Sun and Moon (Closed)

The sun and the moon... where did it go? Goldeneye looked to the sky with fear curdling in her belly, bile rising in her throat... wh- what could have caused this? Her eyes turned to slits, anger, and frustration rearing its ugly head as a cough shook her frame. But she did not care, she had put this aside long enough, to recover but now she had to do something. Fur bristling Goldeneye shoved her way out her den, she thought that this would move on, that the sun and moon would be normal again but it seemed to stay, not showing any signs of waning. Goldeneye whisked her way towards her mate's den, rage, and anger in her eyes as she swept past the lichen fear pushing her feelings on, goading them on like the taste of a prey-animals blood.

Upon seeing his grey-blue form, she set her fiery amber eyes on him, her victim of anger. "Jaystar." Her voice was as cold as ice and as hot as the thunderpath on a green-leaf evening. "He should be dead! Lichenmask... if what I have heard from Fallowpaw is true, how he walked into the clan's camps and gathered them all to four-trees... to ruin the sun and the moon..." Goldeneye snarled, her tail lashing and her body shaking, her mind racing with 'what-ifs', her time away had hardened her in some way and it was showing itself now. "You should have killed him beforehand, should have killed him after this display! He should be rotting on the great rock." What would happen to the ancestors? A mix of relief and apprehension filled her at the thought, they would no longer care for her misdeeds, but guilt quickly swamped her at the thought. They needed their ancestors, without them, they'd be nothing but rogues.

"Did my message mean nothing to those leaders, to the medicine cats? I told them to beware of him, but they did nothing! They sat in their camps licking their behinds instead of using their heads! This is where their incompetence gets them!" Goldeneye roared, her mouth frothing as she wheezed and hacked, the force of her words aiming themselves like claw-marks at her mate, her eyes wide. Her fear drowning the natural smell of the den. What was going to happen? What could she do? "I'm going to the moonstone, I will handle this myself if I have to. Clearly, I am the only one trying to actively save the clans." She snapped, her eyes looking to the red-glow of the world, her vision sweeping back to her. "There will be a battle... there's no avoiding it now. Jaystar, when this moons gathering comes, I demand to speak. If it is on the rock or in the crowd, I will share what I have to say." She ordered, her claws unsheathing as she dug them into the soil beneath her pads.

"We must be prepared, I've been preparing us for this moment from the night I got the prophecy, Riverclan will push through this... we will survive." She hissed, her form stilling as she realized what she must do. Filling her chest with air she felt a calm wash over her like the waves of the river, a mission, and a straightforward future ahead of her.

The leader was at first surprised by the sudden visit of his mate but when she spoke to him with rage, his ears lowered and his tail was hidden behind his paws. But the fear and sorrow that the words of the she-cat wanted to make him feel soon turned into anger. Why was she being so mean to him after what he had to go through? Jaystar, once shaky and scared, stood up straighter and faced the medicine cat with more firm eyes but pain inside of them. He was done of this fox-dung and how Goldeneye had treated him since her arrival.

The tom stepped forward, the shape of his body is more visible at the light of the outside of his den. This time, there was no affection in his expression but just pain and anger. This was just enough. "I've had enough!" He suddenly said raising his voice. "I don't need you to keep reminding my mistakes and accusing me of doing nothing while you were gone! Don't you know how much I've struggled for Riverclan to survive and stay strong while you were gone? How many days of sleepless night and no meals for complete days I've spent so my cats could rest and feed themselves?!" All that blame that he carried in his shoulder was suddenly released like a flood. He really tried to stay calm and cool but it had crossed the limit. "I want to save the clans as much as you do but I couldn't do that if Lichenmask announced to all the clans about our relationship! He blackmailed every leader and with that power, in his paws, he could have created chaos and destroy us all! I did not go to that meeting only for us and our kits but to keep the peace in the camp and don't start infighting! But you, oh so clever and important Goldeneye, couldn't even ask me why di I do that and preferred to just shout at me as I am a piece of fox-dung!"

