The Void of Those Lost {open}

The air was thick and heavy as Flintstar carried Mothglow's body back into camp. Nightpaw had foretold of his arrival, the poor apprentice shaking from the badger encounter. Mothglow had saved the scrap, killing the beast before dying herself. The medicine cat's wounds were evident as she was gently placed onto the nettle-strewn ground. Cinderpaw watched her father carefully, noting the sadness that glimmered in his eyes. She took a careful step forward to stare into Mothglow's face, scarred and mangled by the badger she'd killed with her dying breath. Blood oozed slowly onto the shaded sand, deep red. Cinderpaw furrowed her brow and sat down next to the former medicine cat, tension turning her body into stone. She didn't know how to process death. It wasn't as if Cinderpaw had ever been close to Mothglow, but the sadness of her passing was felt on her shoulders all the same. It was only a few sunsets ago when the medicine cat had asked Cinderpaw to be her apprentice - an offer the massive she-cat promptly refused. Cinderpaw would never make a good healer. She was too large, too blunt, too grumpy. The she-cat's only wish was to fit into ShadowClan's perfect formula, to be a part of the large system that was clan life. And she did that best as a warrior. Why strive for something if she wasn't good at it?

However as the fallen black tabby laid still on the nettles, the new rift in ShadowClan only grew. The clan had no medicine cat, and no medicine cat apprentice to succeed her. There was no one to embalm Mothglow's body. No one to strew flowers throughout her fur. Cinderpaw's frame began to shake as she went through the motions. Someone was needed in that position, it was more than obvious. Like a black void that sucked the closest soul into it, trying to fill the gap. The apprentice's claws began to drag on the sand as if she, herself, was subject to the abyssal pull. Her deep desire to be needed cried out for something more. If Cinderpaw stepped into Mothglow's paw prints, would ShadowClan thrive under her care? Would Flintstar look at his daughter to say "thank you."?

The massive she-cat laid down next to Mothglow's frame, well aware of the dozens of eyes that now bore into her pelt. There was a time when that unmoving maw had asked her to become medicine cat. Now that maw was still, frozen along with a lifeless face. Cinderpaw closed her eyes tight and hissed to herself. She didn't want to be a medicine cat, she wanted to be a warrior. She wanted to hunt and claw and roar with all the force of ShadowClan. It was what she was born for. Her massive frame, her large paws, they weren't crafted to roll herbs or smash poppy seeds. So if it was StarClan that had given Mothglow the sign of fire, they had made a mistake. Cinderpaw was not to be a medicine cat. But, if she was needed there, then she would. ShadowClan's needs far surpassed her own. Cinderpaw had come to this realization ever since birth, watching the system function. When one cat fell, another would take their place. It was beautiful, it was perfect. And now the weight fell to Cinderpaw's shoulders, and the abyss called. Her large frame would never woo a tom, it would never be used to drive off ThunderClan intruders or intimidate SkyClan foes. Cinderpaw was a brute of a cat, but she would be needed, and that was all that mattered.

"Flintstar..." Cinderpaw croaked, gazing up from her spot at Mothglow's side. "I am ShadowClan's next medicine cat." There was no hesitation in the apprentice's voice, for if there was, she might have doubted her decision. But the words had been spoken and the void had been filled. She was not the correct cat for this job, but she would fill it all the same. Cinderpaw was needed, and that was all that mattered.

Ebonysong slipped out of the warrior's den to see what all the commotion was about. What greeted her next surprised her...and her heart dropped to her paws. "M--Mothglow?" She hadn't known the medicine cat that well during her warrior hood, but they had interacted with each other when she was dealing with that stupid thorn bush in the medicine cat den. May StarClan light her path... Smokespirit was going to be...very, very upset. Ebonysong just hoped that he wouldn't throw another one of his temper tantrums again. As Cinderpaw stepped forward, announcing her as ShadowClan's next medicine cat, Ebonysong nodded behind the large apprentice in silent encouragement.

Crowpaw felt bad as he stared at the lifeless body of his clan’s now-former medicine cat, but it wouldn’t be quite accurate to say he was sad. He had not known Mothglow really beyond her position as medicine cat. And if he didn’t really have any deep connection to someone he didn’t really see much point in actually mourning them. He had better things to do then set aside a place in his head and heart for someone who no longer had any influence on his normal, day to day life. There were plenty of still living cats whose opinions he could actually effect that he’d rather spend his time on.

Of course, he’d play at grief. He could wear the feeling like a second pelt if he needed to. And he knew his clan would grieve, so he’d grieve with them. If only on the outside. Inside, he had other things to think about.

Like, for instance...what he’d just heard his sister say.

Oh he thought, the revelation charging up in his head Oh, I see...

So...now not only was he going to be the leader’s son...he was also going to be the medicine cat’s brother?

An ugly shade of delight flickered in his chest. Oh-- he could work with that.

“Wow, sis…” he said, his voice thick with sympathy. “That’s gonna be a big responsibility, huh? I’m sure you can handle it, but...if you ever need some support, remember your brother’s here for you, yeah?”

He gave a respectful dip of his head, then got up and went off to find someplace to be alone. He normally preferred the company of others, but now...he just needed to think for a minute. Besides, he didn’t need a response from his sister right now, and he didn’t want to be too pushy, or risk seeming condescending. All he wanted for now was for her to remember that if she ever needed him, he’d be there.


And then if I need something...maybe you can return the favor.

Batpaw heard a change in the camp as he laid in his nest in the apprentice den. The tall lanky tom stood from his nest, shaking his short fur out to free himself of any moss pieces before stepping out of the den to see what was going on. Though as soon as his green eyes landed on the scene in front of him he froze.

"M-mothglow...?" The tom took a trembling step forward getting closer to the body that laid on the ground in the center of camp. His mom.. the cat that cared from him from the time she had found him covered in mud was gone. She was gone.. He.. He didn't know what to think.. Many emotions and thoughts filled his head.

The black tom stepped closer, his body feeling weak like it could collapse any second or with any step he took. "Mom?" He couldn't.. He just couldn't.. The one thing in his life.. the one person that he held super close was gone.. just gone.. He didn't even get to say goodbye..

Batpaw closed the gap between Mothglow and himself, throwing himself down by her side. Pressing his nose into her fur trying to take in her fleeting scent one last time. To be by her side one last time, he wouldn't get the chance again.. Grief took over his body as he mourned the lost of his mother.

Ravenmist rushed forward,hoping it wasn't true- praying it wasn't true. But Mothglow's scent, half-shrouded by blood and death, hit her nose. Her sister- her little sister, the cat she had been with as she grew up into a wonderful medicine cat- was gone. She couldn't hold back a sob as she pressed her face into Mothglow's fur. One more death in her family. Who would be next? Daisyflame? Tulipfang? So many of her kits had died- her parents were gone, Thornstar was gone, her brothers were gone.

Dully she was aware of Batpaw beside her- Mothglow's son. Her nephew. She-she couldn't collapse like this. She was a deputy. She had to stand up, keep moving, set an example. But surely pushing away the grief was wrong. Her sister was an incredible cat, and she deserved to be mourned. So many conflicting emotions. Mothglow was dead. But a deputy's job was never done. She couldn't let this keep her from her work. But her sister was gone. But- "Why did you leave me? Why now?" Ravenmist whispered, tensing.