Alone Time [Closed/Solo]

Addershade felt he had been making tangible, positive steps towards voluntarily interacting more with acquaintances, a fact he was genuinely proud of.

But no matter what he did, he doubted he would ever be happier than he was when he was completely, utterly alone, with no one to worry about but himself. And that was plenty to worry about already.

He used to go out by himself often as a young cat. Usually to get in extra practice hunting and fighting. He’d needed it, with his awkwardly long, vaguely unwieldy tail threatening to get in his way at all times. The practice, while it perhaps had not made perfect, had certainly helped. He rarely thought about his tail as an inconvenience now. It was just part of him. Navigating its potential difficulty was second nature to him. It could’ve been a liability, but he hadn’t let it. Because he’d put in the work. He realized he should be proud of that, too.

The RiverClan warrior had been planning on heading to the river to catch a few fish, but the little spike of confidence he’d just gained-- plus the fact that he’d had a mild amount of success catching land prey recently-- lead him to decide he should perhaps push himself a little bit today, too, and turn his focus away from easy prey.

Taking a moment to focus in on the scents around him, he caught the scent of a mouse, and began to pursue it.

Addershade continued tracking the mouse, drawing closer bit by bit. Eventually, he spotted the little animal.

Slowly, he got within range, keeping low and watching his step as he went forward, trying his best not to scare it away. His amber gaze flickered quickly over his surroundings, doing a last scan for surrounding danger as he approached his prey. Then, confident as he could be in both his position and his safety, he launched himself towards it.

Evidently, he hadn't been looking quite close enough, because before he could reach his target, he was interrupted by the aggressive honk of a severely annoyed goose. The aggravated bird came rushing towards him, painfully jabbing its beak into his side. Addershade silently cursed himself for being so careless. How could he have missed that the bird was nearby?

Addershade used 3 SP to try and catch a mouse. Catch was unsuccessful.
A goose has appeared! Goose used Beaked Thrust, dealing 20 damage and costing 40 SP

Addershade
HP: 60/80 (-20)
SP: 237/240 (-3)

Goose
HP: 40/40
SP: 90/130 (-40)

The member 'Ceryn' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 10

With an angry huff, Addershade turned on his new found opponent, claws unsheathed. He sliced at the bird, striking it again and again.

He'd certainly fought more frightening things than a goose, but that didn't mean he wasn't worried about the encounter going badly. And he was certainly greatly perturbed by the fact that he'd been taken by surprise, especially by something as unsubtle as a goose. What was the point in trying to stay wary of the dangers around you if they still somehow got the best of you?

The goose returned his aggression, though the strike was less painful than the first had been.

Addershade used Rending Front Paws, dealing 15 damage and costing 25 SP
Goose used Wing Bluff, dealing 10 damage and costing 20 SP. Addershade's next attack will miss.

Addershade
HP: 50/80 (-10)
SP: 212/240 (-25)

Goose
HP: 25/40 (-15)
SP: 60/130 (-20)

The member 'Ceryn' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Effect Dice' : 5

The RiverClan warrior made another swipe at the large bird, but found his claws meeting with nothing but air. His claw landed back down in pitifully in the crowd, and Addershade swallowed down a gulp of anxiety and disappointment.

The miss left him open, and the goose once again whacked him hard with its beak, this time on the side of his head. Addershade snorted in pain, recoiling.

Addershade used Front Paw Strike, which missed, dealing 0 damage. Attack costs 10 SP
Goose used Beaked Thrust, dealing 20 damage and costing 40 SP.

Addershade
HP: 30/80 (-20)
SP: 202/240 (-10)


Goose
HP: 25/40
SP: 20/130 (-40)

Rekindling his strength, Addershade struck at the goose once more. He sliced with panic and fury at the goose's feathered stomach, snarling at the unfortunate bird as he did so.

He'd been having such a good day before it had showed up, too.

The animal flapped its wings in pain, then turned to make its quick retreat. Clearly it thought better of continuing the encounter with the bruised, but still very much threatening warrior. It honked away, its displeasure apparent.

Addershade used Belly Rake, dealing and costing 10 stamina and dealing 14 damage
Goose has fled!

Addershade
HP: 30/80
SP: 92/240 (-10)

Goose
HP: 11/40 (-14)
SP: 20/130

Addershade began trekking glumly back in the direction of camp. His body was wounded, though his pride was more so.

He had come out here actually feeling optimistic, for once, and the sudden appearance of the goose had all but crushed that. It was hard to believe just moments ago he was, what? Thinking of taking a risk and challenging himself again? Was feeling proud of "all he'd accomplished"? Well, whatever that was, it clearly hadn't helped him spot an obvious danger. What right did he have to be proud of himself?

He stopped in his tracks. He'd been making so much progress towards getting better lately, and suddenly he felt like he'd just taken a giant leap backward. All because of a goose.

No, he thought to himself. No. I do have things to be proud of. Who cares if this one time I made a mistake? Everyone does, right? Sometimes bad things just happen, but that doesn't mean I should be scared all the time. I shouldn't be scared. I shouldn't be scared....

He repeated the phrase to himself over and over. It didn't really help. He still felt like he had to prove the point to himself. I don't have to be scared. Some bad things are inevitable, but that doesn't mean they're constant. I had just begun believing that...I can't go back. I can't do that to myself. Or to those I love.

He found himself approaching the river, taking a spot on the bank. He watched the water carefully, waiting for a fish to swim by.

This was unequivocally a bad idea, and he wasn't even sure why he was doing it, really. But he felt somehow like returning to camp now would only confirm that he hadn't really started on the path to growth. He'd come out here to catch prey. And he was determined to actually do so.

Every fiber of his being was telling him he should just go home. He wasn't so injured that he couldn't function, but the fact was that he was hurt. Staying out in the forest and trying to fish in his state was something only a fool would do.  

...But maybe it was time he started learning to be a little foolish.

Addershade attempted to catch a fish, using 3 SP. Catch was successful!

Addershade
HP: 30/80
SP: 89/240 (-3)

The member 'Ceryn' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 2

Addershade swiped up his fish easily, killing it quickly.

Snatching up the prey between his teeth, the dark pelted tom resumed his awkward limp back towards camp. One fish wasn't all that much, but he was happy to be heading back with something at least.

Now that he was walking with something in his mouth, he realized how much the goose's jab at his head in particular had hurt him, and that there was quite a bit of blood running down his cheek. He wondered if it would scar.

A mix of emotions stirred in him as he approached camp once more. He certainly didn't feel as good as he had when he'd left, but he didn't feel completely awful, either.

Someday getting to live his life totally and completely free of his constant irrational fears was what he wanted more than anything. He felt now more than ever that that was one dream that would never really come true. But he had proved to himself, at least a little, that he really had started to get better at talking down those fears.

And maybe, in the end, that was enough.