The future's in your paws. Shape it well.Roleplay in a cat Clan of warriors. Based off the Warriors series by Erin Hunter. Takes place in an AU before the cats in the books existed.
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Subject: don't burn out on me (c) Wed 14 Dec 2022 - 20:33
Nothing was quiet anymore.
Even when the Dark Forest had occupied their camp, there had been a few moments of silence. It had been eerie and covered in the stench of decay, but at least there had been an odd, haunted peace in the knowledge that death lingered behind every pawstep. Now, sitting here in the lonely darkness of night, there was only sound. The distant sound of monsters whirring and screeching. The far distant, but echoing footsteps of Twolegs. The long-past, but lingering screams of the cats who had been taken-- Rowanpaw first and foremost. Hearing the apprentice so desperate had caused one of her last inner pillars of composure to snap, and she didn't think it could ever be repaired. She'd evacuated everyone from camp, brought them to the place she thought would be safest, and for what? To herd all her Clanmates together with the other Clans so they could all be snatched and taken away for who-knows-how-long to who-knows-where? The last bit of her logic reminded her that she hadn't had any other choice, but it was quickly dismissed by the overwhelming guilt that had been slowly building ever since they arrived back in camp. Once again, she hadn't been able to save everyone.
She'd known that the feeling of guilt would return once she found a moment to rest, so she'd actively fought it off as much as possible. Since the shaking of the earth, she'd worked almost nonstop, only taking moments to close her eyes when Poppyshine badgered her to do so or when she could no longer force her paws another step forward. She'd eaten only what was necessary, and what little sleep she'd been convinced to obtain had been less than restful. It was definitely catching up to her. But moreso, the feelings of guilt and fear were eating her up inside. What was she supposed to do? All her efforts had been for nothing. The Twolegs were in the forest-- an unbeatable threat, not something that could be combatted with claws or with words-- and they weren't leaving. Would they take all her Clanmates? Would they take her, too?
What would happen to them?
The lack of silence rang in her ears as Perchstar sat outside in camp. She'd given up her den to be used for the injured, at least until the medicine den was rebuilt. She didn't want to sleep in there, anyway. The memories would hurt too much. As a matter of fact, she didn't want to sleep at all. She wanted to do everything she could, to hunt, to fight, to help her Clanmates. But it was all she could do to remain sitting up instead of collapsing on the cold, waterlogged sand. Leaf-bare was coming. Last year it had been hard enough, and that was without an extraneous threat at their borders, pushing ever closer. How would her Clan survive this year?
Her limbs were trembling. Was it from the freezing cold that seeped through her bedraggled pelt, or was it from the exhaustion that had been trailing behind her for what was nearly the past two moons, ever since Poppyshine had collapsed? She couldn't tell anymore. Was the quiet growling sound the rumbling of distant monsters, or her stomach? Or something else entirely? She found that she couldn't really bring herself to care. As long as she still drew breath, she would use every waking moment to help her Clanmates. There was no time for failure. There was no time for contemplation. While she was awake, she might as well try to hunt. Maybe getting some food for her Clanmates would drive off the fears and memories that tried to stab into her consciousness.
Perchstar took a step forward-- and immediately collapsed. She tried to get up, but her limbs did not obey her. It was probably just her exhaustion again. She sighed in annoyance. Why did she have to be so frail? Why couldn't her body do what she needed it to do? There was still so much to be done. She had no time to sleep, no time to rest. Well, as long as she was lying here, she might as well try to sleep.
Except... what was encroaching on her senses was not sleep. There was a familiarly fuzzy darkness that buzzed around the corners of her eyes as she stared off into the night. Her body had stopped trembling. She no longer felt hollow or guilty or frustrated, she realized. She just felt... numb. Tired and numb. This was a very different feeling than what she'd experienced once before, but she recognized it immediately. Her body was giving up on her. She was dying.
She should have been panicked at the realization. She should have been angry at herself for being so incompetent as to lose a life for no good reason. She should have been upset that she couldn't even go die somewhere peaceful. Instead, Perchstar found that she didn't care. The numb, quiet apathy that seized hold of her as she lost control of her body was almost freeing. It didn't matter if she lived or died. Nothing that she did could help anyway. This was probably for the best. After all, wasn't death just another kind of sleep?
