Carrying Boulders (Closed-ish)

Bloodstrike had finished hunting for the day, his first time out as officially a warrior of Skyclan. He dropped a rather fat male squirrel into the fresh-kill pile, right on top of a few robins and a field mouse that he caught earlier. Bloodstrike... I actually really like my new name. He smiled to himself. Now that hunting was done... his eyes flicked over to the leader's den. He finally made it to warrior status. He could no longer approach the borders as a relatively harmless apprentice. He didn't visit Riverclan and Windclan like he wanted, as his dad's punishments had saw to that when he and Mistpaw were attacked by the owl. He made another note that he needed to find her later too. There was so much talking that needed to be done.

So much.

He walked slowly toward the leader's den, his mind racing with things that he had been wanting to say for moons. Bloodstrike found himself creeping up to the den, careful not to let his shadow pass over the entrance. Slowly, he came to a hesitant stop just outside of it. It probably looked odd to anyone watching him right now, but he didn't care. He had a reason for this... all of the work he put into his mission as an apprentice was going to lead up to this moment and he had known it for awhile. Bloodstrike had imagined this moment hundreds of times, but his heart still pounded in his chest.

This must be done... I'm a warrior now. Whatever punishment might befall me, I will accept gracefully. He took in a breath, steeling his nerves and his resolve.

"Spottedstar... are you available for a moment?" It was so.... odd finally saying his leader's name and addressing him. His grandfather's name. Bloodstrike regained his composure and stood tall, as he knew he should whenever speaking to anyone. Bloodstrike was an adult now, a whopping 16 inches at the shoulder and nearing 20 lbs. He was still growing a bit, but not taller. He was packing on more weight, though all of it was lean muscle from being so active. He patiently waited outside the den for an answer. Even if Spottedstar turned him away, he'd be alright with that. The moment he'd been waiting for was finally here, and suddenly, he wasn't so sure that he was ready.

The spotted tomcat sank into his nest, tired after a day of constant patrolling. He had accompanied the sunhigh patrol along the ThunderClan border and parted with them as they doubled back towards camp. He continued on alone, tracing the short stretch of the territory that followed the river, and then spent the rest of the day lingering near the Twolegplace and getting lost in his thoughts. Just being out of his nest was difficult without all the added work. So now he relished the soft moss against his ruffled fur, disturbed only by the bustle of warriors returning from patrols and sharing meals. Then Bloodstrike's voice sounded from outside the roots of the Tallbranch that formed Spottedstar's den, and he lifted his head from his paws with some concern. He sat up, then called his grandson in.

"Bloodstrike? Yes, come in." He'd asked Spottedstar to have a chat after his warrior ceremony, but it completely slipped his mind; otherwise he probably would have sweated over it until Bloodstrike approached him about it. Now he was uncertain and a little worried. He'd been out of touch with his clan for a while now. It was usually Wolfcall who told him important happenings in SkyClan, but his deputy hadn't mentioned anything to do with Bloodstrike. But would he have mentioned anything bad about his own son? The leader's trust in Wolfcall had been damaged. His shredded ear twitched as he watched the warrior enter. "Have a seat. Tell me what you need."

Bloodstrike inwardly cringed the second he heard Spottedstar answer him. Oh mousedung I am not ready for this... But he forced himself to move inside anyway. He'd never really spoken to Spottedstar before. Was it wise that this be the first thing he brings up? Regardless, these are things that he needed to discuss. He sat down in one smooth motion, his expression not betraying any feelings of nervousness that flitted around inside him like moths to light.

"I will start off by saying that I have been waiting since my first gathering to talk to you about this. I didn't try to seek you out at first because I was a fresh apprentice then... and who wants to hear some untested kit's opinion?" He took in a slow breath to steel his nerves once more. Here goes nothing... or everything. "I waited to become a warrior, and now that it has finally happened, I hope that you'll hear me out and really listen to what I need to say. I heard about the Righteous Few at the gathering. The tension in the air was so thick it could have dropped birds from the sky. I didn't talk to anyone really, I was too concerned for my sister's well-being. A Windclan warrior named Crowspirit wasn't very friendly toward Redfall. He called all of us Skyclanners cowards. I wanted to fight him right then and there, despite being barely six moons. I didn't, obviously, or you would have noticed.

