i wonder [solo]

The morning was still and quiet, and the slightest chilly breeze raced through the slender trees that decorated SkyClan’s forest. Thymepaw wasn’t opposed to waking up early. The early hours brought her peace, and it was the ideal opportunity to clear her mind and let herself think without having to worry herself with any other matters. As her paws led her out of camp and onto the green territory, she could hear the sounds of the forest as life around her began to wake up. The rays from the slowly rising sun cut through the slim gaps in the leaves, causing spots of yellow light to dapple the grassy ground. Thymepaw hummed to herself as she padded along, focusing on the rhythmic thud of her paws as they hit the forest floor. Perhaps her mind and heart were in a calming place, but her common sense certainly wasn’t. Any capable warrior would be taking the opportunity to keep their senses sharp and alert for any prey that could be caught and brought back to the Clan. With famine came indescribable hunger, and Thymepaw could only imagine that indescribable hunger only meant that death for an unfortunate few were around the corner. She had the chance to do the right thing, but she found herself not taking it.

Her first stop of the morning was by a patch of hyacinths that were peacefully resting at the base of a tree. Perched gently atop one of them was a curious little butterfly with large yellow wings. Thymepaw padded forward, making sure to quiet the sound of her pawsteps in order to not frighten the creature. She sat down beside the flower patch with a low sigh.
“Hello there, little friend.” She said to the butterfly, smiling down at it and taking note of each detail in its wings.
The insect continued to search for nectar, moving over to a flower that was closer to Thymepaw.
“I don’t mean to interrupt your feeding time, but your wings are so beautiful. I just needed to take a look.” She whispered, leaning forward slightly.
Almost as if it had been prompted, the butterfly slightly spread its wings. The apprentice’s eyes glittered with delight.
“It must be so nice to have wings… to be able to fly to wherever you want without a worry in the world. Do you ever worry about anything, Mr. Butterfly?”
The winged creature abandoned its post, fluttering around aimlessly until it landed precisely on Thymepaw’s nose. She crossed her eyes in an attempt to see it clearly and held back the slightest bit of laughter so as to not scare it off.
“I see. You must have a family somewhere that you love. I’m sure you’re worried about them when you leave to eat the flowers. You could go anywhere you want but you always return home. How lovely.”
There was a moment of silence before the butterfly took its leave, using its bright wings to carry it off into the forest. Thymepaw watched it go with a grin before scooping up some of the hyacinths to bring back to camp with her. Making more flower crowns for her Clanmates meant that she would have to restock her supply whenever she had the opportunity.

She wasn’t used to giving in to distractions so easily, but her next pause ended up being a snail that she caught moving along the top side of a stone. She stepped toward it, lowering herself close to the ground in order to get a closer look. Its shell was all shades of brown mixed together to create a mesmerizing pattern that Thymepaw found herself continually looking over. Snails had always been intriguing to her. They were always in a rush, but they moved so slowly. Where were they heading? How did they know if they were going to make it on time? She gave the tiny creature an encouraging smile as it pulled itself along.
“Good morning, Ms. Snail,” She greeted it, instinctively flicking her tail, “I do hope I didn’t startle you. Where in StarClan’s name are you going so early?”
No response. Instead, it kept moving. The she-cat went silent once again to study its minimal movements. There was a lesson to be learned here. Just as the majestic butterfly had a purpose, so did the sluggardly snail.
“Heh, you haven’t even paid me any mind. You’re very focused, Ms. Snail. Whoever you’re trying to find is very lucky to have someone as determined as you are.” She praised it, bringing herself back up to her normal height and dipping her head as a symbol of parting ways. She wouldn’t keep it from its journey any longer.

There would be no more distractions, no more getting off track… although there wasn’t a track to begin with. Thymepaw had to teach herself some self-control somehow, and it started with simple methods like walking through the forest without looking at each and every thing that moved, breathed, and had colors. Well, she supposed that stopping to look at the anthill that she had discovered wouldn’t hurt anyone. She kept her distance, knowing that if she got too close they would try to climb on her. Ants were lovely bugs, but getting all of them off without harming them in any way would be rather difficult. She watched as they scampered in and out of the anthill, carrying pieces of food that were far bigger than their bodies. Thymepaw admired their incredible strength.
“You all must be a lovely family. You work together to keep each other fed and safe, even though the entire forest seems to be bigger than you. Nobody gives up, nobody gets left behind. Hm, you’re almost like SkyClan in a way.” She murmured, eyeing the little insects calmly.
They continued their work, and the apprentice apologetically rose to her paws, offering them all a bow of regret.
“Ah, I shouldn’t interrupt your work. I’m sure you’re all getting ready for the incoming cold. I’ll leave you all to it.” Thymepaw concluded before bounding off.

