That Would Be Enough[OPEN]

Number of posts : 3732

If I could spare his life
If I could trade his life for mine
He'd be standing here right now
And you would smile
And that would be enough

Flickerpaw knew they didn't understand. Nobody but Otterleap had killed a cat, and he remained in his clan. Specklefang was dead, and she didn't even seem to regret it. Nobody disagreed that her grandmother was a bit... different. It felt like Flickerpaw would never adjust to Riverclan life. The smell of fish was normal now. Her pelt was messy and dirty, but she didn't care. She didn't lick it. What use was there? There was no reason to look good. This had to be a dream. No, this was too real. Too long. Too bad. Where would she sleep? Probably guarded on a pile of dirt, sticks, and stones. What would she eat? Nah, she didn't need to eat often. Just enough to live. For her siblings. She couldn't die now, not after all they'd been through. If there was any chance of escape, Dappledpaw'd want her to go. To the Twolegplace, like she promised. But that was a long way off. If she escaped immediately, Riverclan would never rest easy. They'd comb the world for her and would kill her on sight like how some cats seemingly wanted to. This reminded her to fear for her life. They'd easily kill her. And no Thunderclanner would ever know. Unless she visited their dreams. But she'd go to the Dark Forest, surely. For murdering a cat. She deserved it. The Dark Forest was for bad cats who broke the Warrior Code like she had. So, what did Flickerpaw do? The orange tabby she-cat found herself a nice shady area corner of the camp and sat there, with her leafy green eyes staring down at her paws. I'm sorry.

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WCC's Resident Wingwoman and Third Wheel*Queen of Spur of the Moment Decisions
Can be contacted through Discord * Talk to my cats in Starclan * Will use Starclan cats for Moonstones if you can't find someone

Subject: Re: That Would Be Enough[OPEN] Wed 28 Feb 2018 - 18:05

"You know," Nutfur mewed without warning. She had snuck up on Flickerpaw, after what seemed like forever of not being able to decide if she should or not. Maybe she would blow up, or maybe she would break down. Grief was something that was risky to deal with. And most of the time, there wasn't one thing to blame. No one could feel anger towards someone if a cat died in any way other than murder. Accidents happen, this should be no different but it was. Because it was Fawnsong. The she-cat she had spent forever training and preparing for this kind of situation was lying dead under a pile of dirt. And the cat responsible for the pain that consumed her was only whiskers away. At first, all her instincts told her to attack. To make this murderer feel the pain she had inflicted upon the dead warrior. But logic won out. Ivystar had said no, and that wouldn't be smart. Violence never solved any problems, and revenge even less. But she had to say something. "I was training Fawnsong when she was just an apprentice, the very first day we were out, an owl attacked us. We fought it, and at first it just attacked me. But as soon as that bird's talons drew her blood, I knew I couldn't let her ever be hurt again. I tried every day to make sure she would become a successful warrior and not have to be hurt in battle. I promised to protect her the best that I could. And I failed." Her voice grew quiet, but with an almost threatening undertone. "I failed because of you."

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Petalpaw - Barkkit - Sunpaw

ShadowClan - ThunderClan - WindClan

Apprentice - Kit - Apprentice

Number of posts : 3732

Flickerpaw nearly jumped out of her fur. Then she flattened it and tried to hold back the guilt."I was attacked by an owl on my first day out, too. I dislodged my shoulder and it still feels weird when I use it to attack a certain way. That's what messed me up. I confused myself, didn't watch what I was doing, and then I was responsible for sending someone to Starclan. My brother was with me that day. I'm sorry. You didn't fail her, I failed my clan, Starclan, and myself." She spoke soft, like she was tentative to talk.

