Unbreakable [Murkystrike]

It was just past moonhigh as Mistyfalcon made his way into the pine grove. Vea's rogues were finally gone, and it felt like they could finally relax within their own borders for a little bit. The wind was cold, but carried no hints of rogue scent at all tonight. Maybe that would hold up for a little while, at least. He'd missed being able to get out of camp just to stretch his legs without a full patrol of clanmates at his back.

A dark shape moved on the path ahead, Mistyfalcon's gaze automatically snapping to the source of the movement. Murkystrike. He'd recognize her dark tortoiseshell fur anywhere. She'd been quiet recently, and he couldn't tell if it was stress or... stress. He'd disagreed with how she'd punished Batglow when he'd snapped at Burningwing... He hoped it wasn't that.

Mistyfalcon trotted forward, hoping to catch up to her. "Hey," He called softly, "Walk with me?"

It was a beautiful night, dark and calm. The cold wind ruffled her long fur, but didn't quite penetrate the warmth it provided, although she supposed it wouldn't be much longer before it did. She had been sitting on a path in the territory staring up through the pine trees towards the stars, silent and seemingly unmoving far above her head. The wound Flintstar had received, the way it wasn't healing, the rogues themselves, Marshpaw's wounds, Burningwing's wounds, Burningwing's comments.... They were getting louder and more convicted. She sighed, rising to her paws as she began to pace the clearing, lost in her thoughts. It was no secret in the clan that they had faced many challenges, but there was a lot that the warriors didn't see... Her mate included. She knew he hadn't agreed with her decision to punish Batglow along with Burningwing, but in the moment she didn't think she had a choice. With Cicadapaw watching and clearly learning, and Burningwing drawing so much attention to it, it would have been hypocritical to punish one and not the other. Even with punishing both, she felt that the difference in severity had been noted by those who witnessed the even... And she had to tread carefully. She couldn't let her feelings for either tom influence her punishment for similar infractions of the code. Couldn't she? She growled in frustration as sudden movement behind her caused her to whirl around, eyes wide as she searched for the source of the noise with an arched back and menacing expression. Was it more rogues? She hadn't scented any...

Her eyes landed on Mistyfalcon as he spoke, and she forced herself to quickly relax. The fur along her spine was stubbornly refusing to lay flat, and she shuffled her paws in embarrassment as he drew closer. She glanced at his face, trying to read his expression... Was this finally when he told her how disappointed he was? Was he going to question her, now that they were away from their clanmates? Was she overthinking all of this? Probably, she thought, shaking her head and offering a small smile to her mate. "Hi... Yeah, I'll walk with you." She mewed softly, falling into step with him. "So... How... Um.. How are your wounds healing?" She asked, wishing she could claw herself. What a stupid question... Why was she suddenly so hesitant and uncertain? It wasn't a good thing, that was certain.

Her reaction gave him pause. She'd jumped, though Mistyfalcon knew she wasn't the only cat jumping at shadows with the rogues only just ousted from Shadowclan territory. The sudden awkwardness though... He hadn't expected that. His ears tslid back for a moment as she spoke, shuffling her paws. She did fall into step beside him, at least. The awkwardness was something he hadn't missed. From Murkystrike it was downright concerning.

"Well enough... Basilpaw knows what she's doing. Batglow has taught her well." ...Maybe Batglow's punishment was the reason for the sudden awkwardness after all? Things between them had been just fine until then. At least that was what Mistyfalcon thought.

And how in the void was he supposed to bring that up? It might not even be that, anyways. Any other cat and Mistyfalcon would've been blunt and direct about it. If that wasn't the case he'd look like a fool at best, maybe earn claws to the face at worst. Normally he wouldn't care. This was Murkystrike, though. She was the last cat he cared to pick a fight with... Not the least being because she'd beat him to a bloody pulp. And they'd been through enough together, the last thing he wanted was tension between them. Not presumably over something that was inconsequential, in the grand scheme of things. Mistyfalcon hesitated, weighing what to say. Text and diplomacy were Murkystrike's thing, not his, but for her he'd try.

"Are you okay? You've been tense recently."

