'cause i'm just a girl i'd rather not be [C]

Pigeonpounce couldn’t quite wrap her head around the whole… being the Clan’s medicine cat thing. She had grown more adept at her position, and in some sense she was getting used to it, but it also still felt strange. She felt like a stand-in waiting for the actual right cat to come and assume the role for her. Pigeonpounce wasn’t sure she would ever get used to the feeling of holding import among the members of her Clan.

Her thoughts drifted along that path until a pale, dappled coat drug her attention elsewhere. Pigeonpounce blinked and turned her head toward the fresh-kill pile to see Poppystar approaching it. Before she thought much of it, Pigeonpounce was getting to her paws and padding over, appearing at her leader’s side just as Poppystar bent down to grab a fish. ”Heya,” she greeted with a wave of her tail. She hadn’t planned anything over the course of the short jaunt it took her to reach Poppystar. It was just… important for her to be closer with her leader, wasn’t it? She was supposed to be a consultant. Pigeonpounce put on a smile and said, ”D’you… mind if I join ya?”

Pigeonpounce followed Poppyshine into the shade and settled down beside her with a grin. She leaned halfway forward to take a bite of the fish between them before pausing. Was that rude? Shouldn’t she let her leader have the first bite? And when had she started to care about things like that so much? Pigeonpounce shook her head and straightened back up, using a paw to nudge the fish closer to Poppyshine with a sheepish laugh.

”Yeah, I am,” she answered with a little shrug. ”Wren’s been helpin’ me get all th’ different herbs t’gether in m’head. I think I’m figurin’ out what I’m doin’.” Her smile got a little lopsided, a little uncertain, before Pigeonpounce cast her eyes to the side. ”I just… I dunno.” Her paws stirred absently, restlessly, through the sand. ”Did you… ever feel like ya weren’t meant for it? When y’were deputy? Like… like Perchstar chose the wrong cat?” Pigeonpounce wondered if it was bad to speak ill of the dead, if that was even what she was doing. She just sighed and finished, ”I still dunno if StarClan made the right choice with me. ‘S like ‘M waitin’ for someone act’lly competent to take m’place. Y’know…?”