Lacking Closness doesn't mean it doesn't hurt [Open]

It had been a while since his son.. Antdrop had died. Crowstar was struck with grief. While his family was large... and he never got along with Antdrop he still loved his son. One of his first sons.. Blackpaw didn't make it to Warriorship before he was taken.. His daughter disppeared.. Ghostpelt was one of the only ones that remained of his first family.

He loved his family, though he had troubles expressing it. He had always had issues with his emotions since Thunderclan and Windclan attacked them from very early. From a young age he was hardened. He needed to be a strong warrior for Breezestar to help his clan, but somewhere in that time he forgot about his emotions. Only really feeling them when he was with Snowstorm and he newly born kits.

But it seem the death of his son smacked the emotions back into him. At least the emotion of sadness. He mourned his son when he first found out. He didn't leave his side for a single moment until it was time for the elder to take him away. Since then the leader's tail dropped, and hung low. The only time he seemed normal was at the gatherings and up on Tall Branch when he was in front of the clan. The rest of the time, Crowstar's eyes were dull, and lacking life. Sometimes he thought he was thrown into this leadership far too early..

The leader let out a small sigh as he laid half way out of his den. His yellow eyes observing his warriors as they moved around camp. They probably knew the leader was going through a tough time but he had to be strong for them. If he was weak the clan was weak, and he couldn't have that so he choose to stay reserved.

ooc: Finally got to address Ant's death.

Cherrymist padded in Crowstar's den after groominnher hest fur with a few swift licks. She smiled delicately as she made her into the darker place. She dropped a scrawny pigeon she had brought him, thined from the cold weather. "Grandfather? I brought you news. And a pigeon to share. If you want..."

Rippedsky was at the freshkill pile, trying to pick up something small from the pile. After deciding on a mouse, he spotted Crowstar. Of any cats he trusted in Skyclan, Crowstar was definitely on top. He looked up to leader and, while he would never admit it, almost saw him as an adoptive father. The fluffy, black tom had offered more guidance and support than his family back in Windclan ever had. He padded up to his former mentor. Cherrymist's presence almost made him want to leave. He knew the she-cat didn't approve of his place with in the clan. That doesn't matter, Crowstar trusts me, He recalled Webtail's words for the thousandth time, repeating them over and over again.

Part of him felt like he was intruding on a family moment, but the other part of him now believed all of Skyclan was his family, regardless of how they felt of him. News of Antdrop's death had hurt him, probably not as much as the others who had grown up with them, but the clan had lost a good warrior. Antdrop had let his anger towards his father's decision take over, yes, but Rippedsky knew there had been more to the warrior than he could have ever know. The new warrior had never talked to his mentor about it, afraid his words or attempt at comfort would upset the leader and remind him of when his son had confronted Rippedpaw as an apprentice. Cherrymist and other's had certainly not forgotten the disdain for the former Windclan cat and wouldn't let it die out. But none of that mattered now.

"Hello, Crowstar. Cherrymist," He greeted formally with a dip of his head, after dropping the mouse. He hesitated a bit before adding, "Is it okay if I join you?"

Crowstar brightened up as soon as he saw Cherrymist approaching. He couldn't be weak. He had to be strong for them. Always strong for them. He wouldn't let them be driven from their home again. If someone tried he would tear their clan apart himself. He would use the dark forest moves that he learned a while back to drive anyone away who was trying to get rid of him.

"News?" The leader echoed trying to keep a normal tone. "And sure I will take part of the pigeon." He needed to eat something so they didn't think he wasn't eating. Though most of the time they didn't really check on him. His dull yellow eyes glanced to the side as Rippedsky approached him. He didn't really need a friendly chat with anyone right now, but he couldn't object or else they would see him as being weak. He had to be there for his clan no matter what. "Sure Rippedsky." The leader said, trying to hide the fact he just wanted to curl up his den and not be bothered at the moment.

