Official NFL Megathread

8-8 NFC South confirmed.

Vikings, Rams, and Bucs (?) are on the chopping block this week. Let's break some hearts.

predictions or whatever
Cardinals
Packers
Browns
Colts
Patriots
S-Steelers...?
Ravens
Panthers
Chiefs
Giants
Broncos
Titans
Lions
SEEEEEEEHHHHHEEEAKAKAKSKASKS
Eagles
fk if i kno boba fetts i guess

last week
11-3

all time
140-66

Arizona over St. Louis
Pittsburgh over Atlanta
Green Bay over Buffalo
Cincinnati over Cleveland
Houston over Indianapolis
Kansas City over Oakland
New England over Miami
NY Giants over Washington
Tampa Bay over Carolina
Baltimore over Jacksonville
NY Jets over Tennessee
Denver over San Diego
Detroit over Minnesota
Seattle over San Francisco
Philadelphia over Dallas
Chicago over New Orleans

Last week: 11-3

Stanton down. D: That's two Cardinal quarterbacks the Rams have murdered.

You know what time it is...

TEBOWTIME
WARRRRRNERTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMME

1. BILLS HAVE CLINCHED .500 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TEN YEARS!!! THEY ALSO COMPLETELY TRASHED THE PACKERS, HOLY FF--
2. The AFC North is f**king stupid. Browns got destroyed. lolmanziel
3. Ryan Fitzmagic broke his leg. :c
4. Lolphans got destroyed too. Pats win the AFC East.
5. Broncos have clinched the AFC West.
6. Panthers are somehow leading the NFC South at the moment. Before their game at the Superdome last week, I'd forgot they existed entirely. I've just gotten used to the Falcons and Saints trading places all season, so seeing the Panthers on top is weird.
7. Colts won the AFC South.
8. With this win over the Falcons, Big Ben has beaten every team not named the Steelers. F**k him and his entire team.
9. THE SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED BY THE SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AND DETROIT LIONS

Last week, Cards helped eliminate the 49ers from the NFCW. This week, Lions helped eliminate their hopes and dreams.

Splochy-chan is my birdbro now and forever.

EDIT: 10. Cards have clinched the playoffs thanks to Jay letting me down. God damn it Jay.

Ryan Mallet got hurt. Ryan Fitzpatrick got hurt. Tom Savage got hurt. It's Thad Time. So how can the Texans reach the playoffs?...

*disclaimer: I don't know the intricacies of football at 100%, so these may be wrong and the Texans can't win.*

-First, the Texans have to win out. That means beating the Ravens and the Jaguars. Even with third and fourth string quarterbacks, the Jags are no challenge. The Ravens, though... this could be an impossibility of titanic proportions.
-Next, we have to beat the field. That means getting rid of the Chargers, Chiefs, and Bills. The Bills take on the Patriots in week 17, and losing that game would put us ahead. The Chargers and Chiefs take on each other in week 17, so if they both lose week 16, we can beat either one regardless of who wins. Of course, the Chiefs take on the Steelers, so we may have to concede Pittsburgh in the playoffs, but it's possible that the Chiefs can beat the Steelers and lose to the Chargers, and we'd still make it due to divisional records and shiz.
-There's still the Dolphins and the Browns, but we beat the Browns head-to-head, so we got them (which is good, because the Browns need to beat the Ravens in week 17). We got the Dolphins in divisional record, so we should be good there (is that how that works?).
-Finally, there's the playoff situation at hand. Three spots are left up for grabs, which are held by the Bengals, Steelers, and Ravens. We lost to the Bengals and the Steelers, so we can't catch them. So the only way into the playoffs is through the Ravens, as explained earlier.

So what does this mean? Well, the Texans have to win out against the Ravens and Jaguars. The Ravens have to lose out against us and the Browns. The Chargers and Chiefs need to lose week 16; if one of them wins, they have to lose in week 17 when they face each other. The Bills need to lose to the Patriots in week 17 (or, impossibly, the Raiders in week 16). All of that has to happen.


I'm 11-4 this week with one game left.

WEEK 15 STANDINGS

1. New England (11-3)
2. Arizona (11-3)
3. Denver (11-3)
4. Detroit (10-4)
5. Indianapolis (10-4)
6. Dallas (10-4)
7. Seattle (10-4)
8. Green Bay (10-4)
9. Cincinnati (9-4-1)
10. Pittsburgh (9-5)
11. Baltimore (9-5)

12. Philadelphia (9-5)
13. Kansas City (8-6)
14. San Diego (8-6)
15. Buffalo (8-6)

16. San Francisco (7-7)

17. Houston (7-7)
18. Miami (7-7)
19. Cleveland (7-7)

20. New Orleans (6-8)

21. Minnesota (6-8)
22. St. Louis (6-8)

23. Carolina (5-8-1)

24. Chicago (5-9)
25. NY Giants (5-9)

26. Atlanta (5-9)

27. NY Jets (3-11)
28. Washington (3-11)
29. Tennessee (2-12)
30. Jacksonville (2-12)
31. Oakland (2-12)
32. Tampa Bay (2-12)

Predictions:
Tennessee over Jacksonville
Philadelphia over Washington
San Diego over San Francisco
Detroit over Chicago
Miami over Minnesota
New Orleans over Atlanta
New England over NY Jets
Pittsburgh over Kansas City
Green Bay over Tampa Bay (the real Battle of the Bay)
Carolina over Cleveland
Baltimore over Houston
St. Louis over NY Giants
Dallas over Indianapolis
Buffalo over Oakland
Seattle over Arizona
Denver over Cincinnati

Real life is sad.

predictions
Jags
Eagles
Chargers
Ravens
Browns
Lions
Packers
Steelers
Dolphins
Patriots
S-... S-Saints...?
Rams
Bills
Colts
Seahawks
Broncos

last week
12-4

all time
152-70

Oh, I was 11-5 last week.

Bears potentially benching Jay Cutler for Jimmy Clausen.