Murkystrike nodded slowly, her tail tip flicking back and forth. "She does, and he really has. I'm grateful his knowledge has been able to help her, stars knew that I didn't have the slightest idea of what to do...." She agreed softly, letting her words fade into the silence that could be cut with a claw. He spoke up again, and she winced at his question. Of course she'd been tense... For moons rogues had terrorized them, far more clanmates had been lost to their claws than they should have been able to take. They had taken Batglow, and while they had immediately gone to get him back, the vision of him walking away and being helpless to stop it haunted her. They found out the rogues had been right under their noses the entire time, and she couldn't help but blame herself for the patrols not catching it sooner. They had lost several kits, adopted and blood, and she had been unable to do anything about it. Flintstar's wound seemed to be getting worse instead of better, and she had a yawning pit in her belly that it never would get better, which was a terrifying thought. What if it didn't? What would happen then? On top of everything else, there was the internal squabbles that kept popping up, all seeming to center on Burningwing and his disdain for any cat that wasn't ShadowClan. Not necessarily a bad thing, but to focus that on helpless kits that would have died, even going as far as to suggest dumping them on another clan's territory not once, but several times? It was inexcusable. She had been doing what she could do diffuse the situations as they happened, and give out punishments to the tom, but there was only so much more that she could do. What if he came across a kit alone? What would happen then? What if he was patrolling with a cat he knew wasn't full ShadowClan blood? She couldn't trust him, and that had been gnawing at her for the last moon or so now, only growing more intense by the day. Then the most recent time... In order to make it seem like she wasn't playing favorites, she had felt the need to punish Batglow too. She knew it hadn't been a popular decision, especially with Mistyfalcon, and though he hadn't confronted her about it she couldn't shake the feeling that he was upset still... Batglow too.

It was rather suddenly that she realized that she had stopped walking, one paw in the air as if she were about to take another step but froze instead. Her eyes revealed her sudden horror in that her thoughts had not been as quick and silent as she had perhaps thought, her mid-step state giving away the turmoil in her mind. She had tried to act calm and confident to the clan, they had been through the same events and as deputy she thought that she had to be the unwavering warrior that set patrols and performed ceremonies and remained the same, despite it all. With Flintstar injured the way he was, she had felt the eyes on her, and tried to be what she thought they all needed her to be.... To the point that she hadn't shared those thoughts with anyone, not even the cat closest to her. She placed her foot down, raising her head to look at Mistyfalcon, tears threatening her vision. "No, I'm not." She responded, her voice shaking. "Everything... It's all been..." Her throat constricted and she lowered her head towards the ground as her shoulders slumped defeatedly. If she couldn't be vulnerable with Mistyfalcon, her mate, the love of her life, then how could she expect to do so with her clan?

"I didn't, either." He agreed, tail twitching. He'd known the bare basics... Cobwebs and horsetail, that was as far as his knowledge had stretched despite having stayed in the medicine den for a while as an apprentice. The rogues on their territory had made outside help risky, thankfully Batglow had remembered things. The sudden lack of pawsteps beside his was the first indication something was wrong, and Mistyfalcon stopped, glancing over his shoulder to see Murkystrike mid-step, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. "Murkystrike...?" He needn't have called her name, it seemed the snapped out of whatever it was the moment he did. A flicker of... what, dismay? realization? Mistyfalcon honestly couldn't tell, crossed her face. Concerned, Mistyfalcon stepped forward, though he found himself less sure of what to say. Something had been wrong, clearly. And done... what, nothing? Hadn't even noticed until recently? And he certainly hadn't realized how bad it was.

She looked up at him, eyes suspiciously watery. Snakedung. He thought. He didn't like this. At all. He especially didn't like the defeated way her shoulders slumped and the way her gaze lowered. "Murkystrike-" Mistyfalcon began to speak... And realized he didn't know what to say. With a huff, he shook his head, mentally kicking himself. Why hadn't he realized this sooner? He stepped forward, curling around her as if that would protect her from whatever her thoughts were.

