sharing stories [c]

It was strange how Thalia had grown used to ShadowClan's territory. She wasn't sure when the marsh became familiar, rather than another thing to fear, or when the hollow become yet another home to her; but the fact remained that it had. She felt out of place often enough, still - some clan customs were still a bit strange, and she thought they always would be; she stood out like her well-worn fox pelt the moment she introduced herself, her very name a reminder of a time now past. Still, that was why she'd kept it - it was a reminder of who she was and where she had come from.

The scars on her face were never going to fade. She had always accepted that as a simple fact of life, a point of pride at first - the mark of a protector, someone who could defend the home she had so loved - and then they became just another reason to hide her face. Even now, when she rarely did such a thing and the soft fur she used to hide behind instead lined her nest, when she could once again wear her scars with something resembling pride in herself, it felt strange seeing her own reflection.

As she took a frog from the fresh-kill pile, she wondered if the dead cats among them felt the same. How long had it been since they saw themselves? Did they think it strange to walk among the living, even when they wanted to? They were, most of them, long-dead - did they feel anything at all? It was something to occupy her thoughts, at least.

It was certainly strange to her, to live among the clans as someone else laid some form of claim to them when she had once helped do the same. But Asylum was gone, little more than a memory now, and from what little she had witnessed the Dark Forest was a real and present threat.

Lost in thought as she was, she didn't notice one of her clanmates approach.

"hey, you seem distracted," Deerleap murmured as she sat down next to the she-cat. although she made it sound casual, she actually spend days carefully analyzing Thalia and the Dark Forest cats before gathering enough courage to choke out a few words.

"Any idea how to deal with this problem?" She asked with a hint of tiredness.

Startled by the sudden address, Thalia snapped her head to look at who had approached her - nothing to be concerned about, it was only Deerleap. "Ah-! Yeah, I was a bit distracted. Sorry," she added after a moment, realizing she should probably apologize. She nudged the frog toward Deerleap. "We can share." While waiting to see what the other warrior would do, she considered her words. "It's... I don't know, really. I've never met dead cats before," she started. "I mean, I know cats that have died, but I- I knew them before they died," she clarified. "Except Flintstar- well, Flintshard, but he was Flintstar at the time, so... Anyway. This? This is new."

She looked up to the sky and back to the ground. StarClan, so revered by clan cats, was absent still. Her voice was soft when she spoke again. "I think... We have to do what we can do survive. To protect ourselves, and each other. That's the way it's supposed to be, right? It's not like this is the first time the clans have faced danger." It wasn't the second, or even the third - she liked listening to stories, collecting knowledge, and there were countless tales of the clans, or even just ShadowClan, triumphing over some threat to their way of life. She couldn't tell how many were true, but after this - she could believe most of them; none of the stories she'd heard were quite so bizarre. "I've been trying to tell myself that everything will be fine. I don't know if that will be any help to you, though. I don't even know that it's helping me all that much. I just don't want to believe that it's hopeless."

Deerleap listened with interest as she took a small bite from the frog. "It's been great help! have you been through anything like this?" she asked curiously. from the way she spoke, Deerleap could tell that this wasn't the first threat she had faced before.

"If you live in the forest long enough, I don't think there's any escaping it." Thalia lowered her head. That she had to acknowledge and live with her past was something she'd accepted, but thinking about it was definitely different from talking about it. "...Something like that," she nodded. "There was another rogue group, once, that tried to take over the forest. They called themselves Asylum. They stole kits from the Clans, lied to them about who they were and where they had come from," she explained. "I... I was one of them. I kept the name they gave me, after everything. Most of the survivors - the ones who weren't Clan cats, I mean - left when it was over; either to rebuild a home they'd lost or just to escape. And when it was all over and I still wasn't sure who I was or what I wanted to do with myself, Flintstar- Flintshard," she corrected herself again, thinking she would never get used to it, "allowed me to seek sanctuary here. He saved my life, and he gave me a place in the forest." She rested her head on her paws. "I owe a lot to ShadowClan, and I've done my best to repay that debt ever since."

She had glossed over a number of details; things that weren't hers to share or things she simply didn't want to get into. Her Nightstriker scars, the disaster that was her time in WindClan. The blood that stained her paws, the death of an innocent. The cats she loved that were lost, or had simply been lost to her. It was another reason she avoided talking about her history more often than not. "I think this is different, though. Maybe it's just because I'm on the other side, but... I don't know." She sighed, looking skyward again.  "I'm glad I've been able to help you out a bit, at least."

Deerleap blinked. Thalia was part of the Asylum? her eyes glowed with respect for the older she-cat. "I see... this must be difficult for you to talk about. I'm sorry for disturbing you," Deerleap gasped as she realized how Thalia must be feeling.

"Oh, no! No, don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong!" Thalia shook her head, eyes widening slightly. She hadn't considered that Deerleap would take it that way. "It's... Difficult for me to talk about it, sure, since it reminds me of things I'd like to forget, but I think it's important to remember. If we forget what we've lived through, and where we came from... Then we're more likely to make the same mistakes, right? But if we remember, we can learn from our history. Like how the elders tell us stories about their lives, and the history of the clans. But, um, my point was - anything you want to know, feel free to ask!"

"...Besides, not all the memories I have of that time are bad." She thought of Roe, and the other stolen kits, and the flower crowns she still wore whenever she could find suitable flowers, and the day she'd gotten her fox pelt with Katana at her side, and she let out a wistful sigh. "I should thank you for reminding me. I never would have met the cats I've always considered my family, and some of my best friends, and the love of my life - and even if most of them aren't around anymore, and even if maybe some of them weren't who I thought they were in the end, I'll always love them."

Her melancholic and nostalgic mood had brightened a bit, the happy memories reminding her that there were bright spots to be found even in the darkest times; like the sunlight that dappled a shadowed forest floor. In that moment, realization struck her. "That's what it's all about: you just have to find the things worth holding on to. We might be stuck in a dark place, but we just need to find the sunlight - it's there, if you look for it."

Deerleap listened to Thalia's words in silence. she hadn't thought of it that way. she hadn't thought about the present at all. all she had on her mind in the past few days was how to get rid of the Dark Forest cats. her mind drifted to Sootwhisker. maybe she had been mistaken.

"thank you," she dipped her head to the older she-cat. her words would stay with Deerleap for the rest of her life.