Cheer Up, Old Man (Closed)

Nectarleap was having a bad day. By now, he was used to it. He had broken when Willowpaw died. That had been confirmed when Shadefall passed as well. But his own lack of emotion when Ashstar died was what really made him sure. Depression was the best way to put it. No longer feeling emotions, just reliving horrible memories. Days could go by where he didn't feel anything except for emptiness and pain. So far, he hadn't dared bothering anyone else with his problem. Family or Featherlight could have probably helped him by now, but it wasn't their burden to bare. Just his. Though it hadn't been him that was killed, he felt like he had died. Fawnpaw's death had hurt, but not like this constant, thoughtless pain. Not mind-numbing amounts that left his mind void of feelings, that put him on auto-pilot. This was what he had feared he would someday become. Yet he was too miserable to care. Still, he had to eat. The clan depended on him, and so did his two remaining kits. Laurelsong was still alive, and he needed to be there for his friend. Silentstrike as well. Maybe someday he would become his old self agin. Highly doubtful, but possible. Standing up, he padded over to the prey pile. By accident, he almost stepped on a kit.
"Oh hello, I didn't see you there." Nectarleap's voice was flat, his attempt to seem friendly failing epically. Made sense. It wasn't like he felt friendly at the moment. But kits were the clan's future, and he didn't want them to worry. They were to young for such burdens. Picking up a rabbit, the memory of giving all of his kit's their first prey burned in his mind. Four of those once young and playful kits were gone now. In StarClan. This kit, Kestrelkit, he believed, was much too old to have never eaten prey before. Still, this whole situation made the pain grow. Expression still empty, he plopped down about a tail-length away, beginning to munch on his rabbit. It seemed flavorless on his tongue, and he couldn't care less.

Kestrelkit squeaked as she was nearly tread on, but moved out of Nectarleap's way swiftly as to avoid any unintentional stepping. The curious grey kit blinked, ear flicking as she watched the older tom before replying to his words with a gentle, "Hi..! It's okay."
She could tell something was wrong with him. Or maybe he was lost in thought? Either way, Kestrelkit's curiosity was getting the best her, that and, she'd never met this cat before! 'That has to change, now!' she thought, tail tip flicking with interest as she paced over to Nectarleap and sat down beside him. Her green eyes looked up at him, wide and clearly eager to converse. "I'm Kestrelkit. Who are you?" she began, her voice light and slightly high-pitched. ".. and are you okay?" she asked much more quietly, ears perked and ready to listen. The kit, nearly old enough to be an apprentice now, was unaware of all the tragedy to befall Nectarleap; and had been far too tiny to understand the weight of Ashstar's death on her clan, her grandmother who'd she never be able to meet, least not until it was her own time. Which, she would hope to be many, many, moons from now.. She'd not try to feed the thought of death. It was unpleasant, scary, and quite frankly hard for her to understand now.
Her eyes drifted from the older tom's face to the rabbit her was eating, a small expression of happiness crossing her face. ".. Rabbit is very yummy. My dad shared some with me before.." she purred, focusing back on his face now, waiting to hear what could be troubling this cat.
Oh, how much Kestrelkit had to grow and learn. She was lucky to be spared from such grief and hardship for now, as a kit.

"Hello Kestrelkit. My name is Nectarleap," Nectarleap replied, once again trying to work some warmth into his tone. This time, it partially worked, but it sounded forced, as if he was being friendly against his will. In a way, that was almost true. Kestelkit's next question surprised him. Well, he did probably look as bad as he felt. Sighing, he tried to think of a way to reply. He cared about the kit's mental stability to flat out tell her everything he hd to be sad about. Even just to say he wasn't fine could bring upon that conversation. Though part of him longed to stop hiding his true feelings, he knew telling a kit was the worst possible direction to go in. So he settled for the simplest answer he could muster without lying. "Okay is a relative term. It's nothing you need to worry about." There. Now he had settled it without downright lying to a clanmate. Morally sound and mentally stable. At least as much as was currently possible for him given his current state. The old him would have already cheerfully given the kit a large part of his rabbit and would have already begun suggesting games. In contrast, he was just sitting there now, staring off into space until the she-kit made another comment. Rabbit? Oh yes, he was eating. "You may have some if you would like. I can't really appreciate their flavor anymore anyways."

