Smokestep's Medicine Cat Apprentice Ceremony

Plumleaf had known for a long time that this day was coming. With Fogfeather gone, it had become difficult to handle her duties by herself, and she often found herself feeling burnt out and exhausted at the end of the day. After all the moons spent cooped up in the twoleg den, worrying for her clanmates and how they were getting on without her, she'd finally decided it was time for her to take an apprentice. It had been mostly her pride stopping her up until now, her stubborn refusal to admit that she needed help, and the guilt over putting her clanmates in jeopardy so selfishly had been eating her up inside for days. Smokestep's dream hadn't come as a surprise, one could tell just by looking at the she-cat that she wasn't quite suited for warriorhood. It was the same thing Plumleaf had seen in herself the day she decided to abandon her warrior training in favor of learning the ways of a medicine cat. Now, Smokestep had made the same decision, and Plumleaf was determined to be the best mentor she could.

She gathered the two traveling bundles, one for Smokestep and one for herself, before making her way to the warrior's den. It was time. "Smokestep, it's time to leave for the moonstone." She called for the warrior, motioning to the leaf-wrapped herbs in front of her. All warriors visited the moonstone as apprentices, so the journey itself would be nothing new.

Having traveled to the Moonstone once before, just before becoming a warrior, Smokestep knew the process. Herbs, creek, travel, easy, right? But that didn't stop her from worrying as she swalloeed down the herbs and then followed Plumleaf from camp. Ever since she'd had that dream, and Wolfblossom encouraged her to speak with the medicine cat, things had felt... different. The thing was, Smokestep didn't know if it was a good different, or a bad different. Her whole life, she'd felt like she just wasn't enough. Sure, she'd made it to warrior - something she largely contributed more to Wolfblossom and Birdstar's kindness than her own talent - but that was just it. She was a mediocre hunter, an abysmal combatant, what did she have to offer SkyClan?

Being a medicine cat was the obvious answer, there... but that left another obvious dilemma: Firepool. The two young warriors had bonded quickly, and Smokestep was desperate not to lose that. They had common threads as warriors... but would that change, once she swore to the lifestyle of a medicine cat?

Smokestep's eyes remained fixated on the ground just in front of her paws for the majority of the trip. Rarely did she travel through the other clans' territory, and she enjoyed the change in scenery, usually, but she just couldn't stop worrying long enough to take it in. What if StarClan was wrong? What if she would be a bad medicine cat, too? What if Firepool wanted nothing to do with her after this?

By the time they reached the Mothermouth, she'd worked herself up so much that she nearly turned around right then and there and told Plumleaf that she'd changed her mind. She opened her mouth to speak, but the only thing that escaped her tightening throat was a strangled, exasperated sigh. Wet round eyes looked up at Plumleaf, and Smokestep sagged visibly, her ears flat against her skull, her gaze worried and overwhelmed. She didn't know Plumleaf that well, and she wished Wolfblossom was here, but the medicine cat had always been kind, and they'd have to be friends eventually, right? She just hoped the older she-cat could understand her trepidation, and didn't think lesser of her for it.

The journey passed quickly and quietly, which Plumleaf didn't mind at all as she wasn't usually one for idle chatter. However, she couldn't help wondering if she ought to make some conversation, if she and Smokestep were to be sharing a den, they should get to know each other sooner rather than later. It had been easy with Fogfeather, they were siblings, and he was usually too grumpy to bother talking much more than he had to. However, before she could muster up the courage to speak, they'd arrived. Turning to Smokestep with a practiced smile, her cheerful demeanor dropped as she noticed the expression on the warrior's face. Oh dear. Plumleaf felt terrible, having been too wrapped up in her own thoughts to consider how Smokestep might be feeling about such a big change.

"Are you alright Smokestep? You look troubled. I know we don't know each other that well, but you can talk to me about anything. I promise." She took a seat next to the younger cat, offering a small smile of encouragement.