Instead of acting rashly, I tried to learn what I could from other clans away from the gatherings and hopefully one on one. Well..." He inhaled again and tensed, bracing for harsh glares or looks of disapproval about what he was going to say next. "I started sneaking off on my own at night once in awhile and I traveled to the borders. I just wanted to talk and get perspective from the others so that I could maybe... fix things. My first time venturing out, another apprentice jumped me. They tore me up, despite that I was on neutral ground and I made it very clear I was there for peaceful reasons. I was defeated because I just wasn't expecting it. I didn't put all of my heart into that fight because it wasn't what I went there for. They attacked me because of a decision that you made." And there it was, the point of no return. Although his body was still tense, there was a certain amount of relief there too. He had no choice but to continue further.

"I was called a coward, told that my clan were cowards. I finally got the upper hand at one point, but instead of trying to continue the fighting, I just held them there and tried to talk sense into them. It didn't go well. Anyway, I know not all cats feel this way about us because I have talked to several, Flintstar included. Still, I know your goal is to make Skyclan remain neutral so that we don't get dragged into anyone else's problems and we only ever have to worry about Skyclan. I respectfully disagree with this and I only bring it up because I fear for my clan's safety. Maybe Flintstar and other leaders don't harbor any ill will toward us, but they won't be the leaders forever. What if the inconsolable apprentice that attacked me becomes a leader, then forms an alliance with another leader and they both decide that Skyclan needs to go? We've made no friends to come help us. All they remember is that the cowardly Skyclan left the other clans to die by the claws of the Righteous Few."

There. It was out. Bloodstrike clenched his jaws together and his claws unsheathed a bit. Not out of aggression, not even anger, but from the nervous tension of what was going to happen to him now that he finally said it.

"I didn't come here to complain or even judge you for your decisions. I only ask that you consider trying to mend relations with the other clans if possible. I risked my life several times traveling to the border alone, and I risked getting in trouble with my mentor and delaying my Warrior Ceremony... all because I felt that I needed to do something for my clan. I felt like I needed to, because at the gathering that I was at, you just looked like you wanted to get there, leave and be done with it all, almost like you felt that your decision was your own and wouldn't affect anyone else. Well... it has. I took a beating that I didn't deserve. Or at least, not for the reasons that I got it."

Finally, Bloodstrike dropped his eyes to the floor of the den and took in another deep breath. There may have been more that he needed to say, but right now, that was all he was able to bring up. The tension that had built up inside him was threatening to overwhelm him, so for now, he would close with that unless Spottedstar had questions.

"Well I have admitted my wrong-doings. I have risked injury and punishment for this moment, to speak intelligently and to hopefully have your ear again in the future." No pun intended. "Punish me as you will, if there is a need for it." And with that, Bloodstrike closed his eyes slowly and awaited whatever was going to come out of the leader's mouth. He didn't mention Wolfcall catching him and Mistpaw out, since he was only trying to get a message across to Spottedstar and not get anyone else in trouble.

Spottedstar wanted to say that he would listen to his clanmates no matter what their rank, but after hearing what had weighed on Bloodstrike's chest, he ultimately agreed that such a topic would have been inappropriate to have with an apprentice. It still felt inappropriate to have with someone who just barely missed the latest upset. There were many different points to address and many concerns that filled the leader's head, but he didn't even know where to begin. He didn't answer for a few heartbeats, bringing his own gaze to his paws in concentration. It was clear that Bloodstrike was nervous to be confronting his leader over something like this, but there was nothing for Spottedstar to say that could comfort him. There were only a few points to set straight as well as his own temper to cool. The reminder of the encounter with the Righteous Few had set his fur on edge and made him defensive of his choices yet again.

