Mourning a beast. (Open, Beartooth's death)

‘It’s my fault. I know it is. I’m so sorry Beartooth… I’m... ’ The ravine was frozen. The path hard to traverse with the extra weight on his back. The extra limbs holding him down… the extra head by his, that should have been moving on it’s own.

Instead it lay there limply. Lifeless… permanently. Oakstar blinked back tears. Wet tracks were icy on his face as he slid down the final steps of the ravine with a choked cry of pain. His head battered against the ravine wall, but that pain was nothing compared to the ache in his chest of knowing that his deputy would never rise again. That he pushed the clan too hard, his deputy too hard… and now they had paid the ultimate price.

The loss of a brave, strong cat who would have led them far.

He bit back a wail of grief as he dragged the body through the tunnel entrance. He winced as a bit of pelt caught on a bramble and paused long enough to carefully untangle it before resuming his gentle pull. Until the body rested in the middle of camp. Frozen, stiff… and oh so unliving. He sobbed, his voice breaking as he tried to yowl the words.

"C-cats of Thunderclan… C-come." He stopped, a choked sob wrenching from his throat as he buried his amber eyes against the brown tabby pelt. Beartooth had been his apprentice. Practically a son… and now he was gone.

It was his fault.

Ferretnose could not keep her bleary eyes from watching her paws stumble in the thick frost. She staggered a foxlength behind Oakstar, and each time she caught a glimpse of Beartooth's long tail dragging haphazardly along behind him, another choking noise erupted from her throat. She still had no words for Harefoot. She had been thinking all this time. What could she possibly say that would remedy something so shattered and disjointed? Would he still love her without their missing piece? The toms' history was so long... they hadn't needed her. They simply wanted her.

Oakstar was ever gentle, like a father. She wished that she had been better at accepting his endearing nature instead of treating him like any other leader. He was never any other leader. So, Ferretnose crouched low, set herself at his side, and laid her head on Beartooth's neck. It was like they were falling asleep. Ferretnose would have to wake up. That was a luxury he could not afford. Her eyes fluttered shut and she ignored the woeful cries of her clanmates as they drew nearer. She was terrified to look Harefoot in the eye. After a long pause, she finally spoke. It was mostly a sentiment for Oakstar, but she did not mask her words from the ears of ThunderClan.

"I'm not sick, Oakstar," she whimpered. "I'm having kits. They'll be here soon. Some of them Harefoot... some of them Beartooth. He won't get to meet them. I was so excited... I'm still excited! We were all ready for a second chance." She thought of Ridgelight. She hoped Oakstar would think the same.

She caught Harefoot's eye. "I'm sorry... please forgive me. I... I can't help but feel like it's my fault. Even if that makes no sense."

There it was, right before his stormy-gray eyes, the very thing he had longed to never see. In life, Beartooth had been something akin to blackcough, an unshakable plague due to both their shared blood and the rank his father had possessed. Once that had been a thing he sought to brag on but quickly the young warrior had discovered he wanted nothing to do with the tom that had abandoned him. It seemed that even in death, he was to be haunted by Thunderclan's former deputy. As Oakstar and Ferretnose made their way to the center, sobs began to echo around them as kin and clanmates realized what had befallen their beloved Beartooth. He wanted to sneer at the idea. There was no doubt that the overgrown tabby held strength in his paws and that he had defended the clan in several battles. But there was also the fact he had as much parental prowess and emotional range as one of the many rocks out on the territory. It was a fact that had extended into the parenting of his sole son.

Houndheart's claws dug into the frozen earth as he stared on. Several emotions churned through him. Fear, hate, longing, anguish. Once upon a time Beartooth had tried to bridge the gap that formed between him but it had been far too late, his son would never let that happen. And now, it was too late for anything to ever happen. He could not help but feel claws in his stomach as Ferretnose leaned into her mate's neck. He glanced around for Duskpaw but did not catch her right away so instead he padded forward to play the part of the grieving clanmate. Or, rather, that's what he would have done had he been better able to slip on a mask of control. Houndheart had always been a boastful and reckless being, not even a situation like this could change that. As he neared the two cats in the center of camp, his large ears caught part of Ferretnose's whimper. Kits... Beartooth. Great Starclan, of course she was pregnant with their kits.