Maybe this truly was the only way she would experience rest.
As her heavy eyelids slipped closed, and the last sensations faded from her consciousness, Perchstar felt nothing.
~~PM me here or on Discord if you want a topic with any of my cats!~~ ~Wonderful Signature by Xaandiir!~
lostfanboy
Characters : Stormdance (S) Rainfrost (R) Sunpool (Su) Wrenpaw (W) Hawkmist (H) Clan/Rank : Riverclan, Tier 5 Warrior (S) Skyclan, Tier 3 Warrior (R) Riverclan, Tier 2 Warrior (Su) Riverclan, Apprentice (W) Shadowclan, Tier 2 Warrior (H) Number of posts : 1017 Gender : Transmasc, he/they Age : 23
Subject: Re: don't burn out on me (c) Wed 14 Dec 2022 - 21:12
Stormdance
Riverclan Camp
Stormdance did make an attempt to sleep. Really, he did. He had curled up in the pile with the other warriors, drained from the day of hunting and rebuilding and trying to get their clan back on their feet. But he found himself staring straight ahead, unable to close his eyes for more than a few seconds. Every time he did, the events of the past moon or so played over in his mind.
Sights like Sprucebark and Hawkshriek being swept away. Learning of Dovesight’s passing. The twolegs descending on them; Rowanpaw helplessly screaming for help. He would even drift back farther, to the epidemic of predators that felt so long ago now, and his previously injured leg ached with pain long past.
Finally, Stormdance heaved a sigh and sat up. He looked over the pile of sleeping warriors, counting heads with an almost paranoid repetitiveness, as if one of them would simply disappear because Stormdance closed his eyes for a little too long. His mind drifted back to Rowanpaw and the other missing cats, and he ached as he thought of how scared and alone Rowanpaw must feel right then.
Shuddering out a breath, Stormdance tried hard to clear his head. This kind of spiraling wouldn’t help anyone, least of all himself. He felt a great shame and guilt for how he froze up after Rowanpaw was taken. He could’ve so easily been taken, and while he almost wished he had been so that he could’ve helped Rowanpaw, most of him knew better. All he would’ve done is create more strife for his clanmates, and leave them short of yet another warrior.
All he did do is slow his clanmates down and create an unnecessary burden on them. He’s a warrior. He should be over that childish urge to freeze and hide away. He thought he knew better by now, but over and over again he was proven to know nothing at all.
Shaking his head again, Stormdance looked around the camp, trying to decide what to do with himself until he was so exhausted sleep could no longer elude him. That was when he spotted Perchstar’s familiar gray pelt. He managed a tiny smile. Perchstar had been working practically non stop since they got back, yet it seemed sleep escaped her too. He could only imagine how stressed and overwhelmed she was, caring for the whole clan the way she did. Maybe she could use some company, or even just a few words of encouragement. Not even leaders could survive on their own, after all. Besides, he owed her thanks for getting him on his feet back at Fourtrees.
Stormdance carefully extracted himself from the sleeping warriors, padding across the mess of reeds and sand that scattered over the remains of their camp. He shook sand from his fur, wrinkling his nose briefly at the feeling. Just as he was opening his mouth to call a greeting to Perchstar, she rose to her feet… and then immediately collapsed. Stormdance’s heart skipped a beat.
“Perchstar?”
His pawsteps sped up. When there was no reply, he sped up further. “Perchstar!”
Stormdance skidded to a stop beside his leader, nuzzling her anxiously and checking for breathing. “Perchstar, Perchstar wake up!” When he realized there was none, his panic increased and his breathing picked up. How many lives did she have? Did it matter? He knew leaders could burn through all nine if the problem was grievous enough, it had happened to Froststar. She wasn’t sick, was she? She had to be, to collapse like this. Maybe it was the same thing that killed Owlshriek and Sleepycloud. The thought made his head spin.
