September Gathering 2019

Torrentstar knew at once that his decision was not a popular one. But he did not see why he ought to care about cats who were not even a part of his clan. Their objections in this matter were as insignificant as the night breeze in the trees. Instead, it was Dappleshine's words that truly hurt him. The warrior whom he had raised from early kithood, whom he had taken in after the death of her parents―she was practically his daughter. The only thing they lacked was the blood tie. Never before had he heard her speak with such anger; it colored every word that left her maw, burning with a mother's indignation. When he looked into her blue eyes now, it was not the gentle and warm she-cat he had come to love staring back at him, but a savage and frosty stranger who did. Few cats would probably ever understand how deeply those words cut into him at that moment. He forcefully clenched his jaws shut. If he had not done so, who knew what further damage he might have done? Her reaction was what he had expected. After all, Dappleshine was a kind cat; he had known that. Her kindness was like a bright flame in the darkest of nights. At times, it could be a comforting warmth. Just as it brought life, however, it could also wreak untold destruction, like the fire that had destroyed ThunderClan territory so long ago. Even if her daughter had defected to another clan, he knew that she would still love Dacepaw with all of her being. She could do so, because of all the goodness that filled her heart.

Someone like Dappleshine could not understand him.

Torrentstar had stiffened up at Dappleshine's words, and his unsheathed claws now rested upon the cold, moonwashed surface of the Great Rock. He barely heard a word of the next few announcements; the thoughts swirling through his mind overpowered most everything else. Thornbriar was trying to stir up trouble―again. She was irresponsible and immature, throwing a tantrum at the slightest displeasure. At this point, he could hardly care any less about her. To think that he had once thought the two of them were alike. He returned her glare with a warning one of his own. Did she think that he was wrong? He dared her to make him care about her opinion. Distantly, he was aware of Oakstar making some kind of request. Of course the ThunderClan leader was dissatisfied with his decision. Why else would he want to speak with him? There was nothing to speak about. He had half the notion to simply ignore Oakstar later. They did not know anything about how he felt. They did not know what he had gone through to arrive at this decision. They did not know what he had given up on. Yet here they were, judging him from their self-righteous posts up high.

How dare they?

He had been betrayed time and time again. Each time, the pain had been so sharp, the guilt so deep, that he had thought that it might be better for him to never trust again. Such a life would be too lonely... Each time, he had convinced himself that he could give this relationship thing a shot again. Even if he held the cats around him at paw's length, as long as they were his clanmates, there would be some connection between them. Yet he was being betrayed again. That traitor Sparkfrost had left RiverClan for ThunderClan, and Dacepaw had made the choice to follow him. He could not understand how someone would ever leave their birth clan, when it was supposed to be the core of all their loyalties. At least, that was always how it had been for him. He had truly considered Dacepaw his family member, simply because Dappleshine was like a daughter to him. The apprentice's cheerfulness had always lightened his heart, provided some salvation to him. But that relationship had ended the moment he found out about her choice. The pain of losing another cat he had held so close―could Thornstar or Oakstar see that? If only Dacepaw had never left RiverClan, he would have protected her with his life; he would have given everything to make the clan a better place for her. But she had already rejected him once, and before the night ended, she could reject him again.

At this point, did it still matter what she chose? She had not yet made her decision, but he could almost see her answer...

When a SkyClan queen began to kit in the middle of the Gathering, Torrentstar finally hit his limit. His ears flattened against his head with disgust, his green eyes smoldering, he turned away from the sight. Great StarClan. He thought that it would never be over. "Tinystar." He growled, his voice dangerously low. "If your medicine cats cannot even tell when a queen is too heavily pregnant to attend a Gathering, perhaps you should consider searching for new ones." Getting to his paws, he yowled out, "The Gathering is over! RiverClan will take our leave. The decision I made earlier will not be changed." His gaze found the shuddering apprentice by her mother's side. The pain that flashed briefly in his eyes was quickly swallowed up by anger. "I understand what you are trying to say, Dappleshine. However, Dacepaw has already had days to ponder over where her loyalties lie. I see no purpose in waiting any longer."