'Okay, Spot. Just take it one step at a time. He's a warrior, but... he's really just a kid.' Spottedstar looked back up at Bloodstrike, shifting in his nest. "First... I can't stress enough how important it is to be with others when you leave camp. Even our own territory is dangerous, Bloodstrike. Foxes and other animals are all over our land, and they're problems even for groups of warriors. And then there are other Clan cats..." The tomcat hated enforcing rules; after all, he'd been wily and rebellious as an apprentice and often snuck out alone, too. But he was also missing half of an ear for that very reason - and it wasn't a predator who did it. "Bloodstrike, I'm sorry that cats from other clans have used me as an excuse to hurt you. But they will hurt you no matter what; they'll find an excuse for just about anything. Even allied clans have border scraps, especially the apprentices. Most are eager to try the things their mentors teach them on someone they won't be punished for attacking. On top of that, the situation with the Righteous Few was especially ugly. They wanted to punish the other Clans for breaking the code, and SkyClan was let go because we didn't do anything wrong. The other apprentice attacked you because of decisions their Clan made, and they were looking for someone to blame, just like you're blaming me now because you went alone to a dangerous place." Spottedstar could feel the frustration building up in his chest as he spun the fault around onto Bloodstrike. He couldn't help but grow defensive when a warrior who wasn't even alive during previous events criticized him for what he did, particularly in such a divisive time. Almost more offensively, Bloodstrike had implied that Spottedstar didn't care if the beating he received by another apprentice was his fault, and that was intolerable. "I've been a prominent cat all my life, unfortunately. My actions have always affected other cats, even when I was just a warrior." Sparrowpaw's bloodied corpse flashed through his mind. It was his inaction that cursed her and led to Tinystar's death at the claws of an ex-clanmate, and ultimately, he could also find reasons to blame himself for his half-brothers' abandonment of the Clan and the numerous SkyClan deaths that followed. StarClan knows he could find a way to blame himself for the Great Flood if he wanted to. "I've always known that my choices have consequences for other cats. Don't you ever accuse me of thinking otherwise. But this has more to do with the usual behavior of other Clans and your own dumb choice to wander alone than me. You might not have heard, but Sunflower wouldn't be around anymore if I hadn't done something, and probably many more of our Clanmates."

He should have expected something like this from the son of Wolfcall and Blossomstep.

That thought alone sent a bolt of anger and resentment through his stomach. Spottedstar closed his tired eyes, sighed deeply to quell the rolling emotions, then gazed absently at the roots that formed the wall of his den. "Bloodstrike, long ago, SkyClan left the forest. Our territory was divided by the other clans and for generations there were only four Clans. Then, StarClan sent a messenger, brought us back to the forest, and built us up strong, declaring us just as worthy as all the other Clans. We've always been isolated because of this. But they can't get rid of us on a whim - StarClan wants us. They've preserved us ever since and we have no reason to believe they'll let us fall now." Some of that was merely a hope, but it was mostly a deep-seated belief: that StarClan loved and honored SkyClan enough to cross the mountains to bring them home, so they must devotedly watch over and guide them. He looked back at the young warrior with a stern look. "Not only that, but there is a sense of justice among the Clans. The night I was given my lives, ShadowClan stormed our camp and declared war on us for a crime we couldn't be responsible for. I was a new leader. I'd hardly been deputy for half a moon. I took my case to ThunderClan and Oakstar offered us aid. We weren't allies. If our cause is just, Bloodstrike, someone will help us. But we won't ever need it because no one decides on wiping out a Clan for fun." He fought back the urge to roll his eyes at his last statement, wondering if some elder had scared him with stories of evil Clans and leaders as a kit. "I'll let you in on a secret. I promised Oakstar to repay him for his help against ShadowClan. He wouldn't turn his back on us because of his strange need to act like everyone's father. But more than that, no Clan would let another Clan in debt to them be destroyed because then they couldn't benefit from them. So, technically, we do have an alliance. It's just very secret. Do me a favor and keep it that way." The last bit brought a sly smile to his scarred mouth. No one else knew of this arrangement. It made SkyClan superior allies because no one would ever see them coming. They would always be enough to tip the scales, and that was what made SkyClan powerful in the five-Clan dynamic. Maybe he would explain that to Bloodstrike one day, or maybe the young tomcat would grow a brain between his ears and figure out how to strategize for himself.

