Not as young as I used to be

Limping more than usual, the mottled elder headed towards the medicine den, her head filled with the reasons why she normally avoided it. Bad experiences, sick cats, the overpowering scent of herbs that made her feel nauseas were the main ones. However, her stiff muscles had been bothering her a lot recently, and even leaving her spot outside the elder's den had been a mission. But something else was also weighing her down; a grief that had passed over her when she lost Doeskip, and still hung like a heavy raincloud over her mind. She could be as fit as a newly named warrior and still feel completely broken. Her eyes were duller than had ever been in her life, and her pelt was mattered. The apprentices tried their best, but she never complained of ticks or fleas - mouse bile was so foul she never wanted it anywhere near her. She just hadn't had the strength to do it herself.

Now, after her slow and laborious journey, she arrived at the entrance of the medicine den. It was seemingly empty, so she decided to wait out side. "Is there any one in there?" she called quietly. In case she hadn't been heard, she took a step forward so she was standing silhouetted in the entrance. Memories flashed through her head: waking up after being in the coma, watching a cat with a fearful gash come in when she was still receiving her treatment. But the one that made her the most fearful was of Doeskip. Her beloved mate, curled up beside her in a nest. To sick to keep food down, to weak to even stand. Dappleleaf had stayed by her side the whole time, ignoring her dislike for the den. 

Her eyes beginning to sting with tears, she shook her head and sat down. Now was not the time to get all upset. She wrapped her tail tightly around her small paws and sat there patiently waiting.

Daisybloom was lost in her own world as she sorted herbs. Concerned about Mossbloom, she had let herself take over the past few moons, being more and more independent. But still, she dreaded the day she would have to take on an apprentice. Not because she didn’t like younger cats (she loved them!) but she was nervous about being responsible for the training of a younger cat.

When she heard a call of an older voice, she snapped back. Blinking a few times, she quickly paces around the corner to find Dappleleaf. With a sympathetic smile, she nodded, beckoning the elder in. ”How are you, Dappleleaf? Is something wrong?”

The medicine cat pitied the elder. She had been through so much. A coma, the loss of her mate...well, it was understandable why the she-cat’s paws stayed neatly away from the den almost all of the time. Still, all cats need treatment sometimes, including elders. She supposed that Dappleleaf would just need a bit of a painkiller of sorts, although there could be something worse. It was hard to tell under that coat of sorrow.

"Oh hi Daisybloom! I .. uh ... didn't see you there." No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't force the normal cheeriness into her voice. As a cat who almost never struggled for words, it was rare that she stalled. She hadn't interacted with the younger medicine cat much, of course, with her tendency to avoid her den, but she seemed very capable of doing her job. "I was just looking for some help with my muscles, my limp's been bothering me a bit more than normal." But it was clear from her voice and demeanour that there was more on her mind.

"I know there's no cure for ageing, but do you have anything to soothe the stiffness?" she asked. You've got this, she thought, just deal with one issue at a time.

Daisybloom smiled. Elders were usually nice, not as frightening as they had seemed when she was a kit. Dappleleaf was a kind she-cat. The younger medicine cat didn’t know her well, but she certainly knew of her. ”How have you been?” she managed out. They both obviously were struggling a bit for the conversation, so the air was a bit awkward. Nodding as the mottled elder explained what was ailing her, she rummaged back towards the herb stores.

After a moment, she grabbed two leaves of sorrel. ”This should help with the aching.” Setting the herbs in front of her companion, the tabby backed up for a moment and sat away, observing as the she-cat ate. Fidgeting awkwardly with her paw and the ground, she glanced away, nervous with the amount of eye contact she was both receiving and giving.

Daisybloom gave her some herbs, and she silently chewed them as she thought of an answer for the medicine cat's first question. How have I been? Not great, to be fair. 'Not great' was a bit of an understatement though. Nothing had been the same since she lost Doeskip - her lost mate was almost all she thought about these days. "Uhm, not great really." the old she-cat answered once she had finished eating the leaves, hopefully they'll do some good, she mused. She didn't know why she was opening up to Daisybloom all of a sudden, a cat she didn't know too well. She's a medicine cat though, she thought, and I know she's a good cat. "I-I just haven't been the same since I lost..." Here it comes. "Since I lost Doeskip." What was she meant to do now? What can she even say? She felt bad for putting Daisybloom in such an awkward position, but the mottled she-cat had been in need of someone to talk too. She had plenty of conversation in the elder's den, but that was usually just light gossip.

Tears welled up in her eyes again, and she turned her head away from the tabby she-cat. "I'm sorry, I only came here for the herbs, but I-I just haven't felt the same as I used to." she said quietly. No herbs could fix this issue; it would be much harder to deal with than some stiff muscles. She had no idea how she would recover, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to get through it by herself.

Daisybloom smiled awakrdly. She wasn’t sure what to do in conversation, to be completely honest. For moons she had been around Mossbloom who could help her sustain these things. But her mentor would be retiring soon, and the she-cat needed to learn to do these things on her own. Her eyes softened as she heard Dappleleaf explain. Letting out a soft sigh, she nodded. ”Being a medicine cat, I can’t have a mate. I’ve never truly experienced what you are going through. I know it must be hard.” she paused, trying to think of what to add.

”I have lost cats, though. All of my siblings besides Nettlestar, at this point. My littermates are gone, and my sister Stormpaw left. I can understand what you feel, and if you ever need to talk, I’m here. I’m sorry that there isn’t much I can do, but if you ever need to chat, I’m always willing to lend an ear.” The tabby finished, feeling sorry for the elder.

"Thank you Daisybloom," the elderly she-cat said, "loosing cats is hard, no matter who they are, but I guess we all must power through. I'm sorry that I thrust this issue upon you, but I am grateful for your help nonetheless." Travelling slowly, she limped closer to the medicine cat. The little she-cat lifted her head upwards slightly, and said quietly, "You're going to be a great medicine cat sweetheart, just remember that." Winking, she took a step back again.  She would have enjoyed to stay with the younger she-cat for longer, as it seemed she should maybe do with someone to talk to as well. But the air in the medicine den was stuffy and herb-scented, and Dappleleaf was beginning to feel a little nauseous. "Well, I, uh, should get going." she said, stepping quickly out of the den: the time she spent in there, the more memories flooded back to her, and she began to feel a bit sick. "Bye, and thank you again!" With that, she crossed camp back to the elder's den. The painkillers had begun to start working, so she felt a little drowsy. She silently curled up in her nest, as happy as she had been in what felt like moons.