A Heart to Heart [closed for Murkystar]

OOC: This occurs soon after this topic reading it will give more insight: Black and Blue

Swiftheart sighed her conversation with her father had not made her feel much better... in fact it almost made her feel worse actually.

Mistyfalcon was an amazing cat and she loved him so much a great mentor and father who she absolutely adored... but his brutal honesty was sometimes pretty rough she was used to it but wow... talk about not a great cat for comforting emotions or being a shoulder to cry on... which is what she was more so looking for... He really only opened up alot to murky or bat possibly but yeah long shot for sure.

hmm Basilbloom was gone... that was tough and part of why she was down... she would have been a perfect cat to vent to. Her older sister was so good at listening to Swiftheart ramble on about anything and was so caring. She hoped so much that she was safe and doing well. Come home soon sis she said a quiet prayer.

her paws unconsciously took her to the leaders den... she blinked a couple times not even realizing for a little what she was doing but it made sense... her mom and her had always been close as well and she would be much better at these kinds of problems than her father (it was hard to be much worse really).

umm mom? she called out in a quiet voice. Her usual energy was off, usual over eagerness was greatly reduced and usual joy turned to a downcast face.

C...Can we maybe go hunting? she meowed still standing outside of the leaders den.  It was a good excuse to have a reason to go out of camp for a bit and talk with her 1-1.


OOC: I know we are talking about leaders den and its in the pine grove but i didnt know how to do it with a better transition... like I dont want to start one in camp and then have to make new one here? idk ... in your response feel free to mention that we like travel to pine grove.

"Hmm?" The noise escaped Murkystar's throat as she looked up, spotting her daughter through the entrance to her den. Rising slowly to her paws in an attempt to keep the weight off of the worst of her injuries, she stretched out her front legs and yawned before padding out. "Of course, Swiftheart." She mewed, rubbing her cheek on her daughter's head. Something was off, she could tell, but she wouldn't press while they were still in camp. She could wait until they had set out and were away from every other cat.

Once they had gotten a ways from camp, nearing the familiar clearing of pine trees, Murkystar brushed her tail against Swiftheart's side. "What's troubling you, Swiftheart?"

Swiftheart grinned slightly when her mother nuzzled her head, she quickly returned the favor as well. Swiftheart loved that kind of attention and comforting, she was always the touchy feely type.

Swiftheart walked along side her mother and leader quietly until they were far from camp where it was just them.

Murkystar brushed against her and asked what was wrong...

"Well... alot is troubling me really." she started.

"where to even begin..." she sighed somberly very unusal for her as she was usually very happy.

"Mom... we lost so badly .... I dont even feel safe anymore. I'm plagued with nightmares of the battle, I am always losing in them." she said looking into her mothers eyes.
"Mom... I saw you d-d...die" she said tears forming in her eyes as she said it.  That part of the battle was really painful and she felt so helpless during it. She was one to let others know exactly how she felt, especially someone she trusted so much such as her mom. So she told Murkystar exactly that,
I felt so helpless seeing that happen... I wanted to help you so much but I couldn't... I lost my fight and my opponent was able to attack Webshadow after I had to run for my life

She shuddered slightly, "I was so scared of losing you... or anyone... and we did... amberdawn and burningwing" she said quietly, pain in her voice as she remembered seeing her clanmates killed without mercy.

She took a deep breath as they continued walking...

"... but that's not the only thing that has me troubled.  I ermm well I uhh... " she paused stumbling over the words a bit.
"uhh ... I love Ratrunner... and I told him but... but" she closed her eyes
"he doesn't feel the same" she whispered almost inaudible. It felt good to get it off her chest and talk to someone about it.  She stopped and nuzzled her mother giving her a hug
(or a cat version of a hug I guess idk lol)

"I want him to be happy... even if that is not with me" she said truthfully as much as that was hard to admit it was true.

she sighed but did feel better ish already from just getting to vent to someone.

"and finally.... I miss my sister Basilbloom so much... I'm so worried about her and want her home so much... its hard not knowing if she is okay out there... I know her task is important I just worry too much perhaps." she admitted, she knew that her mom may even feel the same way about this and perhaps... it would let Murkystar also feel these things and let her talk about these feelings as well.

