Ashpaw's Moonstone Journey

If nothing else was routine in RiverClan right now, trips to the Moonstone could easily be counted on. Apprentices weren't going to stop growing into warriors just because of the tumult, and it seemed like quite a heavy pawful of them had chosen to grow up right in the middle of it all. The journeys were a relief from the chaos, but taking the long hike had gotten more and more worrisome to Cloverheart. What if something else happened while she was gone? She was the Clan's only medicine cat– the idea of leaving them to fend for themselves all night made her fur spike. But there was nothing to be done about it, so with a bit of hesitance, she picked up the herb bundles she'd prepared and made her way to the apprentice den.

"Ashpaw?" She called once she was outside. She didn't know the tom, and he was far too old to still be an apprentice. It was a good thing, then, that she was there to lead him to Highstones–he deserved to be a true warrior, finally. Her head worked to the side as she thought on it. "I'm right outside! It's time for your trip to Highstones."


Hauling herself up Highstones was harder than Cloverheart had expected it to be. She was breathing harder, and more muscles than just her legs ached this time. She took a moment to catch her breath before giving the gray tom accompanying her a warm look. "We're here! Exciting, isn't it? The tunnel is dark, so stay close to me. We'll reach the Moonstone soon enough." With that and a nod, she gathered the rest of her breath with a wheeze before plunging into Mothermouth. It wasn't a long descent, but still, she was grateful when it was over and she could settle by the light of the Moonstone. "Here you are. Go ahead, touch your nose to the stone. I'll be right here when you wake up."

(ooc: I'm playing this as if it takes place after Jaystar becomes leader)

An unfamiliar yet friendly voice roused Ashpaw, the gray-furred tom peeping one tired, shadowed eye open to catch sight of who was calling to him.  Ah, RiverClan's new medicine cat...  Not seeing Spiderquill in the medicine den when he had returned had been another cruel blow to his psyche, but that was nothing to hold against the seemingly capable and strong young she-cat who now stood in his adopted brother's place.  In time he hoped they would become friends, but for now, they had another mission in mind beyond shared company.  

The knowledge that he would be going to the Moonstone had seemed to temporarily knock him out of his grief-induced stupor, but only replaced it with anger and bitterness.  His time away from the clans had not made the memory of StarClan grow fonder, rather he now found them more useless and deceptive than ever.  Why leave them in the dark for so long about Ivystar's death, why call Jaystar to receive his nine lives without any warning?  In the moons after the Righteous Few fell all he could remember was cats saying 'they're not all like that' in defense of the StarClan cats that helped, and though he admitted they did help to some extent, that had been a life or death situation.  In the normal daily lives of the clans though when they weren't being threatened by some insane superforce?  It seemed they didn't care less, and if that's how they wanted to be he preferred it that way.  At least they weren't interfering with his life...beyond hiding the death of his mother from him.

Getting to his paws and leaving the den with a big stretch of his spine, Ashpaw cast a weary smile over Cloverheart   Scars adoring her pelt caught his eye; how had a medicine cat come by such injuries?  He wouldn't ask now though, perhaps another time.  For now, he swallowed down the traveling herbs with a grimace and gave his tousled pelt a few quick licks.  He had finally groomed it after the days of endless searching, and he admitted that having clean fur had improved his mood if ever so slightly.  He recalled his kithood looking after his siblings in dirty foxholes and stinking Twolegplace rubbish bins; he couldn't recall a time before joining RiverClan and after his parents had died that he had maintained a clean pelt, it hadn't been a necessity.  Even when traveling home to the clans he had neglected his coat, but now back in his home, he had the privilege of being able to maintain it whenever he wanted without the worry of being snuck up on or attacked.  Eyeing Cloverheart, he pondered if any of his clanmates knew and realized that was a privilege at all.  If he hadn't gone through such a tumultuous history, he supposed he wouldn't even be able to muster the thought either; perhaps this is what would be called wisdom, life experience only gained through hardship.  Pushing his thoughts away, the short-statured tom stood up and flicked his fluffy tail, purring quickly to the medicine cat before falling in step behind her.  "Alright, I'm ready to go."