Cherrymist gave a short purr as Rippedsky joined them, awaiting Crowstar's words regarding him. She settled down next to the leader, and something in his scents made the blind she-cat push him the pigeon for the first bite. Her pelt was tingling with excitement and pride, and she couldn't wait to brighten Crowstar's day with the news. Or at least I'll try... she thought, but then, how could he not ennoy the news of birth in his clan. And what birth... "Father, I had a kit, with Tigerblaze. We named her Willowkit and... and Oceanlight said she can see." she meowed, her heart swelling with happiness inside her chest. She exchanged an embarassed but happy glance with the black and white warrior as well. Even if she tried to hide it, she was warming up to him. Ever since he brought Pansypaw back alive from the claws of a ShadowClan warrior, she began to trust him bit by bit more. What would I have done if Pansypaw died... I was not there to protect her... she thought bitterly, but kept her gaze up. No need to weep now that she was alright.

Breezewhisker lay lethargically by the fresh-kill pile in camp, missing Antdrop. He saw his father doing the same, and for a moment he felt compassion. Perhaps his father really had loved Antdrop? His ears pricked up with interest, the leader's son started to head over to his father. I bet he's just been too busy to tell you how much he loves you. That's all. Just a few more pawsteps.... But then Rippedpaw- oh, sorry, Rippedsky- walked up to his father, look on his face dripping with false sympathy. The gray tabby tom stopped in his tracks, eyes narrowing, as Crowstar greeted him warmly. Even Cherrymist- who had seemed to oppose him- was sucking up to the leader's favorite tom. Only a few steps away from his father, the cat who had done him so much wrong, Breezewhisker hissed and drew himself away. He couldn't do this. He- he wouldn't suck up to Crowstar like Rippedpawsky did. Blinking hot tears put of his yellow eyes, the leader's son walked away slowly. He probably didn't even notice me.

Pansypaw was wandering around the camp, looking for Cherrymist. The was going to ask if they could battle train. Ever since she had been attacked by that ShadowClan tom she had wanted to grow stronger, more skilled. Catching sight of her mentor's white pelt, she made her way towards Crowstar's den. For a moment she hesitated, wondering if it was okay for her to go in, but when she saw Rippedsky she trotted in. If a new warrior can go in the leader's den, so can I!

Purring a greeting, she was about to ask Cherrymist her question but noticed something. For the first time in her life, Crowstar looked.....sad. Oh yea, because Antdrop died. She had not really spoken to her uncle before, but she understood the leader's sadness. He just lost a son....

Silently, she waited for someone to address her, not wanting to be disrespectful to the grieving leader.

Of all the cats mourning Antdrop's death, Tinylegs was probably hurt the most by the tragic accident. His own brother had been taken away from this life within a blink of an eye and although the small cat usually had unwavering faith and trust towards StarClan, he didn't know if he could ever forgive them. How could they be so... so... selfish? Taking what they wanted when they wanted, did they enjoy bringing sadness and despair to the clans?

Laying in his nest and not having left it for quite some time, he slowly lifted his head upon hearing some shuffling outside the den. Part of him didn't want to get up but he knew that he'd have to eventually.

Standing up, Tinylegs winced at the sore pain from his stiff legs since he'd been lying down for so long. Fur sticking up in every which way from not grooming it, his tongue dry his lack of hydration, he had to admit, he looked like a mess. But then again, who cared, right? It wasn't like his sulky appearance would affect anyone or how they went on with their lives.

Seeing some cats enter Crowstar's den, the little warrior made his way to his fathers den, head hung low and tail dragging through the fluffy layer of snow. Upon seeing Rippedsky enter and Breezewhisker back away from the gathering cats, he knew exactly why his brother looked so disgusted; it was that WindClan cat's fault that Antdrop had died. If it weren't for that pathetic excuse of a cat, a coward and traitor to his own clan, SkyClan wouldn't be needing to go through all of this.

Thoughts and questions racing through his head as he approached the den, it suddenly hit him like a smack in the face. All of this was actually Crowstar's fault. If the leader hadn't been so welcoming to all of the outsiders, life would most likely be going on like it always did. But no, Crowstar was too trusting, welcoming every cat in need of help to come join SkyClan, was he crazy? Who knew what those cats would do to the clan, they could be plotting against them or even be spies for all they knew!

Antdrop was right, they couldn't call themselves a clan, all they were now was a giant band of rogues and exiles!