Mistyfalcon spoke her name softly before trailing off, and it unraveled what little control remained. The tears began to fall, her shoulders shuddering as Mistyfalcon curled around her, as if he were trying to protect her. For a heartbeat there was silence, broken only by their breaths, before she started to choke out the thoughts that were speeding through her mind like an out of control monster charging down the Thunderpath. They seemed to loom over her just like one too, stealing her breath and words as she tried to open up to her mate. "It's just... All so much. I want to be good, I want to be the best. For everyone. All of you deserve the best, a cat who can help lead and guide you all for moons to come, and... I just feel like everything I do is wrong. Batglow was taken, right from us. There was nothing I could do. Sure, we were able to get help and get him back, but it never should have come to that! Flintstar was injured, and... And I don't know if he's going to get better. I don't think he will. We've... Been talking, quite a bit. I don't know... How much longer things will be as they are. Then there's Burningwing... I don't know what has him so wound tight, but he just won't listen! And I try to take care of things as neutrally as I can, but I just want to rip his ears off! It just feels like I can't ever win. If I don't punish him, most are upset. If I do, he's upset, along with those who support him. If I punish both, like I did with Batglow and Burningwing, everyone is upset. I could tell you didn't like the decision I made... You didn't speak against it, but I knew you didn't like it. Neither did Batglow. But if I hadn't, that would have only escalated the situation into something that we weren't ready to deal with at that time. With Flintstar and the rest of us still recuperating, there's only so much I can do. It's all just been... A lot. I miss how things were. I'm excited for what will come, but I can't help but miss how things were still."

For a few moments there was silence, and Mistyfalcon allowed it to stretch on. Murkystrike would speak when she was ready to, he wasn't going to force her into doing so before then.

And she did speak. Mistyfalcon listened quietly, tail twitching as her words sank in. "We were outnumbered. There was nothing we could've done to prevent them from taking him." Even so, it left a sour taste in his mouth. What good were they if they couldn't protect their own? They'd killed several of the rogues, which was a small comfort. Hopefully those that had fled knew better than to ever return. Mistyfalcon would've gladly killed the rest of them.

Murkystrike wasn't the only one who would've liked to rip Burningwing's ears off. It was a tempting thought, one that became more tempting with each outburst from the dark tom. "He's a fanatic, I don't see how anyone's going to talk sense into him." Mistyfalcon rolled his eyes at the idea. "One day he'll mouth off to the wrong cat." Or he'd do worse than mouth off, because that was what all fanatics did eventually. His tone indicated just how hopeful he was that Burningwing would turn out otherwise.

"I didn't agree with the decision to punish Batglow, but I understand it." He mewed, gently bumping his forehead against hers. "You do what you have to for the good of the clan, not just friendship with one cat. Punishing one and not the other would've just fed into Burningwing's resentment unnecessarily." As if the tom needed another reason to be resentful. Mistyfalcon would never understand it, but then he far preferred Batglow's company to most of his clanmates to begin with.

"I like Flintstar. I know his injury isn't healing as anyone wants it to." It was a strange thought, of Flintstar possibly retiring. He had been leader when Mistyfalcon was a kit, after all. But leaders came and went. Shadowclan had been lucky to have relatively stable leadership compared to the mess that was Windclan. "He led us well, but I think you'll lead us better. You don't ignore things-" like Burningwing, "-and you've always been committed to doing the right thing, Murkystrike."

"I can't say I envy the position you're in, or any leader, for that matter." Understatement, really, "But you'll always have my support."

"I know. It doesn't make it any easier though." She mewed softly, looking away. Her ear flicked, and she nodded slightly, silently agreeing with Mistyfalcon's comment about Burningwing. Her ears turned, flattening against her head as she recoiled a bit at first, but went still once his head touched to her own. As he continued, her ears slowly rose, blinking as he explained his understanding of the situation. So he wasn't mad at her, or her decision.... Relief flooded her at the realization, and she slowly lifted her gaze back to his. Blinking her appreciation at his comment regarding her upcoming leadership, she pressed against her head against her mate's. "Thank you, Mistyfalcon... That means a lot to hear. I'm sorry... There's been so much, and I should have talked to you from the beginning. Thank you for always supporting me." She mewed softly, a grateful smile spreading on her face.

Mistyfalcon's tail twitched as Murkystrike's ears flattened, then slowly rose at his words. She didn't... really think he'd be angry, did she? Sometimes even the smartest of them could be mousebrains, but she was his mousebrain.

"I know." He sighed. Things were finally calming down with the rogues gone, Mistyfalcon doubted they'd stay that way for long. With leafbare approaching, problems were bound to come up sooner than later. "You don't need to apologize for that."

Murkystrike smiled into Mistyfalcon's fur, enjoying the peaceful moment. Now that they had talked, it felt as though the weight on her shoulders had dissipated significantly, leaving her lighter than she had felt just moments before. After a few more heartbeats, she turned her gaze back up to him. "Let's get back to camp.. I'm exhausted." She admitted, turning her paws towards the distant camp and flicking Mistyfalcon's nose with her tail.