you are loved more than you know [c]

Leopardsun paced in circles, not for the first time, questioning any number of choices she had made. Some days her mind was clouded with grief, others the darkness seemed to clear; she wondered, often, if it would ever be easier. What had she done, to be left where she was with the broken pieces of her life? Was it anything she'd done at all, or would it have played out just the same with some other cat in her place?

She had learned, with time, that life was filled with sadness and uncertainty. It was a lesson she had learned the hardest way, the first and then the second time.

The main thing she'd done, once she pushed through her haze enough to do something other than cry and silently tag along on hunting patrols, was spend time in the nursery. Most of the kits were too young to know the kind of grief and fear that haunted her in her sleep, so she spent her waking time with them; reminding herself that there was something good in the world that she'd somehow missed, underneath it all.

Something worth protecting, something worth saving.

She liked spending time with them, playing with them and making sure they didn't stray too far. Even still, she struggled to explain exactly what had drawn her so strongly to Tawnykit. It wasn't that she didn't know, but- it wasn't easy, to put her thoughts into words that others could easily understand.

Knowing what it was to lose that warmth, but also what it was to find it again. She saw some reflection of herself in the little fireball of kit-fluff, and she wanted nothing more than to protect it with everything she had. To let her keep her innocence and optimism for as long as possible.

Still, she couldn't help agonizing over every detail; what if she was making a mistake? What if she couldn't be what Tawnykit needed? And yet, for her sake, she had to be confident in every choice she made. She couldn't let any of the weakness she felt show on her face.

Gently, she nudged the sleeping kit. "Tawnykit, I want to show you something special."

Tawnykit was sleeping soundly in an empty nest in the corner of the nursery, against the brambles that protected them from the outside world. Her dreams were empty as they normally are, but the warmth of her cozy little bed made up for it. All was well and comfortable, until..

She felt a little bump on her side. Not so little actually, it was the size of an adult cat’s nose. The kit blinked open her eyes, amber glinting in the darkness. ”Leopardsun..? She whispered in a hiss, slowly stretching her front paws out. With a yawn, she slowly raised her hind as well and stretched her spine and back legs.

“Is it sunrise already?” Tawnykit mewed softly, making sure to keep quiet for the other sleeping cats in the nursery. She didn’t want to wake them or make them cranky…

"Not yet, no," Leopardsun shook her head, keeping her voice low. "Do you want to walk, or do you want me to carry you? We're just going outside the nursery for a bit. Not far."

Every step, every word, was something she doubted. Was this really a good idea? But she pushed through those thoughts. You have to focus on what's in front of you, she reminded herself, looking at Tawnykit. This wasn't about herself and her complicated relationship with- everything, really, at the moment.

Once they were safely outside, just far enough that the kits and queens could still sleep soundly if they spoke, Leopardsun nudged the kit again. "Look up. What do you see?"

She nodded sleepily, rubbing her face with her little paws before rising. She walked with the warrior, right against her side, just in case she would bump into something. The forest was dark anyways, but at nighttime, it was nearly impossible to be able to see, especially for a little kit like Tawnykit. Her eyes hadn't adjusted just yet to the darkness so she was very caucious.

The two had neared a small clearing within the camp where the tall pines separated just wide enough to give the cats a glimpse into the wide night sky. It was a deep, rich black with purple and blue hues and decorated with billions of tiny, blinking stars.

Tawnykit didn't even know how to describe her awe at the sight. It was magnificent. "Woah.. I see... A bunch of little bugs in the sky." Of course, she knew they weren't really bugs, but that was the best way she could describe the speckles above.

"Close. They do look a bit like fireflies, don't they? Those are the stars," Leopardsun explained, curling her long, feathery tail around Tawnykit. "And StarClan, too. They were both gone for a long time- I didn't see them until after I became a warrior. The sky was empty, and then- all at once- there they were."

Her thoughts had been on anything else at the time, but she could look at Tawnykit's wonder and understand it now; could appreciate the beauty of the night sky as it should have been, and not as it was.

"They say that our ancestors in StarClan watch over us all," she continued. "What do you know about them?"