head in the stars [c]

In the days following his Moonstone journey - after returning and sleeping his absolute exhaustion away for a solid day - Sunpaw had grown... troubled. He'd gone into it with full expectations that he wouldn't see a thing, that he'd touch the stone and take a nap, and wake up ready to become a warrior. But if anything, the journey had done the opposite. Sunpaw still wanted to be a warrior, of course, but the fervor at which he pursued his training had been lost. Instead, he spent a large amount of time replaying the conversation with that nameless cat over in his head, even as he was hunting, and sparring, and on border patrol. What had it meant, the lot of it? Was he already not protecting his family? Had he failed at a job he hadn't known he was supposed to fulfill? And what did 'never let them stray from the light' mean? It was downright mind boggling, and it bugged him. More than Sunpaw cared to admit.

He was in one such state on the frosty early morning patrol he and the newly named Falconmoon had found themselves on. Newleaf had warmed the forest, but over night, the temperature had dropped like Leafbare was trying desperately to keep its hold. Now, though the sun was high and bright, the breeze was still bitter and cutting, and as the pair of them wandered their way towards Halfstone, Sunpaw was grateful for the shelter it provided from the intermittent gusts as they moved into its shadow. This patrol had been uneventful so far, and looked likely to remain that way, so Sunpaw flopped down on to his haunches and waited for Falconmoon to do the same. He glanced at his brother, sad, for the first time, that Falcon had become a warrior first. They'd always shared a den, they'd always spent so much time together, and now that his brother had been named warrior, that was no longer the case. It hadn't been long, but already their duties had kept them separate, and this patrol was the first in several days that had seen them in each others' company for an extended period.

"Falcon," he said quietly, and after a long moment of deliberation. "The cats you dream about. You've never... you've never met any of them, right? They're just... dreams?" He hated to bring up his brother's dreams, when he knew they bothered him, but this was driving him nuts, and he hadn't told a soul about it.

The quietness from his brother hadn't gone unnoticed. Falconmoon himself had been less talkative than normal. He kept his eyes, ears and nose out for prey, but recent events had his head swimming with questions. Far more questions than answers. It wasn't until they were well into Skyclan territory that Sunpaw spoke. His question made Falconmoon's head snap in his direction and his fur stood up just the smallest amount.

"Why?" He asked suspiciously, dodging his brother's question. A million thoughts ran through his head, all of them clashing together and most not making sense. Some were memories, some were irrational accusations against his brother for asking such a thing, but those were quickly dismissed.

"Has it been happening to you too?" He asked after a moment, his fur flat again. Suddenly... there was hope, but just as suddenly, there was a flash of anger. You wouldn't let me endure this alone, would you Sunpaw? You'd tell me if you were having the same problems, right? In any case, he'd feel a lot less alone if Sunpaw revealed that he too had these dreams about cats he's never met, only to meet them later.

"I dreamed about Shrikestar before I met him and... I dreamed about our grandmother. Why?" He asked again, pressing for an answer and almost desperate to hear what he hoped his brother was going to say. He could forgive Sunpaw for letting him suffer alone all of these moons if they could seek out answers together.

It hadn't occurred to Sunpaw that his brother might think he meant something other than what he actually did. He took note of Falconmoon's immediate change in body language as he dodged the question, and met it with an immediate roll of the eyes. Part of him still felt guilty, though, so he opened his mouth to explain further... but didn't get the chance before Falconmoon continued, seemingly over his previous hesitations.

"No, Falcon, sorry," he said quietly. Sunpaw knew that his brother was sensitive about his dreams, and didn't blame him a bit. But seeing Falcon's reaction had him feeling suddenly foolish, and regretting even starting this conversation.

"I mean, I had a dream, but, it was at the Moonstone. I... this whole time, I thought StarClan was a joke, or a warning to scare kits into behaving. But then I had this dream, while I was there, and spoke to this cat I definitely have never met before." Sunpaw wasn't super sure about his siblings' stance on StarClan. It hadn't come up, but until the Moonstone dream he'd been a hundred percent sure that it was foxdung.

"And it's not just that I talked to him - well, actually he kind of talked AT me. Sort of like how Bloodstrike does." Sunpaw twisted his face into an annoyed grimace at that. "But he... warned me, i guess? But it didn't make any sense... And I'm not sure how to take it. I'm honestly not sure that it wasn't an exhaustion fueled hallucination." The dappled apprentice shook his head, now certain that he was being an idiot about the whole thing by dragging his brother into it. "Nevermind. It was a silly question."

Falconmoon listened with interest, though his face fell when Sunpaw confirmed it wasn't like Falconmoon's dreams. "Oh..." He said, disappointed. He went on to talk about the moonstone. He blinked at his brother in surprise. He hadn't believed in Starclan until just now? Why did he come with Falconmoon to go watching a hawk then? It was at that moment that he realized, or was reminded, of Sunpaw's love and dedication to his family. The blue-eyed tom had to softly smile at that, but he wiped it off of his expression quickly so as not to discourage Sunpaw from speaking.

He pressed his lips together a bit at the mention of Bloodstrike, but he said nothing. There were more important things going on now. "Sunpaw, no. I'd like to know what your Starclan cat told you. I told you what Flowerthorn told me... and you know what? Eating those herbs might cause weird dreams. Maybe it's all foxdung, who knows? Still, you can always talk to me about anything and I won't think it's stupid. Probably. Okay... maybe some things, no one is perfect... but not this."

He stopped, hoping that the pause in their walking would snap his brother out of whatever broodiness he might be about to go into. He was ready to listen and wasn't going to hunt or get distracted by a single thing until Sunpaw was ready to move on.

