in between dreams

The distance from the Clans had been good for her, as far as Batbite was concerned. Every day felt new and beautiful, even if she did the same things as the day before; and perhaps that was the rush of doing something new and exciting, but it was also comforting. She could sleep peacefully, knowing that when she rose Strom would most likely still be present, not having to worry about a fight or the intricacies of politics every time she stepped out on a patrol. Hunting for herself, too, was strange and new; and she still brought her catches back to the barn before she ever ate them. Just the knowledge that she didn't have to was enough for her.

And the company, too, was comforting. Of course she missed Lynxtail and Copperheart, but she couldn't live her entire life for someone else - this was something she'd had to do for herself, and she still wasn't alone. Strom was a near-constant presence, an old friend she trusted as completely as she could bring herself to trust someone that wasn't one of her siblings.

Perhaps that was why she couldn't sleep tonight. The thought of trusting any cat besides them so thoroughly, so completely... It was exciting, in the way new and different things always were, but it was also terrifying. She felt so profoundly safe in his presence, in this distant place where they'd been more or less left alone (with a few exceptions). And she had to wonder why.

Her first instinct was to blame it on the change in location, but the whispering voice in the back of her mind disagreed; pointing out that it had started well before they'd left, though it had been more subtle at first. At the time, she'd brushed it off as a mixture of curiosity and excitement regarding their plans... But out here, there was no such shield from her feelings. No warrior's code to tell her that they were wrong, not that she'd ever particularly cared for it.

Only herself, and the whispering voice that dared to place a name to her thoughts. One she wasn't willing to acknowledge quite yet.

Too often, now, it seemed she'd traded carefully observing the politics of the forest by going to war with her own mind.

Clan or no? Did it matter anymore? Leave or stay, but where could she go? Could she leave Strom behind? Of course not, but she'd said the same about her brothers once. So, then, was her word worth anything at all (and did it matter, when she hadn't said a word of it)?

Instead of letting herself get lost again, she shook her head - there was no point in ruining something beautiful like they'd made here with the thoughts that wouldn't leave her alone - and finally ceased her pacing, returning to the barn as the sun began to rise; and to her nest, where she remained - far too awake for her liking - until she thought she saw her companion begin to stir. "Let's go hunting," she said suddenly, breaking the peaceful morning silence. Partly because she needed to run, to move her paws; but also because there wasn't any reason not to.

Strom lay in his nest, his limbs twitching slightly every so often as he dreamed. A fish, flashing above his head, sparkling water spraying beneath his paws. Bright, vibrant, hazy, all mixed together. On the edges, a darkness lingered, watching like a malevolent snake about to strike, tinging every bright colour a sickly yellow and creeping icy fingers across every beam of warmth. But it stayed only on the edge, leaving him to swim in vivid memories of laughter and thoughts of... new things. Green eyes pulled him forward into the light, a teasing laugh on the edge of hearing.

He awoke gradually as the day dawned, the scent of fresh dew and the warmth of the barn filling his still sleepy consciousness. That, and another, more familiar and somehow... He didn't really know how to describe it, that odd feeling for an instant. Blinking open his eyes, he lifted his head and yawned in time to hear Batbite's abrupt announcement.

He twitched his whiskers in surprise, a smile coming to his maw as he looked at her. "What, just like that? No "good morning it's a new day in paradise, shall we chase the sun and run across the hills?"" He teased, quickly getting his paws underneath him and rising, shaking his pelt off.

"Sure," He finally mewed in answer to her question as he stretched, unable to resist adding, "Though this time, I think both the rabbits and my pelt will thank us if we don't go after them."

This morning his spirits practically soared, the smell, feel, even sight of new things coming and already here around him filling him with an energy and carefree-ness he hadn't felt since he was a kit. That, and he was with someone he knew, who knew him. He didn't have to be something he wasn't, to force himself to pretend like everything was all right when he was breaking inside. And that, oddly, left him feeling like he was finally healing.

