Repair That Which Was Broken

The days since Asylum's departure had been chaotic, to say the least. Blossomstep had been cared for by Beechface, and while she enjoyed her time with her granddaughter, she was happy to finally step out of the medicine den and not feel weak. Taking the time to meticulously groom herself as the sun slowly started to set over the forest, she shivered a little as a cool breeze blew through the camp. Hopefully it wouldn't linger much longer... Her eyes fell on Wolfstar's den, and she stood to make her way to the entrance. It felt like moons, stars, it had been moons, since she had slept next to him. Was he even in his den? The sun was still setting, he might be on a patrol... Steeling herself, she decided it was at least worth it to try. They had a lot to talk about. "Wolfstar? It's Blossomstep. Are you able to... To talk for a bit?" Berating herself for stuttering like a squirrel-brain, she waited, hoping for a response as her paws kneaded the ground under her.

Wolfstar was in his den, having decided to take a quick nap so he could patrol through the night as was his habit. He was curled in his next, rump facing the entrance, but Blossomstep's voice broke him from the thin tendrils of sleep that had claimed him. The leader lifted his head, blinking sleepily, but it only took a moment for his head to clear. "Blossomstep?" he called. "Of... of course, you don't need permission to come talk to me," he shifted to make room in case she wanted to join him in the nest, and then waited for her to enter.

A sleepy voice reached her, and as she stepped into the den as Wolfstar told her she didn't need permission to speak to him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I just... Ah stars." She lifted her head to look at him, and saw the empty space he had made for her in the nest. Tears rose in her eyes, and she stepped towards him as they began to fall. Lifting a paw hesitantly, it hovered over the nest before she placed it in the still warm space and lowered herself next to the tom, trying and failing to hide the tears that were falling from her eyes and disappearing into the fur on her cheeks. A choked noise came from her throat as she went to speak, and she buried her face into Wolfstar's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, for everything." Her muffled mew could barely be heard as her body shook from the sobs that racked her body, Moons of anger and disappointment and hurt melting away as she breathed in her mate's scent.

"I wasn't asleep," Wolfstar lied, blinking kindly at her as she stepped forward. He waited until she curled beside him, and when she pressed her head to his shoulder, he began grooming her about the ears, tongue rasping comfortingly against her fur. Her sobs were painful, and his chest ached to comfort her, but he didn't know how. He was terrible at this. "Blossomstep, you..." he began, ears pressing against his skull uncertainly. "It wasn't your fault."

His tail swept around to pull her closer to him, and Wolfstar nudged her with his nose, an attempt to lift her chin and get her to look at him. "I should have spoken to you, asked your advice, I just..." he lowered his gaze, swallowing hard and taking a shaky breath. "Spottedstar's been gone for so long and I... I still keep trying to prove myself to him, wherever he is, and... he... he didn't need anyone's guidance, he didn't ask, he just did, and he always seemed so strong I just..." he fell quiet, blinking rapidly to try and quell the tears that threatened. "I thought I was doing what was right, what my father would do. But I was wrong, and in the end I just... I just pushed everyone away. So I'm sorry, Blossomstep. And I swear to you I'll never do something so foolish again. Never, if it means losing you for even a heartbeat."