"I understand this must be difficult for you, choosing to train as a medicine cat after spending nearly all your life training to be a warrior. I was in your position once, though I had just begun my warrior training when I decided to become a medicine cat. I was worried that I wouldn't be good enough, or that Starclan would reject me, or that I simply wouldn't have what it takes to serve my clan in such an important way. It wasn't always easy, but eventually I got the hang of things, and I realized how much I loved helping others.

Starclan wouldn't have sent you that dream if they didn't believe in you, and I want you to know that I do too."

The instant sympathy from Plumleaf was the only thing that gave Smokestep a reprieve from her own emotions long enough to compose herself. She blinked back the tears that had been threatening to spill, sucking in a ragged breath, and giving Plumleaf an almost reluctant nod. The medicine cat's own explanation came as somewhat of a surprise to her... as it never even crossed her mind that Plumleaf had been a warrior first, too.

"I didn't know that," she said quietly. "That you weren't always a medicine cat, I mean..." It made her feel better, though she couldn't put a pin on why exactly. Maybe Plumleaf had also been close to another cat, like she was with Firepool. Maybe her soon-to-be mentor would understand part of why she was so torn about the whole thing. After all, she was clearly not cut out to be a warrior, so why should she be upset? One thing was for sure, though... even though it distressed her to lie so blatantly about why she was having trouble coming to terms with being a medicine cat, Smokestep would never tell anyone how she felt about Firepool. Not even the tom himself.

So she nodded again. "I... I just worry that I won't be good enough," she sniffed, though no longer on the verge of tears. "I don't want to disappoint everyone. I want to be useful for the clan, I just... I'm not always that good at... well, being good at stuff, I guess." She flicked her ears back, and then forward again, suddenly feeling anxious. "But... I think I'm okay now. I'm ready." She met Plumleaf's gaze, smiling appreciatively. "Thank you."

"Anytime." Plumleaf responded, giving one last reassuring nod before leading the way into the winding caves of Mothermouth. The moon dazzled brightly on the stones surface, it's brilliance taking her breath away even though she'd seen it so many times before. Turning to Smokestep once more, she began the ceremony, the words coming easily to her despite this being her first time performing it.

"Smokestep, is it your wish to enter the mysteries of Starclan as a medicine cat apprentice?"

Following the medicine cat down into the depths, the same way she'd done before, Smokestep was no less awed by the sight that greeted them at the bottom... though, now, she felt, she saw it in a different light. Not all warriors visited the Moonstone twice, but she, as a medicine cat, would be here many times in the future, watching apprentices speak to StarClan for the first time.

Plumleaf began the ceremony, and, almost breathlessly, Smokestep met her gaze and responded. "It is."

Plumleaf nodded her approval, honestly she'd been half-expecting Smokestep to change her mind given the warrior's previous demeanor.

"Step forward." She said, beckoning with her tail. "Starclan, I present you this warrior. Please grant her your wisdom and guide her along this path so that she may serve her clan for many moons." Tears pricked Plumleaf's eyes as she remembered her father saying those exact words to her, but she managed to keep it together, motioning to the moonstone.

"It's time to meet with Starclan. Press your nose to the stone." She instructed gently.

She listened to the medicine cat's words, bowing her head once Plumleaf had finished, and turned towards the Moonstone. It loomed above her, almost... threateningly. Smokestep's ears flattened uncertainly. Would StarClan be disappointed in her, for thinking about... well, non-medicine-cat things? Would they know how she felt? Would they reject her?

Desperately, she wanted to be SkyClan's medicine cat - none of that was falsehood. It was no secret she made a useless warrior, and being able to help SkyClan and be useful was all she wanted. As medicine cat, she could do that. As medicine cat, she would be worth something.

So, slowly, she moved towards the stone, closing her eyes just before her nose made contact...