There would be no end to the memory of Beartooth. Whatever kits sprung up from her womb were certain to bear marks of their parentage. How could she have fallen in love with such a brute? Harefoot he could understand. His former mentor, while usually soft-spoken and timid, could actually feel things. His ears flattened and he hissed, "Kits? Kits? How could this happen, Oakstar? What happened? I thought Beartooth was supposed to be this great, unstoppable force and now he's laying dead in camp with kits on the way." Houndheart knew the answer to his own question and yet that did not stop his tail from lashing behind him. Mountains of frustrations and guilt and torment colored his gaze. As much as he felt he had longed this day to come for so long, Houndheart could not find any pleasure in the grief of the clan. Nor was their satisfaction in the death of his father. It appeared not even in the demise of the thing he hated would their be peace. Not knowing what he knew, not when nothing could fix what had happened in his kithood. He swallowed as he stared at them, catching the slight swelling in Ferretnose's belly now. These kits, no matter what, could at least be rest assured they would have parents. That was something he couldn't even say.

The wind outside was biting him, it's cold teeth reaching through Leopardkit's thin, sleek pelt to nip at the skin underneath, giving him the shivers.  He tried his best to hide it though; if Dustcloud saw, she would bundle him back into the nursery before he could even blink, and that was the last thing he wanted to happen.  Still, it felt too cold to play, so the pale-pelted tom sat watching his Clanmates walk back and forth, some with prey in their jaws, others carrying material to reinforce the dens before what the grown-ups called "the storms" hit.  He had also seen his father leave camp with a small, round she-cat - what was her name...Ferret-something? - but they had yet to return.  Brow furrowed, Leopardkit let out a long sigh; he was bored.  Nothing interesting had happened all day, and he was beginning to consider admitting defeat and going to take a nap.  Just as he was about to though, one paw lifted off the ground, the gorse tunnel rustled and Leopardkit leaped to his paws at the sight of his father, bright eyes begging for company and entertainment.  Something was...wrong, though.

Mouth gaping, he realized in a flash of recognition that his father's deputy, Beartooth, was being carried, his enormous body oddly still and frosted over.  Watching from a distance as Oakstar placed him on the ground and called out to the Clan, the pained tone of his usually noble voice striking Leopardkit's heart like a thorn in one's paw pad, he couldn't help his curiosity.  Slinking forward, not knowing if anyone would try to stop him, he reached Beartooth's side, but kept a very safe distance.  The scent he carried was weird...like the cold winds at dusk, sweeping through the lands and freezing everything in their grasp by dawn.  Had he been frozen by the wind too, like Mother always warned him about?  How was that possible though, when...

"This means he wasn't strong enough...right Dad?"  His innocent, naive eyes looked up to Oakstar, haunches falling so that he was sitting beside the deputy's form.  Looking back down at Beartooth, he continued on, brow lifted in concentration as he tried to remember what he had learned.  "If a cat is defeated, that means they weren't strong enough to win the fight.  Geez, if Beartooth lost to some bad wind, he must've been pretty weak..."  Golden eyes narrowing slightly, he examined Beartooth's many toes, long fangs, and the way his maw seemed twisted into a smile.  Why would a cat smile when they died, it was the ultimate failure!  For such an imposing cat in life, he looked quite cowardly in death.  He didn't deserve to be father's successor if he lost to something I've been fighting all day...but still, it's a shame he's gone.  Especially if he was going to be a father...

Stormpaw had been bitterly cold in the apprentices den, and she spied Leopardkit outside, anyways. What was that kit up to now? She streched and left the comfort of her nest, padding out of the den. Her friend, Dacepaw, would be leaving the den any day now, and it pained her not to sleep next to her friend's warm pelt. She didn't really know Hailpaw and Rainpaw, and Duskpaw always seemed a little...weird.

When she left her den, though, she heard a rustle and turned to look. Ferretnose and Oakstar! How delightful! was her first thought, then she noticed a frosted, brown body, long fangs slightly sticking out and her heart dropped. Was?.... No, he couldn't. Surely he was just injured? But the look on Ferretnose's face said everything. Oh StarClan, first Falconwing, now Beartooth, why must this happen? StarClan was good; they did this for a reason, one living cats couldn't see clearly. Yes, she decided, Beartooth died for a reason. StarClan does not take unnecessary lives.

Padding over to say one last goodbye to her father's deputy, she saw Leopardkit approach. Just as curious as she was as a kit, no doubt. But she paused when he spoke.

This means he wasn't strong enough, right dad?