Wolfstar started grooming her ears, and Blossomstep melted next to him. Stars, she had missed this. She would have traded every piece of fresh-kill she had in leaf-bare to make up for the time they had lost. "It was my fault...." She whispered as the tom's tail curled around her, pulling her closer and lifting her chin. Gray eyes met amber, and she focused on them as Wolfstar spoke uninterrupted. Her breaths shook her body as she tried to stop the flow of tears that had started. "Wolfstar... You had no obligation to ask my advice, or consult me. I'm not your deputy, and you're the leader. Your word is law. I shouldn't have questioned you, I should have been supportive of you and instead... I pushed you away as much as you pushed me away." She took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing, pressing her nose against the tom's cheek briefly. "Wolfstar, you're not your father, and you never will be... And that's a good thing. Just as I could never be any other cat, neither can you. I know what happened was difficult, and unexpected, and it all happened so fast, but... You're not alone. You'll never be alone. And.... And maybe Spottedstar did ask for help, and you just didn't know it. He was a very stoic tom, and while that's not necessarily a bad thing... I prefer you just the way you are. And I think that the rest of SkyClan does too. Spottedstar was a good leader in his own way, and now it's up to you to be the leader that you are, not the one you're trying to be like." Burying her head in his chest fur again, Blossomstep sighed, feeling the wet tears on her cheeks soak into his fur. "...I love you, Wolfstar. I never stopped loving you, and I never will.... Please.... Just.... Promise me that you'll be true to who you are?..."

"Hey, hey, hey," Wolfstar crooned as Blossomstep sobbed into his chest. "It's alright, I..." he lay his cheek against the top of her head, shifting to throw a foreleg across her and kneading gently with his paw. "I value your input, Blossomstep, I always have. Before I was leader, back when we were... younger, and didn't have all this..." his mouth hung open stupidly as he fought for the word that he was looking for. "...trauma." Truly things had been simpler before then. Spottedstar had always said the life of a leader was not one of luxury, and that's one truth that Wolfstar had learned the hard way.

"We've lost so much, Blossomstep... parents, siblings, kits..." his voice cracked at that last word, and he went silent for a moment. Dewkit, Summitkit, Firepaw, Blazingkit, Adderflare... they had shared those losses, and only Bloodstrike remained of the lives they'd created together. Recently, though, it felt like they'd lost him, too. "That changes you... it changed me, and... and instead of leaning into those I have left, I leaned away... that's my fault, not yours. You tried, you all tried to remind me that I'm not alone. I know that now, and I promise I will never forget it." He closed his eyes, pressing more tightly against his beloved. "I won't lie and say I... I know exactly who I am, or what I'm supposed to do... but I promise that I will never stop trying. For you, and for the clan... and... and thank you, Blossomstep. For making me realize."

Wolfstar was half out of breath when he finished, and he took a moment to regain his composure before he said finally, quietly, "I love you, too. More than anything else in this entire world."

Wolfstar's comfort was welcome, and Blossomstep burrowed her head into the fur in his chest as he attempted to soothe her. His efforts did far more than he could know, serving to help relieve the pain that had gripped the she-cat's heart following moons of twisting and tearing from each new heartbreak. He was right, things had been so much simpler then, the world had seemed more kind, more calm... Something that had quickly been taken and shattered before their very eyes. The Righteous Few had very nearly taken the breath from her lungs when she was barely pregnant with their first litter, a litter that had one remaining kit alive. Their second, and final litter had one tom kit, stolen from them by Asylum never to be seen again. How she had hoped that he would return home, like some of the other lost kits, but her prayers had been left unanswered. Wolfstar was right, they had lost far more than either of them had imagined....

He was also right that while he had leaned away, she had leaned in. Spending more time with her grandkits, with Smokefeather. She wished desperately that she had done the same with Dawnhawk, maybe things wouldn't have turned out the way they did. While she had turned her focus to what remained of the life they had brought about together, he had tried to turn away from it in favor of what could have been, but that didn't mean that one was right and one was wrong. "Everyone has their own ways of dealing with grief, Wolfstar.... We can move forward from this, and everything, together from now on, okay? I'm glad you know you're not alone.... and I'm sorry for the part I played in making you feel that you were. Thank you, Wolfstar.... And you're very welcome." After a moment of silence, both of them attempting to compose themselves, Wolfstar quietly returned her sentiment. A low purr rumbled in her chest, the first in a while. After a few more quiet moments, her purr the only sound in the den, she mewed softly. "Is it alright for me to stay tonight? If not, I can go back to the warrior's den...."