The future's in your paws. Shape it well.Roleplay in a cat Clan of warriors. Based off the Warriors series by Erin Hunter. Takes place in an AU before the cats in the books existed.
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Subject: amen (reprise) [C] Mon 18 Mar 2024 - 17:36
"Know yourself and who you came in with."
Cloverheart RiverClan | she/her
StarClan. Cloverheart's tail lashed behind her. StarClan-- Beechfang and her fool daughter both walked the plains of Silverpelt now. Birdstar, at least, hadn't actually done anything worth exiling her to the Dark Forest. No matter how much Cloverheart wished she had--nevermind. She was dead and here now. But her mother...
Repentance. That was the word they all used when speaking of her. Bah! Cloverheart would claw the ears off whoever said it next. Beechfang spent a year living in solitude--was that repenting? Was that all it took to absolve oneself of murder? Of the murder of a non-combatant, a medicine cat; StarClan's mouthpiece, supposedly sheltered by them. Day by endless day, Cloverheart grew more and more sure she was the only one that retained her sense upon death. At least, she thought with a grimace, there'll be someone intelligent here when Perchstar comes. She wasn't looking forward to the leader's final arrival, but any company would be better than--
"You."
StarClan's plains were endless. They rolled forever in all the directions of the sky, five territories mimicked on an unimaginable scale. If Cloverheart had no desire to see Beechfang, then she wouldn't. It was simple as. But she never could help herself; never one to leave well enough alone.
The hulking figure in front of her inspired no fear. When starlit eyes round on her, Cloverheart would only snort. She canted her head to the side, letting her eyes travel to the crick running nearby. She'd followed the tributary aimlessly, letting the river guide her brooding paws. And the water led her right to Beechfang. What a joke. Cloverheart's eyes narrowed icily and she returned her attention to the large tabby opposite her. "Are you enjoying your gallivanting?" She asked sourly, tail lashing once. Cloverheart jerked her chin up in defiance of opposition yet to come and went, "How about Birdchaser? I was so hoping I wouldn't see either of you here. And yet..." Her ear flicked. The cold slits of her eyes narrowed impossibly further. "Here you stand. I can't even have peace in death."
"You." The familiar voice pulled Beechfang from her thoughts, and she turned, a sigh falling from her lips as her eyes settled on the form of a small, white and ginger she-cat. Cloverheart. Because of course, the strange and uneasy peace she had found in Starclan's territory must be broken, and of course it would be by the puny medicine cat. It couldn't have been someone she wanted to see, like Primroselight, or Ashstorm,, or Plumleaf?
Cloverheart let out a snort and turned away, but now that she was here, Beechfang stalked after her, appearing in front of the smaller cat. "Haven't you put us - Birdstar - through enough?" There was a rising frustration in her voice as she glared at the she-cat. Her nemesis just as much as Dawnhawk had been in life. "If I had known the trouble you would cause my family even now I would have walked away. Left you to suffer in your vitriol. Not that it seems death has changed you. You're still a petty, vindictive foxheart."
Peace? Ha. As if the antagonistic, argumentative she-cat had ever craved peace for even a moment in life. As if either of them had. "Oh, don't even start," She muttered, "Maybe if you hadn't stuck your nose where it didn't belong you would have had peace. But you just can't help yourself, can you, Cloverheart?" The she-cat let out a soft huff. "You started this, now we're both here... Why aren't we in the dark forest?"
Beechfang's appearance in front of her made Cloverheart's ears swivel back. Her pupils constricted, but no fear painted her expression; nor did it roll through her body. What was there to fear? Beechfang already killed her once. As far as Cloverheart knew, under the laws of StarClan's domain, there would be no second death to worry about. "You should have walked away," she sniffed indignantly, tilting her head up towards Beechfang. "Nevermind that you gave it up--I was still a medicine cat when you killed me. Not that I need to remind you, but I'm just saying: any warrior worth their claws would know better." Her whiskers quivered and the anger that led her paws here began to turn. "Of course I was-- and am! --vindictive! Wolfstar ruined my life."
"Help myself? Of course not." Despite her mounting hostility and the growl that edged her continual nemesis' words, Beechfang was... withdrawing? She spat insults, but the hard edge to Beechfang's tone was receding into a resigned mutter. For some reason, that just made Cloverheart's drop lower rather than encouraging her. What, did she not want to continue the fight they'd carried throughout their lives? The idea that her regret was genuine made Cloverheart snort inwardly, however it showed in Beechfang's voice.
"I did not start this. Wolfstar did. Sure, yes-- I'm a vindictive foxheart who can't leave well enough alone. But you're just as bad as me." Then, to her own surprise, a sound bordering on a laugh escaped Cloverheart's maw. "We? We?! And what do you imagine I'd be sent to the Dark Forest for, hm? You would at least deserve it. What are my great crimes? Losing my mind, being antagonistic? Looking too unsightly as a corpse?!" It made all that rage flash under her pelt again, but the novelty of it grounded Cloverheart quickly. Scoffing, she deliberately jerked her head away, looking off toward star-crowned trees that lined the distance. That strange half-laugh sounded off again; mostly bitter, though some real humor managed its way into the sound. "Ha. As if. You're welcome to go whenever you please though, Beechface."