"Oh," Batbite purred as she once again rose to her paws, glad to find how easily the words came to her now that they both were awake. "I'm sorry. Good morning, oh wonderful Strom, it's a new day in paradise! Shall we go out and chase the sun?" she exaggerated and dragged out the words, a teasing lilt to her voice and her amusement evident in her eyes.

The thoughts that plagued her almost seemed to fade.

Almost.

(These days, she never could seem to shake that whispering voice.)

Rather than voice those thoughts, though, she laughed as Strom suggested avoiding the rabbits. "Why might that be? Afraid of being shown up? And if so, by me or by them?" She was halfway out the barn's entrance, now. "Maybe mice are more your speed! Or some fish, if we stumble across any. I'd love to learn how to catch them, actually," she mused. "It didn't exactly come up in my swimming lessons. Clan-specific secrets, I suppose?"

Yes. Things with which to occupy her time. Things that were not pacing silently in the middle of the night, denying that she had any feelings to ignore.

And time spent with a friend was special in its own right, regardless of what she was doing; this friend in particular.

(Any specifics of why that might be that her mind tried to provide went profoundly ignored.)

She teased him back, her green eyes sparkling with amusement. Ba-thump. His smile widened with a laugh, warmth tingling in his paws as he stretched his back legs and then arched his spine. There would be nothing better than chasing the sun with his best friend, hunting in this golden land. Best friend? Or something more? An odd shadow flitted across the scene with the thought, but he immediately shook it off, and the voice in the back of his head with it.

"Yes," He said dryly as he fell into step beside her. "I'm terrified of being shown up. Especially since last time I ended up in a gorse bush." At her mention of the fish, he made a show of looking around. "It might be a bit hard to find any just around here, unless there's some kind that lives on land. But if we went down to the river I could show you-"

Something she'd said suddenly struck him as strange, and he glanced at her, raising a brow. "Wait, you've had swimming lessons?"

Well. 'Swimming lessons' was certainly the way to put it if she wanted to place herself in a better light, Batbite thought. But the truth was a little more complicated than that. Did she want to share it? It seemed what she wanted didn't matter much, however, as the story started to slip from her tongue without her permission; and then she was obligated to either continue or explain why she'd stopped. "Well... I'd been trying to teach myself, at the time. In the river. Dappleshine found me there, and I suppose she took pity on me as I splashed around in the water. Truthfully, it's thanks to her that I know anything at all now. Why, are you surprised?" She let her words sink in, purring contentedly. "The river... Yes, I suppose there would be fish there, wouldn't there? If you want to, I won't turn up the chance to learn something new."

Strom tried very hard not to imagine Batbite's version of "teaching herself," instead keeping his face as straight as possible. But still, he'd seen kits' first attempts at swimming - or more accurately, wild splashing - along with his own first attempts, and the results were always... interesting. But the thought was driven out of his mind as she mentioned Dappleshine, and his ears perked in surprise Dappleshine taught her? A moment later he chuckled softly at her mention of splashing, now that she freely admitted it. "Yes, Dappleshine is good at that," He murmured, before looking up again with a glint of amusement in his eye. "Now that I think about it, no, I'm not really surprised."

He looked up at the sky, still lightening with the rising sun. Now would be a good time to fish, with the dace, trout, and others just beginning to stir. Maybe not as good as it would have been in the evening, but it was still close enough to green-leaf for it not to be the worst of times.

He purred, suddenly longing for the taste of fish on his tongue, the feel of water on his pelt and under his paws again. "Sure, why not?" He suddenly grinned as a thought occurred to him, a slightly wicked edge to the expression as he glanced slyly at her. "I'm sure you'll love the taste, too."

"She was very nice about it," Batbite admitted. "Even when I, well, wasn't." Not that she didn't still believe her words then had been entirely justified. But they shouldn't have been directed at a cat who had shown her only kindness no hostility; she could freely admit that, if nothing else. "Did she teach you, too?" she asked.

