if you want love

Wolfcall was a fool, he knew that now. Since Spottedstar's news that Mistrain and Murkpelt had perished in the fire, he'd been... gone. Physically, he took every opportunity to distance himself from the clan; being with them, seeing their grief, made his own intensify almost unbearably. When he was there, he was still distant, even cold. If he wasn't around, hey wouldn't see. He wouldn't show them that he was weak, falling apart from the loss of his mother and daughter. And that, he now realized, was where he'd made his biggest mistake.

Mistrain hadn't been his daughter. Mistrain had been their daughter, his and Blossomstep's, and in his own desperation to curb the blazing inferno of anguish that had engulfed him, he'd neglected the one thing he truly should have striven to heal - his mate. She was hurting as much as he was, no doubt, and he'd left her to her own devices in order to preserve his face for the clan. It was a cowardly, shameful thing to do, and it had taken him far too long to realize it.

As he plodded his way through the RiverClan camp, the deputy's eyes swept back and forth, in search of his mate. Finally, they settled on her black and silver pelt, curled alone, and he paused, emotion clogging his throat and threatening to overwhelm him. Would she forgive his selfishness? Could she? Wolfcall padded forward, pawsteps soft, and came up behind her, lowering his forehead to press it against her shoulder. "Blossomstep, I'm so sorry," was all he could say.

Her dreams had been filled with smoke that choked her, the flickering light of flames licking at her whiskers and paws. Night after night, she lived what she could only imagine had been her daughter's final moments, lost in a current of flame and smoke before ultimately succumbing to the twin destruction they wrought. In the days since the news of Mistrain's death, Wolfcall had been scarce - she hardly saw him and when she did, his back was turned to her, her words seeming to fall on deaf ears as she tried to provide him with company. His side of their nest was empty and cold, and her heart mourned what she considered the loss of her mate, her companion, as well as their daughter. Having been ill, she had initially attributed it to the change of prey - she wasn't used to RiverClan after all. Finally giving in, she timidly had gone to Sagelight and Beechpaw, and ended up leaving their presence conflicted and scared. She was going to have another litter, though this one seemed as though it would only be one kit. Due to malnourishment and stress, she hadn't been as aware of her own well-being, and she was already fairly far along. How would she tell Wolfcall? How could she? The loss of their daughter was still new to them both, and besides, it seemed like he had been avoiding her.... What if he didn't want to be by her side any longer? Biting her tongue, she had curled to rest, her tail wrapping over her belly and nose.

The sound of quietly approaching paw steps roused her, and she blinked the sleep away as something pressed against her shoulder. Wolfcall's scent washed over her, and she closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in his scent and feeling his presence for what seemed like the first time in moons. Raising her head to look at the tom, her vision blurred slightly as she saw the pain in his expression. Gently nuzzling the top of his head, she ran her tongue over his ears. "Why don't you sit with me, my love? I'm glad you're here now." She mewed, speaking around the lump in her throat.

The deputy leaned into her touch, his eyes tightly closed as he took a shuddering breath. He had been okay until she spoke, with no hint of anger or resentment. He figured that would be the case - Blossomstep didn't have a cruel bone in her body, but by the stars, he didn't deserve it. Letting his forelegs buckle against her, he curled into his mate, finally lifting glossy ambergold eyes to meet hers. "There's nothing I could ever say that would justify my behavior, especially towards you," he started, "but just know that I am so, so sorry." His voice was low, but still filled with powerful sorrow.

"I... I was so concerned with staying strong for the clan that I wasn't able to stay strong for you, and..." he trailed off, looking skyward with burning eyes. "I hope you can forgive me."

Blossomstep stayed quiet while Wolfcall spoke, gray eyes gazing back at him. As he looked skywards, she remained focused on his face, taking in the dark tabby stripes barely visible coursing through his fur. After a heartbeat, she responded quietly. "Of course I can, my love. We won't always get things just right, and you've been working so hard. I don't blame you for trying to distance yourself.... But I'm glad you're back now. We'll get through all of this together, Wolfcall." She pressed her nose to his cheek gently, then attempted to guide his gaze back down from the sky with her muzzle. "I never knew where you'd gone, and I couldn't always find your hiding spots, so I'm glad you're here. I had to go see Beechpaw and Sagelight...." She trailed off, suddenly nervous. They weren't back in SkyClan's territory yet, and so much was so wrong still, but... "Wolfcall, we're expecting. Sagelight said it felt like just one kit, this time, but...."

"I... expecting..?" Those were the last words he'd expected to hear. The last thing he wanted to hear in the wake of everything. They were going to have more kits... or, well, just one, apparently. Wolfcall's gaze dropped, his brow furrowing in the middle. It wasn't that he didn't want more children... Blossomstep was the love of his life, and he'd never been happier than at the birth of their litter, but... he'd failed to protect the first kits from terror and pain and heartbreak. What if he failed this one, too?

"Blossomstep..." Her name left his mouth before he even realized it, and he pressed his forehead against hers, looking her in the eyes with as much love and affection as he could muster. "I love you," he told her. "And I'll do everything in my power to protect this kit. Hopefully we'll be home before..." he trailed off. "Hopefully we'll be home soon."

The way that Wolfcalls gaze dropped, his shift in demeanor did not go unnoticed. Shuffling her paws slightly, Blossomstep tried to better gauge the tom's reaction. If she knew him, she knew he was thinking about their first litter, and how they had failed them. As she leaned up to nuzzle him, he brought his head to hers and looked into her eyes. "I love you too," she purred, "But Wolfcall.... You're not in this alone. You never have been. We're doing this together, okay? Please keep that in mind. I'll always be here for you to lean on if you need me. We'll do everything we can to protect our kits, no matter how old or experienced they get." Biting her tongue lightly, she nodded in agreement. "Hopefully... I haven't wanted to complain because of RiverClan's generous hospitality, but.... These reeds are the worst. I miss the moss and feathers..." She mewed, motioning her tail an oddly placed reed that stuck out from the rest. "That one keeps waking me at night, poking my foot or neck or belly." Looking up towards her mate again, she hoped that the change of topic would bring a sense of normalcy back to things.