Smallbean's (odd) medicine cat apprentice ceremony

(this takes place directly after Your Obedient Servant, details will be vague as topic is not complete!)

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Softbreeze was livid as approached the Warriors den. How dare they tell her who she was to pick as her apprentice? And why him? He had kits, for StarClan's sake! He was trained to fight, not heal! Besides, was this even what he wanted? They hadn't given her much a choice. "Smallbean, we need to talk. Now."

She just hoped to StarClan he wasn't squeamish.

With the dawn patrol over with and hunting done, Smallbean felt too tired to do anything but crawl into his nest and sleep the day away. After the sun fell each night the tom couldn't get himself to sleep anymore. All he could to is sit and think. Think about how much he's lost, and where he is now. About the fact that he couldn't trust the Asylum cats, which was another reason he didn't sleep. He was so afraid the moment he closed his eyes that one of the brutes would rip his throat out or slash his belly open. It's not impossible, especially considering what they had done to Goldengale and....and Raventail. The thought of the tom made his breath quicken, his mind clouding with grief and sarcasm. He really didn't know why he was so upset, after so many cats he had lost, Raventail was bound to be one of the next ones... But it still hurt. Raventail was who he strived to be, the cat he had looked up to his entire his life, the cat who made him what he used to be. "I... I miss you so much." He choked out the words, unsure of who he was talking to. It wasn't as if Raventail could hear him. Shaking out his pelt, he

A heavy yet shaky sigh escaping his maw, he stepped into the warrior's den, relishing the relief it brought from the cold. Dragging his paws across the ground, he walked up to his nest and plopped down to rest- that was until he heard a cat calling his name. He didn't make much of an attempt to find out who it was, he instead waiting for the cat to come to him. It soon became obvious that the cat was Softbreeze. Despite the two being family, Smallbean didn't really ever take time to get to know her. He never really made friends- heck he never even talked to his brothers and sisters, not to mention how his littermate died before he could meet him. Lifting his head from the moss he looked at Softbreeze with bored and tired eyes. "What is it? I'm not in the mood to talk right now." His tone was unreadable and monotone as he responded to her words.

"Yes, well, you're not exactly the first cat I'd like to speak to either, but it seems it can't be helped." Softbreeze responded, bitter and hoarse. Nerio's words hung in her mind and she cringed as she thought of what they'd do to the poor tom in front of her. Sighing, Softbreeze gestured to her den, waiting for him to follow her.

Once inside her den, Softbreeze sat, stiffly eying the large reddish-gray splotch in the middle of her den. Her eyes darkened, and tears threatened to come out, but she shook her head, biting her lip. "Enough small talk," safe sighed, "Let's get straight to the point. You're going to be my apprentice. Like it or not. Neither of us have a choice. Either that, or be forced to be a rank in the Asylum's ranks. They don't think you're cut out to be a warrior." The molly didn't hesitate in explaining and she didn't sugarcode it, although she did look at him sympathetically at the end, her voice cracking a bit. She understood that feeling; she wasn't cut out to be a warrior, either.

The tom stared vacantly at Softbreeze, hoping that if he was able to zone out she would go away. Despite his efforts, he couldn't help but listen to the words she said. The medicine cat didn't sound too happy, to say the least. But who could blame her? Nobody was happy now that the Asylum had infiltrated the camp. He himself hadn't been happy since before then. When Softbreeze flicked her tail he groaned, pulling himself from his nest to follow her. Shaking out his pelt, he walked back out into the cold, a frown forming on his face as a slight breeze pushed against him. Why did Softbreeze even want him? He would much rather go back to his nest and sleep.


Panic washed over him as his mind immediately spiraled into deep thought. What would happen to him!? Would he get into trouble? Would he be banished or slain by the Asylum cats? For the first time in what seemed like moons, Smallbean felt like his old self. He hated it. His old self was such a coward... but was he really any better now? Why was it that he was so tired again? Because he was afraid of the Asylum, or one of their cats to kill him in his sleep. Hesitance obvious, he stepped into the medicine den, feeling as though he were in trouble. He looked around, his mismatched gaze analyzing then den, but somehow missing the bloodstain on the floor. As she spoke again, he looked up at her, expecting some kind of lecture- but instead head something worse. Much worse.

"What... What do you mean!?" His tone shifted from surprised to angry. "I know i'm not cut out to be a warrior! I never was! But that doesn't mean i'm good at healing cats! And Starclan forbid I, a code-breaker, become a medicine ca-" He cut himself off as he realized what he had said. He sat and stared for a moment, stunned by his own words before resuming his words. "I might as well join the Asylum's ranks, it's not as if Starclan would even want me. Knowing that i'd be the new medicine cat they would probably take someone else important to me. Like Crowfeather or Spotlake." He choked on the last word, his mother's name catching in his throat. All he could remember is how badly he wanted to protect her, and if he wasn't able to fight, how could he do that?

Softbreeze sighed, sympathy in her eyes. "I don't like it either, but we have no choice. You saw what they did to Goldengale...To Dappleshine, Raventail... They won't hesitate to do away with you, Smallbean and where would that leave us?" Softbreeze murmured, eyes glassy. "I dislike it as much as you do. It's not fair, it's not right, but if they don't find you useful, they won't hesitate to slaughter you to prove a point. The Clan needs you, Smallbean. Do this for Wildflower, she'd be proud of you."

At the mention of Wildflower, her eyes flashed with pain and the cream she-cat winced, as if someone had stabbed her. "When the Asylum are gone, you can return to Warriorhood. But for now, we have to make due with the thorns we've pricked." Softbreeze's voice was solemn, and she closed her eyes, truly miserable. "So, what do you say? Will you be my apprentice, even if it temporary?"

Disgust rose inside him as he listened on, being repelled by the thought of even communicating with Starclan. He would be unconvicable- or at least he thought. When he heard Raventail's name, his entire demeanor softened, almost as if it withdrew into him- only to flare up again. How dare Softbreeze mention Raventail!? Was she trying to guilt him? For the first time in his life, his lip curled into a snarl as he glared at the medicine cat. "Well they might as well kill me then! Find another medicine cat! I don't care about how much the clan needs me! And Wildflower-." His eyes widened. It had been so long since he had thought of the she-cat. Thinking about her opened an old crack in his heart, one he had forgotten about. One that he wanted to ignore, among the countless others. He felt tears come to his eyes as he thought about her.

What would she think of it? She would be angry at him, of course. She was angry at him when she had... disappeared. But what if they were able to make amends before her death? Maybe... maybe she would have been happy. Yeah... Wildflower would be happy. Just the thought of his daughter being happy toward him made his heart well up. He wanted to remember her being happy rather than upset with him. Softbreeze's next words were a blur, to him all except those that were asking him to become her apprentice. "... yeah.... sure." His voice was shaky and quiet, but true. No matter how much he hated it... he would become a medicine cat. For Wildflower.

"Thank you..." She whispered, eyes shimmering with sadness. She didn't want this; she didn't want this at all. When she'd became a medicine cat it was because she wanted to be one. She'd seen how desperately her mentor wanted to be a warrior; the times he'd sneak a longing glance at leaving patrols when he thought nobody was watching. The thought of Smallbean being unhappy in this position made her heart ache, and she just hoped the tom wouldn't be too miserable.

"The apprentices have been able to see them at night when they sleep, and I recently shared with them. Hopefully they'll come see you, too." Softbreeze mewed, eyes shifting to the cleanest nest in the den, newly made. She'd scraped it together in hopes Smallbean would say yes. "Thank you, again. When they're gone you can go back to being a warrior if that's what you wish."