To see a queen kitting at a gathering was certainly unique. Oakstar stared at the scene with no little sense of bewilderment. Now? Of all the times? He watched with pride as Mossbloom took charge to see the bringing of young into the world. He trusted her to help the queen as Tinystar leapt down among the bewildered cats. Those kits would be born to the light of the stars… he felt a tender smile grow on his muzzle, but restrained himself from becoming too involved. Tinystar was the leader of the she-cat’s clan, and he knew Mossbloom would return when finished.

Instead, his attention turned to Torrentstar. In time to hear the tom’s chastisement towards Tinystar, causing his smile to fade into concern as the tom stormed off of the great rock, calling his clan to him and away from four trees. Oakstar watched for only a second, before he leapt down himself. Making his way straight to Dacepaw and Dappleshine. His gaze caught young Dacepaw’s for only a moment, before it settled on Dappleshine firmly.

"Dappleshine." He began, voice firm but kind. "In light of Torrentstar’s words… I realise Dacepaw has a hard decision to make. However, I would never dream of keeping a queen from her kit." He smiled at the grey she-cat, posture still formal, but kind. "You will always be permitted to see Dacepaw. She may meet you at the border, and you will be welcome within four fox-lengths from where you meet. I cannot, in good conscience, allow you to hunt on ThunderClan territory, but, I don’t see that being an issue." He paused, giving the she-cat a moment to think it over.

Honeypaw sat by Marshpaw's side as Oakstar finally took a step forward and confirmed that Dacepaw was living among ThunderClan for now. Her ears perked, tilting her head in curiosity. What exactly had happened to Dacepaw that had ended her up there? Honeypaw remembered the panic when it became clear that her and her father were missing in the wake of Jaystar's death...Her musing was intruppted by a yowl, followed by a spreading of panic. Kitting. The word bounced around the gathered cats in some hushed and no-so hushed tones, causing Honeypaw to jump to her paws as she tried to grab a glimpse of what was happening. Somebody was kitting? What Clan were they from? Why had they come? She found herself asking questions but didn't dare ask any out loud until things seemed to calm down...

And then her father spoke up. Her eyes glanced back up at the Great Rock as she heard his yowl - the Gathering was finally officially over. She sighed, her ears slicking back as she turned to glance at Marshpaw. "Well, that was...Something," she meowed, shaking her head. "Seems we are going our separate ways again...I hope things look better for ShadowClan in the next moon and that we can find each other next Gathering. Goodbye, Marshpaw," she said with a dip of her head, before she turned and weaved her way through the cats who remained. She didn't go far, pausing at the edge of the clearing as she turned to wait for the rest of her Clan. She thought about trying to speak with her father - once he heard Dacepaw's choice - but decided against it. He had enough on his plate and...She wasn't sure it was right for her to question such words. He was leader after all, and she couldn't help but believe now that the position trumped their familial ties...

Not saying a word as Torrentstar chastised him for something he hadn't had any control over, Tinystar waited for the RiverClanner to leave before getting up himself. What a fool. Every-cat knows that there's no reasoning with Queens and their wishes, even if they're close to kitting.

Giving his pelt a shake, the short legged leader winced at the pain from his neck before calling out to his clan, "Skyclan, let's return home," he called out. Hopping down from the branch, he made his way over to Leaftwirl and his son before exiting the clearing. It seemed as though the group of medicine cats had everything under control, and the least he could do was show some form of support.

"Congratulations," he mewed without a smile and gave them both a curt dip of his head. With that, the tiny padded to the edge of the crowd, waiting for some of his clanmates to follow before leaving the Gathering area, eager to leave the bustling crowds behind. Could they ever just have a peaceful gathering? Apparently not.

Dappleshine had elected to remain where she was, holding her daughter close as tears fell upon her cheeks. Thornbriar's words were responded to with a small nod, but that was all. Her respect for Oakstar grew with his words, and she flicked an ear in silent gratitude. Chaos erupted on the other side of the clearing, and while her ears perked she didn't pay it much mind, too focused on her daughter... Until she asked her questions. Blue eyes blinking down at the tortoiseshell, Dappleshine smiled after her momentary shock. "No, my minnow, she's not in trouble. It's just painful, is all, but the medicine cats are there to help her. She'll be alright. Kitting is... well, kitting is when a queen gives births to the new kits. Currently that queen over there is bringing new life to her family, clan, and the forest." She explained, leaving it at that.

