one step forward, step right back (c)

It was getting frankly ridiculous, how many excuses Bubblebeam found to be near the ShadowClan border. With SkyClan's significantly reduced population of warriors, she was getting sent out on more patrols than usual, but she managed to stay out longer on the majority of them, especially as it headed towards evening. She'd spent precious few sunsets back at camp these days. And especially on days like today, after a particularly exhausting and lonely list of patrols close enough to ThunderClan's border to give her a headache, she needed that time alone by the marshes. By this point she almost enjoyed the feeling of mud beneath her paws. She almost associated it with these brief moments of solitary relaxation... and more importantly, when she got to meet Silverbird or Hawkmist. Even on the nights that no one came by, she preferred to spend an hour alone here to remove the stresses of the day and sigh her sorrows out on the wind before returning to the warriors' den. But... she wouldn't deny that she always lingered a little bit longer, waiting to see if anyone would come by.

This evening seemed like it would be a lonely one. She'd seen neither hide nor hair of another cat since breaking away from the dusk patrol; no fog-white pelt, no green-eyed smirk. At least the calm ruffling of the breeze in her fur helped her to relax. She closed her eyes and inhaled the musky scent of pine bark for a few more moments, steeling her nerves to leave. Another day... she could do one more day. One more day waiting for Hemlockfox to take her from the place she'd once called home. One more day waiting for her life's purpose to become clear to her. One more day playing at the facade of passable warrior instead of the grief-stricken, fear-ridden mess she truly was. She could do that for one more day. If she thought beyond that then her heart might crack. So the gray-furred warrior exhaled, then turned around to go.

Wait--that sound. Pawsteps? Eagerly she turned around, pale green eyes alight with anticipation as her head whirled to see who was approaching from the ShadowClan side of the border. However, her smile fell when her gaze met a cat she'd never even seen before. A small warrior, her size reminiscent of Uncle Rainfrost save for the stockiness, her brown fur speckled with growing white that may have indicated age. Bubblebeam couldn't stop herself from letting out a small, disappointed little "Oh." Then she blushed. How would she feel, if some warrior at the border had been unhappy to see her like that? "Oh, I'm sorry. I was just... expecting someone else." The excuse felt unkind, and uncomfortable. She didn't want Silverbird to get in trouble for meeting with her like this, or for Hawkmist to decide she was more trouble than she was worth. Hesitantly she wavered back and forth on her paws, shifting her weight, unsure of whether to stay and converse or run with her tail between her legs back to SkyClan.

Bubblebeam's anxiety found itself soothed, if only momentarily, by the kindness in the she-cat's voice. No... she named herself Pineblossom, this cat, who exuded such an air of comfortability that it nearly left the SkyClan she-cat stunned. Was it just the fact that she reminded her of Uncle Rain? Was it the wisdom in the set of her eyes, even as they tried to size up this newcomer? Maybe it was the fact that the kind, low tone of her voice sounded almost motherly. No--no, she couldn't even think the word "mother." It felt like a blow to the back of the head. Bubblebeam blinked her eyes clear of the odd haze and focused instead on the question she'd been asked. What should she answer? She didn't want to lie, and she'd already confessed that she had been waiting for someone, but... what if whoever she named got in trouble? She shouldn't mention both Silverbird and Hawkmist, but it felt odd to only name one if she had in fact been wanting to speak to either with equal fervor. Would a leader be upset with them, if they knew that they had friends over the SkyClan border? Would Wolfstar be upset with her, for that matter? Probably... That is why I have been sneaking around like this, isn't it? But she wouldn't lie and she wouldn't stay silent. She would just have to make sure that their meetings did not sound illicit.

"My name's Bubblebeam," she said, her fluffy tail swishing somewhat nervously behind her. "It's... nice to meet you, too. I wasn't meaning to be rude--I apologize. I just sometimes run into a friend here. Uh... you probably know him, his name is Silverhawk." She'd almost said the nickname instead, and stars, wouldn't that have been embarrassing. But in a split-second decision, she'd reasoned with herself that Silverhawk would be less unhappy to be outed as having a cross-Clan friend than Hawkmist. Though she hated the idea of either of them so much as frowning at her, she had to admit that she was more confident in her ability to explain such a thing to Silverbird as opposed to Hawkmist. "We're--we used to talk at the lake, sometimes, back when... y'know. We were all there together. He would never break the code; he's a good warrior." Those sentences might not have all been strictly truthful, strung together in that order--especially not the bit about codebreaking, if she remembered an embrace that would set her heart aflame recalling it on the coldest nights. But she wanted to make sure that Pineblossom wouldn't feel obligated to speak to Silverbird's leader about him, or anything. Bubblebeam felt one paw scuffing the ground beneath her. Stars, why was this conversation making her so anxious? "A-anyway, you're just on a patrol, right? Don't let me interrupt you. I was just about to leave, anyway."

Bubblebeam had been expecting a polite dismissal of her intrusion, or perhaps a suspicious reaction to her knowing a ShadowClan cat so well. What she had not been expecting was the way that Pineblossom brightened up at the name, smiled, and said that Silverbird was-- "Your son?" She could not stop the echo falling from her mouth. Then she blushed and stammered, "I mean--I--not that I don't believe it, I just..." She shut her mouth, not quite sure why this revelation made her suddenly squirm with embarrassment. This was Silverhawk's mother. Was she embarrassing him by behaving this way? Pineblossom did not seem to think so; the short she-cat had just relaxed into a sitting position, as if this revelation made her far more comfortable with the conversation they'd been sharing. Bubblebeam copied her, lowering herself slowly to sit on the ground, but with a tad more unease.

To hear that Silverbird had mentioned her--by name, apparently, and as a friend--did send a pleasant shudder down her spine, even despite the new anxiety that now churned in her stomach. "I... I don't mind," she said faintly. Pineblossom did not appear to be unhappy with her for befriending her son. To the contrary--she seemed satisfied with the idea. Being called "lovely" in a motherly tone caused a strange internal reaction that Bubblebeam was not quite sure exactly how to parse, but it flew away from her mind instantly when the ShadowClan she-cat mentioned Hawkmist. Wow, the two of them really are close friends. They certainly weren't exaggerating. The heat that seemed to now reside permanently beneath the fur on her cheeks warmed even further. Hopefully she hadn't been intruding too much at the Gathering when she spoke to them both. "Yes, I... I have met Hawkmist, actually. He is another friend of mine. Though, it's funny... I didn't meet them at the same time. I didn't know they knew each other until very recently." The tip of her fluffy tail twitched back and forth. It felt odd to talk about the two toms without either being present--she had never done so before. "They have both been very kind to me." It was an understatement. Once more, remembering the embrace she and Silverbird had recently shared set her mind aflame. It was a good thing that Pineblossom could not see into her thoughts. She... decided not to mention the particulars of that last meeting.