The Path Forward [Closed]

Haykit sighed softly as she prodded the rabbit leg, her stomach growling as she chose to just study her meal. It had been moons since she had arrived in WindClan and yet everything seemed so...Weird. Strange. She had been appalled when she had first learned what the Clan cats ate - it had been so different from the milk and pellets she had back in her home. But she was slowly getting used to her new meals, but yet she still felt...So out of place. Was this really the life she was going to live now? It was nothing like she had expected or seen for herself, she wasn't sure if it was for her. What if... Her ears slicked back, the slight nagging fear that had caused her to push off accepting an apprentice ceremony every time was starting to rise in her chest. What if she messed up. What if she did something worth being kicked out - she had to have done something wrong before, why else would she had been taken from her family? She...She wasn't sure what she had done wrong, but she knew there must have been a reason.

She was scared. Scared of making that same mistake again and losing out on another family.

With a soft sigh, she slumped forward as she draped a paw over the rabbit leg, ready to take a bite when her ears twitched at the sound of pawsteps approaching and she turned her gaze upwards to see who it was.

"Hello," came the monotone voice, as Clearpaw stood towering over the straw-colored kit. Although "kit" wasn't a good name for her, she was past six moons. From what he had heard, she had refused her ceremony, and for what, he didn't know. Did she just like being a kit? That was a strange thought to him; when he was that age all he could think about was becoming an apprentice. But there was one thing...if he remembered correctly, Haykit wasn't born in WindClan. Instead, she was an outsider that had been rescued by WindClan warriors and brought to camp.

Without another word, yet, Clearpaw turned and sat down next to the young molly, staring off at the entrance to camp, beyond the thick gorse. He was trying to think of what to say to her, as he didn't want to scare her off. He'd been thinking about her whenever he saw her around camp...how different was it outside of Clan life? He had only heard stories about kittypets and Twolegs. Zinnia was an outsider originally, and Clearpaw found her name very strange.

He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, then turned his head to look down at Haykit. "I've been wondering. How different is kittypet life to Clan life? Did you like being a kittypet?" A pause. "...I think, personally, I would hate being a kittypet."

Haykit cowered slightly as she realized it was one of the apprentices that were approaching her - she didn't know them all that well. She had done her best to stay out of their way when she had been brought in, not wanting to trend on any paws and let them do their own business. She watched with a wary eye as...Um...Clearpaw, she was pretty sure, settled down next to her. There was a silence as slowly Haykit lowered her head, ready to take a bite of her rabbit when the apprentice suddenly spoke up. "Oh, um..." she blinked, a bit thrown by the question. From what she understood, they tended to scorn lives like her - it was like...If you weren't risking your neck out just trying to live, you weren't...Really living, or something? "It was...Safer, I guess. We didn't worry about the weather, or food. Or...Our...Uh, ancestors coming down and trying to kill us," she sighed, scuffing a paw at the ground. "But...I...Do like being outside. Its nice and pretty. I like the sunlight on my pelt and the wind in my whiskers. And...The food is tastier here but...I dunno, it was nice with the idea that my food was never...Alive before," she noted, pawing at the rabbit leg. "...It wasn't bad if you didn't know any better, I guess. Its different but it was nice its own way, but it also had...Uh, downsides. I-I mean I don't blame you for not thinking you wouldn't like it with how...Different it was. But I also don't know if I would have ever wanted to leave if I hadn't..." she drifted off, her ears slicking back as her whole body slumped a little. "If I hadn't been taken away."

Since Haykit's arrival several moons ago, Olivestone had kept an eye on the kit, though it was safe to say that Haykit was no longer the size nor the age of a standard Clan kit. The yellow she-cat had refused an apprenticeship for the time being, though the deputy didn't know why. Perhaps talking to her would clear some things up for the both of them.

Olivestone spotted the yellow she-cat sitting alone with a meal, seemingly debating on whether to eat it. The deputy had begun her approach when Clearpaw padded forward and began to talk to Haykit, the latter seeming unsure about the conversation, if her body language was anything to go by. She finally approached the pair, tail up and expression friendly, and she sat down near the pair, catching the last few sentences of Haykit's response to Clearpaw.

"Hello, Haykit, Clearpaw. How's it going today?" she waited for their responses before continuing, "I don't know what those twolegs were thinking, or why they did what they did, but it wasn't your fault. You know, Haykit, I can relate to you in some way. I'm actually not Clanborn at all. My brother and I were born as loners, and found by our fathers, then we were raised with the Clan. It was a bit strange at first, after knowing nothing but being alone with Ferretdance for our first couple moons of life. It got easier though, the longer I stayed with the Clan.

She offered a kind smile at Haykit.
"There's no shame, and no rush in taking your time to get used to how Clan life works. It's definitely complicated. Is there anything specific that you like about Clan life?"

