In These Dark Times... [Closed]

Something had happened. The young loner knew that something was off. He was not the only cat in the camp that could feel the unease. When he had first awoken, expecting to be greeted by the brightness of the day, he was instead met with an unsettling eerie, red glow that seemed to emanate from the sky. That was neither the sun nor moon he had known throughout his life. Although he was supposed to be in tune with the sky as the great 'Starlord', the tom found himself sitting in how little he knew about the mysterious workings of the sky. His usually lax persona was replaced with more of a nervous humor. Under the dim light, the orange parts of his pelt seemed to glow red, and the white similar, but less intense. He didn't think to look at himself. Nor considered hunting despite the rumbling in his stomach. The only thing that seemed to tug at his chest was finding Gold. Even if she didn't know what was happening, he would be with her.

His paw steps were a little erratic by the time he headed back to the medicine cat's den. Starlord took a deep breath as he found comfort in the darkness of the reed patch. As disconcerting as the odor of fish was, something he hardly thought he would ever get used to, the tom seemed to not notice it this time. Instead, he headed straight for the faint outline of his friend. For a moment he considered trying to gather the kits, so they could all be together, but he needed to talk to Goldeneye right now. It had been too long. As soon as he was close enough, Starlord pressed his forehead to her pelt with a sigh and breathed, "Are you alright?" The pressing lack of light made it difficult to see, but the tip of the loner's tail flicked anxiously behind him.

Goldeneye didn't press back or respond, her eyes looking far ahead of her, her breath coming in deep heavy rasps as if she was asleep. "Yes. I'm fine." She meowed, her tone rough and stiff, straining to keep a calm tone. She was his medicine cat, he wasn't really asking if she was alright, just warming up to ask her a favour. Every conversation she had or will have would have lead to them asking her for a favour, it was never out of the kindness of their hearts. It never would be. Every moment they thought they were fooling her built up to a certain moment, she knew it. "What do you need?" She turned her head to look at the tom she once called a friend, her heart aching as she thought that he was just using her. But pushing them all away now would help her later, it'd keep her and every cat she knew safe. A medicine cat couldn't let her feelings get in the way of things, it made her vulnerable and made proper decision making difficult. It was better this way.

The tom's coat flinched involuntarily at her cold tone. Starlord pulled away from the warmth of her fur but did not make any move to step back. He stayed close as if within a moment's breath the remnants of the cat who loved would resurface. Her lack of response made his chest tighten further and his head, already swimming with malcontent, seemed to become more overbearing. For a second he said nothing. His maw twitched at the edges, unconvinced with her unenthusiastic response. She likely could not see it, the way the depths of his blue eyes shone with an unending deep concern for her. But it was there. His eyes did not look away. Instead, his usual cheerful tone dropped down into a resigned whisper, "I-I don't need anything. I just need to know you're okay." Hurt and concern cracked behind the words.

It was rare that he felt this deeply, having only felt this way once before for another cat. Although he was guided by his selfless care for others, hidden underneath the facade of only looking out for his own life, this was different. And for this reason, he chose not to walk away. She seemed not to want him pressed up to her like they had been for so long in the den with her kits. But that was what she needed. Starlord hesitantly padded forward and rested his cheek gently against hers, "I need you to be honest with me, Gold. Something is going on... I don't know what. And I probably can't do anything right now, but I will stay with you." Speaking both to the strang nature of the sun, and the moment between them, Starlord's voice almost seemed to plead with her in a more raw way than he ever had before. He hated the emotional side of him, constantly shoving it beneath the humor. But nor he could not afford that.

"Yeah right. Since when has that ever been the case?" Goldeneye suddenly snorted vehemently, her nose wrinkling and lip curling just for a moment. Goldeneye screamed at herself to wrap around him and welcome him in, but she couldn't allow herself to do that. Goldeneye wanted to melt against his cheek, her mind screaming at her to pull away. She did not. "Honesty ruins lives." She remarked callously, her words clipped. "Where has it gotten me? A litter of kittens I never wanted, and my chest torn to shreds. Honesty can rot." She spat cruelly, despite her words here she was being honest. Was she always so full of it? Was she always so flawed? Did she always have to be honest?

