a new chapter (c)

With the Asylum finally being gone for good, Dayspring felt safer than she had in a long, long time. She had spent some time in the warriors den in silence, thinking to herself about what was to come for the Clan. WindClan was about to enter a new chapter, one that would hopefully result in nothing but goodness and success. They had entered the Asylum's rule under a whole other leader-deputy pair, and they would be coming out of that rule with a new one. It was almost shocking to believe that she was apart of this new pair. Tearing herself down would result in nothing good for herself or for WindClan, so Dayspring had decided to retire the use of self-deprecating remarks (at least for now) and focus on thinking about her strengths. She was the type of cat to retreat or surrender when a situation felt dangerous or unbearable, but this was a situation that she simply couldn't run away from. She had sworn to protect and defend WindClan when she first became a warrior, and that meant that she had to be there for them, especially now. It was going to take a bit of time for everything to truly return to normal, and she had to stay by Lilacstar's side to help WindClan through that period of time.

Typically, she would've kept her thoughts to herself and put on a smile to prevent letting any other cats in on her struggles, but this was something that she couldn't ignore. Asking for advice wouldn't hurt her or anyone else... but who could she ask? She desperately wanted to prove to Lilacstar that she was capable of holding the deputy position and she was cut out for the job, so Dayspring figured that going to her about her concerns wouldn't be the best idea. That was when it hit her. Downtuft, her former mentor, had been alive a lot longer than she had. He had seen and experienced a lot more of life, and Dayspring wasn't afraid to admit that she looked up to him and admired him greatly. Downtuft was one of the few cats in the Clan that Dayspring could confidently say that she trusted her life with, and confiding in him wasn't difficult for her.

She made her way out of the warriors' den, nodding politely at a couple of denmates standing by the entrance that she passed on her way out, before looking for the tom. Her yellow gaze softened as she laid eyes upon her former mentor and swiftly padded over.
"Downtuft," She began, her voice quiet and soft as usual, "can we talk? Sorry, I forgot to greet you. Hi, Downtuft. Um, are we able to talk?"
Almost instinctively, Dayspring began to ramble, "It's okay if you're busy, I can wait. I don't really have much to do right now anyways. I mean, I probably should have things I should be doing right now, I'm the deputy, right? I'm supposed to do, like, deputy stuff... I guess. I-I don't know."

If you were to ask Downtuft which cat in WindClan he trusted most, and Shyfawn and Softbreeze were not options, there would be three cats he'd instantly name: Zinnia, Spotlake, and Dayspring. So of course, when he heard the soft and nervous whisper of his former apprentice, he was on his paws in an instant. "Of course, we can talk, Day. C'mon, let's go talk somewhere more private," He answered, showing a rare smile to the younger molly before padding her over to a secluded area of camp. Almost as soon as they were over there, Dayspring began rambling.

"Woah, woah, kittenfluff! Slow down, what's wrong?" He asked instinctively, then paused, "Wait, no, that was a dumb question. You're nervous, aren't you? Your stutter gave you away. Wait, wait, don't tell me! Let me guess first. Hmm, definitely not tom troubles, no cat in the Clan would be stupid enough to give you trouble with me around! Hmm, that rules out bullying. Aha!" As soon as it hit him, it was clear what this was about.

His eyes softened, and the playful demeanor disappeared. "It's about your deputy duties, isn't it? You can tell me, I understand." Downtuft mewed softly, his fluffy sandy ginger tail placed upon her shoulder, "How are you feeling? Are you overwhelmed? Uh, sorry, I should let you speak, um, yeah, heh." With a nervous chuckle, Downtuft sat down, waiting for Dayspring to begin speaking.

Dayspring didn't hesitate to follow Downtuft to the designated location, barely even realizing that her irksome habit of rambling had seized her by the vocal cords once again. Almost instantly, she brought herself to a stop once her former mentor interrupted her. Thank StarClan he had something, otherwise she would've been speaking like that for moons. Her eyes were clouded with worry and the corners of her mouth tilted downward to form the slightest frown of distress as she listened. Was it truly that obvious that she was nervous? Well, she was always nervous about something, she would just have to make an attempt to hide it better. Her ears flattened against her head once Downtuft mentioned toms. If she could barely speak to a cat that she had known since she was a kit without stuttering and tripping over her own tongue, what made him think she had the capability of speaking to another tom? Surely no cat would ever think about bullying her either. Dayspring believed that, no matter how anxious she could get, she was still relatively kind to every cat she encountered. She never caused problems for any cat, so why would she ever become a target of someone else's unprovoked hostility?