The tom stopped for a few seconds in which he breathed fastly. The fur of his tail had bristled and tears of sorrow started to fill his green, tired eyes. Why did it have to be this way? The tom dropped his head with no energy, gazing away from the golden-furred she-cat. "Littlestar is dead... You have no idea how powerful that cat is... and I would have killed him right there if we were not outnumbered by his followers... But I now that I will have to face him again. All of us will have to do it... and I will lose my 9 lives if its necessary to stop him or die in the attempt. I'll do whatever it takes to save my clan... my family..." He sighed and turned his body as he sat down. He was tired of shouting, of all that anger that consumed his mind and energy. "You can do as you please in the Gathering. At this moment, I don't care anymore. There will be a battle anyways and the clans will have to come together as one to face this darkness..."

'how much I've struggled... no meals...' Goldeneye wanted to spitfire right at the tom, wanted to scream and shout but a cool collectedness fell over the she-cat, her lip curling as her head screamed at her, as he spat at her about his woes and how much she hurt her. Right, his feelings mattered. Hers never did. She was not allowed to lose her temper, she was not allowed to let her stress fly free. Goldeneye drew herself up, her face blank as he spewed hatred and frustration at her. 'I didn't do this for you.' She could almost hear those words as if he said them himself, this is where her feelings got her. Nothing but pain. The tom she loved was yelling at her now because she wore him thin, she would have died had it not been for Starlord, all because she let her feelings get in the way, she had produced offspring.

Her feelings were tearing the tom she loved apart, her feelings were tearing everything she's known apart. If she had just ripped Lichenmasks throat out as a kit then she could have prevented this, this was all down to her. Her fault, her fault, her fault. "You're right." She meowed, her tone hard and flat "I've been horrible to you. You've done what you could and I've yelled at you for it, I'm sorry. Accept my humblest of apologies." She spoke, dipping her head respectfully. 'his clan, his family' Goldeneye saw where she stood now, this was not her clan or her family, according to her mate before her, not anymore. "I have not been conscientious of my actions towards you, it won't happen again." She didn't matter. Did she ever? Would she ever? Jaystar may have loved her at one point, but did it fade? She knew Starlord felt more than friendship to her but it wouldn't last, just like every relationship. Fallowpaw one day would grow independent and wouldn't need her anymore, wouldn't care for her. It was as if her mind's eye opened, and she realized where her priorities should really lay. She knew now, it was not with the clan as a member, but as their healer whenever they needed her.

The leader sighed as the overwhelming feeling tried to take over his mind one more time. He wanted to cry, shout and scream. Everything had turned out so badly and even if he was done of cats blaming for everything... he couldn't blame himself. For the sake of the clan, he had to become another cat, a leader. But he had failed miserably. Goldeneye was right about that. He knew she was even while he was yelling at her back. But he didn't a cat who kept reminding him of his faults and flaws. Jaystar could already do that for himself.

"Goldeneye... wait..." He turned his body one more time before she could leave the place. His eyes were full of tears yet he prevented them from falling. The leader stood up and walked to her. "Look... it's not all your fault... I shouldn't have yelled you back. It's not fair to you either... I'm sorry too... Starlord had reminded me that you had to endure a lot too, maybe even more than me... and I kept forgetting that sometimes because of my exhaustion. Leadership has changed me... and I hate it because deep down I know... it will keep changing me and maybe one day I will turn up to be a cat who end up throwing everyone who loves me away..."

He couldn't look into her emotionless eyes. It was too painful because he caused that. He looked down and pressed one paw over hers, shaky. "I know I've failed... I know I made mistakes and that I have a lot of flaws. I know you're right about a lot of what you said... and the reason why I exploded like that is that I'm tired of cats repeating me that. It's not against you... I know why you did it. But now... more than ever... we don't need cats who put the blame on us, the blame we already carry on our shoulders and that sometimes it only stop us. We need each other to support us so we can be strong and wise enough to stop this madness... my love..." He whispered, this time putting his eyes at the same height of hers. What was she thinking? He wondered.