Somewhat enraged by the thought of knowing that SkyClan was nothing but a big group of misfits and even more disturbed by the fact that Crowstar had allowed this to happen to them, the small tom lashed his tail back and forth, watching as Pansypaw entered the den and then padded over to Breezewhisker, not wishing to be in his father's presence at the moment. "We need to do something about all of this," he mumbled softly, standing next to his half-brother with narrowed eyes as he looked towards the den. He didn't bother elaborating, knowing that Breezewhisker knew exactly what he meant, him being just as sour about the "letting everyone and anyone into the clan with open paws," situation.

OOC: awe, lil Tinylegs is so angry that he's blaming everyone else, how cute <3//shot

Breezewhisker watched bitterly as Rippedsky sat in pride of place by his father. He let out a startled meow of surprise when Tinylegs appeared out of nowhere. Recovering quickly, he nodded vindictively. "I know SkyClan came from a bunch of rogues, but that's no reason to accept every exiled cat or cowardly, disloyal apprentice that comes gallivanting by," he spat, glaring at the newly appointed warrior sucking up to Crowstar. "Webtail and Lightningstrike I can maybe understand, but Rippedpaw? Sorry, I mean, Rippedsky," he snorted, spitting out the tom's name like a curse. "He was just a cowardly apprentice who ran away because he didn't want to listen to his leader. Ashstar made a decision she thought, as his Clan's leader, was the right one. It ended in a battle. Rippedpaw ran away because he didn't want to be loyal."

Breezewhisker's eyes looked from Rippedsky to Crowstar to Tinylegs. "It's not any one cat's fault Antdrop died, but rather a conglomeration. Rippedpaw drove him to speak out with his... well, his kissing up to Crowstar. Crowstar made him leave by defending the stupid cross-Clan tom instead of his own son. Crowstar.... If he loved Antdrop, he never showed it. If he ever loved me, he didn't- doesn't- show it. He was never there for us. But somehow, he's always there for- for him. He treats that WindClan rat like a son, as he never ever did for me."

The gray tabby tom looked up to the sky, eyes determined. "Antdrop and I had many things in common, but there is one place where we are vitally different. His life, his work, was cut short by StarClan. Whereas my job in SkyClan..." Breezewhisker looked back at Rippedsky, eyes narrowing. "My job has just begun." A breeze ruffled his fur as he sat there in the snow, having just found his purpose: to open Crowstar's eyes to the dangers of that WindClan mousebrain in SkyClan. But would he stand alone?

Rippedsky was a little surprised by Cherrymist's change in attitude towards him, but he didn't question it. Ever since he had join the clan he had admired the blind warrior's determination and skill. Whatever the reasoning, he appreciated.
"Congrats!" He meowed cheerfully to the young queen, "I'm sure Willowkit will make a fine warrior someday." His eyes swept over Crowstar. The leader was tough. Rippedsky could see the exhaustion and sadness that clouded his eyes, but Crowstar would never admit it. The clan and his responsibilities came first. The young warrior understood that feeling all too well. It was something he aspired to be and admired. But he wished there was something he could to improve the leader's mood. Along with Antdrop's death, some of the tension in the clan had made things uncomfortable. Rippedsky knew that there were still some who hated him, mostly Crowstar's kin. Hopefully, the birth of a new kit would bring some light to the clan.

Crowstar let out a broken purr at Cherrymist's news. "That is wonderful news Cherrymist. I'm sure Willowkit will be the best of the best. With your determination I'm sure she will be a good of a warrior as you and Tinylegs. You both have such great determination.." The leader trailed off for a moment. He may have not had the best life ever but he was blessed with good warriors. He couldn't ask for anything more. He didn't care where they came from. He didn't care as long as they were loyal.

The leader fell silent again, unsure of what to say, when Pansypaw had approached. "You can join us Pansypaw if you wish." The leader said. He looked across the camp for anyone else  that wished to join them, when he noticed his two sons both with dark looks on their muzzles. The leader let out a small sigh. He was never good enough in some way wasn't he? First Antdrop didn't like him, now those two? He wouldn't ever win, and he actually tried this time.. Especially with Tinylegs..

The leader settled down once again turning his head away from his two sons, the saddness continuing to eat at him. "Am I a good leader?" The leader half way mumbled to himself.. "I'm not sure anymore.." He was never sure in the first place, but it seemed no matter what he did someone was there to hate him. Everything he has done was for this clan, nothing was ever for a selfish reason, but it seemed others thought so.

ooc: Crow is going to be an absolute mess when Snowstorm dies, be prepared.

