It gets better in such small doses [c]

Some days the emotions inside of Perchstar ran rampant no matter what she did, completely out of her control to wrangle, and it was the best she could do to pretend they didn't exist. Some days they were deceptively quiet and only emerged when she least expected it. Some other days, they were just... tired. As tired as she was. Those numb, silent days were the easiest. Those days, she could simply move through her duties like a competent shadow, allowing the neutral mask to completely become her and subsume any sorrow or loathing that waited in the wings. Today was one of those days--or at least, it had been up until now. The leader allowed herself a brief moment of respite from her duties, sitting in camp and soaking up the few rays of newleaf sun that emerged golden from the sky, though it wasn't with as much bone-tired exhaustion as usual. Just... tired. A normal, dull kind of tired. She didn't feel content or happy. She felt nothing, and days like this were far easier than the rest. Unfortunately rare, but she welcomed them when they came. For just a moment, she closed her eyes, allowing herself to slip away in the brief lack of cares.

But it only took a moment for an interruption to surface... with a voice she couldn't recall hearing speak clearly in quite a while.

“Mama, are you free? Can we eat together?”

Perchstar turned at the unexpected voice, her eyes widened at the she-cat before her. A face that she would never forget; one that lingered in her thoughts even on days as numb as this. Her daughter Wrenpaw. How long had it been since they'd spoken? She'd checked up on her periodically, whenever she could, but the sick she-cat had often spoken in a cough-thick tone, if at all. More often than not she had simply been in a restless sleep of recovery. But for Wrenpaw to feel well enough to be up and about, even well enough to speak with eyes so unclouded by illness.... The numbness fell away. It had been nice while it lasted, but not even the strongest apathy could best the flood of sudden, uncontested love that burst through Perchstar's fragile heart. "Yes, of course. I always have time for you." Though as ever her face remained unsmiling, the characteristic gentleness with which she spoke to her daughters softened the lines around her eyes slightly. She hadn't eaten yet--now was as good a time as any. She just had to ignore how allowing herself to feel love suddenly reopened the many wounds on her heart. Once it had been forced to beat, she suddenly had to feel the pain again. Just ignore it; that was what she always had to do. "I am glad that you are feeling better again. I have been worried about you."