See the Stars (closed)

Softbreeze sat silently in her nest, replaying what Dappleshine had said to her. The words had been jumbled and Dappleshine had been kind. Could... Could Dappleshine truly had forgiven her? Even after what she'd done? Even if she didn't want to, she needed to consult Smallbean, to see what he knew. Her voice was scratchy from the lack of being used, and her eyes were dulled beyond recognition.

"Smallbean. We need to have a.. talk."

Smallbean had finally arrived back into camp after a long patrol out to collect herbs... or what was left of them, anyways. Finding decent herbs in leafbare was rather difficult, as he had learned. He was able to find a few dock and chervil leaves that had survived the bitter-cold, but it seemed as if everything else in the area had died out. At least they had some other herbs to last them leafbare.

Carrying his findings to the medicine den, he pushed his way inside before setting the leaves on the floor. Glancing over, he spotted Softbreeze in her den. It was as if she never left it. He couldn't help but be reminded of his youth, how Spotlake had once been in a mood like this. The only difference was that Spotlake was beset with Whitecough. He slightly shook his head at the thought, focusing his attention to the herbs that sat before him. Lifting a leaf from the den floor, he began to sort them into the already existing piled of herbs, that was until he heard his name from across the den. "Softbreeze?" He turned his head and looked at the medicine cat, happy to see her at least talking- despite looking troubled. Padding over to her, he sat down, puzzled. "What about?" He questioned, flicking his torn ears. While silence temporarily filled the air, he took this period to ponder what the conversation was about. It had to be important, right? The only thing that could come to his mind was the prophecy that they had received some nights prior. He hoped it just that, if it was anything else, it may not be good.

"About..."

She trailed off.

"A-about..."

Whatever she had to say, it was clearly painful for her.

"Ab..about--"

Her voice caught in her throat.

"About Dappleshine..."

Her voice was lower than a whisper. Smallbean wouldn't have heard her.

Clearing her throat, she closed her eyes and tried again. Tears collected in the corners of her eyes. "About Da-..Dap-.."

Hissing with frustration, she gave up. "Mousedung to this! Did you speak to her? To Fogpaw's mom?" She hissed, ashamed. She couldn't even say Dappleshine's name, for StarClan's sake!

Even though he thought she'd be better by now, Smallbean could still sense that Softbreeze was sad. The cloud was still there, the melancholy fog he knew all too well. As she spoke, he wrapped his fluffy tail around his delicate paws and patiently waited for her. When she began to stutter, the sadness seemed to grow. He knew exactly what this meeting was about now- or at least he thought he did. It was about the very thing that was causing her to feel so sad for moons now. He opened his mouth to finish what she was trying to say, but was cut off by her hiss. Startled, he temporarily flattened his ears before returning them to their upright position.

It hurt him to see Softbreeze in such a way, the way she seemed to not care about herself, how she was so sad all the time. The way she couldn't say a certain cat's name. It hurt, it was like seeing a reflection of how he used to be with Larkflight. He wished that he could find a way to strengthen their bond, to be more than just a mentor and forced apprentice. If only he could say the things to her that he wished he had heard when he was stuck in a dark place.

He realized that he had let the conversation grow quiet for a few moments after he had parted with his thoughts. Panicked, he tried his best to recall the question Softbreeze had asked him. "did you speak to her?" He fixed his mentor with a confused expression as he searched his memory for what exactly happened . "Are you talking about.. The Starclan meeting? Or did you dream about her? Because i haven't seen her since..." he trailed off, not wanting to talk about the incident that has been taking a toll on Softbreeze for moons. "I don't know about you, but... i didn't see a cat. I heard many voices, all saying the same thing in unison." He recalled the dream. In the days after he had received it, he had thought it over, but since then the thought had been washed away in the ocean that was his mind. Clearing his throat, he spoke again. "What did you see that night?"

"Of course I'm talking about the medicine cat meeting, you fool!" SHe roared, snappy for no reason. Immediately, her eyes widened and she profusely shook her head, "Smallbean, I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I was just frustrated-- with myself, not you. I shouldn't have said that, I'm so sorry." As Smallbean described what he saw, her gaze turned to confusion. That... Wasn't even close to what she saw. Did StarClan think she was too weak to handle what they had to saw? Rage-- an odd feeling, one she hadn't felt in some time-- boiled to the surface, and anger pierced her gaze. Softbreeze forced herself to calm down, else she snap at Smallbean again.

"I.. That's not what I saw. Not at all.. What did StarClan say?" She mumbled. "Da... She came to me, and she tried to speak to me, but it was all a jumbled mess." Her teary blue eyes turned to Smallbean and despair was painted over her features, "She hates me, doesn't she? She loathes me for killing her! I didn't mean to! I tried to help her-- but she-- I-- Smallbean, she despises me, I'm sure of it!" Softbreeze wailed, unable to keep it inside. She crashed to the floor, and reached for a piece of Aspenheart's nest. I failed you, Aspen... I'm sorry!

When Softbreeze raised her voice, he flattened his ears once more, this time lowering his head a bit. Even though he wasn't particularly afraid, it still startled him when some cat yelled at him. Why was she being so aggressive? His posture returned to normal when Softbreeze apologized, to which he responded with a soft voice. "It's... it's alright." His eyes softened as his mentor went silent for a moment, as if to think. He knew all too well what that looked like, he often slipped into his own thoughts, but something told him Softbreeze's thoughts were quite different than his.

At the sound of the she-cat's voice, he focused on her once more, paying attention as she explained what she had saw, her words quickly turning to those of hopelessness and desperation. His eyes widened as she fell to the floor, panic sparking inside of him. He knew nothing was physically wrong with her, but he still worried. "Softbreeze, i'm certain that she doesn't hate you because you didn't kill her. Even if she thought that, Dappleshine would never hate you." He tried his best to say what he thought was right, but it was hard being on this side of the situation. He had been in Softbreeze's position many times, breaking down to another cat and pouring emotion. "You didn't kill her. You tried your best to save her and that's what matters. Sometimes.... there's nothing you can do."

He sighed, sitting down next to her and putting his tail on her shoulder. He knew that there would probably be a better time to task, but it made sense to ask now, or else he might not get an answer at a different time. "Do you know what her words meant? There has to be some sort of meaning to them."