"I'm ready. Tell me everything. Vent. Scream if you want. I don't care. Whatever you say here, it will be between only us if you really want."

Falconmoon waited, hoping this encouragement would work. Hopefully it would make up for him bristling earlier. He hadn't meant to do it or be so rash.

Though he was feeling a little downtrodden at the way the conversation had gone thus far, Sunpaw's eyes met his brother's with a slight widening of surprise at his declaration of unwavering support. There was no reason he should ever have doubted that, though... he couldn't recall a time where he and Falconmoon had ever been at odds. Or Quickpaw, or Graypaw, either, for that matter. He'd do anything for his siblings... and never had to wonder if they'd do the same. They were just there for each other, because that's what family did. Sunpaw lowered his head, shame heating the tips of his ears, but his voice was firm and serious when he replied. "You're the best brother any cat could ever ask for, you know?"

He looked up again as companionable silence fell between them for a moment. "I didn't mean to get your hopes up about the whole dream thing," he said earnestly. "The thing is, though, I thought it was all crap... StarClan, I mean. But, I didn't eat the herbs... I threw them into the bushes soon as Birdstar turned her head." He wrinkled his nose in a puzzled expression. "But I still had the dream...

This cat I dreamed of, he was old and had some scars. Black, mostly. But his eyes looked just like Graypaw's. He told me he didn't care if I believed in StarClan or not, and gave me some 'advice' about... keeping an eye on my family, and treating them with love." Sunpaw furrowed his brow, frowning as he tried to remember what the tom had told him first... the exact words eluded him, though.

"Each cat's destiny is their own to make... but some stand in darker pawprints... Rarely does someone make a mistake twice... but not never. The safety of everyone you hold dearest is... it... hangs in the balance of right and wrong..." He trailed off, shaking his head and suddenly very frustrated. "I can't remember it all very well, it was fast, and I was so convinced it wasn't real..." Sunpaw sighed quietly. "I'm sorry."

Suddenly, a thought came to him, and Sunpaw snapped his gaze back to his brother. "What if we went back?" he whispered. "To the Moonstone? I remember the way, I think. Most of it, anyway." He'd been pretty exhausted the last bit of the journey, but cats went to the Moonstone often enough to leave some sort of obvious trail, right? "That's how we get our answers."

Falconmoon was glad that Sunpaw perked back up and willingly talked. He hadn't meant to be such a jerk. Best brother a cat could have? He smiled at that, hoping it was true. He tried at least. At Sunpaw's apology, Falconmoon shrugged. "It's okay." What else was there to say? He was ready to move passed it. When Sunpaw admitted he never ate the herbs, that caused Falconmoon to quirk an eyebrow. He still had the dream... well that settled it. Starclan was real. Falconmoon found himself having far less doubt than his brother had, but what little there had been was gone at the confirmation that it was not the herbs that caused odd dreams. Unfortunately that meant his own interaction was real too.

He couldn't match the cat Sunpaw described to any cat he knew. The one that came close was Nightstar, but Sunpaw would have known if it was him. He'd been to a gathering before. Falconmoon patiently kept listening and drank in what his brother had to say. He pondered the words... the warning? He was no medicine cat, but Starclan and cryptic messages was something he had been pondering a lot lately. He would even go so far as to say he was going to try to study it and find patterns.

Each cat's destiny is their own to make... okay that's obvious. But some stand in darker pawprints... His mind flashed to Bloodstrike briefly. The old tom had been through some things, that much was obvious. He practically had his history carved into his body. As grumpy as the tom was, he had to have a not so nice history too, but Falconmoon had little desire to speak to him at all. Not sure he could pin down an obvious answer for what that might mean, the blue-eyed tom moved to the next thing.

Rarely does someone make a mistake twice... but not never. The safety of everyone you hold dearest is... it... hangs in the balance of right and wrong. The first line he thought, again, was obvious and straight forward. Nothing cryptic there. The last line... was it even complete? Sunpaw said he couldn't remember.

"Maybe he was just telling you to follow the code and take care of your family, but you already do. I'm not a medicine cat or anything though, so my guess is probably as good as yours." He wished he could say more and say it with confidence. Then Sunpaw was speaking again and Falconmoon blinked, unsure.

"That's a long way. And we can't hunt on Windclan's territory they'll be unhappy. So we either eat a lot now... hunt for ourselves and not the elders or anyone else..." He paused for a moment and his brow furrowed at the very idea of the other one. "Or we steal from the medicine den but... I don't know Sunpaw that feels wrong. More wrong than hunting only for us." He kneaded the ground and bit his lip nervously.

"I'm not saying I won't go with you, brother. I am only saying I want to do this wisely. I don't want to cause trouble for our clan, but if we're going to make an unsolicited trip to the moonstone we also have to be prepared. So what do you want to do? I'd rather just eat a really big meal before we go, then we eat again when we get home. Not to mention we will be missing for a whole day and someone is going to notice."

But if this was important to Sunpaw, Falconmoon was going to do it. He'd face whatever punishment came his way. His family was important to him. "I'll tell Stormwatcher that we're going to be gone awhile and to please let everyone in camp who asks to know that we will be back and we are alright, but not say where. Maybe this should be something between us? We can say something like, Starclan compelled us to go, which isn't a total lie, but they may interpret that however they choose."

He had no idea if this would work. The way to Highstones was long and it could be dangerous. But they both needed answers. Clearer answers. Falconmoon's mind flashed back to the one time he had a dream about flinging a kit against the nursery wall... and how sickeningly vivid that had been. He demanded a better answer than the load of foxdung Flowerthorn had given him.