to pant, a thin thread of drool seeping out of the corner of his mouth while he caught his breath. His head swam, but he felt that if he stopped panting his body would be set ablaze like a dry spruce tree.

"I'm a Skyclan cat. Some members reminded me of that when I was deputy. I did my best to work hard, to get to know them... I killed the murderer Starlingflare. And for what? To be publicly humiliated and demoted for doing it. Mottlestar even told me she would have given me the order to kill him anyway, but because I did it before she granted permission I was unworthy of Thunderclan's eventual leadership. Bah!" He coughed then, dropping his head into the snow to cover it. Not that it would have mattered probably. Birdstar was fairly ill herself.

Once he got his coughing under control, he raised his head, swallowed once, and was panting harder than he was only a moment ago. His vision blurred as his eyes struggled to focus.

"Stoatstar gave me my name, Darkspirit, to remind me of who my father was and that I was a product of the Dark Forest. He also told me I didn't belong. Its not just one bad leader or a few discriminating members. Its all of Thunderclan. Even my siblings... Even Comfreyheart didn't defend me when I was demoted. I want to go where I may belong, which I feel might be Skyclan."

His eyes lowered. The ground shifted beneath his feet as a dizzy spell threatened to sink him into the snow, but he managed to resist it long enough for it to pass. It was taking what remained of his strength to talk, it seemed. At this point, he wouldn't blame her if she simply refused and left him to die in the snow. Skyclan likely had enough sick cats. An outsider using up their precious herbs might not be welcome, but at least they wouldn't pretend to accept him and give him false hope like Thunderclan had.

"Obviously, that's up to you. I am only here to ask for the opportunity to find out. If you'd rather me go away, then know that I would gladly accept death than return to Thunderclan ever again." Hopefully she would be merciful enough to grant him his final request if Skyclan had no room for him. So be it, if that's what she chose.