Wasn't strong enough? No, no, Leopardkit was simply that, a kit. He didn't know any better, that was all. He'd realize his mistake and apologize, after all, Beartooth was still technically deputy.
Or not.
Geez, if Beartooth lost to some bad wind, he must have been pretty weak...

Despite trying her hardest, she lashed her tail and spun around to face her younger brother. "what did you just say?" Stormpaw practically spat. She loved her siblings, yes, but she loved StarClan more; Beartooth was now in StarClan. He deserved respect. She barred her teeth in a snarl that was so unlike her, before she turned away, and pressed her muzzle to Beartooth's frozen fur. She padded over to Ferrtnose and gently ran her tail down the grieving she-cat back.

Coniferkit watched as his father and another cat filed into camp. He thought nothing of it, patrols were nothing new, but his attention was immediately caught by Oakstar's distraught attempt at an announcement. Oakstar didn't get distraught. There was no reason for him to be, surely a leader would have nothing to worry about? He was the strongest cat the young kit knew. Morbidly curious, the unusually large tom ambled over to his father and another cat he recognised as Beartooth, the Clan's deputy. He was tempted to paw at the other cat, to see if he would react. Death was a foreign concept, as was grief. But looking up at his father, who seemed so out of character with tears running down his usually calm face, Coniferkit knew something was very wrong. Sitting next to his brother, he stepped on the other kit's tail when he spoke poorly of Beartooth. "Leopardkit, you're not supposed to say that,"  he hissed into the smaller tom's ear.

For a moment, Oakstar truly believed thing couldn’t be worse… but Ferretnose’s words struck him hard. Now it was worse. Her kits would be short one father, and worse, it was his fault. He pressed his forehead to the once mighty tabby’s body with a sob. Beartooth didn’t deserve to freeze to death. He didn’t deserve to be overworked. He deserved to be with his mates, with his clan, with his kits.

As agony roiled in him, he heard Houndheart’s remark, and he almost wished then and there for the warrior to kill him. To claim the life he had just lost in his… but it wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t do anything it wouldn’t fix this. Because there was no fixing it. Instead all he could do was draw himself up with effort and look down as he heard his kit’s rude words, and stormpaw’s response. He flicked his tail, tapped Stormpaw on the shoulder as he turned a tear-streaked gaze to little Leopardkit.

"Leopardkit… you are too little, and do not understand. You think the wind killed him… but it wasn’t. Your disrespect before his body brings shame to us both. All cats lives are precious, and never to be mocked or made lightly of. It does not matter how a cat dies..." his amber gaze firmed. Behind the tears, they burned with anger he felt building in his chest at his own kit’s rudeness. "I never want to hear such words again. Go to the nursery, tell your mother what you said, and you will stay in there for the next moon."

He flicked his tail towards stormpaw again, gesturing with his head tilted towards the nursery.
"Please take my son to the nursery." he ordered, before he turned back to the body before him. The pain of guilt returned in full, and he lowered his head shamefully.
"This is my fault." He said slowly, beside Houndheart and Ferretnose. "I pushed him too hard… I allowed him to work himself too hard. I… I didn’t even think that he wouldn’t tell me… but of course he wouldn’t… " He swallowed a dry lump in his throat as tears fell anew.

"This is my fault."

"Oakstar, you're speaking nonsense. Beartooth has always done everything he could for his clan and his loved ones, you and I both know that. Even if you ordered him to stop, he still would have gone. Don't blame yourself." Mossbloom spoke as she emerged from the wilted ferns leading to the medicine den, green eyes taking in the scene before her. The scent of death and sounds of mourning had drawn her from her careful tending of herbs, and she had heard Houndheart and Leopardkit's words. Green eyes flashing with anger and disappointment, they settled on Houndheart as she padded forward. Perhaps her mother's recent death had hardened her, or perhaps all of the recent loss had finally broken something within the calico, but as she reached him she raised a paw and placed it firmly upon his head, staring into his eyes with her own.

"You, Houndheart, are old enough to know and understand. Show some respect for our lost clanmate. I don't care what you thought of him, Beartooth was a fine, mighty warrior, and a warm-hearted friend and companion. Perhaps if you weren't so caught up in your hatred of everything and so adamant to refuse to let yourself feel genuine love, happiness, and compassion you would have seen that. If you're going to act like a kit, perhaps you should remain in the nursery as well." Her gaze was cold, harsh as they bore into the tom's pelt, holding his gaze for another heartbeat before she lowered her paw, leaving behind a damp print.

