am i past repair [closed for Murkystar]

Ratrunner limped from the warrior’s den, ignoring the sting of open cuts. The deepest lay across his shoulder; Batglow had applied something to it to help, and cobwebs to stem the bleeding. But it couldn’t stop the eventual pain, sharper and deeper than he’d felt immediately after. Then, he’d dropped like a stone — exhausted. And the next few days passed by in a haze of sleep and feverish thought. It was the first time he’s felt clear.

The wounds; everything... they would heal. They have to. But right then, in spite of feeling ill and unsteady, he had something to say. And it couldn’t wait. So he persisted, until the small tom could just see inside Murkystar’s den. Unlike the moonlit clearing, it was truly dark inside; lit only by the piercing eyes of its owner.

“Murkystar? Can I… can I speak with you?”

Murkystar started at the sudden voice outside of her den interrupting her thoughts, heart stopping as she panicked briefly before realizing that the greeting was from a familiar voice that while hesitant didn't seem panicked. She took a deep breath, attempting to calm her rapidly beating heart before responding. "Of course, Ratrunner, come on in." She mewed softly, sitting up as he entered her den. "What's troubling you?"

Ratrunner came in quietly, and then raised his eyes. “I need to report something,” he started, with a flash of uncertainty on how to say it; but at this point it didn’t matter. “It should have been reported before, and I meant to. But... it’s true, what the rogues said. That... a warrior killed one of them. It was me.”

It was Ratrunner’s fangs in his throat. Him, biting down until he no longer moved — till the paws soaked in Nightstalker’s blood fell limp. “I did it.

“It was the night before they came, when Nightstalker was badly hurt. I... we fought him, the rogue, or Nightstalker did. He must have been trespassing, and fought back,” and Ratrunner wanted to bite his tongue; it was getting all jumbled now. “I don’t know. I couldn’t… Nightstalker wasn’t well enough to tell me. But I was hunting by myself and found them, and there was so much blood, and I felt… the rogue was about to kill him. I couldn’t let that happen.”

He spoke quickly, as if he might not get enough words in, and then finished quietly. “I didn’t even hesitate. His name was Apollo. And I couldn’t bring him back, either, or bury him.”

Nightstalker had been too hurt, too still. And by the time they reached home, Ratrunner had been covered in blood — of the cat he’d killed, stiff and drying, and from Nightstalker. Snow washed off some, but hadn’t erased the lingering shock, and no one had asked. The night had felt suspended in time: one day of rest felt entirely new, separate. But if it hadn’t... “The body was near the border, and… I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Blinking slowly as Ratrunner approached and slowly raised his eyes to hers, her stomach flipped suddenly. For some reason she got the feeling that she wouldn't particularly like this confession... And she certainly hadn't expected what he had to share, but while she didn't like it... She understood it. She nodded slowly, piecing together what had likely happened. "So Nightstalker initiated the battle, then, and you jumped in to assist him when you came across the two?" She asked, mostly to affirm her own belief of what had happened. "There was no way for you to have known, Ratrunner. No way for any of us to have known. You saw a clanmate battling an outsider, and instead of standing idly by while they were getting injured, you jumped in to help before it was too late. No cat could ever condemn you for that, and most certainly not I. Although, I do wish you had come to tell me sooner. I understand why you did not, but these things need to be reported immediately. That way we could have been a little more aware of what was going on. Something to keep in mind going forward, understood?" She mewed, her gaze holding no anger as she regarded the tom.