With every step she took, more light seemed to coat the forest. The sun was almost completely in the sky, and Thymepaw was sure that cats would be looking for her if she was out for too long. She had to turn back now. She made sure that none of her hyacinths had lost any petals before she turned around, prepared to head back to start another day.

Wait.

She recognized that sound anywhere, the chirping of a bird. Birds were prey, birds were food. That was what the Clan needed more than anything right now. Perhaps she still had the opportunity to bring back something useful. She spun around, perking her ears and lifting her nose in order to catch the scent and pick up exactly where the sound was coming from. It took her a few heartbeats, but Thymepaw finally found it. The little brown and ginger robin was chirping up a storm, desperately hopping around more than any bird that the apprentice had ever seen. She squinted in confusion as she stalked it from a distance. Surely any bird would want to keep quiet enough when it was vulnerable and able to be hunted on the ground. As she silently approached it, calling upon any hunting skills that she knew, she noticed what the problem was. Its wing hung awkwardly below its body, and it seemed to be limp as it jumped around. That was it… the bird was calling for help.

The apprentice froze, sadness filling her heart. This was such an easy catch, and a loud voice in the front of her mind was telling her to kill it before it could hop away. She was always more inclined to listen to the back of her mind, though. This time, it was telling her to spare its life. It wasn’t a fair fight. She relaxed her muscles, pulling herself out of the hunting crouch and approaching it gently.

“Please don’t run away…” She whispered, her eyes widening, “...I won’t hurt you, I promise.”
Its chirps became more desperate and fearful as her shadow loomed over it.
“I know I’m asking a lot. You’re a bird, after all. No smart bird is going to trust its predator. I just want to help you.”
The only problem here was that Thymepaw was unsure how to help a robin. She knew nothing about them other than what they tasted like and that they flew away if someone made a bit too much noise while hunting. She frantically looked up at the tree branches. The best thing that she could do for her new little friend was find its family.

There was a small nest perched in one of the taller trees nearby, and when her eyes landed upon it, the apprentice immediately knew what she had to do.
“I’m so sorry, Ms. Robin. This may be a little scary but I don’t know how else to carry you.”
She hesitantly lowered her head before securing the body of the bird between her jaws. She made sure to not press down too hard. Holding it too loose would result in an unpleasant tumble to the ground, and closing her jaws around it too tightly would result in making it her prey. It chirped helplessly as she padded toward the trunk of the tree and scaled it with her eyes before sinking her claws into the bark and pulling herself up, just as any SkyClan cat had been taught. It was a bit difficult this time. She was focused on both keeping the bird alive and keeping herself alive as she dragged herself up higher and higher.

When she finally made it to her stop, Thymepaw felt a rush of relief flow through her. She kept herself sturdy on a branch as she gingerly placed the robin back into its home. The bird looked up at her with beady black eyes that anyone else would find to be alarming, but the apprentice thought they were beautiful. There seemed to be a slight glimmer in them, like a star in a pitch black sky. Its wing was still bent, but at least it was somewhere safer than on the ground. She let out a breath.

“Please be careful, Ms. Robin. I’ll come back to see if you’re still here soon. I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re gone.”She told the bird, her voice faltering.
She had to return to camp more than ever now. The bird chirped at her as she prepared to climb down the tree and head back home.
“Don’t move, okay? Bye bye.” And then she disappeared down the tree trunk.

Her hyacinths were right where she had left them, and she picked them back up before looking around to make sure that she was still alone. Gosh, if any hunting patrol had witnessed that… she would’ve been the laughing stock of the Clan. Prey isn’t to be saved, it’s to be hunted. Once she confirmed that the coast was clear, she started racing back to camp. Along the way, she passed the same anthill, the same stone with the same snail, and the same patch of flowers that seemed to be a bit smaller now since she had taken some for herself.

One day, her gentleness would be her undoing.

She knew what kind of cat she was, but was that truly the kind of cat that SkyClan needed as the forest started to move into harder times?