Clearpaw was just in the process of formulating a response to Haykit when another cat joined their little group. "Hello, Olivestone," he mewed, dipping his head towards the WindClan deputy. "Things are going fine, what about yourself?" Olivestone began to speak about her past as an outsider kit and the tall apprentice listened carefully, the tip of his tail flicking back and forth as he considered what she was saying. Part of him was wary about outsiders, especially ones like Zinnia, because how could she possibly have the same amount of loyalty as a true WindClanner? But she was a warrior, and Ravenstar (and previously Finchstar) trusted her, so he supposed he should too. Clearpaw exhaled slowly in a soft sigh, pressing his front paws into the dirt and flexing his claws. His opinions on things were so confusing sometimes, why did it have to be so hard? He looked back up at the two mollies, his tail stilling. "...Maybe you becoming an apprentice would help you adjust more to Clan life, Haykit."

Haykit froze at the sight of the deputy approaching, falling into a crouch as she curled up as tightly as she could. She...She always felt terrible whenever she said no to the deputy's many requests to make her an apprentice. She just...She was afraid to tell the truth, to explain the reason why she kept saying no. Because she knew what they would say - that she was wrong. That everything would be okay, that she hadn't even made a mistake to cause her to be taken away from her parents. But...But she had to. Why else would her housefolk do that? Why else wouldn't her mom have fought to get her back? Why else...

She had to have done something to deserves it, didn't she?

She didn't say speak a word even as the deputy asked how they were, but her ears did perk up a little as Olivestone started to speak and explained a bit about her backstory. She...She knew that. Roughly - that not all of her Clanmates where born in WindClan. That a good deal had a history like hers, being outsiders. But...Just because it came so naturally to them didn't mean that she wouldn't. But as Olivestone gently asked if there was anything she wanted to know and Clearpaw suggested that being an apprentice would perhaps help... "I...I don't know," she admitted finally, bowing her head as she refused to look at either of the two.

"I'm...Scared. I...I don't want to lose more...More f-family. I must have done something wrong back home. There had to be a reason I was taken, that my momma didn't even seem to care as I was...I-I mean my siblings weren't taken with me, it had to be me that did something. It...I don't want to make the same mistake here, whatever it was. I-I don't wanna screw things up. You all are so nice and...I...I don't know. I just want to mess things up cause I don't understand something, cause I..." she finally drifted off, her tail thumping against the ground. She wasn't sure what she was expecting - everybody was so nice, she knew they would just try to soothe her fears but...It...Felt nice to finally admit it at least, to get it off her chest.

As Haykit admitted her fears about joining the Clan as a full member, Olivestone nodded a little, trying to think of something helpful to say. After a few moments, the deputy spoke.
"I don't know what your old housefolk were thinking, stars, I don't know what any twoleg is thinking. They're so unpredictable. But, everyone makes mistakes, but we're not gonna throw you out for something as little as that. Mistakes make way for growth and learning, and it's important for every cat to mess up sometimes as they age. I've certainly made many mistakes, and yet, I'm still here, I'm even the deputy. I still make mistakes sometimes."

She offered another smile at Haykit.
"I'm glad you trusted us enough to tell us how you feel. If you still need more time to make your decision, take as much time as you need. If you feel ready one day, I'll be here."

Clearpaw stood steadfast, watching Olivestone and Haykit converse. His tail tip flicked back and forth, as it often did while he was in thought, a frown settling on his already serious features. He was a little put-off by the fact that he didn't really have anything useful to add to this conversation. Olivestone was very nice and very kind and seemed to know just what to say to ease nerves, and Clearpaw had often found that he...wasn't. He didn't have that kind of skill, at least not yet, and he admired cats that could do that. Finally, the lanky apprentice tucked his tail tightly around his paws where he sat, now staring down at the ground instead of at his companions. Maybe that's something I can work on... he mused, shuffling his paws a little as he studied the ground beneath them.

After a moment, after a bit of silence that felt a little too long, Clearpaw blinked and glanced up, piercing Haykit with his deep blue gaze. "I make mistakes too. Olivestone's right, it's a part of growing up. I...hope you come to a decision soon about your...path." He winced inwardly; did he really have to be so awkward sometimes? He wasn't very good at this whole consoling thing...

Haykit sniffled quietly as she listened to Olivestone talk. She...She had a point. She...She had to expect that she would make mistakes but...Surely there were mistakes that you couldn't recover from. Mistakes that meant bad things would happen. She just had to have done something but... She sighed as she scrubbed at her face with her paws, thinking over things. Maybe...Maybe she ought to become an apprentice. Maybe not just yet - but...She was scared. So scared of being kicked out, of not understanding things. She still felt so confused on some matters when it came to being a Clan cat but...

How else was she suppose to learn? She couldn't stay a kit forever, she had to give back to them somehow. "I...You are right. Thank you...Both of you," she meowed, raising her head as she glanced between Olivestone and Clearpaw. She didn't know either of them that well, she...Didn't know anybody that well. Maybe that was part of her problem, being so terrified of making bonds that she wasn't even giving them a chance. It was so easy to be scared of the unknown - there was so much she didn't know and the camp seemed so safe but...They all liked it here, didn't they? Why couldn't she? "I'll...Uh, I'll think about it. But...Um...Yeah, maybe I should become an apprentice soon." She paused, before she glanced between the two. "...What...Does being an apprentice actually mean thought? Like...What do you do?"