Everything Ends

Froststar glanced up at the gray sky as a drop of icy cold rain plopped onto her nose. She could feel the water run through her glossy patched fur in rivulets, chilling the she-cat to the bone. It was all she could do to keep pushing on. At the edge of the Thunderpath in WindClan territory, there was no respite from the elements. Maybe this was another little punishment from StarClan, for what she had done. Haven't you punished me enough? she demanded silently with another glance at the heavens. Yet she still prayed. Prayed that the rain would drive WindClan to shelter and dens and wash away the scent of her... and the two kits that walked beside her.

A freezing blast of wind roared in Froststar's ears and buffeted her fur, making her flinch from the barrage of rain that. A wail went up from Mistkit. "I wanna go home!" she cried, bringing her little white paws down into the mud and sending up a little spray. Cloudkit sniffled and shook beside her, his dark gray pelt clinging to his sodden frame. "My paws hurt..." he said in complaint, sitting down. He looked like a ball of slush melting in the rain.

"Hush, now..." the she-cat said weakly, gesturing her two kits along with her tail. "You'll be dry soon... we just need to keep going, please... please keep going..." Anger and sadness and shame all welled up inside of her when she looked down at them. She had betrayed her Clan, the Code, her ancestors, all of them. "It's just a little longer, we'll be there soon if we keep going... Come on, my little BarnClan warriors."

"I'm not in stupid BarnClan..." Cloudkit mumbled softly, but to Froststar's relief he got up and kept walking. She looked up from her kits and saw the browning crowns of the four Great Oaks in the distance, glistening with water. Good. Once they were there, it would only be a little ways until the Tunnel. It hadn't been much work to figure it out. ShadowClan brought half the Clan--including elders and young apprentices--to Fourtrees every full moon without incident. The marsh Clan might be secretive, but RiverClan was smarter.

Hearing the sniffles and suppressed sobs of the two kittens was too much for Froststar to bear after a little while of walking. "Why don't we take a little rest?" she suggested, stopping by a patch of gorse. Mistkit and Cloudkit wordlessly nodded and pushed into the tangle of yellow flowers and stems, safe from the rain. There wouldn't be room for her in there, but she had six lives to spare... a coughing fit racked her body, and she wondered if the StarClan-forsaken cold was going to take another.

Hushed above the constant patterpatter of the pouring rain, she could already hear the soft snoring of her two kits. Just a little bit longer... Then they would be in ShadowClan, and Sagestar would have to accept them. Train them as warriors. Froststar had spent too long in the cursed barn, and it was time to return to her duty as a leader. But to see them everyday in RiverClan, it would tear her apart.

My duty...

She could not say if it was weakness or strength that was making her give up her only two kits to a Clan she did not wholly know. Could it be both? Froststar looked down into a puddle that had formed in front of her paws, meeting her own eyes. The image distorted each time a rain drop flew down into the puddle, sending ripples throughout the small pool. Were those truly her eyes? Once a crisp and piercing bright blue, they seemed duller now... Another ripple. When the water grew still again, just for a moment, she saw herself. With her pelt clinging to her body, she looked haggard and gaunt.

Maybe my duty is done... she thought to herself. The she-cat was tired, and not growing any younger. She still had many moons ahead of her before she would be old, yes... but how could one stand so many more seasons of hardship? The leader had disgraced herself in no way a Clan leader should... Another ripple in a puddle, but it was a tear this time. My kits, my Clan, I've failed them...

She envisioned herself living the rest of her days in the elder's den, free from responsibility and the heavy burden of leadership. Silvershade would be there, leading in her place. But... she just couldn't see it. The leader in her mind kept changing from a silver she-cat to a younger brown tabby tom, with green eyes. It wasn't the first time such thoughts crossed her mind, but she was doubtful... Silvershade had been a loyal, faithful deputy for moons beyond count now, she couldn't just...

There was a crackling boom of thunder, and the rain pressed down harder, becoming a deafening roar, like river rapids.. She shook the water from her pelt and stood. She needed to find shelter as well. Perhaps they could move down to Fourtrees and rest a little longer...

"Froooooststaaaaaaaaaar!"

Froststar stiffened and her ears perked up, her claws unsheathing and digging into the muddy soil beneath her paws. No. She couldn't be caught with the kits. She had to go, and get into ShadowClan territory. Quickly. She pushed through the little gorse patch and grabbed the two gray kits by the scruff and pulled them out. The marsh was close, it was just one sprint across the Thunderpath. There was no time to think. She had to go.