Strom's next words caught her attention. "Even if I don't," Batbite purred, for the kitlike curiosity of what fish tasted like (the scent familiar to all cats that dealt with RiverClan) haunted her even now, despite the concerns that his expression arose, "I'll still love that I'm catching them with you." She paused for a moment. She had not meant to say that. Could she... Un-say it? (As the oh-so-irritating voice in the back of her mind whispered, did she even want to?) "I mean, because... Because you're my friend and I love spending time with you," she rushed to explain. Oh, StarClan, she couldn't believe her own words; but she couldn't deny it any longer, at least to herself. The word love, in the context she meant it, still felt too strong, even if it was the only thing that fit, but she couldn't push it aside now that she'd said it out loud. "Time spent with those you care for is precious," she added, softer and more genuine. Denial would do no one any good, clearly, if it led to her letting her true thoughts slip anyway. For the moment, she chose to brush it off and push onward. "Anyway... Lead the way, teacher for the day!"

Strom struggled to keep a straight face at the thought of Dappleshine having to teach him to swim. She wasn't even born when I learned to, He thought in amusement. Even if he somehow hadn't learned to before that.... Images of a tiny Dapplekit instructing him on technique leapt into his mind's eye, bringing a smile twitching to his maw.

But before he could comment on it, Batbite spoke again. He blinked, his paws briefly hesitating at her words, and he glanced at her almost in concern as she tried to correct herself, becoming almost flustered. The way she'd said it did seem just a bit odd... "I'll still love that I'm catching them with you." His own heart skipped a beat for just an instant, replies he could make flying to the winds as he looked at her, the early sunlight glimmering off her dark fur.

"I...." He paused. If he replied, he'd probably just make things more awkward than they'd suddenly become. StarClan. What am I supposed to say?

She solved that problem by continuing, her voice softening. For just a moment, as those words hung between them, he was suddenly aware of the slight sound of grasses rustling underneath their paws, the scent of the grass around them mingling with hers in a gentle dance that played over his fur with the wind and brushed against his whiskers. The heat of the sun warmed his pelt, but it was nothing compared to the glow that bloomed outwards from inside him. Those you care about. Memories of his family danced through his mind. He'd cared about them, too, like he cared about Batbite, or... maybe he cared about her more.... Sudden images of blood - swirling memories of grief - invaded the happier memories of his family as they swept up in the corners of his mind's eye, threatening to surface.

No! Mentally, he shook them away, opening his mouth to say something in kind, some part of him almost desperate to do so. But the moment passed as she moved on, her voice turning back to the slightly teasing tone of a few moments before, and he attempted to switch mental gears, wresting his eyes away from her for a moment. It took an instant for him to get his mental paws back underneath him again, but he managed a lazy salute with his tail, a smile just slightly tinged with a confusion of emotions spreading over his maw.

The river wasn't too far, but the distance seemed even shorter than it should have, with the confused tangle of thoughts suddenly occupying his mind. But the smell of the river, that distinctive odour of the water almost immediately began to clear his head. A subdued chattering, rushing sound stirred his ear fur with a nostalgic warmth that surprised him, the old familiarity like... No. I'm done with that. I can't go back.

Sternly ordering his mind to fall back into line, he forced a smile, the expression becoming more genuine as he glanced at Batbite. The present was here, now, with his best friend. There was no room for old memories here. He gestured with his tail at the glimmering waters, an edge of pride tinging the movement. "Here it is. Home of every self-respecting fish-cat and fish, which there should be plenty of right now."

"Fish!" Batbite exclaimed, eager to move on both verbally and mentally. She didn't dwell on her earlier line of thought long enough to recall that Dappleshine had been an apprentice - and a young one, at that - when they first met, Batbite herself well overdue for her warrior ceremony. If she had, though, she wouldn't have said anything regardless - she had her dignity, if nothing else. Instead it was the fish she focused on. She stood close to the water's edge, leaning down until her nose nearly touched the ripples, searching for the telltale flash of color. "Where are they? Is there some way to, I don't know, draw them out? Or is it just waiting for them to pass by?" A few moments later, almost an afterthought: "And how do we catch them?"

The look on her face as she nearly touched her nose to the water's surface brought a smile to Strom's maw. Her curiosity sparked a sense of enthusiasm in his own paws, and he looked at the water in a new light, almost as if seeing it for the first time - every ripple glimmering in the dawn.

