Moments in Time (open)

As Blazefang lay sleeping in the elders’ den, she seemed to hear a swirl of voices in her head. Or rather, her own voice at many different ages.

“This is gonna be the best day of my life!” Blazekit charged out of the nursery. Blazefang smiled at her younger self, so vibrant, so full of hope.

“Just think about the life we’ll have together, after the war!” Blazepaw encouraged Specklepaw in training. I did everything for her, Blazefang realized. And she gave it all for me.

“What I lost in you, I will not replace.” Blazepaw spoke again, and Blazefang knew she was right. Specklepaw had been more than just a friend, she was her perpetual shadow. Blazefang never did have another friend like her.

“Honesty hurts when you’re gettin’ older.” Yeah, young Blaze sure had that right. As a kit she’d been so innocent, barely even aware of the danger of the Dark Forest. Now? Now everything was dangerous, and she knew that.

“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy.” She’d been ensnared by Dayquill from the start, but didn’t have a word for her emotions. They weren’t the same as the feelings she’d had for Ryepaw, and back then that was all she knew of romantic love.

“You’re never not on my mind.” Blazefang hadn’t been able to get Dayquill out of her head. It had perplexed her back then.

“Doesn’t this have a name?” Yes, the feeling did have a name. She’d finally placed it as love.

“Mama said, ‘Don’t give up,’ it’s a little complicated.” Blazefang was never one to give up. Her mother had certainly encouraged that in her. Mother… Father… Burntkit… Mapleleaf… I miss you all but I’m so glad I knew you.

“But you were everything to me, I was begging you please don’t go!” Dayquill. It killed me to lose you, but I would rather lose you a hundred times over than never have met you at all.

“I hope you’re happy.” Silverwing. I still hope you’re happy, wherever you are. I hope you’ve found someone to love you the way you wanted me to. The way you need to be loved.

“Would you let me lead you even when you’re blind?” Somehow the loss of Dayquill’s vision was one the smallest loss we had. I wish he could’ve seen our second litter. Maybe he can, now, in StarClan.

“Will I look back and say that I wish I hadn’t done what I did?” Never. I never regretted my choice to leave WindClan. It’s as if my life there was all shadows and it was joining ThunderClan that gave me light and color.

“Happily ever after, here we are!” There were good times, weren’t there, in between the heartbreaks? Oh stars, am I reflecting on my whole life? Wait, isn’t that a thing that happens when…

“Birds don’t just fly, they fall down and get up!” Okay me, that’s enough. I got the message, can we wake up now?

“Didn’t make sense not to live for fun, your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.” Okay this is definitely a dying dream. I guess I have no choice… Outside her head, Blazefang’s breathing began to grow ragged as the night wore on.

“Darling, your soul will never grow old.” I meant that, Dayquill, and you never did. I’ll be with you soon, my love!

“This feels wrong.” She’d been talking about the animosity between her kits from her second litter, but now, drifting ever closer to StarClan, Blazefang wondered what the consequences had truly been. Would they both be there to greet her? Would either of them be there?

“I’m sorry my sweet baby, I wish I’d been there.” Copperlark probably wasn’t in the stars. She didn’t know how she knew, call it a mother’s intuition, but she just knew.

“Forgive me for being so blind.” Please forgive me, my love. I promise, though, I will be waiting if you ever find your way to StarClan.

“Little girl in my head, she thought that I’d be wiser.” Ain’t that the truth. Maybe I am wiser now, at the end of it all. If only I could’ve seen life clearly before.

“Welcome to my life.” Oh… I was so down, wasn’t I? I even… no. No, I can’t think about that now. It’s okay this time.

“Why can’t I move on?” Because I loved. I loved so much it hurt. Maybe that’s why I’m dying now, when I’m only just barely “old.”

“This grief has a gravity, it pulls me down.” But I got back up. Losing Dayquill hurt, but I’m my own cat. Everyone I ever loved and lost, I kept living without.

“I don’t wanna sit still, look pretty.” Retirement was hard. Dayquill made it worthwhile, but I had to find my own way eventually.

“I must have done something good.” I wish I’d been more grateful for all the love in my life. I don’t know what I did to deserve it.

“There’s no such thing as enough time.” I’d like to have lived longer. I wish I could see Hopepaw grow up.

“It’s time to fly.” This was her own voice in the here and now of her mind, not an echo of a memory. In the waking world, her breathing finally stopped as daylight began to creep into the elders’ den.

Blazefang is dead. Any StarClan cat who knew her is free to come get her.

((Bonus: Every single quote here is from a song on my Blazefang playlist! How many can you guess?))