The kits shrieked and wailed and cried as she began to run, their bodies smacking up against her legs with every stride, but she kept going. I have to go, I have to go. StarClan, give me speed...

"Froststar!"

The distant voice only spurred her on faster, and she felt the wet and rough Thunderpath beneath her paws. Her pads were already scraped bloody, but she kept going and going and going. I'm almost there. she told herself. She could see the muddy patches, little pools, springy grass. It was ShadowClan territory.

Suddenly, a flood of light washed over her, and the last thing she heard was the rumble of a Monster. Pain filled her, the wails of her kits filled her ears, and everything went dark as she flew through the air and smacked back down into the acrid smelling Thunderpath.

Froststar's eyes snapped open. Pain filled every inch of her, and she let out a shriek of agony into the starry night sky... it was clear, and she was in a field. She knew where she was immediately, and panic filled her. "Bring me back!" she demanded, shouting at an empty expanse. She thought she could see familiar eyes twinkling in the dark, watching her, but she couldn't be sure. "Please, not yet...! My kits... My kits..." she pleaded, but no one answered. She couldn't die now, not without doing this one last thing... what if her kits were dead too? Another cry of pain and grief escaped her throat, and she felt herself fall back down into the soft grass. Darkness swallowed her once again.

"Froststar!"

Patterpatterpatter. The rain was back.

"Please...! Wake up!"

Her ears rung, and not a muscle could be moved. She could feel a paw prod at her flank, and fresh pain shot through her. She let out a groan of pain... she might have yowled again if she had the strength.

"You've gotta... you've gotta..." The voice sounded strained now.

"M-my... my kits..." she opened her eyes to see a blurry world, and her voice was hardly a mumble. As her eyes adjusted, she could see a fear-stricken Reedheart standing over her, concern etched into his murky green eyes. She looked over to see the Thunderpath at her side, and a trail of blood where she'd been dragged to safety.

"We've got to get you to a medicine cat." Reedheart said urgently. "WindClan's camp is not far off from here, we can get you some h--"

"No..." she breathed, rolling her head  back to the warrior and meeting his gaze. She hesitated before asking, fearing the answer. "The kits... are the kits safe?" Reedheart's eyes were wide open, but he nodded slowly. A sigh of relief escaped her. They're safe.

The leader stared at him a moment longer, wondering what things were going through his head. He knows... At least part of the story. She coughed and blood spurted from her mouth. Not again... The scarlet water was pooling around her now. Two lives. She was losing another. The life was sapped from her as the blood escaped, and she slowly faded away, back into blackness.

"Wait, no...! Don't. . ."

Froststar was in the field again, starry night all around her. A pretty white she-cat stood in front of her, a mix of sadness and warmth in her eyes. "Froststar..." she started, but Froststar was already forcing herself to stand up, despite the pain that shot through her with every movement. Her mother watched for a couple of moments more, tears stinging her eyes as she watched her daughter struggle. "StarClan cannot mend you... your time is nearly up."

That made time freeze, and Froststar looked up with alarm and disbelief. "No, not now!" she barked. She couldn't, she never got to... Fear filled her too. Death, finally? No coming back? She had experienced death five times now, but the thought of never healing made her panic. "I cannot... I have to..."

She could already feel a tug and pull, and the dreamy world of StarClan began to swirl and blur. The voice of her mother was slurred as she returned to her body, but she could hear her all the same. "Please... don't be afraid..."

Her eyes snapped open again. "R-reedheart..." her voice was quieter now, harshly a whisper. Reedheart still stood over her, looking hopeless. I'm sorry... she mouthed silently, but she wasn't sure for what. There were too many things to be sorry for. She was getting weaker and weaker with each life lost. There was a crack of lightning somewhere in the distance. Was StarClan heralding her death? "You... you have to take the kits..." she wheezed. There wasn't much time left. She could feel herself slipping again. "...you have to take them to ShadowClan..." she blinked opened her eyes and stared up at the warrior over her, but it pained her to look at him. His face was full of grief. It looked like he already knew what was happening.

Reedheart looked on in silent contemplation, but finally nodded. Froststar sighed and felt her eyes flutter close again. "I... I'm going to be among Silverpelt tonight, Reedheart..." she mewed. It was quiet for a few moments except for the rain, but he finally spoke up.