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WCC's Resident Wingwoman and Third Wheel*Queen of Spur of the Moment Decisions
Can be contacted through Discord * Talk to my cats in Starclan * Will use Starclan cats for Moonstones if you can't find someone

Subject: Re: That Would Be Enough[OPEN] Wed 28 Feb 2018 - 20:05

"Hopefully that injury will be a permanent reminder of what you have done wrong. I too have a scar that reminds me of the day I messed up big time, and that is what leads me to try to be a better cat. I hope that you feel the same way about yours," Nutfur replied coldly. Her hazel eyes flicked down ti the long scar that ran across her front right paw, not being able to stop the memories that came with it. A sudden urge to give Flickerpaw another scar to remember this situation by suddenly washed over her, and she could barely resist the urge to swipe the ginger she-cat across the chest. But once again, the logical part of her mind won out. More battle would create more problems. That thought triggered another memory. Four apprentices and their mentors teamed up for battle training, and she had reminded Fawnsong (Fawnpaw at the time) that real battle was nothing to be desired. If only fate listened to desires. Once again, anger and sorrow filled her chest with an explosive pain that almost sent her tumbling to the ground. But she couldn't break. Not her, not now. Not ever. Just deal, like she had done with everything else. Never act off of grief. Her experiences had taught her that much. Anger wasn't an emotion she was used to. Maybe that was why she wasn't able to control it. "Why? Why kill her? I know it was an accident and all, but I don't want that answer. Why fight her in the first place? I know you can't kill, even accidentally, unless your angry. So why? Why take away her life? Why make me fail at the one thing I was doing right?" As she spoke her tone turned from angry to sad, suddenly choking back sobs. No, she couldn't let her weakness show in front of this former ThunderClanner. It wasn't completely her fault. Mostly it was her own. Apologizing wasn't something she often got the chance to do, but she felt the need to. "I'm not even mad at you, so I'm sorry I blew up like that. I just can't believe I trained her to become a warrior, and less than a moon later she is killed by an apprentice. This is my fault, so I should stop blaming you."

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Petalpaw - Barkkit - Sunpaw

ShadowClan - ThunderClan - WindClan

Apprentice - Kit - Apprentice

Number of posts : 3732

Flickerpaw sighed. She had known they would yell at her, but it still hurt. "I don't know why. I really don't. Don't blame yourself... I blame myself for Shrewheart's death even though I know deep in my heart that I couldn't have done anything. You should be blaming me, because blaming Starclan is no use to anyone and blaming Fawnsong is disrespectful. I say, though, you did not fail. She was... hard and she'd have beaten me had I not... killed... her."

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WCC's Resident Wingwoman and Third Wheel*Queen of Spur of the Moment Decisions
Can be contacted through Discord * Talk to my cats in Starclan * Will use Starclan cats for Moonstones if you can't find someone

Subject: Re: That Would Be Enough[OPEN] Thu 1 Mar 2018 - 15:46

"I know you're right, but logic is hard to believe during times of grief," Nutfur countered, a strange amount of energy in her voice. Not the good kind of energy that made days easier. The one that made her feel hot and dizzy, like she was about to snap at any moment. Looking at Flickerpaw, she realized something. They weren't as different as it had seemed. If the circumstances were different, she could see the two of them becoming friends. "We aren't that different. We have both just done things things that we regret. We have both just lost someone close to us, and blame ourselves for it. We both have faith in StarClan, though find it hard to stay on the right path. Both of us don't have our clan trust us anymore. And we're both stuck here, even though we don't want to be. I guess I can relate to you, and I would be your friend. I just can't pretend like you didn't kill Fawnsong. My former apprentice."

OOC: Sorry for shortness

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Petalpaw - Barkkit - Sunpaw

ShadowClan - ThunderClan - WindClan

Apprentice - Kit - Apprentice

Number of posts : 3732

OOC: that's long to my post length standards

IC: Flickerpaw gave Nutfur a look that was full of confusion but also a sad small smile. "I can't pretend that I like your clan particularly. It's because of injuries they gave him that Shrewheart died. I know you can't pretend I didn't do something I did. I'm just glad I was brave enough to protect Dappledpaw from being in my place. He tried to say that he was the one to kill Fawnsong. I couldn't let him. Really, I'm surprised nobody's attacked me yet. I can tell how much that one apprentice- Shadepaw, I think they said- wants to."

