I'm Not The Kind, Thoughtful Cat You Think I Am[solo]

"Hey, Copperkit, do you think I'm pretty? I'm pretty, right?"

That was her sister, Shrewkit. Copperkit personally thought she was the prettiest of the litter, but wondered if it was true or if it was just her ego talking. Either way, there was only one way to respond to the question.

"Yeah, you're very pretty."

It wasn't right. She knew it wasn't right. She knew she shouldn't look down on and pity her sister, but she did anyway. It was as if Shrewkit's presence was a must, a given. Copper knew she shouldn't be like this. But what else could she say? She had the heart of a fox but she wanted to be kind. She wanted to smile like Shrewkit did.

Maybe, just a little, she was jealous of Shrewkit as well.

To have fun without the troubles of her mind. To be able to believe anyone so easily. To be able to show how vulnerable she was. It was something Copper could never do, not with her ego and her need to prove herself. But stars did she want to just let it all go.

The facade she had put on, insistent on being the cool, mature, kind cat that everyone else praised. The facade she could no longer stop. How lonely, to have this act on even when her world was crumbling. So lonely... and yet, she deserved it. It was she that had made this cage that she could no longer escape from. It was she that had wanted so desperately to fit in and be the better cat-- the "main" character-- that she lost herself. She had danced on the stage, played a part in a brilliant play, until she no longer could.

The seats are empty. The Theatre is dark. Why do you keep acting?

Shrewkit was perfect in her naiveness. In her innocence, she had been able to be weak. No one had expected her to be smart or mature or the bigger person. In fact, she was loved for who she was.

Copper could never let her show her own scars, not even herself. She would rather die than be cast away. She had to belong, just had to. Who would she be if there was no one around her to tell her who? It was mean of her, to want to help others only because it made her feel good about herself. Or so that she could ask them for help later. A real kind cat would help because she cared about her clanmates, right?

Or maybe everyone was just like her. Maybe she was surrounded by masks, and they were all in some elaborate play. Maybe this was her normal. How did she know these exact thoughts weren't going through everyone else's heads? But this must all be her attempting to justify her cruelty. After all, no one could play a part so flawlessly for so long, right?

Surely, everyone would snap eventually?

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Quillsplash | Bird / Tom / ShadowClan T5 Warrior / #802318
Leopardwind / Tom / WindClan T4 Warrior / #cc9900
Milkkit / Tom / RiverClan Kit / #dbc6ad

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