"Medicine cat?" She scoffed, "Tell that to Lilacsong... Or does that not matter because I defended myself? Perhaps the real villains here are the ones who refuse to teach us that unless we trained as a warrior first. Ivystar knew what mess she dragged her clan into, they all knew the mess that would happen when Skyclan found out someone harbored a cat who killed a kit. And someone still tipped them off. Let our chance slip through our claws and explode in our faces." Her words were... Strangely hollow, though. Lacking in the intensity they had once held. "Stars, Cloverheart, do you think I wouldn't have done things differently, had I known the horrors that battle would inflict upon all of us? You weren't the only one with your life ruined that day." Her tail lashed once, the image of a blood soaked camp springing to vivid life in her mind. Smokefeather, numbed by it, Foxfire and Wrenspring so wounded. Cloudmane, Maplepaw and Blossomstep laying frozen and unseeing, their bodies cold when they had reached camp. Dawnfeather, sweet Dawnfeather, nowhere in sight and the stink of an outcast permeating the air. So many cats who deserved more than what her crusade had wrought.
A different blood-soaked camp came to mind too, though the faces in that one had only been nameless enemies. Maybe Beechfang would prefer it that way, to not put names to the faces her crusade had inflicted so much harm on.
"You ruined my life when your antics - and Bear...whatever's - got me struck with lightning. Dawnhawk ruined it before that, even. Our mother ruined us both. Lilacsong's idiocy nearly ruined the entire forest. We could play this blame game for an eternity, Cloverheart." She was so tired, so very tired of it. "Foxdung, what is the point?"
A soft snort escaped her at the medicine cat's words, "'We.'" She agreed, "But it seems the dark forest isn't permanent... So not like you'd be there for long." Her lips twisted into a sneer, "But maybe it would have given you a taste of what it was like." Beechfang stepped away from the Riverclan abruptly, tail lashing behind her. Maybe... Maybe she could walk away and lose the infuriating ghost in the stars. Of course, the stars had found them both here in the first place, so she doubted that would happen. Just her luck, really.
Cloverheart listened. Quietly, with her jaw sealed shut (however badly she wanted to retort), she listened. Heat couldn't fill her empty pelt, but in its place came a crawling feel like icy water being trickled down her spine. It felt like doubt; like shame. Cloverheart broke her silence to scoff at herself. Shame! It would have been funny, almost novel, if every strand of hair wasn't trying to work itself free of illusory follicles. Profundity washed painfully over her.
Beechfang's lashing--if it could be called that--was nothing she hadn't either heard before or understood more of on joining StarClan. But Cloverheart hated the emptiness in her old rival's voice. The hollow cadence spoke volumes beyond her actual words. Quiet bells of disturbance rang in Cloverheart's head. Her tail snapped to the side and, sourly, she looked askance. She was not the apologizing type, nor would she become it. Cloverheart grit her teeth hard as if grinding them down on an opponent's leg. That resolve, she refused to lose. Seasons and years of attrition had worked... only it'd made her soft, too. Soft enough to feel regret stubbornly surfacing, no matter how hard she tried to beat it back, when her eyes slid toward Beechfang again.
There was a pause between speeches. Then Cloverheart snorted, "I still can't believe you blame me for the lightning. As if I asked StarClan to strike you." The characteristic tones of dry humor, rarely shared with those outside RiverClan, filled her slow voice. "If you can drag me all the way there, I'll let you take me to the Dark Forest sometime." Another barky laugh, as surprising as the first, left her. "Maybe it'll be nice to visit. I get sick of looking at starshine and twilight."
Cloverheart turned her head, watching Beechfang jerk away. She made no attempt to pursue; only watched. Allowed her the space to step back. "You know," her eyes slid toward the river again, watching its course, "for all that I hated you, I don't think I wanted you to die." Deep creases appeared in her muzzle as if the words were barbs tearing her throat on the way out. Still, she continued on. "It feels wrong to see you here. I mean that you still had a life ahead of you." Another half-amused snort. "However old you were. ...Your family still loved you enough to die for you." Her voice grew bitter again, unable to inflect sincerity without burying it in daggers, but the intent was earnest. "It's almost heart-wrenching. I've lost enough of my mind to start feeling bad for you."
Subject: Re: amen (reprise) [C] Sun 5 May 2024 - 14:38
"Oh, but you should have expected retaliation with how your were running your mouth. Though Bearpaw was an idiot to do so at the gathering." A low snort escaped her, "The first time I was able to hear somewhat clearly after that, I was laying in the medicine den. Bearflower got her warrior ceremony." She was still bitter at that, even if she now knew Bloodstrike hadn't wanted to give her that ceremony at all.