---

As they traveled through the many territories Ashpaw couldn't be impressed by their sights like a true apprentice would be, since he had already been down all these paths before.  They were familiar and well-trodden, he could even pick up the faintest whiffs of his own scent still lingering in the grass.  He instead took in the beauty of leaf-fall, how the dying leaves swirled gently to the ground to be kicked up by the breeze and running paws.  The crisp air was blocked from chilling his skin by a thick pelt, but as it brushed against his nose he felt the true extent of it's temperature.  They were in for a cold night, that was for sure, and he hoped that being underground wouldn't make that worse.  He didn't want Cloverheart catching a cold.  They traveled on, across Thunderpaths and over the hills until the tall peaks of Highstones were nearer than the territories were.  He remembered crossing those bluffs, it hadn't been difficult but it had definitely taken a while.  He wondered where exactly the Moonstone was located underneath them, how deep in the tunnels went.  Suddenly, he remembered exactly how they would be getting to the Moonstone, and a cold shiver ran down the tom's spine.  He didn't like tunnels and underground spaces, after spending his kithood in so many of them.  They made him feel like he couldn't breathe, squeezing his insides until all that was left was panic and a desire to flee.  His pace faltered for a moment, but he dutifully followed after Cloverheart, trying to suppress his urge to ask questions.  It wouldn't help, he would just have to face the trials as they came.

Finally, they arrived, the gate of Mothermouth sitting in the hillside as if a giant paw had punched it into the earth.  Ashpaw was tired from the walk, but his labored breathing was much more from his impending fears than exhaustion.  As Cloverheart caught her breath, Ashpaw turned to her bright expression and tried his best to copy it, though he felt like he was failing.  Worried that if he spoke his voice would fail him, he instead opted to be silent as they entered the darkness, Ashpaw's heart beating so loud and fast he swore the whole of StarClan could hear it.  The medicine cat wasn't wrong; it was extremely dark, and the taller tom found himself pressing against the smaller she-cat's flank to keep his bearings.  His paws were shaking as they walked at a slow pace, constantly blinking and trying to catch sight of anything in the abyss, but to his surprise, he wasn't panicking.  Unlike a foxhole or badger set which was compact and cramped, these tunnels seemed to be created by something much bigger.  Not a creature surely, with how smooth the walls were, but maybe an old river or even Twolegs.  Regardless, the fact that he couldn't feel or see both sides of the tunnel helped his nerves, and he continued on with more confidence.  Eventually, a bright light began to shine up ahead, and as they got closer and closer Ashpaw's eyes squinted until they stepped into a much bigger space and he forced himself to face the light.

So, this is the Moonstone...  He and Cloverheart had emerged into a large cave, and in its center was a large crystal.  A hole in the ceiling through which the waxing full moon shone supplied the light, which seemed to be reflected by the angles and lines in the crystal's surface, thus amplifying the light.  He wouldn't deny that it was beautiful, like nothing he had ever seen, but the feeling of peace others spoke of being in its presence he didn't feel.  Instead, he was simply awed by the sight, and curious about how it had gotten there, but it didn't feel supernatural.  Perhaps the forces that resided in the sky above it were, but the stone itself was a physical thing, and he could appreciate that.  Once Cloverheart gave her instructions Ashpaw simply nodded and stepped forward to lay down in the light of the Moonstone.  His fur had tinges of silver in it naturally, but the light here made it look like the pale color had taken him over entirely.  He waited for a long moment, gazing at his paws and the sky above before finally touching the stone with his nose.  Scarily fast, he felt the urge of sleep wash over him, and before he could fight it he was swept away into its dark embrace.

---

When he awoke, the sight that greeted him was familiar, but he couldn't quite remember where exactly he had seen this place before.  It was a clear pool in the middle of a softly swaying clearing of willow trees, the fronds and water tinged with pure starlight.  The grass under his paws was soft and dense, like a comfortable nest he had trouble waking from.  Once he stood up though, the tom's face hardened to the too beautiful, too perfect scenery and he pushed forward, lifting his nose in the air and twitching his ears to catch any sounds.  Wasn't someone supposed to greet him?  "Hello?  I'm here, waiting.  Whenever you guys have the time to come say hi!"  His impatient remark was tinged by sarcasm, and Ashpaw settled down to sit at the edge of the pool and took a sip of the cold water.  It felt nice on his tongue...the fact that he could feel something like that in a dream though unnerved him.  This place made him uncomfortable, it set his instincts on edge.  It felt like something was going to jump out at him at any moment, and the trickery of the set-dressing would be revealed.  Nothing did though, and Ashpaw waited, simply staring at his reflection in the water.

