Little come Little go will he let me go? (Closed)

Some days were not the best days, nor were some nights not the best nights. Littlepaw was racked with memories of that night at four-trees, dragged along by her ambling brothers and sister, Canren keeping watch over them. Failing to shield them from the carnage that lay at four-trees, where her paws had now dragged her too. Her mother and father had both died here, her mother killed by some-cat and her father crushed by a branch on top of the great rock. Countless other cats laid murdered and bloodied, left in the cooling night where predators could ravage their corpses. It left a foul taste in her mouth. Littlepaw's paws shifted nervously as she stopped in the middle of the clearing, her mind's eye seeing the blood patches that soaked into the grass and dirt, staining it black. It hurt her to realize that it seemed that the battle that she had missed had all but been forgotten as if they all meant so little to these clan-cats.

But she would never forget it, she never could, because if every cat was going to forget them, she'd at least try her hardest to keep their memories alive. The arrival of another cat shook the she-cat out of her stupor and she shot to her paws, her back arching and spikey fur fluffed out. "Who- Who're you? This is neutral grounds so you'd be in a lotta trouble for attacking me y'know! But I ain't afraid to defend myself! I'm going to be a warrior of Shadowclan after-all!" She meowed loudly, her claws unsheathing as she readied herself for an attack.

It was a while from the last time he walked to this place alone, with no other commitment but to let his mind find some peace and meditation. Leaf-bare had been harsh on everyone but it was even worse now that the clan had to deal with dogs in their boundaries. Silverfang's death had brought him great sorrow but as the leader... he had been enduring so many lives and had no time to properly cry for the lost ones that he simply found himself doing the same stuff of always, leading the clan, making sure the dens were warmth and fixed, making ceremonies. Despite all of the routine and how he had managed to stand up as the Riverclan leader he was expected to be, Jaystar still needed this moment of loneliness to think... about everything. Shade, Lichenmask, Goldeneye, his forbidden kits, the truth about the real origins of his mother. All of those mistakes that now he carried on his shoulders, kept him thinking about he should do. Should he say to his kits that he was their real father? It was too risky... but this lie was driving him mad and sad...

The tall warrior simply sighed as he reached the clearing, hoping the silence might give him an answer but the scared voice of a she-cat changed his plans. The younger soon confessed both her rank and clan without him having to ask, showing how young and inexperienced she still was. Jaystar left the shadows and finally fixed eyes with her. "Don't you worry. I mean no harm. I'm just looking for a place to relax outside my clan. What's your name, young one?" He mewed with a kind smile, attempting to create a calm atmosphere around the two cats.

"L-Littlepaw...you, I know you. You're Riverclan's leader, Jaystar!" She meowed, shock tainting her mew as she dipped her head respectfully. "Looking to relax? Heh, I guess it's super stressful being a leader. I know it must be because dad always got a bit nastier when he was bothered by his clan-mates. Of course, Scorchstar is a lot nicer than my dad! But I don't know how you do it! I could never lead a clan, it's a lotta pressure to put on one cat. Dad and Shade kind of shared their leadership so I think it'd be nice to have a second leader y'know? But I guess they're called deputies actually... I always kinda forget some of the names y'know? Sometimes I call medicine cats healer cats cause my mind just kinda quits on me! Oh! I'm rambling again, I always do it but I keep meaning to not do it but it's so hard to not do it and- there I go again!" Littlepaw almost wailed, "I know you needed to relax so I'll just go, sorry sir. Oh my Starclan, this is so embarrassing!" Littlepaws cheeks heated and tried desperately to hide her face in her little mane, her piercing green eyes looking everywhere but Jaystar. She really just wanted to bolt away but Jaystar was a leader! It was only respectful to wait for his dismissal.

The tom couldn't help a shy, humble smile by the nervousness of the she-cat when she realized who he was. Jaystar didn't really consider himself that important but just the cat who just happened to fill the role of being the leader. However, that cute little moment between the two of them soon turned into something Jaystar would have never expected. His bashful smile dropped into an unreadable expression as he looked at the apprentice while she spoke about this father who grew in Riverclan... a tom who led a group of cats and was mean even to his own kin... a cat who shared leadership with Shade. Who else could it be?

The leader took a step back as he blinked, trying to process what was happening. This she-cat in front of him... an apprentice of Shadowclan that claimed to be Lichenmask's daughter. When and with who did he ever had kits? One of his followers? And why was his kit in Shadowclan when he fought for the purity of blood? Shouldn't this she-cat be pure Riverclan? The tom shook his head and finally opened his mouth when Littlepaw said it was her time to go. "Wait!... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to scare you off, Littlepaw." He mewed with a rather rushed voice. "You have done nothing wrong so there's no need for you to apologize..." The tom shifted his paws, a bit nervous about the situation and he frowned, thoughtful. How was he supposed to proceed? He couldn't just assume she was Lichenmask's kit, could he? "I hope you don't think I'm too nosy but... I'm curious about your dad and family. Do you have siblings? Where's your mother?"

"O-Oh that's okay I guess..." Littlepaw mewed, approaching Jaystar to achieve a more respectable conversation distance. "My family? Oh, well, my dad's Lichenmask, and my mom's Brushgaze. I got four siblings, Burntstag, Slatestrike, Dawnpaw, and Duskpaw, oh! And I was named Redkit, cuz of the red moon. Though I changed my name so I would like, show loyalty y'know? Cuz Shadowclan is my home now so I want to be the best warrior I can be! Dad said we were the future! Not sure about Slatestriek though, he's really mean and I don't really like him. He makes us look bad and really makes it hard to be liked by my clan-mates, that's all I really want if I'm going to be honest. I really love my other siblings though because they're really nice! Especially Dawnpaw and Duskpaw!" Littlepaw mewed, excitedly raising her voice a little bit as she spoke fondly of her siblings.