Burningwing had little interest in medicine cat ceremonies typically, but given the fact that Starclan was... not doing their job... he went swiftly to Smokestep. He appeared from darkness covered in stars, almost looking like he was shimmering into existence from the shadows themselves. His pelt was dark and his eyes burned a sulfuric yellow. He said nothing at first and only eyed her with curiosity. Eventually though, it was time for words.

"Alright, I'll just cut to the chase here. I'm Burningwing, a warrior from Shadowclan and not a medicine cat at all. As a matter of fact, if I would have been a medicine cat I would have poisoned half of my clan more than likely, so Starclan was wise in not choosing me. You on the other paw... you are a good candidate for it." Burningwing had a rough voice that snapped like a burning log. His tail flicked and he eyed the future medicine cat apprentice again, his frown increasing. Whatever was bothering him, he didn't voice it out loud and continued.

"My advice to you is to toughen up. Do you think being a medicine cat is going to be easy? You'll be more tired and more overworked than any warrior in the clan at any given time. Not only do you have to be tireless, you have to be determined and wise as well. Starclan, yes I speak for myself as well, has this irritating habit of having to speak in riddles and speak vaguely even then. It's part of our rules, rules that I think we can and should do away with. I'd be more than happy to tell you everything that's going on in the forest that shouldn't be happening so that MAYBE SOMEONE CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!" He bellowed his last words like a campfire suddenly roaring to life and burning everything around it. His tail lashed and his claws gouged the ground beneath him. A growl rumbled in Burningwing's throat.

He took a moment to breathe, remembering that while he was part of Starclan, he was only just barely not being sent to the Mist or the Dark Forest. After a moment, he sat down roughly and his tail tip twitched.

"Any questions, Smokestep?"

Like before, Smokestep was asleep in an instant. But this time, the cat that greeted her as she opened her eyes didn't do so with a kind smile, or reassuring words. The tom that stood before her now... he radiated anger, frustration. Smokestep was frightened, and as he practically spat words at her, she shrank away, tail curling between her haunches. Why had StarClan chosen this cat to speak with her? Were they that angry with her? Were they trying to dissuade her from accepting the position?

It was their idea in the first place, though, so that made no sense. Smokestep crouched there, looking up at Burningwing with round, terrified eyes. He was hurt, that much was very clear to her... and as she watched him, it was almost like her own fear began to dissolve. She felt... sorry for this cat. Clearly something had happened to make him this way. Something had hurt him.

Before she knew what she was doing, Smokestep straightened, slowly, to look Burningwing in the eye. Her legs still trembled slightly, but she forced them still as she took a deep breath. This cat was ShadowClan. And he was young. How had he died? "Wh... what happened to you?" she whispered quietly. "What hurt you? I want to know... so I... so I can prevent it from happening to anyone else."

Burningwing watched the molly closely as she slowly got to her feet. He wasn't going to reprimand her for staring at him in the eye. He could tell she was scared and was trying to be brave. The words that tumbled out of her mouth however had Burningwing cackling out loud. His laughter wasn't from amusement, but the only way he could keep the unyielding rage from spilling out into a physical altercation. His anger wasn't her fault and it was only that fact that kept his claws sheathed.

"Nothing happened to me," He bit back words that would have been taken as offensive and rude. Barely. "I was raised to be strong and I was raised to have sense that my entire clan apparently still lacks!" He spat in a fury, though he made sure to look away from her when he did it. His fur stood on end and his tail bristled. "I was killed by a rogue and his team of... " whatever the next words were, they were lost in a roiling growl and a snap of his teeth. His tail lashed. "I told that idiot Frostgaze that rogues would destroy Shadowclan. I told him and I was ignored. I died because of his stupidity! I was skinned along with another Shadowclan cat and those same rogues nearly wiped Shadowclan out of the forest! Shadowclan lost a full scale invasion to a band of filthy dirty-blooded ROGUES!" Burningwing tore at the ground now, a furious slash that made a thud upon impact with the dirt.

