A Heavy Heart

As the sun hit the mid-point in the sky a soft breeze blew threw Windclan camp and a small cloud of loose sand picked up and swirled through the hollow, dusting the fur of the cats inside of it. In a corner of the camp, not too far away from the fresh-kill pile, Hawkfeather laid in a small grass patch in front of an untouched mouse. With a sigh the brown-furred she-cat batted the mouse back into the fresh-kill pile and looked down at her paws silently. It had been only a few weeks ago that she had been in the middle of Skyclan camp, battling alongside her clan mates and she was still having nightmares. It was strange actually, Hawkfeather as a kit and an apprentice had always seemed happy and carefree but since the battle she had been living with a cloud of gloom around her and she was sure her clan mates had noticed. She couldn't eat for lack of appetite and couldn't sleep for the horrible nightmares of blood, death and battle cries that haunted her. With another sigh Hawkfeather shook her head a little and looked around the camp.

There was a small huff as sand brushed against his fur, shaking loose those bits that got caught in it. Owlheart sighed softly under his breath as he got to his paws. The sun was high in the sky, casting its warm light upon the camp. It was nice to feel it on his fur; the days were getting colder and tension between the Clans seem to be getting higher. Mostly after the battle between them and SkyClan...No, he better not think on that. While the tom could act brave, he was unsure still how he felt about the battle. In the heat of the moment; everything seemed right. He had no other duty then to remain loyal to Falconstar and his Clan but now that he had time to think about what had happened...He was simple left unsure, and that scared him.

He felt he should happy being loyal but perhaps the words that the SkyClan Deputy had said to end the battle had touched him...He growled softly to himself as he walked toward the fresh-kill pile. He knew what Falconstar was doing was right; SkyClan had no place in the forest now with it being filled with rouges and murders...But what if they did simply want to follow the Warrior Code? What would be of their actions now? RiverClan seemed to side with SkyClan, but where did ShadowClan lay? Did they truly wish to remain in the middle, or did they simply want to hide their intent when they had arrived. So many questions bubbled in the warrior's head, and to his annoyance he had no answers. Reaching the fresh-kill pile, he leaned down his head to pick one up when a mouse caught his gaze. The mouse, while untouched and whole, didn't seem to fit in with some of the pile. It wasn't piled neatly, but more pushed into the pile. His gaze flickered in the direction of where the mouse would of been pushed from to see Hawkfeather laying there.

He slowly raised his head, his tail flicking slightly with uneasiness. He had noticed that Hawkfeather hadn't seem to be herself lately, but he never had really spoken to the she-cat much, but it worried him. She had normally been a happy, carefree...Something he had always respected from afar but now? She was simply a shadow of her former self and that pained him deeply to see her. He paused slightly as she lifted her gaze and looked around the camp. He swallowed as he padded over to her, his tail swishing back and forth. "Hawkfeather?" he said softly; almost as if he was trying not to startle the she-cat like she was a small, frighten kit. "May I...Sit with you? Being alone is always the worst, and I think...You are one who might need company now, am I right?'

As her gaze trailed across camp Hawkfeather looked for her family, having not seen them for a while now. Just as her eyes fell on her father and mother across camp a voice said her name and she looked up, slightly startled, to find Owlheart in front of her. As he spoke to her the brown furred she-cat tried to force a smile but finally looks away as he finishes. "Oh, um... Yeah, you can sit with me." She mumbles, unable to look him in the eye as she either ignores or pretends she didn't hear his second question.

Occ: You put Deernose instead of Owlheart, dear~

Ic: A small sigh escaped from the tom as he sat down next to the warrior, his tail curling around his paws as he stared at her. He hated this; how she was acting...He missed the old Hawkfeather, even thought he had never known her well. It was horrible to see his Clanmate not being herself...What was the saying? Not being yourself is serious business? Ah...it was something like that. He glanced at the mouse that he figured had been put there by Hawkfeather. His heart sank, shaking his head. While he knew he could be rash at times; the battle had shown that...He wanted to be careful around Hawkfeather.

The one thing he hated the most was to see his Clanmates suffer, and so he couldn't just sit around and wait for somebody to finally get the guts to try to cheer Hawkfeather up or wait for the she-cat to do it on her own. He wanted the happy, outgoing Hawkfeather back...So, after a few moments he couched down next to her, his head turned slightly to the side as he stared at the she-cat as she refused to meet his gaze. "Hawkfeather..." he spoke softly again, his tail flicking slightly as he gently placed it on the she-cats shoulder. "Will you please speak to me? I know something is wrong and I can't stand to see you like this." His gaze shifted over to the uneaten mouse as he let out sad, soft sigh. "When is the last time you ate?"

As Owlheart touched her shoulder gently Hawkfeather looked up at him, feeling guilty for ignoring him since he was obviously worried for her. At his request any remains of her fake happiness slipped away and she bowed her head a little. At his question she winced and shrugged in response. "Um... I...  Not for a while I guess..." As she speaks Hawkfeather's ears and eyes twitch a bit up towards him to see his reaction, afraid he'd be angry.

He sighed softly as he looked at the she-cat, shaking his head. He gently rose to his paws, before walking over to pick up the mouse and came back, only to drop it at her paws as he couched down again, this time on the other side of the mouse. "You really should eat, Hawkfeather. You should keep up your strength...And it simply isn't healthy not to." He also paused, wondering when the last time she had slept was. That was a bit harder question to figure out the answer too, as most cats in the clan slept outside but with the weather getting colder and Leaf-bare coming upon them, some cats were starting to sleep in the den so he was left unsure if she slept inside the dens or didn't sleep at all...He just was worried for her. He already has a firm guess on what was troubling her; battle was not something to take lightly and even him, while he acted brave, was left scared. He felt himself troubled, worried about right or wrong...He shook his head as he tried to escape that train of thought. No, he would focus on Hawkfeather, he knew that if he could get her back to her old self, he would feel much better and then he could worry about himself.