Pelt shimmering with stars that shined bright, Ivystar stepped forward from behind an old willow tree with a sturdy trunk and sparkling bark. Her expression was one of mixed sorrow and relief, excited to see her son, but certainly not under the circumstances. His tone had almost shocked her, as their last interaction before her passing had been nothing but amiable. Now, his tone seemed irritated and short. "Now, Ashpaw, did I not raise you to treat your ancestors with more respect than that?" She mewed sarcastically, a playful tone dancing on the edge of her tongue. Her features settled into a mask of contentedness and motherly love, disgusting the feelings of regret and guilt that had tormented her in the moon since her passing. "Hello, son. I've missed you." She said simply, sitting down a short distance away from him and setting her emerald green eyes on his own green ones, focusing on his facial features. "So, you're finally to become a warrior soon, then?" The unmistakable sense of dread at the thought that she wouldn't be the one to perform his ceremony after so many moons touched Ivystar's heart, but she pushed the feelings away, and focused on what she was here to do.

Ashpaw, hardened by his time wandering the unforgiving world alone, sensed a presence before he saw it, eyes instantly flicking up from the water as his hackles rose a bit without meaning to.  However, as he watched the star-studded form slip out from behind one of the willow trees, the tom felt his defenses drop immediately, and the shaking in his paws returned.  Not from fear this time, but joy.  Somehow, even though he knew that cats often met StarClan members that they had known in life on their Moonstone journies, the concept of seeing Ivystar had not even occurred to him.  It had been too soon since they lost her, the wounds still too tender, but she was here before him once more.  His mother, with her same silvery pelt and kind green eyes, the same smile he had always cherished.  Her admonishment barely registered in his ears as Ashpaw dropped all pretenses of bitterness and rushed forward, a kit-like smile blooming on his face and in his eyes as his outstretched paws finally found what they had been looking for going on weeks now.  

Throwing himself into Ivystar's embrace, Ashpaw held on for dear life as tears began to flood from his eyes, unrelenting and unrestrained.  "I, I-I looked everywhere for you..."  Chest heaving with a sob, he pressed his forehead against her chest and closed his eyes, face twisted by a heartbreaking mixture of agony and delight.  "What happened, there's no way you drowned, none...what sent you here?  Who sent you here?!  I-"  He paused, swallowing hard as the next words struggled to come out.  "I-I m-miss you...so much...it's not fair."  A desperate rasp entered his voice, giving the immature statement weight.  It wasn't fair after so long being apart and such a long journey to reunite that their story ended like this, each on the other side of an impassable barrier.  He had wanted the chance to prove himself to her, she had wanted the chance to be a better mother, that was what they vowed to do!  Vows broken by death however could never be fulfilled, and that was a fact he couldn't stand.  He fell silent but didn't pull away, lingering in the space of Ivystar with his head pressed against her chest.  It was strange, she felt like she was a physical cat, but there was no heartbeat to hear, and her form held no true temperature.  She was there, but not entirely, half star and half cat.  It didn't matter though, it was still her and he knew it, and the fully-grown tom was content to remain pressed against her as if he was still a small, lost kitten.

Ivystar's heart threatened to burst as she leaned into Ashpaw's embrace, feeling the warmth of his pelt and the tears pouring from his eyes wetting her pelt. "Mmm, nevermind that. Best not to dwell on what cannot be rectified. Everything you need to know about it is still down below, I'm sure answers will surface in time." Bitterness tinged her voice, but she genuinely tried to push the thoughts away. This would likely be the only chance she'd have to some-what-physically be with her son for moons and moons to come, and she intended to cherish it. She knew that one day, he would as well. He needed this, probably more than she did. "I know it's not fair, but it cannot be helped. Shh, now. All will be well with time." Ivystar parted ways with Ashpaw for a moment, long enough to look down into his green eyes and offer him a gentle, distantly pained smile. "Let us use our time diligently. Tell me, aside from what you've already brought up, what plagues your mind? What could I offer you to help you as you begin your journey into warriorhood?"