"StarClan will heal you--"
"They can't, and you know it." she snapped, but just speaking with such force was enough to send a spasm of pain through her body, and a pained sob escaped her as tears came to her eyes. Why do I have to be so weak now...? She wondered how she must look, to be in a state where even StarClan was useless to help. Froststar breathed hard, gulping for air now. Just a little bit longer...

"I say these words... I say these words before StarClan... so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may... m-may hear and approve of my choice." she mewed in a tremulous voice, fighting death with each word. "Reedheart... Reedheart is the next deputy of RiverClan."

A shocked silence followed. "F-froststar, you cannot..."

She smiled thinly at that. "Says who...? You...? You're not.... Reedstar yet..." a coughing fit took her body, and she could taste more blood in her mouth. "You will lead." she said weakly. At least I can do this one last thing right.

"What about Silvershade?" Reedheart asked, the shock and sadness clear in his voice.

"If... if I wanted Silvershade to lead... would I have picked you?" she coughed again, and began to shake. "N-now... let me see my kits... let me see them one more time..."

Her voice was all but gone now, and she could fight no longer. Death overtook her once again.

Blackness. Her breathing returned, but it was light and she could not open her eyes or speak. It was too late now. Please... just one last time... Mistkit... Cloudkit... no... A shudder went through her again, along with a faint cry of pain, and she fell back into death. "Froststar..." a voice whispered, beckoning.

No. I have to see... just once, before I go...

Again, she was alive, but she could hardly feel it. The rain was finally subsiding, but she was already soaked to the bone. All she could do was shiver and die again.

"...Froststar..."

You can't... I won't... Just this one thing...

She gulped in air noisily as she came back to life, and a wave of fear and sadness overtook her. I can't go... not yet... not forever... please... She knew that this was it... after she died, she was gone... Pain shot through her again, despite all her struggle and fighting, and she felt her last breath go out of her. It was like some weight was lifted from her chest, and her eyes snapped open to see endless starry plains in front of her.

Later...

Reedheart trekked through mud and grass, his heart heavy and his eyes glazed over. Two kits swung from his mouth by the scruff, crying, though he hardly heard them. His mind went back to Froststar's broken body, her fur sticky with blood, her limbs splayed at awkward angles... how she had sobbed and shuddered with pain as she died over and over again. His mentor, his leader, she was dead now.

It was his first time in another Clan's territory, and the experience was terrifying. He kept spying shapes and shadows everywhere, and his heart was beating like a drum. ShadowClan is asleep. he told himself, over and over again. They're only awake at night... It did little to settle his nerves, and the racket the kits made him nearly bolt at every noise. He grew painfully aware of the gray sky growing darker and darker... He passed a dead sycamore, it's twisted and blackened branches reaching upwards at the sky like claws. A shiver went through him.

The two kits he had tried to comfort, but it was no use. They had scratched and bit at him, and if he hadn't been holding them, they'd be running away. My kits... Froststar's children, going to ShadowClan. His mind went back to a misty, snowy night in Leafbare, with Froststar hunched over Sagestar's limp body. Had she really...? It was hard to try and think of her disgracing herself in such a way, and tears stung at his eyes at just the thought of the events that had just transpired.

Froststar is dead.

The finality and reality of it hit him over and over, but he kept walking numbly with the wailing kits swinging with each step. Why with their father, and not in RiverClan? He didn't know. He hadn't known anything, he realized. And neither will anyone else. If the truth got out... Froststar's honor would be smeared forever. And the kits will die with their father. They would get sent off with claws and teeth, the lot of them. The danger of the information he held was terrifying. I'll take it to my grave...

Reedheart wondered silently how much the kits knew and what they might say, but he couldn't help that. All he knew was that ShadowClan would find two mewling kits at their camp entrance, with only the faint scent of RiverClan on them. His scent, in truth, but Sagestar wouldn't know the difference. He would take the kits in, if there was any compassion left in him, and Reedheart would return to RiverClan with Froststar's body and the news.

And as deputy.

It was still shocking to think about. I will lead RiverClan. Would they believe him? What would they think of that? Would they accept him over Silvershade? StarClan help me...

A wall of brambles could be spied in the distance. He froze, gently setting the two kits down. "Forget about me, little ones..." he whispered, before darting off from where he came before they could say anything back, not daring to look back.