Once the dust had settled, Torrentstar's yowl from above sounded, and Dappleshine flinched at the sound of it. She felt his eyes on her and her kit, and refused to meet them, turning her back on him. His last comment however, brought her gaze back upon them with the fury and rage of a mother who felt her kit was being threatened. She remained silent, allowing her eyes to do the talking for her. Dacepaw may have spent days in ThunderClan already, but she had been led astray by Sparkfrost's hollow words. Turning her back once more on the cat she had considered a father, she looked down at her daughter with a misty gaze. "My love, I had hoped to shield you from all that would pain you. Things aren't that easy though. I'm sorry that you've been asked to choose, and so suddenly. No matter your choice, I will support you and love you, and you will always have a place at my side. Regardless of what others may say. All will be well."

A voice behind her made her straighten, and she turned to see Oakstar. Lowering her head respectfully as he stopped near them, she raised her eyes to meet his as he spoke. Her fluffy tail wrapped lightly around Dacepaw as he proposed a way for them to meet with a kid smile, and her shoulders relaxed slightly. "Thank you, Oakstar. That means more than I could ever explain. Should Dacepaw choose to remain in ThunderClan, I will stay true to your proposal, and I will remember your kindness and understanding. Thank you, Oakstar, for taking Dacepaw in as one of ThunderClan's own in this time, and keeping her safe. You have my eternal gratitude." Lowering her head once more to the leader, she turned her gaze to Dacepaw lightly.

So Amberdawn was gone. Aspenheart went into dumbfounded silence as the first kit was passed to him. He licked the scrap's fur the wrong way, rasping his tongue over the slimy creature. It was a very quick ordeal, even with his mind in other places. The happenings of the gathering blurred around him, the shouting and confusion like being underwater. He registered, however, Leaftwirl's beckoning. He brought the kit to her side. It latched on. Aspenheart smiled. They couldn't be sure Amberdawn wouldn't return, right? SkyClan was an odd bunch, but they'd look after their own, surely!

And then, he felt a little sick. He stared at the queen, having just received her last daughter at her side, and felt his stomach get a little upset. He regretted not sitting in on Graybriar's kitting and getting the wooziness over back then! How did she-cats do it? What a grotesque and horrifying...

Aspenheart blinked a few times as Mossbloom tried to get his attention. "Oh!" he laughed miserably, "I'm fine, I'm okay! Just a little... wow. Congratulations, ma'am. Be careful with them, they're pretty fragile."

Dappleshine's voice was a bit strained for a moment, but it was reassuring nonetheless as she answered that kitting - bringing life and new kits into the world - was painful. The she-cat's explanation stopped there and Dacepaw stared up, trying to decide if she wanted to know more. Why does it hurt? she wondered, but her mother's face did not hold the gentle patience it often did. She would just have to find out some other time. Whatever was happening, Dacepaw couldn't get a view of it, and she looked uncertainly at her friend while everything began to settle. The apprentice shifted a little uneasily, hoping deeply that this kitting might perhaps delay the choice that Torrentstar expected her to make. Maybe he'll forget...

But he didn't. Her grandfather's imposing figure, which she had found comforting and delighting only a few minutes ago, stood angrily and growled commandingly down to Dacepaw and her mother. The apprentice felt herself flood with shame and sorrow again, looking guiltily towards her friends in order to avoid the RiverClan leader's furious eyes. The tortoiseshell apprentice's head was spinning; some part of her knew that Torrentstar was right. She had been thinking about her choice for days - since Sparkfrost had left her in a strange Clan alone. Her choice hadn't been to desert RiverClan. It had merely been to follow a cat she loved and trusted and did still, wherever he was.