A quiet sigh escaped her maw as Downtuft wrapped his tail around her. She appreciated the warmth and comfort that it brought her.
"You're right, it is about my deputy duties." Dayspring admitted, slightly tilting her head to look at the ground.
"I'm still so shocked that I was chosen. I mean, there are so many older cats or braver cats that could've been chosen for the job, right? The deputy is supposed to be a cat that knows how to help the leader do what is best for the Clan, but... I don't know. If I barely even know what's best for myself then how am I supposed to know what's best for WindClan? I appreciate the fact Lilacstar saw potential in me, but I don't want to let the Clan down. The Asylum is gone, which means that all five Clans are going to start rebuilding, and I have to be there for WindClan, but I barely have any idea of what to do."

She fell into silence, shaking her head as the tip of her tail twitched.
"I bet you would've been a good deputy. It seems you always know what to do in every situation, Downtuft."

"I wish that were true, Dayspring. Truth is, I'm no more certain of anything than you are." He mumbled truthfully. "When the Asylum took over I felt useless, and when Olivestar disappeared I didn't have any idea what was going to happen to WindClan. I know what it feels like to be powerless to help."

A sigh escaped his maw, and he cast a glance in the direction of the medicine den. "I don't know how to help Softbreeze, and I'm her brother for Finchstar's sake!" The frustration and pain in his voice was clear, easy to see and hear, his claws digging into the ground. "I think Lilacstar made a wise choice in naming you her deputy. You're easy to talk to and get along with, and the fact that you're thinking so hard about what you should do shows how thoughtful and kind you are."

The frustration simmered out and was replaced with pride. Dayspring was his former apprentice, and in some ways, he felt an almost kinship bond with her. "I think you're plenty brave, kittenfluff, it takes a lot of courage to ask for advice," Downtuft mewed earnestly, affectionately shoulder bumping her. "You remind me of Wildflower and Raventail. They were both incredibly nervous about being deputy, and they both were incredible deputies. You need more faith in yourself. I trust you, Shyfawn trusts you, Lilacstar trusts you, and so does the rest of WindClan."

Downtuft wasn't as eloquent as some of his Clanmates, and was incredibly blunt as well. He meant each word he said, and wished desperately Dayspring would learn to trust herself. "You're gonna be great, Day. I know it."

"For the record, Softbreeze is extremely lucky to have a brother like you." Dayspring's voice was quieter than usual as she lifted her gaze to look Downtuft in the eyes.

Being kind was a good trait, and the deputy already knew that she was kind, but she also knew that it was dangerous. Being such a high rank in the Clan meant that she had to prioritize WindClan and WindClan alone, and other cats couldn't get in the way of that. Considering the fact that she had a gentle nature, she knew that there would be cats in the future that would attempt to take advantage of her, but she refused to let that happen. The Clan needed a solid deputy at a time like this. However, perhaps Downtuft was right. She was putting so much time and effort into mulling over how she could be the best deputy for her Clanmates, meaning that she obviously did care about WindClan. Bravery, however, was something that Dayspring would never use to describe herself. Asking her former mentor for help was easy, wasn't it? She trusted him. Surely having a conversation with a cat that she had known ever since she was in the nursery wasn't such a huge act of bravery, right?

"You're right. You're absolutely right. It's just... it's difficult to suddenly gain faith in myself when I've gone my entire life basically tearing myself down. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm a warrior now. Using self-deprecation as a method to motivate myself to work harder has basically become a habit for me."
She shut her eyes, silently tilting her head and letting it rest on Downtuft's shoulder.
"I really appreciate the fact that you're here. I feel a lot better knowing that there's a cat I can always turn to for anything. I just hope you don't mind... I'd hate to annoy you."

Silence.

"There are a lot of cats in WindClan, and I want to do my best for all of them, but if I'm being honest, the number one cat that I want to impress is you. I have no idea what I would do if you were to be disappointed in me one day."