Panic gripped Stormdance like a vice, and he pulled away. He began to scramble towards the medicine den, before seeing the wreckage. He pivoted towards the leader’s den instead to get Sandypaw. He had no idea what else to do.
Characters : [P]oppyshine; [Pi]neblossom; [W]hisperear; [C]rookedlight; [L]arkspring; [Wi]llowwisp Clan/Rank : RC T5 Deputy; SC T5; WC T5; SkC T5; RC T4; RC T4 Number of posts : 2953 Gender : Any Pronouns Age : 25
Subject: Re: don't burn out on me (c) Wed 14 Dec 2022 - 21:45
Poppyshine
Poppyshine miraculously was able to get some rest, although it did not last long. She’d been grabbing small naps here or there. Like most cats of the clan, she was unable to sleep for long periods of time. Grief and fear and regret took turns washing over her in waves, and it left her gasping for air each time that she flinched awake. She’d taken to sleeping in the leader’s den to accompany Sandypaw if she needed any help, and also to watch over Hickorypaw and the other injured as they healed.
Once more, Poppyshine wished that there was more that she could do. She helped Sandypaw how she could, but that really was just fetching Sandypaw herbs that she needed to save her daughter a couple of steps. They were going to need a lot of organizing to try and avoid another attack from the twolegs, but everyone was so exhausted still. She didn’t know how they were going to organize anything. The camp still needed to be rebuilt, and the sounds of the twolegs and their monsters continued to echo through the forest at all hours of the night. No time was sacred to the twolegs, who would continue to chip away at the forest. The earthquake had been bad enough, but it seemed that all tragedy came at once for RiverClan.
Sleep refused to come to Poppyshine when she woke up an hour earlier. She didn’t mind terribly. There was something calming about being able to lie in the den and watch Sandypaw and Hickorypaw’s careful and steady breaths. It should scare her how something as simple as ensuring her children were still breathing was something she felt the need to do, but Poppyshine just took solace in the comfortableness of it all. If she focused hard enough, she didn’t even hear the twoleg’s monsters.
What she did hear, though, was Stormdance’s frantic calls from outside. Poppyshine jumped to her feet quickly and hurried outside. She hoped it was nothing actually awful and that she could tell him to quiet himself before the entire camp awoke…
“Stormdance?” she whispered, hurrying over to meet him before he made it to the leader’s den. “What is it? What’s wrong?” The poor warrior looked so fraught, as though he’d just seen a spirit. She listened to him for an explanation and then her gaze caught sight of Perchstar’s gray pelt lying on the ground near the edge of camp. Poppyshine’s fur bristled along her back. This all felt achingly familiar.
Before Stormdance could move past her into the leader’s den, she stopped him and said, “Don’t wake Sandypaw. She needs her rest. We’ll look over Perchstar together.”
Poppyshine guided Stormdance back to Perchstar with her. She glanced back and didn’t see any other cats stirring. Thankfully, it seemed that Stormdance’s frantic shouts had not awoken anyone else. She looked back to Perchstar as they arrived. This felt just like when Perchstar had protected her from the fox while she was pregnant, but there was no injuries or pools of blood. Perhaps that’s why Poppyshine was calmer now, or perhaps it was just that she had experienced one of Perchstar’s deaths already, and so this did not faze her quite so badly.
“She just collapsed?” Poppyshine asked quietly. She nuzzled Perchstar’s body with gentleness. Her leader did not stir, of course. She pulled back and sat down at her leader’s side. “She still had many lives. She didn’t show any sign of sickness in the past few days. I don’t think there is anything to cure. We shouldn’t wake Sandypaw.” Her daughter had her paws full as it was, and the last thing she needed was to give another horrifying scare to her daughter so soon after Dovesight’s passing.
Poppyshine looked to Stormdance. “Sit with me a while. We won’t know how long she’ll be out for. But I promise you that she will wake, and then she can tell us what happened. Sandypaw won’t be able to do anything for her until Perchstar was awake to tell us anyway.”
She settled down and pressed up against Perchstar’s flank. She couldn’t feel the cold now, of course, but Poppyshine didn’t want her freezing when StarClan returned her to her body. She gazed at Perchstr’s body and emotions tumbled inside of her, but she willed herself to remain strong. There would be no hysterics this time around. All she could do was wait and make sure that Perchstar had some cats that would give her reassurance and company when she did finally awaken.