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WCC's Resident Wingwoman and Third Wheel*Queen of Spur of the Moment Decisions
Can be contacted through Discord * Talk to my cats in Starclan * Will use Starclan cats for Moonstones if you can't find someone

Subject: Re: That Would Be Enough[OPEN] Fri 23 Mar 2018 - 16:24

"I wish I had cats who would offer to take the blame for me like that. Of course, I would refuse, but no cat cats about me enough to risk trouble with Ivystar. That's one of the reasons I didn't claw your nose off the moment I saw you. I don't blame you for disliking my clan, and I hope you don't blame me for disliking you. I just ask you to please not say 'kill' and my former apprentice's name in the same sentence again. The pain is still fresh, and it hurts more as I keep getting reminded." Everything here seemed to feed into her pain. Nutfur couldn't help but think of her lack of family, loss of a friend held dear, and her trouble with Ivystar. Words and sights stung deeper than the pain of any physical wound. Hot anger swelled inside her, but it wasn't directed at Flickerpaw. It was directed at her life in general. Fate seemed to dislike her.

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Petalpaw - Barkkit - Sunpaw

ShadowClan - ThunderClan - WindClan

Apprentice - Kit - Apprentice

Number of posts : 3732

Flickerpaw frowned. "I'm sorry! I'm not thinking, of course, it would hurt you... I don't blame you for disliking me, I'm sure the whole Clan feels the same way. I'm sorry, I keep being inconsiderate. You'd think I'd have learned by now, with me being warrior-aged." This was sort of a joke.

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WCC's Resident Wingwoman and Third Wheel*Queen of Spur of the Moment Decisions
Can be contacted through Discord * Talk to my cats in Starclan * Will use Starclan cats for Moonstones if you can't find someone

Subject: Re: That Would Be Enough[OPEN] Sat 24 Mar 2018 - 22:32

A silver she-cat observed the conversation with uncertainty. She hadn't been particularly close to Fawnsong, but the she-cat had still been her clanmate. They had shared an apprenticeship, but they wouldn't get to share warrior-hood. Her fluffy tail flicked in the dirt, blue eyes narrowed. This new she-cat deserved her ostrichisation. She deserved to be alone, without her family or clan... she deserved to be ... Dewshine sighed. Her gaze softened as she looked down at her paws.

No matter how hard she tried. She couldn't stay angry. Tears wouldn't bring back Fawnsong, anymore than they could have brought back Thistlepaw. Anger festered and burned, it poisoned and corrupted. Dewshine knew this, had seen it in action, but couldn't find it in herself to keep it. Slowly, she stood from where she had been sitting in the sun, away from Flickerpaw and Nutfur and approached them.

"Not thinking seems to be a theme with you." Dewshine meowed as she settled down beside Nutfur. She glanced at the other she-cat, her gaze uneasy as she pushed through with her thoughts. "You need to start since you're going to live in this clan." Her voice softened with her gaze. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry." She glanced towards Nutfur, unsure if the she-cat would call her out. "This can't be an easy adjustment."

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Kestrelpaw ♀ Marshkit ♂

Number of posts : 3732

Flickerpaw looked at the she-cat who approached. Dewshine, she remembered. "You're right. I don't think, because when I do, it all leads back to the deaths and losses of everyone I know. Specklefang and Shrewheart died and I have no clue how the others are doing. My opinion about the worth of being sorry... Coming from Riverclan cats, it's worth a lot to me. Thank you."

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WCC's Resident Wingwoman and Third Wheel*Queen of Spur of the Moment Decisions
Can be contacted through Discord * Talk to my cats in Starclan * Will use Starclan cats for Moonstones if you can't find someone

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