A Confession [closed for swiftspirit]

Batsong sat in the windclan camp thinking about her options. Slightfrost and her were fully together ... what that meant for her was truly complicated. Only one cat currently knew of this forbeiden relationship... she had told Fawnsong becuase she hated having lied to him about where she was sneaking off to in the dead of night. No one else knew.

She knew eventually she would have to tell Goldenstar she could not keep up this deseption, it was eating away at her and she couldnt stand keeping secrets from her clan leader. She cared deeply for windclan and the breaking of the code did bother her but... she also loved Slightfrost and wanted to be with him so much. She squeezed her eyes shut... why did she have to choose? She sighed. From a distance away Swiftsprit's kits sounded from the nursery. She thought of them as her younger siblings in a sense. Swiftsprit had esentially adopted her and she was very grateful for that even if she was never truly her daughter.

Poor Swiftspirt... she thought to herself quietly. She had lost her mate Bearspirit during the horrible gathering that fell apart... Goldenstar did not seem to mind that forbeiden relationship hmm so maybe she could tell Goldenstar? She still feared what might happen though, she would be devestated if Goldenstar decided differently in her case. She needed a way to ask Goldenstar indirectly. Then she remembered this was the whole idea of the council that Golden had set up.... and who better to ask on her behalf than Swiftspirit who was both close to Batsong and would also understand more where she was coming from with forbidden relationships.

She hesitantly headed toward the nursery where Swiftspirt likely was

"h-h....hey m-m" she cut herself off she almost said hey mom... that would have been embarrassing... she had done taht with Mistysky earlier

"h-hey... S-swiftspirit?? can w-w..w-we talk?" she stuttered as per usual.

"Hey, Batsong." Swiftspirit greeted the younger warrior with a tired purr when she approached. It seemed as though her kits had boundless energy, and keeping up with all of them had proven to be quite taxing, especially trying to keep them all out of trouble and away from the dark shadows that prowled the edges of camp.

"Of course. What did you need?" As preoccupied as she had been recently, Swiftspirit always tried to make herself available to her clanmates.

The young molly returned the friendly purr and gave a slight smile that was somehow both sad and happy at the same time. She sat next to her and for awhile sat in silence just enjoying the company of not feeling so alone during these dark times. The undead creatures... monsters really that stalked the camp were eerie and she did not trust any of them, here it felt a bit of a haven both in the sense it was away from them and it was with someone who she trusted in the highest regard.

The silence allowed her to think about what she would say, even so after rehearsing it in her head several times it was still a difficult task for her to speak it. "I n-need your h-...help... I h-have made a m-mistake ... but at the s-s...same time it does not feel like a m-mistake" she started out with.

She paused and looked into Swiftsprit's eyes, for a moment a flicker of worry and fear spread acoross her face like she was a young apprentice again. She quickly tried to force back control of herself and returned best she could to the sterner face of the warrior in which she had grown to become.

"I n-need you to t-talk w-w...with Goldenstar for m-e... You are apart of t-the high council and any w-windclan cat can anonymously ask for Goldenstar through the council" she explained

"I... I have b-broken the warrior code" she stuttered in a low whisper face downcast. "I...I'm with Slightfrost of s-skyclan" she said squeezing her eyes shut not wanting to see her protectors reaction to this news.

She waited a bit before continuing "I k-know t-that you have had similar... um experiences... with this" she said cautiously as she moved closer to Swiftspirits side brushing against her flank in comfort "i-im so sorry you lost h-him" she said quietly. Swiftspirit had lost alot of late ... 2 mates (Bearspirit and Timbersun) and her son (Buzzardpaw).

Batsong felt a tad guilty not being there more for the cat who had taken her in. Especially when Swiftspirit had lost so much. She pushed into her flank a little more in a hug of sorts. She made a quiet promise to herself to protect Magiepiesight and the new litter that Swift had to the best of her abilities. "i'm scared ... and I dont know what goldenstar will do with me..." the black furred molly admitted. "I would h-have liked this stay a secret... but the g-guilt of it is strong... and more so... I... I th-think I dont have time much longer to keep it a secret" she said in a hushed whisper.

A mistake that didn't feel like a mistake... Swiftspirit's eyes narrowed in suspicion, though there was an understanding in their pale depths as well, even before Batsong continued. She had known that exact feeling and had struggled with it plenty over the course of her relationship with Bearspirit.

"Skyclan..." Swiftspirit sighed, "I am the last cat to judge, Batsong. You understand that our relationship with them isn't the best, right?" Understatement really, Swiftspirit would've died in their raid on camp if Bearspirit hadn't dragged her to Smallbean's den. The long scar from chest to hip didn't bother her much anymore, but it was a reminder of how vicious Skyclanners were in a fight, even the nice ones.

Her ears flicked back at the mention of loss... So many losses lately, and the thought made Swiftspirit's claws flex. Her mate, her kits, her apprentices... She would not allow Magpiesight or her litter with Bearspirit to befall those fates.

"You need to be honest with Goldenstar." She mewed eventually, "She is more understanding than most, as she herself is half-clan. But hiding it, especially trying to hide a pregnancy, will do you no favors. And I cannot speak to how Skyclan will react when they find out. My guess is you'll be asked to break things off, or one of you will have to switch clans. And the sooner Goldenstar knows, the better it will go." Bearspirit had planned to join Windclan, but hadn't gotten the chance. Whatever happened, Swiftspirit hoped that Batsong wouldn't experience the grief she had over the past moon.

Batsongs ears went back and she bit her lower lip a little at the mention of how bad of a relation Skyclan and Windclan generally had. All she could do was give a bit of an ashamed nod and she looked down at her paws.

After a bit of a silence Swiftspirit had continued and Batsong listened in silence, she was unsure of what to say for the longest time and sat next to Swiftspirit closely. "I ... I-m n-nervous of s-speaking to Goldenstar about this..." she meowed honestly. She turned to meet Swiftspirits eyes best she could.

"ermm... d-..do you think that well ummm err" she sighed trying to get control oh her stutter; her nerves were not helping it at all either.
"s-since you are on the high council of windclan... could you ask Goldenstar for me?" she glanced at her unsure. This topic had brought her alot of stress and having someone from the council might be nice but she really was unsure of alot of things right now.

Batsong was nervous, and Swiftspirit supposed that that wasn't overly surprising. The new warrior had always been a shy one, though Swiftspirit didn't think she had too much to fear from Goldenstar. She was fair and just.

"I can ask her to meet with you, Batsong, but you have to do the talking yourself. This is news that Goldenstar should hear from you directly." She mewed gently, resting her tail on the dark-furred warrior's back. "I'll be there to support you, of course, though I don't think you have much to worry about with Goldenstar." She added.