The loner should have been prepared for the venom she spat at him, but he was not. His ears flattened almost instantaneously but he did not move. Although he was stunned by the amount of ice within her word, his heart softened ever further for the golden she-cat. Since the first day they had met the tom's chest had ached painfully for the broken cat he saw before him. It grew ever more difficult to hold that feeling at bay. Starlord was not the best at picking up on cues but he could tell the pain was not directed at him. Something at happened; or rather, many things had happened. As he rasped, ragged words cut through the air, he stayed silent. He allowed the time for her breathing to become the only sound ringing in the silent night.

Finally, Starlord tilted his head, running his nose along her jaw until it was right below her maw. He guided her eyes toward him, pulling back just enough for their eyes to meet. Their noses almost touched. While his chest thudded with the intensity of the moment and his mind still reeled from the onslaught of her words, the tom simply allowed himself to breathe. The cat he loved was in pain. And at that moment he wanted nothing more than to ease the suffering embedded deep within the very fiber of her being. It was an impossible task and he had to steel his nerves in preparation for another outward expression of the hurt she had carried for so long.

As the tom stared into her eyes, allowing silence to fill the reed-knit den, he willed her to see how much honesty lived within his gaze. Sadness, love, pain, understanding all fought for expression within his conflicted blue stare. After what felt like an eternity, he meowed softly, "You've been through so much these past moons... so many things I wish I could change, Gold. I really do. And despite what you think, you're strong for dealing with all of it. I can't take it away. What he has done to you, what this life has done to you... but Gold I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. In some real and good honesty. And I think you know that." Starlord sat, still just a whisker's width away and used his tail in an attempt to draw her into him. His chest tightened at the thought of spending another night with her next to him. But he pushed away from the thought, tucking away his selfish feelings for her. This was about making sure she was okay.

Goldeneye's spine seemed to tingle as he ran his nose against her jaw, making her eyes meet his. 'I'm not going anywhere...' Goldeneye finally seemed to break under the support of her friend, her eyes watering as she lurched forwards and wrapped her paws around his neck. Her jaw clenched as she broke into a rough sob that she was trying to contain, a strangled choking sound emitting from the broken she-cat as she shoved her face into his neck fur. Her limbs feeling shaky and weak as she sobbed, everything about her telling her to stop, but no matter how hard she tried to control it, it kept coming. All this time, she had kept herself too busy to cry, too busy to let herself show weakness to another.

Another thing, more expected, but still something he was unprepared for. One moment she had seemed ready to snap the head off of any cat approaching her and the next she was sobbing into his fur. His heart was caught somewhere in between being torn apart and thudding recklessly simply from the intimate honesty of the moment. Starlord had not been physically ready to bear the weight of the she-cat and they tumbled to the ground together. But he did not mind, nor did it set him off course of his current mission. Rapid licks exploded from his maw over her neck, ears, and face. He pulled her closer into his fur, soaking in the medicine cat's warmth and hoping that she would draw a similar feeling from the moment. Part of him was terrified by seeing her like this, never having seen it before. The rest simply wanted to try to repair the broken pieces that he was not shocked to find.

"I know it doesn't seem it now, Gold..." He whispered with another rasp of his tongue over her ear, "But it will be okay. It's okay." The last part was repeated like a mantra until he thought his voice could bear it no more. Then, Starlord simply resigned to nuzzling his nose deep into the fur of his neck. The loner could feel her body convulsing from the sobs causing him to struggle to find a way closer to her in their already impenetrable closeness. His ears twitched from the sound and his chest seemed to be a ball of ice before it melted in the heat of her embrace. There was nothing on her end eluding to this being more than a shared moment of intense honesty that had blossomed from their created kinship. However, simply being in her presence and sitting in her ugly honesty was enough.

When the sobs began to slow after what seemed like a while, the loner pulled back slightly to look her over. Even in the pale glow of the strange sky, she was as beautiful as ever. Even with all of the agony written across her feature. Starlord let out a low sigh representative of his awe and appreciation of her. Although his eyes still shone with immense love, he tried to pull back and eventually asked, "You can talk to me about anything, you know that?"