"I uhh tried to talk with dad about these things... but as much as I love dad he uhh istn't always the best at these kinds of thing" she admitted, she giggled a tiny amount thinking about that, it was the first time she had laughed in awhile and it felt reliving, she hoped that her gloomy mood would be over soon and she could return to her normal self.

and it was all true, Mistyfalcon was her hero and she loved him so much as a father and mentor but her emotions could overwhelm him at times.  Swiftheart was an extremly emotional driven cat and usually these emotions were positive, it was just recently that so many bad things had happened in a row that it had drug her down... she was hoping that she would soon return to her good vibes.

Talking with others was a good start to get back on a happier track as it was already in a way helping.  Murkystars presence and nuzzling was a great help and her willingness to listen to her ramble on was nice as well.

Murkystar listened patiently as Swiftheart starting speaking, hesitantly and broken up at first, and then the words seemed to come like a flood, washing over her ears as her daughter laid her heart in front of her. For a moment, she saw the tiny kit that she had once been, but in the next there was the grown warrior her daughter had become. As much as she simply wanted to pull her close, and hide her from the pain and grief and fear, that simply wasn't possible. The forest didn't allow for that kind of naivety and protection, and it would only take advantage of it. There was a lot to work through, but they would, one bit at a time. Moving to sit next to her, Murkystar pressed her side to her daughter's as she chuckled as well. "I have to agree. I love your father very much, but he is most certainly not the best cat to speak to about things like this... Batglow is better." She mewed softly, her eyes sparkling with love for her two mates. "Let's work through all of this though, alright? You've had a lot on your shoulders, we can get through it together. There's nothing you will ever have to carry the burden of alone. Alright?" She mewed, pausing for Swiftheart's answer before continuing.

"The fight... Was most certainly a loss. We were caught off guard, and injured already. It was a series of unfortunate circumstances that led to such a loss, but while we did lose, we still gave those rogues wounds to remind us by. Nightmares are... Normal." She mewed, staring off into the distance. "You went through something harrowing, it's normal to have nightmares. In time, they'll spread out, and won't be so bad. I promise. AS far as my death... That was hard for you to watch. All of you, I'm sure. I was... Prepared. That isn't the first life I've lost, but don't you dare tell your father, he'll have my whiskers. I was able to accept what was coming, but you all did not, and I'm sorry you had to witness it in that way. I'm still right here though, and I still have more lives to spare, don't you fret. You fought hard, as hard as you could, we just.. Were outmatched. Especially when we had some of our own that refused to fight." She growled softly, thinking of Marshmallow as her gaze hardened momentarily. She sighed, blinking as she turned back to Swiftheart, her gaze softening once more. "It's hard to lose clanmates, regardless of how well you know them or not. We're all working together, and the clan simply isn't the same without them. But we continue to live on, remembering their sacrifices to the clan, and honoring their memories in the best ways we can. They wouldn't want us to simply give up."

Her eyes flashed in anger as she recalled the news regarding Ratrunner, before taking a deep breath and quieting the rage towards the tom for breaking her daughter's heart. There could be any number of reasons for his rejection, and she wasn't going to order him to return her affection, that wasn't how love worked. "I'm sorry about what happened with Ratrunner. I wish I could say to hold on, that he'll come around, but there's no guarantee of that. Your father and I... Well, I liked him for far longer than he liked me, and I was content with us staying simply as friends, even if he was never ready for another relationship. Thank the stars... He finally saw me. It was heartbreaking, and difficult, and many times I wondered if I should give up and try to move on. It worked for me... But it doesn't work for everyone. I encourage you to look inside and decide what would be best for you, and you alone." She mewed, licking her daughter's ears. "Although.. I could assign him some of the more unpleasant patrols, if you would like." She purred, nudging her daughter playfully, mischief shining in her eyes.

"I miss Basilbloom too. She's always been close... With her condition, I've always been scared of letting her go. How could I deny her, though? She was so... convinced, so ready, so excited... I just hope she comes home soon. Maybe when she does, the three of us can go collect herbs together and talk. Does that sound like a good idea?" She mewed, looking down at Swiftheart.