"No." She meowed her tone hard. "You've made your point. Don't you act like an apology fixes everything, you've said what you needed to say, and you've got what you've always wanted. 'Your clan, your family' I'm not naive to emotions, I know that what is said in a heated argument is often times the most truthful, the most honest. You've made your point." She pulled her paw away with a yank, meeting his gaze evenly. "I'm glad you got a family, to watch over you, that get to know you're their father. That you're clear of any punishment, that you get to look over your kits. That they get to grow up with a family that I'm not allowed to be a part of despite being the mother of those kits." She wanted to say parasites, but she wasn't about to let Jaystar know how she viewed them. "I am the one that is at the most risk because of this relationship. My feelings got away from me and because of that, I made a mistake that I have to live with. I will lose everything I've known and loved because of it." She snarled.

"You've made my place in this clan entirely too clear. It's a shame it's taken me so long to realize that, that I had to get this deep into this relationship, to finally learn." Goldeneye's tail lashed. "None of this is your fault mind you. It's mine, every moment that leads up to this is all down to me." Goldeneye did not make to leave, every moment she felt betrayed, cursed, wronged, coming to rear its head in an ugly crescendo. Her self-worth twisted and mangled to make its shape in her shadow, always connected to her. "When you're ready to welcome me in your heart for real when at the moment you will see me as your partner and your equal come talk to me. But clearly, you aren't ready for that." Goldeneye's words felt as if they weren't her own, so foreign and detached from herself.

The tom was stunned and hurt by her words yet he didn't want to give up yet on her. his ears flattened against his skull and when the she-cat took her paw away from his, the tears fell down, uncontrollably. Jaystar closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to believe that this was happening but it was. He looked at the she-cat, desperate, destroyed. He couldn't lose her... after all what they have gone through together... after all the times they shared... the family they had... he refused to believe that it could be over. "You're my family too! And my clan is yours too! You've always been... even when we weren't mates... my family, an important part of my life. And not only mine... my kits with Cinderpaw... they all see you as their mother, haven't they? I've heard them calling you "mom"... why our kits together can't have such a close relationship with you too? Our daughters and sons think that I'm not their father either... some of them even see Starlord more as their father but I've tried to be close to them... I'm sure you can do the same if you want to... Our kits, our relationship belongs to both of us, not one. We were together in this and both of us are to blame when the time comes to confess what we did to Starclan or... our own clanmates." He mewed, his entire body shaking of the emotion that was taking over his mind. His tears were a cascade now but he didn't make any effort to stop them.

"Maybe you're right about that you are risking more... but whatever it has to happen... I will take responsibility for our actions... because we're the same, we're both cats who fell in love. I don't expect you to forgive... to return to how things used to be before everything went downhill. I'm well aware... that a "sorry" can't fix... all the wrongs I did to you... But please trust me when I say that I love you so dearly that I'm willing to give up my life for you to be happy and live. I love you... and that's why I understand if you... don't want me in your heart... if you can't see -because of me- that I've always treasured you as more than just a medicine cat, but as my friend, my pair, my half and lover. I'm sorry... if I've failed to show you that..." He remembered all those moments when Goldeneye had to suffer because of him... but he also reminded the times they were happy... when he confessed... when they shared all those lovely nights alone... The memories flooded his mind and he realized something.

Maybe... just maybe... their relationship was failing this way... because both of them have failed to think on the other one as they should have been. Like him when she returned back... or when she got mad at him when he sent her to deliver the prophecy with an escort... or right now... when both of them seemed to forget how much the other had to endure to survive on their own. Due to their duties, to all what they had to make in order to keep their place in the clan... they had forgotten about the "us" part of being mates...

"I love you, I still do and I always will, but we should... take a break. You have a new role to settle into and I have to clean this mess I've made up, maybe once everything settles down we can try again. But right now, with everything going on and our relationship still being so new... I think it's the smarter thing we can do. For our well-being and the clans." Goldeneye meowed, a sigh pushing past her maw as she tucked her ears. "Maybe, when I'm wiser and older I will think before I yell at you too, won't that be a plus?" Goldeneye chuffed sarcastically, a ragged cough pushing past her throat, her eyes watering. "I should get going, I need to rest up." Goldeneye turned on her paws and pushed by the lichen, the fresh air refreshing and horrible all at the same time. Letting the tears wet her eyes she whisked her way into the medicine cat den. So much to do, so little time.