Seeing how worried the tom was and relieved that he wasn't mad she hadn't been eating she takes a small bite of the mouse in front of her. As she chews slowly she suddenly realizes how hungry she actually was and takes another larger bite. Once she had taken a few similar sized bites she realized Pwlheart was still layong in front of her and looked away embarrassed. After a few moments of silence Hawkfeather spoke softly, her mood returning to somber. "I'm sorry. I know a lot of people are worried about me... I haven't been myself really since the battle." She looks away and back at her paws. "I just... It feels wrong to be happy after witnessing and causing so much pain and death..."

Owlheart had remained silent as he watched her eat, before he gently titled his head as she started to speak. He let out a soft sigh as she admitted what had caused her fear, before giving her a small, pained battle. "Do you not think I feel the same way, Hawkfeather? I will admit...I am scared, I have been ever since the battle. I had felt in the heat of the moment that what we had done was right, but now I am left unsure and that scares me." He closed his eyes as he shook his head, his tail flicking softly. "But battle is battle, and it is apart of our life. There is no happiness to be found in battle, in pain nor death and never should there be." His eyes flickered open, meeting Hawkfeather's gaze. "But we must find happiness in other things, to even out the odds. Our Clan is lively, even with the days getting cold. There are new kits in the Clan, the sun is shining high in the sky. Do not dwell in the battle, nor should you expect to be happy after such an event but stay focus on here and now, Hawkfeather. Take pleasure in what we have; not what has been done. The past is done, the present is now, and the future is what we have to look forward to. There is no reason to be sad when our future is so bright!" As he finished, he blinked to himself. Wow, did that seriously just come from his mouth? He barely had any idea of what he had just said, nor where it had come from so he really  hoped that it would cheer Hawkfeather up cause he was amazed he himself said all of that.

As Owlheart spoke Hawkfeather fidgeted a little and looked away but as the tom grew more passionate she looked back up. After he had finishes she sat silently and stared up at Owlheart as she mulled over what he said. ~He's right... I mean, there's always going to be something to bring me down... If I focus on all the bad things in my life I'll never be able to see the good thing in life that can make me happy.~ While thinking this she continued to look up at Owlheart, pausing she realizes she was staring and looks away quickly from embarrassment. Looking around at camp she realized something and stood, giving Owlheart a genuine smile. "You're right. If I can't learn to be able to fight for what I care about." She looks around at her clanmates and then returns her eyes to him. "Than I'll never be able to protect those I love. I need to learn that the cost of protecting those I love is something worth fighting for... Even if the cost is something that I don't want to do." Her smile widens alittle and she rubs her head against his chin. "Thank you. I really needed someone to be straight with me."

Owlheart had let out a happy sigh of relief, maybe more because he was thankful that she understood what he had said as it had simply come out of his mouth. Maybe he should try to support people more often; he seems to speak unlikely wisdom then. He opened his mouth, about to say that she was welcome when he felt her brush her head against his chin. He stiffen sightly, his tail the only thing moving before he smiled softly and nuzzled the top of her head. 'You're welcome, Hawkfeather. We all need somebody to talk to us at some point."

Giggling the she-cat pulled away and looked Owlheart in the eyes, a bright smile on her face. "I've been sad and mopey for way too long. You wanna go hunting for a bit? Maybe we could have a race!" Hawkfeather's eyes lightened up as she proposed the game. "Oh! Or maybe a contest to see who can catch the most fresh-kill! We'll need it since prey will start getting scarce soon." As she speaks the she-cat bounces up and down in place, seeming more like kit, with her sudden burst of energy, than a warrior.

Owlheart blinked in surprise as Hawkfeather suddenly started to ramble on, before he let out a happy laugh. Well, he had done it; he had cured her. His eyes twinkled as he thought about her offers, before he pushed himself to his paws. "I'm sure I'll beat you in a hunting contest any day, but I'm happy to go with it. Have fun, beat you, and feed the Clan? I don't think life can get any better than that," he said in a teasing voice. Truthfully, he wasn't sure how good of a hunting Hawkfeather was or if he could beat her, but he figured if he said he could, that would raise a competitive spirit in her, and he knew fully well that that kind of spirit could get anything off the mind.

Occ: Really sorry about not posting sooner; life has been real busy.

OOC: it's fine. I posted with Hawkfeather in the gathering too check that out.

IC: Hawkfeather laughed and nodded. "You're on! I'll beat you with my eyes closed!!!" - turning Hawkfeather bolted towards the camp entrance. Reaching it she suddenly stopped and turned around, quickly telling her father they're going out hunting before bolting back towards the camp entrance, looking around for Owlheart.

Owlheart laughed as she turned and bolted to the camp entrance, following at a slower pace, only to pause when she turned to race off. He blinked when he saw he was going, before he chuckled softly. Right, her father was Falconstar, wasn't it? When she came padding back, he flickered his tail at her to catch his attention but there was a small glimmer in his eyes."I'm pretty sure you didn't have to tell him that we were going out for a bit, we aren't apprentices. We can leave the camp whenever we want."

Hawkfeather lost her smile for a moment as Owlheart spoke and warmth tingled over her face as she gave an embarassed laugh. " Oh, yeah, sorry. I guess I'm still kind of new to the warrior privileges... My dad being the leader just puts that extra pressure on to follow the rules." Moving into the entrance tunnel Hawkfeather glanced back breifly to make sure he was following before padding forward, her cheerful smile returned. "So, where do you want to hunt?"