He glanced back at her as she spoke, his smile turning lopsided. "For starters, you don't stick your head into the water unless you want to scare them off," He mewed, a slight teasing edge softening the words. "As for how to catch them, it's more a waiting game. Though I have heard of cats tossing bugs onto the surface to try and draw them out... but in faster water like this without a lot of edge pools, they'd just end up floating downstream."

As he talked, he eyed the direction of the sun above them as it slanted their shadows across the bank. Padding a couple of tail-lengths away to a small group of rocks edging into the river - sandy dirt clinging to his paws - he moved to the water's edge. "Places where the water's more still, and deeper, have more fish lazing around than others." He eyed the water, catching a few shadows shifting slightly as they gently fanned their fins against the tug of the current, old instinct freezing his muscles until he was as still as stone. And.... Steeling his muscles, he waited for just a heartbeat longer. Then his paw flashed out, striking cleanly through the water and scooping one of them out before it could startle. Scales flashed in the air, water scattering in droplets as he expertly flopped it onto the rock's surface, far enough away from the water for it not to slip back in. A moment later, his teeth slid into the back of its head, and its wild wriggling ceased.

His breath coming slightly faster than it had a moment ago as the thrill of the hunt and the satisfaction of catching the thing raced through his system, he looked up, a grin spreading over his face. How long had it been since he'd last done this? "There you go. Easy enough."

(ooc: Just ignore the dice thing. I did a bad.)

The member 'Chickenwing' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 3

"They're very... Wiggly," Batbite commented, watching the flailing creature with interest. "Alright," she nodded, observing Strom's movements. "Seems simple enough. I can do that."

Probably.

She could be patient - many of her best pranks back in ThunderClan, during her apprenticeship, proved that to be true - but that didn't mean she liked it.

She settled herself next to the water, watching. Waiting. It was harder to pretend she was even trying to be stealthy in broad daylight, so used to the shadows the cover of the forest provided, but she would do her best.

There! she thought, a gleam of light on the water. She swiped at it, only to be met with water.

Okay. Faster!

The next gleam was met with a swift whack, and Batbite felt her paw touch something strange. Shocked at the sensation, she pulled her paw back - losing the catch in the process.

Not again.

"I take back every insult I ever made about RiverClan cats catching fish," she muttered. "This is difficult."

One more try.

This time, she thought to Strom's movements - still as a stone one moment, then a single perfectly-timed swipe of the claws. He'd knocked the fish out further than she might have expected, but there had to be a reason for it... So she'd have to try and emulate that, even if she wasn't sure why. She could ask, but not until she'd caught one.

There it was. Another flash of shining silver, and this time she was ready - ready to aim, ready for the weird feeling of fish on her paws, and ready to swat it onto the rocks. It wasn't nearly as clean as Strom's catch had been, of course, but it was something. Much like Strom had, she delivered a swift end to its... Was that a neck? Did fish have necks? It seemed like it was just all fish.

Despite her confusion, her nose still wrinkled at the taste. "I suppose it's an... Acquired taste..."

Strom moved back from the water's edge, watching Batbite with a mixture of curiosity and anticipation as she settled by the water's edge, staring into its depths. A part of him wondered if he'd explained enough, or in the right areas, but he shook the thought off, sitting down and wrapping his tail around his paws. She's smart, and resourceful. She'll catch one. Even as the first couple of attempts turned up nothing, he didn't dare step in and break her concentration, instead letting his confidence in her stay steady. He watched her as her green eyes narrowed, sparkling green pools reflecting the river. She'll catch one.

And she did.

Her paw flashed out, hitting the water more cleanly this time and scooping a flashing, silver fish onto the bank. A moment later, her teeth met in its spine, and he felt a mrrow of laughter bubble up in his throat at her expression, and comment. "You could say that. Honestly, I've heard some cats describe it as mud with a hint of oily flesh." He eyed her catch for a moment, noting its size. It was a good catch for a beginner. Looking back up at her, he added with a grin, "There's certainly nothing like it!"

