yesterday and tomorrow [open]

By now, Emberkit had lived with ShadowClan long enough to know his way around their camp—nowhere near long enough to be comfortable in it. The warriors lounging near the fresh-kill pile intimidated him; the apprentices (even the younger ones, some of whom he was already as tall as), sparring and boasting about what they’d learned, were strangers to him. But staying in the nursery had its own problems; he could count his denmates, queens and kits alike, on one paw. What all this amounted to was that, when he got bored, he had to make his own fun. Today, that meant patching up an old mossball he’d dug out of one of the nursery’s dark corners.

Despite his best efforts, he hadn’t managed to fix the dent in one of the ball's sides, but it could still roll, kind of. He’d been batting it around for several minutes when a careless blow sent it stumble-rolling a tail-length away—just beyond the nursery’s entrance. It wobbled, then stopped on its flat side. Eyes going wide, Emberkit stood up straight. It was just camp. He was allowed to be there. He poked his reddish-brown nose out of the den and glanced around. The coast was clear. With a quiet sigh of relief, he stepped into the moonlight to retrieve his mossball.

Ebonysong quietly watched her adopted kit chase around a mossball in the moonlight, getting up to follow Emberkit outside of the nursery as he fetched the orb of moss back. "What are you doing little Ember? Don't worry, if you want to head out of the nursery to explore, I can accompany you." The queen had found Emberkit near the border and had adopted him as her own. Sweeping her tail around Emberkit and grooming him with slow, soft strokes on his head.

A gentle voice sounded from behind him. Gingerly holding the ball of moss in his mouth, Emberkit turned to see Ebonysong (“Mom,” if he wanted to call her that; he hadn’t made up his mind yet) padding toward him. He set the ball down a heartbeat before she swept him up and began to run her tongue over his short, spiky fur, making him squint with each lick. ”I’m—” Just as it was about to trip off of his tongue, the answer “playing with an old mossball” didn’t seem good enough. His mouth snapped shut. ”Practicing,” he said after a moment’s frantic thought. ”For, um, being an apprentice.” The grooming continued; he closed his eyes. Smacking the mossball around had been sort of fun, but…maybe the older cats wouldn’t seem as big if Ebonysong was there too. ”I’d like that, if it's okay.”

Ebonysong stopped grooming Emberkit, ears twitching in slight disbelief as her kit said something about practicing for apprenticeship. A small smile appeared on her maw as she gently nudged Emberkit up with her tail, heading for the apprentice's den. "Well...if you were training to be an apprentice, here's where you would sleep." Worried that she would bother some other apprentice's, Ebonysong's voice gradually became a whisper as she pointed out some of the empty nests in the den. As soon as Emberkit had finished exploring the apprentice's den, Ebonysong gently nudged him outside again. "Where else do you want to go, little Ember?"

A dark-furred tail gently pushed Emberkit, urging him to his feet. With a glance backward at the dented mossball, he hurried after Ebonysong as if he might somehow lose sight of her in the near-empty camp. She stopped in front of a den he’d only ever seen from the outside. He peered into it now. It looked busier than the nursery, with an array of nests crammed together, some occupied by sleeping apprentices, others left vacant while their owners trained. Envy stirred in the kit’s chest. He didn’t dare step past the threshold; though the camp was his to explore, the other dens very much weren’t. After a few more moments of quiet staring, Emberkit backed away, helped by another soft nudge from Ebonysong. ”I want to sleep there now,” he mumbled, half to himself, as he pressed against Ebonysong’s leg. For a moment, he was quiet, looking out over the other dens. Then he raised his eyes to meet Ebonysong’s. His ears twitched. ”…We can’t go out of camp, can we?”

As her little kit commented something about sleeping in the apprentice's den, Ebonysong purred at his eagerness. "You will, soon, I promise." After a few more heartbeats of silence, Emberkit asked Ebonysong a startling question. Tail flicking once in surprise at his curiosity, Ebonysong thought about it for a few moments, before giving a final nod. "Okay...we can go. Just...make sure not to tell your dad. You know how he gets when we're in danger." Settling down with her underbelly pressed to the ground, Ebonysong flicked a tail, gesturing Emberkit to get on her back. "I'm giving you a badger ride to ShadowClan territory."