"Dawnpaw and Duskpaw are in Thunderclan though, we got separated. In a way, I'm glad they took us in, not that they separated us but if they hadn't done what they did we wouldn't have homes... Mom and Dad are both dead, well... our whole family is dead. We were born in the barn so we knew all those clan-cats that you all exiled, and then they joined with the Regime and they all mixed into a giant family that we grew up with! But now they're all dead or missing or would want nothing to do with us..." Her excitement seemed to fade, as she looked at her paws solemnly, "And we saw them dead... we all did. It sucked. And then our siblings got taken away from us and that sucked more... but..." She raised her teary eyes up to connect with Jaystars, "I don't blame you, I don't blame any of you, honest. I really miss my family, all of them... but we have new families now so we gotta be loyal to them and push on." She mewed, her voice soft and shaking.

"What about you? Do you have a family Jaystar? I'm sure you have a great one." Littlepaw raised a paw to brush at her eyes before giving the leader a shaking smile.

His suspects were soon answered in a matter of seconds. This kit was truly Lichenmask's legacy... and she was not the only one. Four of them... spread through the forest. Did their leaders know about who they were? Where they came from? Thunderclan wasn't a surprise. They always greeted strange cats in but Shadowclan was a different story. Why would Scorchstar let them in? Was he aware? And what about their mother? Brushgaze... she was not a Riverclan she-cat and her name was a clear sign that she was a clan cat. But that wasn't possible. The leader of the Exiles was a purist. He wouldn't dare to have a litter of half-bloods, would he? Not after all he went through to exterminate the non-pure... like him and Littlepaw.

The leader continued listening, too stunned to really react to the she-cat's words. Though she was the product of a murderer, of a cat from the Dark Forest, the tom couldn't see in her eyes nor her voice any trace of the former RiverClanner's menace. This kit... looked nothing like Lichenmask, not like their followers. She spoke with that hopeful vision of the future of every young clan apprentice, who wanted to be a loyal cat to their clans and prove themselves. It was kind of shocking to see Lichenmask and a young, hopeful, innocent soul in Littlepaw's shape at the same time but there she was.

And suddenly, the conversation turned blue. The Shadowclan apprentice's voice got darker, her eyes teary as she narrated how she and her siblings lived the hardships of the battle against the Exiles. Dealing with being orphans, with the fact that they were homeless, with no family until Thunderclan and Shadowclan found them. The large tom couldn't help but empathize with Littlepaw as she spoke, trying to hold the tears of the loss that tormented her. You're not the only one who deals with loss family, young Littlepaw... He thought to himself, reminding all the loved ones he had lost. The large feline found himself wanting to cry but no tear escaped from his eyes for he couldn't forget what her father did. Jaystar turned his face for a second back to the direction where his clan was after Littlepaw asked him about his family. "Just like you, my parents died but none of them really cared about me so I never grew attached to them. I only had one brother, Hailpaw, but he died shortly after we started our training due to greencough so unlike you, I didn't have much luck. I didn't have littermates to talk with during my apprentice-hood and my mentor died, so I trained myself, alone. Until I met my mate, Cinderpaw. She became my purpose, especially after she fell on coma because of a bunch of Thunderclan cats that maimed her. When she woke up, we became mates and everything seemed fine. I was named deputy under my mother's leadership, Riverclan was growing strong even in leaf-bare... but Starclan decided to take my love way too soon. She always wanted to form a family, you know? Her parents sucked so it was her dream to make a happy family." The tom let out a sad chuckle as he returned his sight to the apprentice. His former mate's story was not a secret and Jaystar actually preferred to tell it, so she could be remembered. "In a cold night, she gave birth to our kits... but they were so many... and she was so little and sick. That night, she gave the gift of fatherhood but I lost her in the process. I decided to be the best parent I could be for them and I even trained my first-born, Cinderfall, named after her mother. He was a sweet, loyal and strong-willed tom, one of the best warriors of all Riverclan. I couldn't be prouder of my son." As he spoke of his former apprentice, the leader's eyes could show how happy and proud he was for his son's growth since he was born. He was truly a gift from Starclan until Shade and Lichenmask appeared...

The RiverClanner's smile faded as soon as it appeared. His green eyes were locked on Littlepaw, who remembered him of the monsters that she called family. "But then your father and Shade appeared. They kidnapped him, killed Duckpuddle, one of my warriors. I didn't know anything about him for moons. I was afraid, desperate and in the middle of all that chaos, Lichenmask murdered one of my allies, my friend, Littlestar, the one who kept the alliance with my clan. The kind, tender she-cat that aided us against Windclan and Thunderclan when Skyclan decided to leave us behind. Your father took one of my lives, throw me into the flames to suffer, you know? The Exiles that accompanied him killed a young apprentice of my clan. A tom with parents, friends and siblings that are still mourning his death... Both sides... lost many cats that night. Too many lives wasted because of two traitors' madness." Jaystar clenched his teeth as he unsheathed and sheathed his claws in the snow, remembering the tragedy that he carried on his back. "Shade decided to come back... after the battle. Just to tell me how my son was tortured for all the moons your father and him were leading that mixed group of rogues and exiles where you were born. Cinderfall did not survive to come back and see his clan once again. I never saw him again... I was never able to properly bury him..." This time, tears really started falling down through his cheeks.