Snowstorm walked out, her head low. She listened for a bit. She had so many loved ones die. She sometimes wanted to join them. But, she swore that's she risk her life for the clan. She just listened, silently. She swallowed nothing, but it felt like stale prey. She heard those arguing, then she held her head up high, and forces herself to sound confident. "Have we come here to snap at eachother, or to grief and share news?" she said, preparing a little speech.


"Why do the clans underestimate us? Yes, we're a group of rogues, and we welcome other clan's traitors, but the main reason? Because we don't trust each other. All the other clans are closely bonded together. While we are over here talking down and blaming one another. Some of us here are devastated, and having dark looks on our faces wont help! Every drop of blood spilled, every prey on that pile, is for the name of us, and the name of our past, present, and future! We are loyal warriors, and we should say the name SkyClan proudly, and put blood, sweat, and tears into everything we do! If we don't, then what right do we have to even be a clan?" she pleaded, sounding more serious and proud as she continued. She could run for president of the USA with those words.

"You can't please every cat, Crowstar," Rippedsky meowed softly as he glanced over at the others. He knew the tension between Crowstar and his sons. The black and white tom had felt it on many occasions.

With a sigh he added, "You've done what you think is best for your clan. Something that other leaders haven't even managed to do." Again, his thoughts flashed to Ashstar. Bits and pieces of things he knew or had seen from the other leaders crossed his mind. In the young warriors opinion, none of the others even came close to the Skyclan leader. It worried him that Crowstar didn't seem to see this.

((he is already a mess haahahahahaha #bunbunburn))

Cherrymist exchanged glances with Snowstorm, smiling when she remembered finding the same cat going through a depression and spasming on the ground, trying to starve herself to death. Now Snowstorm stood proud by them, after saying something that inspired Cherrymist's soul with the wish to fly high. She glanced over to Pansypaw as was welcomed inside, flicking a spot by her with her tail. I hope she is fine. I need to start training with her as soon as possible... she thought before turning her head with a sorrowful smile at Crowstar.

"Snowstorm is right. As much as the other clans want us to think we are rubbish, we are much more than that. And that is because of you, Crowstar, and because you have the courage and faith that StarClan stands with us even tho others believe we are but copy-cat rogues that want to live the life of a Clan.  You are the one that took in Webtail and Lightningstrike, and look how much they've helped! You brought in Rippedsky, and he saved Pansypaw, despite what Ashstar said about him at the gathering. And... me... I'm blind but you... you trust me. If I had the choice to join another clan... I wouldn't." she meowed, thinking fondly about Webtail training one of her younger siblings, of Rippedsky saving her younger sister. She exchanged a happy glance with Snowstorm, her grandmother.

There had been little sleep for Rabbitpaw. No matter how hard she tried to get some rest, she was always woken up by the haunting nightmares of Antdrop's death. Even as she tried to think of something else, the images were burned into her mind, the time of the incident looping aimlessly in her dreams, sending her into a shock and depression that felt all-too-similar to the emotional wounds that were ripped open when it actually happened. However, each time she dreamed of her father's death, something new happened. Several times now, she's had dreams of Breezewhisker finding her after it happened and blaming her for Antdrop's death-- that it was her fault that he fell. Other times, Tinylegs joined in, accusing her of doing it on purpose and murdering the tom. On rarer occasion, however, there were even times when Breezewhisker was killed as well, following Antdrop up the tree and falling all the same. Each and every time, the medicine cat apprentice cried out in her sleep before she was forcibly awoken by her screams for help or even Oceanlight.

Rabbitpaw looked absolutely terrible as she padded out of her den, taking a look around at the cats who have gathered in the clearing. On one side, there was Breezewhisker and Tinylegs being talked to by Snowstorm. It was a bit of relief to see them both alive and well, but they both wore the same tired and defeated expression as she. Not too far away in Crowstar's den was Rippedsky and Cherrymist followed by Pansypaw. Crowstar's expression hit Rabbitpaw on an almost spiritual level. It was very obvious to tell that the leader was seriously hurt by the death of his son, and no matter how the medicine cat apprentice felt, the leader always came first. Trying to clear her mind, she padded to Crowstar. "How are you doing today Crowstar?" she asked, wondering if there was anything she could do to help him. "Do you need anything?"