Turning her head towards Beartooth's body, memories flooded into her mind. Playing with the ball of moss as a kit, and meeting her first companion in ThunderClan. He had towered over her far more then, as she had still been so young. The reunions on the shore, her searching for his pelt, fearful it wouldn't be there. The journey taken home, the aid given over the moons. Her father's death, caused in part by the large-pawed tom. The prophecy she had received, and spoken to him about just a few sunrises ago. Oh stars, Ferretnose, Harefoot, and their kits.... Padding forward, she settled at Ferretnose's side, pressing her nose to her dear friend's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Ferretnose."

No words could ever fix what had been broken, or replace what had been lost, but she would be by her friends side no matter what. She knew what it was like to lose someone you loved, stars knew she had experienced it over and over again. Though she had never mated with a cat, nor would she ever, it couldn't be that different of a love, could it? Pressing close to Ferretnose's side, leaving room for Harefoot to join on the opposite side, she pressed her nose to Beartooth's freezing body. She hadn't cried since her mother had died, traveling to the stars the way so many others had before her. Lowering her voice to merely a whisper that only those nearest could hear, she spoke to Beartooth for the last time. "Thank you, Beartooth, for being my friend."

Leopardkit, looking up from the deputy's body, visibly flinched as Stormpaw lashed words at him in a tone just as cutting as leaf-bare winds; his eyes growing wide and ears folded back, for a moment he was lost for a response.  "I...I just said, that...a deputy shouldn't be so- ouch!"  He could feel pressure on his tail, and when he looked over his shoulder he found Coniferkit, leaning over to hiss in his ear.  "Leopardkit, you're not supposed to say that,"  Then...what am I supposed to say?  That he died with honor, like a true warrior?  He froze to death!  Before he could speak his thoughts though, a much more resounding voice cut into the confusing moment, and Leopardkit slowly turned his face towards his father, his breath catching in his throat at the sight of him.  His idol, his dad looking at him with tears and fury in his eyes, and Leopardkit didn't know what to do.

Every word felt like a dire injury struck from the inside out, and for one of the first times in his life, Leopardkit felt true embarrassment.  Why did I say that?!  Why didn't I keep the truth to myself, now Dad's mad, and Mom's gonna be mad, and it will take even longer for me to become an apprentice!  I don't understand...  His eyes averted and head low, Oakstar's words rang with hollow meaning in his mind, he only knew that he had been scolded in the middle of camp, and everyone was looking at him.  He felt his face flush with warmth for a long moment, but suddenly a select string of words were clear as day, and a shock of ice ran through his body; "I never want to hear such words again. Go to the nursery, tell your mother what you said, and you will stay in there for the next moon."  He gasped.  "But...but Dad, I'm-!"  Too late, Stormpaw was already trying to usher him away, and his father had turned to Ferretnose and Houndheart.  Heart beating fast, he stared at Oakstar's back for a long moment, and then at Beartooth's frozen body, before admitting defeat.  Pulling his tail out of Coniferkit's grasp with a growl, the lanky silver kit followed his adopted sister back to the nursery, gait stiff and embued with anger.  Stupid Beartooth, this is your fault!  Now Dad's mad, everyone's sad, and I have no clue what they're saying!  We're warriors, aren't we supposed to die fighting?  So why are they crying over some cat who took a nap in the snow?!  Entering the warm interior of the dense bramble bush, Leopardkit stomped the snow off his paws, face scrunched in pure anger, and flopped down in his family's nest.  Maybe he should've taken a nap after all...

Stormpaw nodded at her father, looking back at the spotted kit with a glare. Leopardkit tried to protest, but the silver tabby forced him along. She watched as he stormed into the nursery. For a moment, she felt bad. Then she remembered his words, and anger surged in her again. "Mom, Leopardkit insulted Beartooth's dead body while we were gathering for his vigil. Dad- Oakstar- told him he must stay in the nursery for a moon as punishment. If you'd like, I'll give Ferretnose your condolences." She dipped her head to Dustcloud, gave the troublesome kit one last glare, and walked out.

Scanning the clearing, she saw the beefy build of Coniferkit, her youngest brother. She waved him off with a tail. "Coniferkit! Come here, please." She mewed with an even tone, her anger with Leopardkit subsiding.

Coniferkit watched as his brother stormed off to sulk at his punishment, feeling a little bit bad for his littermate but altogether quite glad that it was his brother being punished and not him. Upon hearing his name, he looked up, ears twitching curiously. His sister's tone didn't really give much away, so he decided she's probably not too angry at him. Hesitantly, the large kit approached Stormpaw. "Yeah, what's up? He was rubbish at reading facial expressions, so he could only hope his sister wasn't mad at him for whatever reason.