Ivystar's calm words spoken in soft, comforting tones slowly began to stem the flood of tears in his eyes, and his breath returned from shallow sniffs to deep inhales.  His mature mind was returning to him, and by the time Ivystar stepped back and gazed lovingly into his eyes he managed a shaky smile, bending upward to touch his nose to hers.  "Whatever happened, I promise I'll help uncover it and bring any evil that occurred to an end, I swear.  You're right, let's enjoy this time we have."  Wiping away the wetness from his eyes and face, Ashpaw thought for a moment about his mother's words, and instantly something came to his mind.  "I'm so glad to be back home in RiverClan, truly...but almost all the cats I once knew are gone.  You, Streamtail, Willowbreeze, Snowflight, Shimmerheart, Stormbringer is the only cat that I truly know.  Jaystar too, he's my brother, but he was made an apprentice only a moon to two before I went missing.  Without you there by my side to guide me, support me, what if I'm not accepted by RiverClan?  I've always been good at making friends, however, it's a bit intimidating.  Oh, and about what I said earlier, sorry.  It wasn't directed at you.  It's just...since the Righteous Few I...you know...""  He didn't feel the need to elaborate, his feelings about StarClan weren't something he liked discussing, especially with a StarClan cat herself.  Oh gosh, that doesn't feel right to think at all...my mother isn't a StarClan cat, she'll always be RiverClan through and through.

Ivystar gently touched her nose to Ashpaw's when he leaned forward, soft emerald eyes filled with admiration. "Remember, you cannot change the past- only the possibilities of the future. Focus on yourself and your Clan in their time of need. Everything else will come with time." She meowed gently in response to his promise. She was proud of him, but she hoped he didn't spend too much time dwelling on her death. In response to his worries about RiverClan not accepting him, she chuckled and mewed, "Then I'll strike them down and become the very subject of their worst nightmares." Nudging him playfully, Ivystar toned her expression down and got a little more serious. "But really, let me quote something a dear friend of mine once said to me when I was in a similar position of doubt and confusion. 'You and your littermates are warriors of RiverClan. You have chosen to dedicate your lives to this clan; therefore, the common loyalty binds us together as Clanmates. You have a home here. As long as your heart does not change, that will always be the case.' Those words stuck with me for moons upon moons. That same friend of mine believed in me so much that he appointed me his deputy a short time later. By following his word and staying true to my heart and to RiverClan, I had a family, regardless of my blood. The same is true for you, my dear son." Sincerity was clear in her tone, and she laid her starry tail gently on his shoulder as a sign of comfort.

"You have an entire Clan behind you that has made the same commitment, and that means you have a home. Anyone who says otherwise is not worthy enough to call themselves a warrior of our great Clan. Got it?" Ivystar leaned in a little closer to her son, taking in the last opportunity she'd have to do so for quite a long time. "Don't worry, I understand. I'm not a particularly huge fan of where I reside now, either. It's better than the Dark Forest, though, hmm?" The tabby she-cat joked with a smile.

Ashpaw couldn't help chuckling along with his mother, the thought of her returning to the land of the living simply to punish anyone who bullied her son an image that both comforted and greatly amused him, but he knew she had better advice for him than that.  Listening intently as she quoted someone from her own past, the words resonated deep within him, echoing his own life sentiments to a surprising degree.  He had always believed the same since the day RiverClan adopted him, that the heart of a clan cat is what bonded them all together, but it seemed he had forgotten that lately.  Or rather, he had worried that his new clanmates would forget.  This cat, the leader before his mother, had been very wise, and he hoped that he could live up to this advice passed down through a generation.  Ashpaw nodded thoughtfully, gaze lingering on nothing before meeting once more with Ivystar's with a much more confident smile and a determined nod.  Leaning into her gentle touch, he meowed; "I got it, I'll try to keep those words in mind.  There were kind cats in RiverClan when I was young, I'm sure that hasn't changed.  Thank you."  He was a bit surprised when Ivystar leaned in and sympathized with his emotions towards StarClan, but couldn't help nodding a tentative agreement.  There were terrible, unsympathetic cats on both sides, but definitely more were residing in the darkness than the light.  To his horror though, Ashpaw could feel himself beginning to fade, his eyes growing blurry and head growing faint.  Gasping, the gray-furred tom reached out one last time and touched his nose to Ivystar's cheek, green eyes wide and desperate.  "I don't want to go Mom, I'll miss you every day!  Please, tell Quailpaw and Irispaw I said hello, I'm sure they ended up here, and my old friends...I'll see you all again someday, I promise!"  It was the end of his time, and as the last image of his mother faded away he called out with all his heart...

"I love you!"

Silence greeted his ears as Ashpaw awoke beside the stone, early sunlight shining down into his squinted eyes.  His face felt moist, and when he touched a paw to his cheeks he discovered they were wet with tears.  Sighing, the long-furred tom brushed them away before he rose, facing the waiting Cloverheart with a smile much brighter than before.  "Thank you for taking me here.

I'm ready to go home."