"It is nice to meet you, Nectarleap!" Kestrelkit meowed, relaxing back on his haunches slightly. She quite easily read his voice and couldn't help but sigh through her nose, pupil slowly shifting away her focus in a nervous manner.. She hoped her asking hadn't upset the tom. Maybe she was too curious for her own good? Her mother had taught her to be a kind cat, 'treat others how you want to be treated!' and similar lessons rang in her mind when meeting new faces.
She wasn't impressed or accepting of his second response after hearing it, pupils focusing on the rabbit out of mild anxiety. She didn't want to push Nectarleap too much. ".. I guess you're right.. But are you sure? I know, um.. When I'm sad, talking helps me.." she mewed quietly, tail lashing slowly. The kit was clearly a bit intimidated by the differences between her and him, but determined. She knew she'd want someone to ask her, and she'd want to talk. Of course.. Every cat was different. Maybe talking made the tom sad. Or he didn't trust her. She'd understand that.. Or at least try to. The young cat tried her best to find the good in those she met, and wanted nothing more than to make friendships within her clan. I don't think asking to be friends is a great idea, now, though. she told herself internally, holding back from asking to be such for the moment.
Kestrelkit couldn't help but perk up at the offer of food. She continued to stare at the prey, before forcing herself to look back up at the warrior. "A-Are you sure you don't need it more than me?.."

"What do you kn-, uh, think about playing a game? That's what helps me when I'm sad," Nectarleap decided quickly, though he wasn't exactly telling the complete truth. The tiniest hint of desperation showed in his voice, and any indication that it was a friendly offer lacked existence. Playing a game offered a temporary distraction, something that could allow him to cope for just a small amount of time. The real reason he had offered it was because he wanted to cover what he had almost said. What do you know about being sad? In his eyes, Kestrelkit never could have faced tragedy so young already? She had a mom, dad, siblings, and friends, so probably the safest thing she experienced was when nobody wanted to play with her. That wasn't true misery. Though, before Heathershade had died, he had gotten them mixed up on occasion. Quickly, he pushed his rabbit towards the she-kit. "Of course you can have a bite or two. It would be selfish for me to eat the entire thing." This monotone was knew since Ashstar died, he realized. Maybe just knowing he was completely broken allowed him to accept the fact.

Kestrelkit's ears went back to slightly lay against her head, breaking the eye contact again after hearing Nectarleap stumble over his words. His tone did no favors.. She sighed, tail lashing, before she decided to speak again; "What kind of game?" was all she could seem to muster, voice much more quiet now. 'Did I upset him?' she wondered, front paws shifting nervously. 'I hope not.'
Her green eyes stared at the rabbit a moment, before back up to Nectarleap, and then down to the prey once more. ".. If you're sure." It was quiet as before, and generally meek sounding. Kestrelkit leaned down to take a bite of the rabbit and a tiny, almost silent, purr couldn't help but gently rumble in her chest for a moment at the sweet taste. It was her favorite, after all.

"Whatever kind of game you would like," Nectarleap stated, finally managing to squeeze some form of warmth into his tone. He did care about Kestrelkit, but she reminded him so much of his own kits that now resided in StarClan. Even Sootpaw came to mind, just because of their innocence. Looking a the she-kit eat the rabbit, the smallest wanting to smile came to mind. Still, when he tried to do so, he felt fake, and realized he probably looked pretty creepy. So he stopped. "Have as much as you would like. I already had some, and I'm not hungry anymore. You would dfinitely appreciate it more than I would anyway, so can just eat the whole thing if you so desire." That was probably the longest sentence he had said since Ashstar died. Heck, since Shadefall died. That realization made him let out a sigh, and he resisted the urge to lay his head down on his paws and feel sorry for himself. No, this kit deserved a role model, not a depressed cat to watch and make her feel bad about life. Just being around kits probably wasn't the best idea for him. But here he was, and he couldn't just abruptly stand up and leave. So he settled for staying as he was, staring off into space in the gray kit's generally direction.

OOC: sorry for being a lil' late and a kinda short reply

IC: Kestrelkit looked at her paws for a second, thinking about what games there were to play. Her mouth parted, green eyes shifting up to Nectarleap, "Tag?" she asked softly although knew the warrior might be faster. It'd still be fun to try and escape him! Gently her posture relaxed after hearing his slight tone change, ears lifting a little from her head. The grey kit couldn't help but purr at his generous offer of rabbit, taking another bite. "Thank you, Nectarleap." Kestrelkit mewed quietly, though trying not to speak while chewing. Her chest rumbled continually, happy for the tasty treat. Swallowing the piece she was eating, she spoke again hoping to draw his eyes back to her; "It's very good!.. Are you sure you won't eat more?" the kit sounded genuinely confused. She could hardly resist rabbit meat! So how could the warrior?

"I'm sure that I'm fine. I already ate early this morning," Nectarleap lied, hoping that would be the end of it and Kestrelkit would stop pestering him about why he wasn't eating. He didn't mind the kit's company, but he didn't want her to feel bad for him. She was far to young to know what he had been through. "Tag sounds like a fun game. Would you want to chase or be chased?" Though he still didn't exactly sound exactly happy, at least he had forced that terrible monotone of depression out. At best he sounded board. Tag had been a game Sweetkit and him had played as kits. He nearly smiled at the memory. Though a small pang of grief came with the thought of his dead sister, his daughter shared her name and personality, which helped him to cope with that. Besides, that had been a long time ago. Now he could just focus on playing a game with a kit and trying to convince her that he was happy. At least he wasn't focusing solely on being sorry for himself anymore.