Stormpaw was glad atleast one of her younger siblings listened to her. When Coniferkit approached, she ran over different ideas to get him away from the vigil. The kit was too little to fully understand, and it felt awkward seeing him huddled by Oakstar. So, instead, she'd find him something useful to do without looking like she was trying to get rid of him.

"Hey, I noticed Dustcloud looked a little thin. Why don't you go bring her some fresh-kill? I'm sure mother would appreciate that." She said, smiling at him, and pointing to the meager fresh-kill pile. It consisted of a squirrel, two scrawny mice, and a kestrel that was more feathers than bird.

Dacedream's first night of being a warrior was complete. She and her new denmate and fellow newly-named warrior, Rainstrike, had kept vigil all through the dark hours of the night. Though the tortoiseshell she-cat had struggled with the silence aspect, she felt plenty of energy burning through her blood - until dawn came. When the first cat rolled from the warriors den to relieve Dacedream and Rainstrike of their posts, Dacedream was more than happy to lumber into the den and collapse next to Houndheart. It was everything she could have dreamed of to share that warmth with him again for the first time in moons.

When she awoke, however, all of the joy seemed to have been sapped right out of the air and leeching from every cat around it. Dacedream woke to no Houndheart and to the sound of scuffling outside, shocked gasps and murmurs. Still positively sleepy, the she-cat rolled to her feet and padded outside, her bushy tail flicking behind her with confusion and curiosity as she tried to take in the scene. A stone sunk in Dacedream's stomach as she pieced everything together: Houndheart being scolded by Mossbloom, Leopardkit being ushered away by his siblings towards the nursery as he protested, Ferretnose crouching mournfully over--

"Beartooth?" Dacedream whispered, her ears flattening as she understood. Beartooth, their deputy, the first cat to show Dacedream the territory and hunt with her, was gone. Shocked, Dacedream looked around, questions swirling in her head. How? When? What happened? Why? Her stomach twisted further. Oh, no, was it her fault? Had she missed something during her vigil? She simply stood and stared at the scene, struck speechless as it all unfolded around her.

When Ferretnose and Oakstar came back with the body of ThunderClan's deputy, Dustcloud was sound asleep in her nest.

The kits had been running her ragged, dragging her from her nest at odd hours in the morning and somehow, completely turning her sleep schedule around. For once, she was able to lay down and get some rest, and for that she was thankful. Stormpaw had been an excellent help when it came to her most recent litter, bringing her freshkill and making sure that she was alright. Without her mate and Stormpaw, Dustcloud would be a much bigger mess than she was already.

When she heard the stomping of small kitten paws, and the sound of her daughter's voice, her eyes opened and she was on her paws immediately. Her maw parted as she took in what Stormpaw was saying, the abrupt notion that Beartooth was... was dead sinking in. "B-Beartooth? But he's... he's so y-y-young, though... And L-Leopardkit?" Shaking her head in disbelief, Dustcloud turned her gaze to Leopardkit. "That w-would be excellent, S-Stormpaw, thank you..." Peering outside of the nursery, Dustcloud watched as her Clan gathered around him to mourn. "Oh, my little L-Leo," She couldn't even manage to put on a stern face to scold him, instead just wrapping her tail around the small kit and pulling him closer. How was she supposed to keep her kits safe in a world like this?

A strange expression crossed Coniferkit’s face at Stormpaw’s words. They weren’t negative by themselves, but her tone was odd. She seemed almost uncomfortable, though Coniferkit couldn’t fathom why. Perhaps if he had been older he would’ve argued, but seeing as she was older and still significantly bigger than him, plus his mother really was looking quite tired these days, he obeyed his sister and made his way, albeit a bit dejectedly, towards the fresh-kill pile. He grabbed a squirrel and returned to the nursery to find Dustcloud and Leopardkit. Dropping it, he said,”hey ma, I got you a squirrel.” With that lackluster greeting, he lay down next to his mother(making sure to do so on the opposite side of where Leopardkit was) and snuggled up to her as he drifted back off into a restful sleep. Beartooth truly hadn’t meant much to him, and he was truthfully far too young to understand how hard of a blow to ThunderClan this was. Perhaps one day he’d come to reflect on that, but for now he was warm, content and unbothered by this tragedy.