My Deepest Fear (Closed for Dimmeh)

Finchpaw was laying in the sunlit clearing, bright rays of light beaming down onto her silver and white pelt; but despite the beautiful weather the young she-cat's face was covered with a storm cloud of stress and fear. Recently, as she got closer and closer to her assesment and warrior ceremony, she had begun to worry even more about her...fear. Despite Ospreypaw's comforting advice, and Nutpaw's training help the thought of someday being involved in a battle, or injuring a cat, made her stomach churn with deep unease. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a warrior like I once thought...but what else it there for me to do? I don't want to be a burden to the clan! With a long, troubled sigh the small she-cat laid her head to rest on her front paws, gazing around the camp with tired yellow eyes.

Fallowstripe padded over to her daughter, who looked rather troubled. The sylphlike she-cat bent over. She examined every feature on Finchpaw's face, and, she knew those deep gold pools of her eyes like the back of her paw. "Hey, Finchpaw," she said calmly, "I notice you've been... troubled, over the past few days." Fallowstripe's maw stayed linear. The peppy warrior was usually happy, but now, seeing her daughter so pusillanimous disturbed her. "Don't worry; you can tell me." Fallowstripe touched Finchpaw with the warm embrace of a mother.

So lost in her troubled thoughts, Finchpaw was startled a bit by her mother's voice near her ear. Turning, she forced a smile onto her maw, but the fake happiness was unable to hide the deep layers of stress that had plagued her for days. Her first thought was to deny that anything was wrong, but that suggestion only survived for a second; Fallowstripe can read me better than any of my friends, no way she would just take 'no i'm fine' for an answer. With an almost panicked huff, Finchpaw took a moment to glance around the camp before looking back and replying to her mother. "Uhh....umm....well.... Very hesitant, Finchpaw stared down at her shuffling paws as she meowed; "C..can we talk, outside camp?"

Fallowstripe nodded briskly. "Of course," she mewed. She strode forwards as her daughter lead her out of camp, tail reeling. She sat down on a bole patch outside of camp. "Go ahead," she purred kindly to Finchpaw.

Finchpaw settled down beside her mom on the dry grass, chest tensing with apprehension and worry. Gazing down at her paws once again, the small she-cat meowed in a small, fearful voice; "So...I......something happened at the Gathering." Looking up, she managed to meet her mother's kind gaze and as she spoke, her voice began to grow stronger. "A...a ThunderClan apprentice came running in, her pelt dripping with blood....so much blood...." Looking away again, Finchpaw's voice quieted to a murmur, barely aduible above the breeze. "I...I've never been so scared in my life; I almost fainted...." Turning her eyes back up, she went on; "Ever since then, whenever I train with my friends, I feel sick. I'm scared that I'm going to hurt them, even though our claws are sheathed. I have nightmares, that instead of that apprentice, Ospreypaw or Nutpaw, or...or even you or dad, are bleeding out onto the ground at Fourtrees!" Her eyes brimming with tears, the silver and white tabby continued in a scared wail. "What can I do now mom? Fishstar would never give me my full name if she knew, and my friends wouldn't understand! How can a clan cat be scared of blood, and fighting? Please, please you can't tell anyone! I don't want to be useless!" Eyes brimming with tears, desperation read in her frantic gaze as she waited for her mother to reply. What this a mistake?

Fallowstripe stretched her muzzle forwards and set it on Finchpaw's shoulder, as if she were placing a blessing. "I understand," she whispered, "and I won't tell anybody. Battle is scary, and it's best if you never experience it. But..." she drew back and cocked her head. "What will you do then?" Fallowstripe's question was chilling.

Finchpaw sighed and closed her eyes as her mother placed her muzzle on her shoulder, the feeling of her soft, warm fur bringing back memories of when she was in the nursery as a small, helpless kit. Sighing, the small she-cat whispered "Thank you.", her voice extremely relieved, and smiled softly at Fallowstripe as her mother pulled back. Her next words though, sent a chill down her spine. Looking away, Finchpaw gazed down at her wide paws, trying to comprehend what her mother was saying. "W..what do you mean?" It was more denial than lack of understanding, and the young she-cat's wide eyes glowed with worry.