Now the dark-furred Starclan cat leaned into Smokestep's face, his eyes wild with rage and his ears pinned flat against his head. "Keep rogues and traitors out of your clan Smokestep! Those that are outside the code are lawful to kill and someone should!" He snapped out of his anger right then upon realizing what had come rushing out of his mouth. He honestly felt that way, but the other Starclan cats didn't. He needed to be more careful. He stepped back and closed his eyes, taking several moments to breathe and force his fur to lie flat.

"Take care of your clan. Keep your clan pure. You might have to do something uncomfortable from time to time for the good of them all. Don't do what I did and just obey blindly. It cost me and an innocent queen our lives. It cost Murkystar one of her lives and Shadowclan's dignity for the next eternity. I have no real love for Skyclan per se, but I don't necessarily want to see what happened to Shadowclan happen to any other clan again."

Burningwing was ready to leave. He already said more than he should have, but he would linger for just a bit longer. "My time is short. Is there anything you want to know before I go?"

Green-grey eyes glossed over in horror as Burningwing recounted what had happened to him... and Smokestep felt tears begin to form. She held them back for now, not wanting to offend the other cat like she figured it would. She'd not had a lot of encounters with the other clans before... and certainly not ShadowClan... though hopefully, once her training began, that would change. Now, after everything she'd learned, she wanted to know more. Smokestep was young, and the events that this ShaowClan cat spoke of were long before her birth. But she'd heard tale of it, here and there... the elders, a couple of the older warriors, always in hushed tones talked about cats who wore skins and consorted with demons made of shadows.  

She was sure some of it was... embellished, of course, but still. The thought of skinning an animal - and especially another cat - made the young molly nauseous.

As Burningwing leaned in, Smokestep forced herself to remain still, though the fury of his words was enough to ruffle the hair on her ears. He stepped back, closing his eyes, and she watched as he appeared to physically make himself relax. She stood, and Burningwing asked his final question. Smokestep swallowed hard, lifting a paw to move forward. For a moment, it hung in the air halfway to the next step, and she stared at Burningwing, hesitant.

He couldn't hurt her, could he? They were in StarClan. He was in StarClan... so he wouldn't. Even if he could. That was enough to propel her forward, and that first paw fell, not quickly, but deliberately followed by another, and then another. Smokestep crossed the distance between them, and with only a second's hesitation, she pressed her cheek against his, rubbing them gently together, and then twisting to drop the top of her head against his shoulder, her feathery tail brushing his cheek.

If he let her, she'd continue this pseudo-embrace for a moment or two, and then pull away, eyes serious but gentle when she looked at him. She almost said 'I'm sorry' or 'that's awful' to him... one of those things you just say to someone when they drop trauma on you... but somehow that felt wrong. Besides... Burningwing was with StarClan now, and nothing could change that. Instead, she said, quietly: "I want you to know that I will mourn you, Burningwing. And I will take your words to heart. I will protect my clan... I... I promise."

Burningwing stared at her as she approached and his gaze hardened. They were practically two dots of molten lava set in the tom's dark face. He tensed, realizing what she was going to do, but he didn't move. She rubbed her face on him and embraced him in the way cats did, but he did not return it. He stared down at her, molten gaze still blazing... despite his anger beginning to cool off. Her intentions were so kit like he wasn't sure how to feel about it.

Once she moved away, he only stared, saying nothing. He was stiff and he held his breath.

Mourn me? He thought about it. Had anyone in Shadowclan, save for maybe Nightstar, mourned his passing? He never saw it. Now this Skyclan cat decided to do it? Burningwing's eyes softened a tiny bit and his claws sheathed themselves. He hadn't realized they were out. He looked at his paws, unsure of what to do now. After a few moments of tense silence, his gaze hardened once more and he looked at the medicine cat to be.

"Save your pity. My suffering is over. Yours has barely begun, but I wish you well." He took a step back then faded away into a mix of swirling darkness and shimmering stars.