Batbite purred contentedly. "Thank you for not making fun of me," she noted, knowing it would have been rather easy to do. "At least, not until after I caught one. I can certainly see where the mud comparison came from, though."

A moment's silence washed over them, and perhaps that's what prompted her to speak again. It was pleasant enough, but it only made her revel in feelings she hadn't yet stated. "Strom... I... I really like spending time with you," she said, the words rolling off her tongue faster than she could take them back. In the moment, the very thought of doing so seemed absurd. "More than most. I suppose what I mean is..."

She'd meant to say I like you. She had not meant to say what she did.

She wasn't sure what possessed her to say what she said next, perhaps she could blame it on the strange taste of fish or the air so far from the Clans. But if she was honest with herself, it was simply something she'd known for some time now, finally spoken aloud in a moment of either strength or weakness; depending on perspective.

"I think I'm in love with you, and I don't know what to do with myself," she said softly. It felt so strange, to feel safe enough to let the depth of her feelings show. "It doesn't have to change anything. I just... You should know, I think."

She supposed it was inevitable; she didn't deal in likes. She was passionate and driven, and when she cared for something it carried through. She loved her father and her brothers and the siblings that hadn't gotten to grow up with them; she loved her friends and she loved the taste of fresh-kill she'd caught herself.

Of course she'd love Strom, or Minkpaw, or whatever name he chose to go by. She'd love him if he chose to call himself Fishbreath for the rest of his life. She knew she could count on him, they'd been through the best and worst parts of her life together. He was probably her best friend; they'd left their old lives behind together, planned and plotted their escape as a team...

Somehow, he'd found his way into a heart she'd thought to be carefully guarded; and there he stayed.

Did she want it to change anything?

She still wasn't sure, not really, but it was out of her paws now.

The decision was his.

Strom felt an answering purr begin to rumble in his own chest as Batbite replied, the glittering of the river behind her as the sun rose only making her glossy black pelt stand out more, her eyes sparkling with more vibrancy than the dancing waters ever could as they caught his. A silence stretched out for a moment, and Strom didn't dare say a word, didn't dare break it as stillness descended, filled with the scents of river water mingling with the golden grasses rippling on the hills nearby. But more than that, the scent of Batbite, a scent that seemed to somehow encompassed everything her - her strength, her sense of humour, everything he....

Everything he loved about her.

His gaze met hers, a sudden thumping beginning in his chest, beating against his rib cage as those words slipped from her mouth. "You should know, I think."

Ba-bump.

Sudden turmoil roiled in his chest. Memories of blood, spilling from those he loved, dead eyes, glossy as they stared at nothing. The hole he'd found himself in, the endless slog through darkness with no hope of light until he'd nearly given up. And then, something. A kind face, friendly green eyes sparking with humour breaking through the blackness, giving him something he'd lacked for so long - longed for and yet been unable to obtain: Hope.

Ba-bump.

Can I... Can I take this? He stared into her eyes; a friend, more than a friend - someone he loved. 'I'm broken, I'm... lost,' The words of the past whispered in his ears. She'd been his hope, a lifeline stretching out to help him from the pit he'd been in, but....I can't be what she needs.

'No, but you're still something - there's a storm in there, Minkpaw, a force to be reckoned with an' respected, and you're spending all your time stifling your storm... No one can fix your problems - except for you.'

If I'm too afraid to take a chance, I'll never get anywhere. If I'm too afraid to live, I never will.

Ba-bump.

Strom suddenly smiled, the shadow passing from his eyes as he finally spoke, his voice quiet and yet carrying against the chatter and burble of the river, "You were there for me, Bat. You're smarter, you're more bold and brave than anyone I know - and I have to admit, I love the time we spend together. I love every moment like I never have with anyone else."

He stepped forward, a couple of pawsteps like ripples of fate spreading beneath him until he was barely a hair-length away. Softly, gently, he touched his nose to hers, his eyes sparkling with a sudden clarity as green eyes met green, only a breath apart in this moment. "I love you. And that's a love I never want to change."