Subject: Re: don't burn out on me (c) Wed 14 Dec 2022 - 22:24
Finally, it was quiet. It was dark and cold and quiet and peaceful.
"Perchstar."
She didn't want to move.
"Perchstar."
Maybe if she just slept for a few more minutes....
"Perchstar, get up."
She pried her eyes open. The surroundings were, unfortunately, familiar. Above her was a dark sky full of stars... and looking down, that sky did not end. The sky was below her, too. And beside her. She scrambled to her paws suddenly, standing on some invisible solid ground that floated in the night. In front of her, a form she hadn't seen since her leader ceremony was watching her with an inkling of concern in his eyes.
"Bearspirit?" she asked, confused. "What? I..." she trailed off. Memories of the past few minutes slowly flooded back into her mind. "Oh. I... I died, didn't I?"
The tabby tom nodded slowly. "Yes. And, though I hate to say it, it was your fault for not taking better care of yourself."
Perchstar looked down at the stars beneath her, trying to swallow back the lump that rose to her throat. "...I see." She should have known better. What had she been doing?
"I said it was your fault, but I didn't say you should feel bad about it." Bearspirit walked a few steps closer. She raised her eyes to meet his. There was sincerity in his deep voice. "Perchstar, do you remember the life I gave you?"
"Yes. Courage, right?" What did that have to do with this?
"Well, RiverClan is going through a tough time right now. And, I'll warn you in advance: it will get worse before it gets better. But that does not mean that it will not get better. Eventually, things will be okay. I promise you."
Perchstar was tempted to demand if she could really trust that promise, after everything her Clan had been through recently. She wasn't much of one to doubt the stars, but... she was starting to wonder. Still, she bit her tongue. Here was Bearspirit to revive her after her own stupid mistake. What would she gain by being ungrateful?
"In the meantime," he said, "have courage. You will need to fight through this. But you are not alone. Even now, Poppyshine and Stormdance and many of your Clanmates are at your side. You do not have to do this by yourself. No one can, and no one should. Please... do not burn yourself out like my mate did. All right?"
Perchstar nodded, a renewed light of determination entering her eyes. "I won't. I... I'll take care of myself this time. I promise."
Bearspirit simply nodded. He smiled and stepped back before vanishing into the darkness, becoming one with the stars that hovered all around them.
The ground from under Perchstar's feet vanished, and suddenly she fell into the stars as well.
--
Perchstar opened her eyes. Soggy ground, collapsing camp, dark and rumbling night-- everything looked the same as she'd left it. Except she was no longer alone. The familiar form of Poppyshine was pressed against her side, offering some body warmth to the she-cat who'd lost hers in death. Stormdance sat nearby as well, though he looked nearly wild-eyed with worry. Her heart twisted. Had he... seen her die? Did her mistakes always have to hurt others this way?
"H...hello," she whispered. She managed to push herself to her feet. Her body was no longer wasting away from exhaustion and hunger-- but she still needed to take better care of it. StarClan could only do so much. Still, she forced herself into a sitting position with minimal effort. "I apologize. It was simply... too much. All of it. But I'm back now. I'll be okay." She tried to offer a reassuring smile to the two, though it probably looked a little wan. She was still tired, but no longer so much that she would collapse at any moment. "Are you two... okay?" Her best friend, and one of her most reliable warriors. They now knew she had one less life to her name. Seven remaining. She could trust them with that information. But would they see her as weak, to suddenly die of such exhaustion and stress?[/color]
~~PM me here or on Discord if you want a topic with any of my cats!~~ ~Wonderful Signature by Xaandiir!~
lostfanboy
Characters : Stormdance (S) Rainfrost (R) Sunpool (Su) Wrenpaw (W) Hawkmist (H) Clan/Rank : Riverclan, Tier 5 Warrior (S) Skyclan, Tier 3 Warrior (R) Riverclan, Tier 2 Warrior (Su) Riverclan, Apprentice (W) Shadowclan, Tier 2 Warrior (H) Number of posts : 1017 Gender : Transmasc, he/they Age : 23
Subject: Re: don't burn out on me (c) Tue 20 Dec 2022 - 17:12
Stormdance
Riverclan Camp
Before Stormdance could even reach the Leader’s Den, he was intercepted by Poppyshine. He took a second to focus on her face, but managed to stumble out an explanation at her question. “Perchstar, she-she collapsed and she wasn’t breathing,” He said in a rush, preparing to continue moving to the Leader’s Den.