"I don't know... Maybe visiting would be nice. Not like my brother is there anymore." Dark humor, but it was true. "Which of you foxhearts pulled that off? We can drag them with us." Now her threats were empty. Falconmoon - whatever demon he carried - seemed to have changed. Perhaps a better cat had seen what Smokefeather had done, perhaps they had taken pity on him. That had been a dangerous risk, but that seemed to have worked. To say it felt strange was an understatement. The foxheart had outlived her after all. What a shame that was... And yet, try as she might, Beechfang couldn't summon the vitriol she had once felt for him either. "If even Dawnhawk gets a second chance, what are we even doing, Cloverheart?"
A slow blink as her head turned toward Cloverheart at her next words. Hadn't wanted her to die? Really, of all cats? Disbelief broke through the weary jadedness of her expression. "Your leader is exactly as I was, once. I knew my time would come the moment I agreed to go back to Skyclan." She merely shrugged, "I didn't think I'd make it here. Birdstar would have, she always wanted to do right by family. But me? I've seen a lot and done more." The code she had never paid any adherence to, the lives she had taken without a second thought, she had not exactly been one of Starclan's staunch supporters. "I had more ahead of me, not much. Birdstar had lives ahead of her still." Lives wasted in defense of her, how bitterly ironic.
A quiet huff of laughter managed to escape her at Cloverheart's admission. "I knew death drives cats insane... It's the only explanation for half of what Starclan does when so many reasonable cats make it here. Not that either of us are that."
Subject: Re: amen (reprise) [C] Sun 26 May 2024 - 10:18
"Know yourself and who you came in with."
Cloverheart RiverClan | she/her
Cloverheart scoffed and tossed her head. ”Sure I did. I expected to be scorned, shouted at, dismissed. I didn’t expect a half-trained apprentice to box me over the head.” She almost laughed through the words, but any humor that might have been present was dry. An ear flicked at the mention of this Bearflower’s warrior ceremony. What a joke, SkyClan consistently proved itself to be, naming that apprentice so soon after her outburst. ...not that Cloverheart was much better. Her tail flicked side to side.
”Oh, stars, don’t ask me. I’ve been wondering that myself.” She’d been lucky enough to never encounter Dawnhawk personally, though his actions left ripples in her life. Even still, Cloverheart didn’t understand what graciousness allowed him to walk the forest again. It baffled her. A wry grin curled her mouth and she said, ”We’ll make good on that plan when we figure out whose bright idea that was.” It didn’t feel… good, particularly, to joke with Beechfang, but the strangeness lie moreso in the fact it didn’t feel bad. Cloverheart’s ears flicked and she considered the older molly’s question. What were they doing? Was she really okay with the idea of Dawnhawk going on to lead a fulfilling life while she continued to brood in death?
While she pondered, she watched the disbelief grow across Beechfang’s expression. Her tail continued to bob idly left and right. ”You and Perchstar? I can’t see it.” Cloverheart tossed her head to the side, unable to face Beechfang and her honesty at the same time. ”Either way… however much or little you had left, you should have gotten to see it.” The words were bitten out, but genuine. She snorted and went on, ”Oh, we haven’t been driven anywhere, Beechfang. We were never quite sane to begin with.” She didn’t turn back, but the little grin that lingered on her expression grew a bit wider. ”I guess that’s why we can’t stay away from each other. But maybe that isn’t terrible--no one else really understands insane, do they?”
"All wounded pride and brawn over brains, I hate to break it to you." Beechfang scoffed.
"You didn't think my father and grandfather and I sent our warriors after my brother for fun, did you? That I advocated for war just because? Nor did she declare war over my presence for the sake of it." Beechfang shrugged, "We were both blinded by our desire for vengeance, and neither of us cared what got in the way of it. Or what could possibly be the collateral of our goals. Even when we were warned of the risk. You think anything else mattered to her beyond my death? Or that anything mattered to me that wasn't Dawnhawk's demise?" The big tabby gave her head another shake. "I've lived it, I've seen it time and time again. Perchstar is exactly like I was, whether she wants to see it or not. I was exactly like my father and grandfather. And trust me, she won't want to hear that. I didn't." A soft, humorless laugh escaped her. "Funny how that works, so often we become those we think we cannot stand after swearing we'd never be 'like that.' Vengeance corrupts, Cloverheart. Just as much as power does, maybe more."
The conversation swung back towards Dawnhawk, and she nodded. "Whatever their reasons for giving him a second chance... He... Seems to be doing alright down there. It's strange. I didn't trust it at first. When I figured out it was him I thought I had well and truly lost it. More than I had, I mean." Her gaze turned toward the river in thought. "But watching how things have gone... I'm starting to doubt the beliefs I thought were unshakeable. If he was given a second chance and is doing good, maybe there is something to it."
How strange this entire conversation had been. How strange, to be civil with the cat she had spent so much time hating. Cloverheart's final words almost made her laugh. "I suppose you're right... Sanity was never ours to begin with."
