Just Because You Loved Me Doesn't Mean I Felt Loved By You[C]

OOC: This post contains some disturbing content so read at your own risk

Copper had been gone for longer and longer durations, but this time it was crossing a line. A line that he had precariously shifted backwards to accomodate his mother but now could no longer move it further backwards. Copper had driven him to a cliff and gave him the choice: to abandon himself, or to abandon her. Gone with six days in a row. Six days Bird had looked for his mother, crashing into badgers and foxes along the way and barely keeping himself alive. Six days Bird had to take care of his own wounds with nothing but water and moss, and for six days he had to hunt for himself however horribly his wounds ached.

And now Copper was back, looking more lost than he had ever seen her. Her pelt had clearly not been groomed since she went off six days ago, and her eyes were even more clouded-- something he thought to be impossible. Things were slipping past his control like a flooded river, his emotions spiralling. He didn't know what he was doing, words half-formed at his tongue. His paws were like stones, unable to move while he watched this shell of a cat stumble into their nest. he had never knew his mother. His mother had died long before he was born. The body that remained here was a heartless, meaningless void. He owed her nothing.

A paw scooped him close, tucking him underneath gross, unkept fur and wet tear marks. The stench of blood was heavy in her fur. Vacant, souless eyes and drowsy movements were all it took to send him off the edge of the cliff. With a screech unlike any that he had uttered before, he turned onto his own mother, claws flashing like stars in the air before they broke skin and flesh. His mind was a blur of anger and fuzz, the screams far away from him.

It took a while for him to realize it was him that was screaming, him that was crying and cursing and shrieking every wrong that had ever been done to him, every right that had been denied to him, and everything he should have had but never did. He should have a full belly. He should have a mother and a father. He should have been loved.

He was loved. She loved him. That was all that she said and all that he couldnt hear. He didnt feel loved. Surely, she'd understand that this, this mess, was not love? Surely, she'd understand... she said she did, but he couldnt hear it. Where is your love? Your eyes are empty, your tongue rotten. Your heart is already dead, why must you force yourself to live and make the days torture for everyone else? Why did you even bring life into this world when you yourself were already dead?

For the first time, Bird saw a clarity in his mother's eyes. As if his words had finally reached somewhere. A sudden clarity and determination filled her eyes, though it horrified him for reasons he couldn't understand. What was she doing? What was he doing? There was a rip in his heart as he watched Copper. It should horrify him, what she was doing to herself. But it was what he wanted, wasn't it? It was what they both wanted. Claws digging into her throat, ripping out fur and flesh. A terrible gurgling noise filled the air, the sound of a cat trying to breathe with no throat to breathe with. The sound of blood bubbling from a wound, pounding with each weakening beat of the heart. Bird watched as her head lolled to the side, rooted to his spot and forced to bear witness to it all. He could see her limbs flailing, jerking as if to protest against this unnatural act, pushing to cling onto life.

Bird screwed his eyes shut, trembling when he felt blood pool around his paws. Stop. Please, stop it. He knew that it was for the best-- that Copper deserved to rest after all this time, but this... this method... Stars, he wanted to cry. In his world of darkness, all that he could hear was the rustling of fur and moss and blood, each trickle as loud as thunder.

Bird had just watched his own mother kill herself.

For him? Or was it for herself? Perhaps both. Would this- could this- could he take this as his mother's last act of love for him? To no longer be a burden to her last kit, and finally join the earth where her loved ones stayed. For the first time, Bird prayed. He prayed to the ancestors that Copper had believed in but that he did not. StarClan, if you truly do exist, take this broken soul and guide her home. That was all the love he could muster for the she-cat.

He opened his eyes, unbothered by the messy scene before him. He reached down and grasped the body's tail, and began dragging it out of the bloodied den. He had an idea as to where to bring her so that someone will take care of her.