Forgiveness (CLOSED)

Silverfang opened her eyes when a drop of water fell on her head. In other times, she would have complained about it and would have started working to fix the den. But that old Silver was gone. Now, she just laid down on her nest, devastated, exhausted and depressed, unable to do anything. She wasn't going on patrols and she barely left the den to eat just a miserable piece of a mouse. What was the point anyway? She wondered. Her actions had only lead to pain, death and corruption. And now that she had killed the last part of her mistake, all she could was to look at her past and see how horrible she had been. How worthless, how she should have never existed because of how much harm she had done to the clans and to those she loved, all those cats that were now dead and gone too.

The scarred warrior curled in her nest, even more, hiding her head with her head and paws with her spiky fur, messy fur. She should be dead, rotting in the Dark Forest with Lichenmask, Shade, Sweetheart and Wildfire, all those she ended up killing with her own claws.

A damp chill clung in the air of RiverClan's camp. The cold weather was an unpleasant reminder at the leafbare that would soon descend upon the forest. Warriors sheltered together against the remaining drizzling drops of rain that fell from the dark clouds above them. Apprentices sharing tongues with their mentors and other apprentices to keep warm. Among them all, a silver she-cat with her pelt drier than most of the clan's. Her left foreleg dragged awkwardly on the ground at the paw as she stumbled slowly back into the warriors den. It seemed it would not cooperate today.

With freshkill becoming more scarce, the warrior had decided to abstain. Hunger roiled in her belly, but the rest of the clan needed it more than a cat who couldn't hunt. As she moved to settle into her nest however, the scent of another she-cat caught her attention. The scars told her who it was immediately. Silverfang. Her jaws tightened, but she padded forward in silence to sit down next to the older she-cat's nest. Her fur was a mess. Her head was wet. Dewshine observed both of these things with a soft sigh.

Without much thought to the action, she sat down and licked the top of Silverfang's head as a droplet threatened to fall into her eye. Blue eyes looked up at the hole in the den and Dewshine huffed softly. She couldn't fix it with her paw the way it was, but she could help. Carefully, drew her fluffy tail to where it would block the droplet from hitting the she-cat.
"I thought moping was my job." She mewed softly, the gentle tease only a nudge to see how Silverfang would react. "Do you not feel well?" The question occurred to her with a start. "Should I get Goldeneye?"

The she-cat flicked her ears when the drops of water stopped from falling and she couldn't help but be curious about the sudden change. But when her eyes saw the figure of Dewshine, she just dropped her head over her paws, grumpily. Silverfang lashed her tail but even if she wanted to just shout at her and drive her off, she didn't have the energy to do it. What was the point anyway? She just let out an annoyed, exhausted meow form her muzzle before looking away from her. "What are YOU doing here? Are you trying to see how low I have fallen and to just say: I told you? Go ahead, feast yourself. I don't longer care anymore... I know how bad of a warrior I turned to be... so you can despise me and mock of me all you want." She hissed trying to sound angry but her voice trembled and cracked sometimes in pain, sorrow and shame. The death she carried in her paws and conscience was way too much to handle. All she wanted was to just disappear. Maybe that would be the best for the clan at this point.

"I don't need Goldeneye. These are wounds and scars she and no one can heal." Silverfang dug her claws into her moss bed when she said those words. She didn't deserve help, she didn't deserve a caring cat in her life. Not after what she did to all those cats... not after what she did to Spotfur, her own son.

The harshness in Silverfang's tone made Dewshine flinch.
"Is that what you think of me? That I would stoop so low?" She asked, her soft voice carried in offense at the suggestion. For a moment, she entertained the idea that perhaps she should leave. It was shoved aside abruptly as she laid down her body next to the older she-cat's. Offering warmth and protection that she felt was needed from the outside world. Thoughts twisted in her mind. This she-cat who had been nearly an enemy, a rival for so long... seeing her this way made her chest feel hollow. It ached as she remembered the announcement that had happened just recently. "If anything, I should be saying 'thank you.'" She added, her voice calm even as her thoughts spiraled.