But Poppyshine stopped him. Stormdance blinked, focusing fully on Poppyshine. She looked so tired. He glanced anxiously towards the den again, paws prickling with anxiety, but he trusted Poppyshine’s judgment. After a reluctant, shaky nod, he let Poppyshine guide him back to their leader.
He nodded at Poppyshine’s question, mouth dry, but as she spoke, her logical words helped to cut through the worst of the fog of his panic. He still felt incredibly tense, but slowly Stormdance’s fur laid flat. “Okay.” He croaked. He sat down beside Poppyshine, close to her but not quite touching. He watched for any signs of life from Perchstar, pulling his tail in close.
He thought briefly of the other deaths he had been close enough to witness the aftermath of. Cloverheart, Mapleleaf and Owlshriek all flashed before his eyes for a second. He had felt as helpless then as he felt now. He hated that feeling, like the ground had dipped underneath him and he was left blinking dumbly as he tried to figure out how to walk again. That helpless feeling of a loss of control was one he dreaded. He just kept repeating to himself that Perchstar would open her eyes, just as Poppyshine said, and that she would be alright.
He had never seen a leader lose one of their lives before. He knew about the extra lives granted by Starclan to help leaders guide their clans on an intellectual level, but he had never witnessed it up close. It was hardly something he wanted to witness. His eyes briefly pulled from Perchstar to the stars above, and though he knew Poppyshine was right and she’d awaken shortly, he still sent up a quick prayer.
It was only a heartbeat after his eyes returned to Perchstar that she began to stir. A sigh of relief punched out of him, and his shoulders lost their tense position. It felt as though the ground settled beneath his paws once more.
Stormdance returned Perchstar’s wan smile with a shaky one of his own. “I feel as though we should be asking you that,” He pointed out softly. “I’m fine. Just grateful to see you awake.” He glanced at Poppyshine and gave her a brief grateful nod, thankful she had kept him from spiraling. “Can I get you anything?” He offered softly. “Some water..?”
Characters : [P]oppyshine; [Pi]neblossom; [W]hisperear; [C]rookedlight; [L]arkspring; [Wi]llowwisp Clan/Rank : RC T5 Deputy; SC T5; WC T5; SkC T5; RC T4; RC T4 Number of posts : 2953 Gender : Any Pronouns Age : 25
Subject: Re: don't burn out on me (c) Wed 28 Dec 2022 - 17:20
Poppyshine
Poppyshine felt Perchstar begin to stir, and she held her breath. She hoped that there was not a worse cause that resulted in her leader losing a life. She hoped that Poppyshine had not just made a mistake that would result in Perchstar’s continued suffering…But then she spoke, and Poppyshine released her breath. She rubbed her cheek against Perchstar’s as she awoke and gathered her bearings.
“We are glad you’re alright,” Poppyshine murmured. She looked Perchstar over, checking one last time that there really were no injuries. “If you felt that something was wrong, you should have told me, or Sandypaw. She is going to look you over in the morning, and you cannot get out of it.” Her tail flicked back and forth anxiously, but she tried to force her body to relax. “You mustn’t overwork yourself like this, Perch…I know it is stressful times. I made myself ill with stress, so I am not one to talk…but the whole clan is here for you. We are all working hard to avoid further tragedy. So please, remember that you can lean on us, alright?”
Poppyshine looked to Stormdance. She knew that he would agree, though she felt awful that he was clearly anxious about the whole ordeal. He handled himself better than he had when Perchstar lost her first life, but she knew it was still frightening to see. She hoped that he was alright too.