Spottedstar turned his attention downward, to his nest, where he had been unwittingly picking at scraps of moss and plucking the bright blue and red feathers that had once neatly lined his nest. "I understand why you waited to earn your name to speak to me. I won't punish you for sneaking out as an apprentice because I did that all the time and I think we've both learned our lesson on why that's bad. I can still take your name and rank away, though, so you shouldn't keep making the same mistakes. I won't punish you for talking to me like this, either, because I can tell that you just want what's best for SkyClan. I think you don't know what that is, though. You don't know my plans or what I've done for this Clan." The resentment rose up again. No other leader had to give up what he gave up. Bloodstrike didn't know that he wouldn't even be alive if Spottedstar had chosen a different, less honorable path... however, the leader couldn't blame him for being young and idealistic. It was a shame he had to tell his Clanmates this type of thing repeatedly, even after the other Clans proved it time and time again. "The other Clans can't be our 'friends.' They're all looking out for themselves, and we need to make sure we look after ourselves, too. I'll still listen to what you have to say in the future, son. One thing bothers me, though; you went and spoke to other Clan cats before you talked to me? You asked cats who hate us and slander us before you asked me what my reasoning was? No, you didn't even ask me why I did what I did. You just accused me of doing the wrong thing before even understanding why I don't look for alliances. If you want to speak to me intelligently, I advise you to ask questions instead of making statements. If I want a statement, I'll ask for it."

Was he being harsh? Spottedstar didn't think so. Bloodstrike seemed so interested in learning everyone's viewpoints except for the SkyClan leader's, and that didn't sit right with him. It truly felt like his grandson was looking for someone to blame, like the apprentice who attacked him, and his target fell on Spottedstar. Well, he'd had enough of others doubting him, especially his own Clan. Was this Wolfcall's doing? Did Blossomstep tell her children they could be friends with Clans who had cursed and hurt and mocked them for generations? "If you have anything else to say, then please say it. If you don't, then leave me. I want to talk to you more, but not like this. And not anymore for today." The defensive anger still seethed in his blood. He knew he could only protect others from himself by sending them away.

Bloodstrike really thought he was prepared for this. He really thought he'd be able to handle whatever would come his way. But there was a tiny sprinkle of hope that Spottedstar would turn out to be... well... different. He didn't know in exactly what way, maybe he just saw this conversation going in a different direction. Instead, his leader was not only angry with him, but talked down at him. Bloodstrike could handle anger, he could handle defensiveness.... but being talked down to? He hadn't been prepared for that.

"someone they won't be punished for attacking." Bloodstrike's gaze focused a little harder at that. That was a problem wasn't it? Apparently not to Spottedstar. Sure, it was two kids more or less flailing angrily at each other and not a reason to necessarily start a clan war. Fine. But where was the line drawn? Apprentices never get punished "because they're kids?" What if it had been two or three apprentices that jumped him that night? Or Mistpaw when she followed him? What if one day things were taken too far and an apprentice was killed? Bloodstrike kept his mouth shut despite his concerns and continued to listen.

"your own dumb choice to wander alone" Bloodstrike was now on the defensive. Not once did he call any decisions that his leader made dumb though he thought that. Bloodstrike knew too that his choices had been risky, but every decision in clan life was risky. Everyone made risky decisions for the benefit of the clan, even if it was later a danger to themselves. But to Spottedstar... it was dumb? Bloodstrike had to bite his tongue and take in a lungful of breath, slowly and quietly and exhale it just as quietly. He was many things, reckless at times maybe... but he was anything but dumb.

"they can't get rid of us on a whim - StarClan wants us. They've preserved us ever since and we have no reason to believe they'll let us fall now." Bloodstrike suppressed a growl. He wasn't so sure he was in a listening mood anymore, let alone talking. The Righteous Few were part of Starclan too. That's a flying leap of ill-placed faith and you know it. Bloodstrike was done here. Starclan existed, and once in awhile he had doubted it as an apprentice until he met Swiftflight. They existed. Great. But he had very little faith that they would protect any one clan over another. That was where he and Spottedstar differed greatly. He believed that the fate of the living was not up to the decisions of the deceased. Starclan wasn't bringing in fresh kill. Starclan wasn't fighting their battles aside from the one battle with the Righteous Few.