She didn't have to bare through nightmares of Shade killing her kit. Blossompaw was safe, and with luck she would live a long life. She had a chance to build families with Gingerstripe and not fear the shadows threatening to rip them apart. Silverfang may have once raised an evil, but she destroyed it too. The awful words of Lichenmask rang through her head, it sent shivers down her pelt, but he was gone now. At the end of everything, Silverfang stood up for her clan, protected all of them. Even her. Blue eyes looked at blue and green with a softness the she-cat hadn't displayed towards Silverfang in many moons. Since their last fallout with Flamepaw. A slow blink, and she moved to lick the top of Silverfang''s forehead, in the manner of kin.

"Thank you." She meowed simply. Her voice loud enough to be heard, but soft as her smile as she looked at the older she-cat with kindness. "... and I forgive you." There was no need to explain what the forgiveness was for. Certainly, Silverfang had killed in the past. Yet almost all had been the results of keeping them safe. It pained her to see her grieving.

She didn't as for this... she didn't deserve it. Tears that she didn't ask for started running through her cheeks as the other she-cat simply said those three words: I forgive you..." Silverfang snapped and raised her body a little with her two front paws. Her odd eyes looked firmly into Dewshine's, filled with tears. "Why?! Why are you thanking me?! Why are you forgiving me?! I treated you like fox-dung, I'm a murderer who kept killing because I thought it was the right to do! Stop being so nice and just hate me! Hate as much as I deserve... as much as I hate myself..." A soft cry escaped from her mouth, but she kept maintaining that angry face. Her claws were unsheathed but she had no intentions of hurting Dewshine. No... Silverfang was just unable to control herself or her emotions. She had never felt so vulnerable, so weak and breakable. The senior warrior did not blame Starclan... no, they didn't make her life miserable. She made it to herself by being the monster she always was, by killing all those cats without a hesitation, by being the war-machine she always was. When did it all turn so bad? Probably after her sister, Viperstorm, was born... when her mother, Thistleblaze, died. Did it truly matter now? The only thing that mattered was the present and she sucked. Jaystar should have executed her but that would have been way too easy and less painful. Silverfang was convinced she had to suffer because of Shade and Lichenmask, for making them what they were. "Don't you see it was all my fault?... I've done nothing good to anyone... and now, I'll die and suffer alone... carrying the weight of so many innocent lives...."

Dewshine rose to her paws as Silverfang began to stand, then sat down patiently. Still in front of the other she-cat, and still her tail placed where the water was dripping. She listened quietly as Silverfang accused herself. Not so long ago, these thoughts were Dewshine's as well. Yet, as she thought about it, she couldn't place the blame on Silverfang herself. Even the older cat could be misguided. She closed her eyes briefly, reopening them with a stern expression she typically used on her kits when they were being fussy.

"Stop that." She meowed flatly. "Silverfang, I realise we haven't always seen the same side of things... but there was one thing I never doubted. Especially now." She paused, her gaze softening a bit. "You are a good warrior. You've done what you've thought was best for the clan over and over. When you made a mistake, you fixed it." She let her words sink in for a moment before she leaned down to Silverfang's level. "...You won't die alone, because I won't let you, Silverfang. You deserve forgiveness, gratitude and respect." With a solemn nod, she waited patiently to see how Silverfang would take her words.

This time, even if she wanted to shout and yowl, no word escaped from her open muzzle. The scarred warrior looked into the eyes of Dewshine, shocked, widened up. Her paws trembled as the tears were now running uncontrollably. All the anger, the resentment suddenly were exchanged with overwhelming sadness... accompanied by something she had never felt before... forgiveness... a little bit of forgiveness for herself. The words of the she-cat hit her blinded, sorrowful, self-destructing mind letting it see the light of reality. She had done so many wrongs... but she did what she could to make it up. It would never be enough to return to life all those lives loss... but at least it was something.

Silverfang couldn't help it and she dropped her head of the other she-cat's paws. Trembling like a kit, she curled her spiky tail around her body and hid her eyes from Dewshine as she cried softly... "I-I-I-I... Thank... you..." She mumbled, finally letting out all of her emotions in front of another cat. It didn't matter if they disliked each other in the past. The grey warrior was now there, watching over her because she was worried. That was more than enough.... that was more she could ever ask for.