Ebonysong considered his question for much, much longer than Emberkit expected. Though he’d been prepared to hear a “no,” he found himself searching the older she-cat’s expression for the tiniest hint of a different answer. At last, she nodded. Emberkit’s mottled face lit up. “Mhm!” He knew he wouldn’t be in any danger with Ebonysong around, but Smokespirit still worried about her, sometimes. His nose wrinkled up as he thought. “I’ll say…I’ll say we stayed in the nursery all night!” Considering that was how he spent most of his time, it seemed like a plausible story. He clambered onto Ebonysong’s back, nestling into her pelt. Short though it was, it provided a shield of warmth against the leaf-fall night’s chill. After a few seconds, he lifted his head just enough that her fur wouldn’t muffle his voice. “Where are we going first?”

((Shoot Im so sorry I forgot about WCC these days AAAAA))

Ebonysong contemplated this for a moment, before heading towards the border where Smokespirit and herself had found Emberkit. "Do you remember anything about...how you were abandoned? Well, I'm taking you there now." The dark-grey she-cat blended into the shadows carefully, Emberkit's multi-coloured pelt a spot of brightness against her own, dark fur. Sniffing for the scent markings of the ShadowClan border, Ebonysong spotted the cluster of rocks where she had found Emberkit. Setting him down from her back carefully, then picking Emberkit up by the scruff, she slowly lowered him down into the middle of the rocks, silver-blue eyes shining brightly as she gazed at her adopted kit. "You were here. Small, weak and starving." Once again, for the hundredth time, Ebonysong wondered why someone would leave such a young kit in enemy territory all by himself.

ooc: it’s all good! also this got longer than expected, i’m sorry

Emberkit’s ears fell back. Abandoned. That was what he’d been told. Ebonysong and Smokespirit kept him fed and warm for now, but somewhere out there, he had a mother and father who’d…stopped doing that. They’d taken care of him at some point; though he didn’t remember it, he knew without a doubt that it had to be true. That was what parents did. But something had changed. He hunkered down further into Ebonysong’s fur and watched ShadowClan pass him by. The murky scent didn’t faze him anymore.

In time, the gentle rolling motion of Ebonysong’s shoulders slowed, then stopped. Emberkit slid down from her back, only for her to grab him by the scruff and place him in a tight cluster of rocks. Though he was just about tall enough to climb out on his own, he remained there in the center, marveling at how the silvery-white moonlight reflected off the stones as Ebonysong spoke softly above him. His stomach hurt. He couldn’t tell if it was a memory or something else. “I know I was a rogue…” The older cats used that word sometimes. It wasn’t a pretty one. Hesitantly raising his eyes to meet hers (so much like his, but not quite), he said, “Why’d you take me with you?” Calling ShadowClan “home” didn’t feel entirely right yet.

Ebonysong gently pressed her nose to his, before answering his question. "The moment I saw you, tiny and helpless, wailing for warmth and food, my heart broke at the thought of leaving you here. You see, I...I was hurting too. I had just lost someone I cared about dearly, but I'll tell you that story another time." Sighing gently, then raising her head to meet her son's own, blue eyes, Ebonysong asked Emberkit a question. "D--do you like ShadowClan? Do you feel like you belong, Emberkit?"

Emberkit leaned forward just a little so Ebonysong’s nose bumped against his. As she pulled away, he stared at her outright, hesitance and hope side by side in his expression. Caring for kits was part of the warrior code (one of the few parts he’d picked up so far; the rest of it was for apprentices and warriors), yet Ebonysong hadn’t mentioned it at all. Maybe…he was overthinking it. Still, it felt nice to believe he might not be. A soft sigh left the larger she-cat. Though curiosity lurked in Emberkit’s eyes as he blinked up at her, he was just old enough that he knew not to ask; he kept his mouth shut until she spoke again, then some heartbeats longer while he thought about his answer. He didn’t hate ShadowClan—the marshland’s chill reminded him how much nicer it was than the alternative—but did he belong there? “Sometimes,” he finally said. ”It’s nice having food, and my own nest, and a mossball to play with, but…I don’t know anyone. No one knows me. Except you and Smokespirit!” he added, scrambling to his feet for emphasis.