With his irritated words said, Dappleshine whirled her back to the Great Rock and eclipsed Torrentstar from Dacepaw's overwhelmed, sorrowful gaze. Dacepaw looked guiltily up at her mom, murmuring, "I'm s-sorry, momma..." I didn't mean to make him mad at you. I didn't mean to make you upset. But Dappleshine spoke only more words of comfort, and of understanding. Dacepaw would have to make her choice, but her mother would always love her - always be willing to see her and support her. The immensity of that knowledge made Dacepaw feel small, and she shivered again.

A familiar voice sounded and Dacepaw lifted her face to see Oakstar, her leader for the past moon. His radiant eyes sparkled in the night, full of sympathy and understanding. It only made Dacepaw's belly burn more. She... had caused him unhappiness, too. So why wasn't he angry like Torrentstar?

Oakstar turned to Dappleshine and spoke, and as the two cats exchanged words of peace and understanding, Dacepaw realized with a strange sadness that by not making a choice, she was making a choice. She had followed her heart - followed Sparkfrost - to ThunderClan. She could scuff her paws in blissful ignorance and denial for the next ten seasons, but it would only serve to prove the inadvertent decision she'd already made. Dacepaw was welcome in ThunderClan. She had always felt it, and she felt it even now when her loyalty was being questioned and her roots were being exposed to all the Clans. They had always been understanding, and her mother had always been understanding, and the Clan she had grown up in had been understanding.

Or, she'd thought they would be. Dacepaw hadn't felt genuine understanding from Uncleberrycloud, or from Torrentstar; in fact, she'd received none at all. In those moments of heartbreak she had realized her two real choices: refuse to answer and refuse to make a choice and be banished to ThunderClan, or refuse to give up the right to choose and accept ThunderClan - the Clan that had accepted her.

Dacepaw's sad green eyes drifted up to her mother's face. She remembered the first time she had told Dappleshine she had to go; the memory was growing foggy, clouded with sorrows shoved away and new memories and experiences blooming vibrantly in the foreground. The little apprentice hated to see her mother cry... and she would be the one to cause it. "Momma," she said softly, nervously. Dacepaw glanced aside to Oakstar, catching his gaze. "I... I want... Um..." She looked down at her paws, scuffing one one the clearing floor. "I want... to stay in... i-in the forest."

The way that her daughter held herself and looked made the gray and white queen wish to march up to Torrentstar and swipe the anger from his words. Did he no longer consider her a daughter, and Dacepaw his granddaughter? If he felt any love for either of them, how could he be so cruel? There was no need for her daughter to apologize, and she simply nuzzled her head gently as she did so.

A small voice spoke up from behind her as she faced Oakstar, and she turned to see Dacepaw cast a glance to Oakstar behind her before looking to the ground. Hesitantly, the words came. Dacepaw wanted to stay. Stay in the forest. So close, yet so far away all at once. No amount of mental and emotional preparation could have stopped the wrenching feeling in her heart, like it was being torn into pieces once more. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, but she smiled oh so tenderly at her beloved daughter.

"My dear Dacepaw... If you're sure with your choice, then go with my blessing. I'll always be close by, should you need me... No matter what it is you need, I'll be here. You'll have to tell me everything you learn, my dear! I've always wondered how to catch a squirrel. I'll.... I'll see you, when you want to meet, the way Oakstar said. You... You be on your... your best behavior, okay?... I hope you bring as much joy and light to ThunderClan as you always have for me, my minnow." The words seemed to stick in her throat now, caught by the quickly growing hole that was expanding from her heart. Instead, she pulled her daughter close once more, wrapping her in a warm embrace before letting her go.

She stepped back, turning to glance at Oakstar and give him a small nod. Her blue gaze found Dacepaw again in front of her, and she smiled once more, trying to convey all of the love, adoration, hope, and pride she felt for her daughter into that moment. "Until we next see each other, my beloved. Stay safe, and be good, and... and keep your ears clean." As much as she wanted to wait, linger behind until her daughter was gone, this time Dappleshine had to leave first. Torrentstar's cold, demanding voice required it, and as much as she wanted to refuse to follow his call this was not the time, nor did she truly have the strength for it. With a final flick of her tail to her daughter's shoulder, she turned and melted into the crowd of cats, melding into RiverClan's ranks to return to the camp feeling hollow.