Once Spottedstar began speaking of the Shadowclan attacking the camp, Bloodstrike's ears perked up and the hardness left his eyes. His rage had been stilled for a moment. Flintstar had told him of a war between Shadowclan and Skyclan, but nothing of an actual camp raid. He nodded, agreeing to keep the alliance a secret between Thunderclan and Skyclan... though Beecloud's own words popped back into Bloodstrike's head: "I think that ever since the war ended, at least in my clan, everyone is wondering if you'll run away next time something threatens us all. You're apparently not known for returning favors." ... "Of all the clans, you'll have the most trouble with WindClan, guaranteed." ... "Oakstar had only good things to say about Finchstar when he was alive, So, I suppose we could consider them our allies." He was speaking in reference to Windclan too. Bloodstrike wasn't about to bring that up to Spottedstar though. Not tonight... maybe not ever. It was something he would keep in mind for the future but just hold his tongue for now at least. He wasn't even sure he could put any of this into coherent words right now anyway. He kept himself together, but this conversation had been a wrecking ball inside his head and all over his emotions.

"If our cause is just, Bloodstrike, someone will help us. But we won't ever need it because no one decides on wiping out a Clan for fun." And then his anger came back. What a big leap of faith that was too. Plenty of good and innocent cats... and even other things in the world, had been left abandoned to die... Spottedstar was guilty of it too. Who is to say who is just and who is not? It was all perspective. No one wipes out a clan for fun? Bloodstrike clenched his teeth together so hard his gums nearly bled. The Righteous Few's only goal was literally that. Not for fun no, but a cause that they considered "just".

Bloodstrike sat there, silently seething. He couldn't speak out his anger or act upon it, so he sat there and just fumed. He fought it, fought it hard, but some of his fury flooded his eyes and burned down his face. He didn't bother wiping them away or even acknowledging them. There was no point. They were out in the open, just like he was.

"One thing bothers me, though; you went and spoke to other Clan cats before you talked to me? You asked cats who hate us and slander us before you asked me what my reasoning was?" Bloodstrike closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, even taking himself away from where he was inside his head. He desperately needed to calm down. He could feel his hackles itching to rise and his tail threatened to bristle. It was not acceptable for a warrior to bristle at their leader and even under these circumstances he refused to do it.

Blood pooled from his mouth as his own fangs pierced his lip. The sting gave him something else to focus on for a moment. A relief, a distraction from the turbulence inside him right now.

You. Are never. Here. He thought it only to himself. Spottedstar had always seemed so distant, like his namesake, a star so unreachable and so far away no matter how badly you wanted to grasp it. The only two times Spottedstar had ever even said his name was once at the gathering and again at the warrior ceremony. That was it. How dare he act like he was always available and that Bloodstrike had been nothing more than a child throwing a fit without thinking?

Finally it was over. Finally Bloodstrike got the answers that he sought. It was a real shame that this hadn't gone differently... he could barely comprehend his own sheer disappointment. Spottedstar gave him a chance to speak, but how could he? He had been talked down to enough times tonight that he felt anything he said would be met with hostility, no matter how much he only said these things out of concern for his clan. Anger, Bloodstrike had expected. Some defensiveness, of course. But the way he handled his emotions and attacked his own warrior, his own blood... It wasn't what Bloodstrike had been expecting.

He watched Spottedstar's face. The suspicion was plain as day on his leader's expression, so much so that Bloodstrike read him like a book. He had known ever since Flintstar told him that Wolfcall defied his leader's orders to leave and so had Redfall. If your clan is against you, you need to figure out why, not dig your heels in and continue to demand blind loyalty. Bloodstrike almost said it, just to show Spottedstar that he wasn't as dumb as he thought. But he didn't. He'd had enough for tonight and needed to cool off before he actually did or said something stupid.

"No. Goodnight." Bloodstrike got up and padded out of the den, only allowing his face to twist and contort into an expression of such intense fury that it aged the young warrior endlessly once he was turned completely away from his leader. He stared at the ground and power-walked out of the camp, for once with his head low and his shoulders tense.

No one had better be anywhere near the Skyclan borders tonight...