Who's Driving This Trainwreck Anyhow?

Swiftheart was feeling so much better in terms of not being sick now. It felt nice to be able to smell again fully and not have to cough every other step. She had her good friend and medicine cat Heatherberry. She found her paws taking to the med cat den once more. She wanted to check and see if there was any way she could help the busy med cat.

The past moons had not been kind to either one of them. Swiftheart had lost a lot of family and friends and so had Heatherberry.

The passing of both her father and mentor made Swiftheart want to check on her all the more. They both knew all too well what one another was going through and while she did not know exactly how to help her yet, that did not stop her from wanting to.

Pushing gently at the curtains of the med den that were falling apart from their absence away from the clans she let out a gentle greeting purr as she found the med cat.


"Heatherberry? are you free for a short walk? If you are not too busy of course" she meowed softly.

Sickness had overcome her tonight, staring in disgust at the meal she had taken from the pile and dragged to her den. A meal that just moments ago she craved and would have killed someone for... Yet here lay the frog in it's slimy glory next to herbs she irritably ripped to shreds for being too dry. She was a mess. Loss and fear gripped her as she recounted all the horrible things to happen the moment she was... What was she? Blessed...?

A soft and familiar voice hushed the ringing silence in her lonely den. "A walk... Yes, that would be perfect. Thank you, Swiftheart." She smiled, but this time it reflected in her eye. Swiftheart. The last friend she had left that she felt she could trust with most anything. A cat who didn't judge - if the warriors brother being Nightstalker couldn't sway her love, then what could?

...

The snow crunched under paw as the two made off to nowhere in particular. "Thank you for this, truly. I think I was about to lose my mind being in there alone." She was about to lose her mind now, actually. Something plagued her thoughts, darting back and forth between bringing up Echosong and Burdockroot. To apologize that they had no body to bury. "Swiftheart... I hope this isn't inappropriate to say when you've taken the time to get some fresh air with me, but I. I really miss..." Suddenly, guilt rocked her whole body as Sablestrike's face suddenly barged through her thoughts. The panic she held for him and the blame she put on herself that he now mirrored her with a missing eye. While it couldn't possibly be her fault and more the fault of a tom who needed to reel back his temper, past and recent events made her believe it to be true. And then slowly, the better memories of their time alone crept in, bathing her in a warm light as though she were walking under the sun and not the moon and stars. How they made each other blush and shared laughs, how he embraced her tears, and how he didn't shy away from her after losing one of the eyes he liked to stare into when they were alone. As much as she love Swiftheart, she couldn't help but wish it were Sablestrike beside her right now. "...really miss Sablestrike and... And Sablestrike."

A few ticks of silence passed between the two before Heatherberry even realized what she had just said, stopping dead in her tracks. Her ears flushed hot, her eye widening in shock. Her thoughts had jumbled up so completely that she had said the wrong names twice. "N-No! I-I mean that I missed his eye? Yes his eye! What a lovely eye. Golden like the sun! A tragedy! I-I miss mine too! Really effects the- The um." She groaned in embarrassment. That fix could not have gone any worse.

Swiftheart walked paw step for paw step by her close friend. Enjoying the time away from camp to just get to catch up with her was a comfort in and of itself. She gave a happy little nod of agreement, she herself had gone a bit crazy as well in dealing with the past moons of life. Sablestrike and her own little matching chest scars from their venting gone wrong had proven that. She was herself slowly recovering from it all, seemingly through the worst of it and on to slowly better days.

She was about to continue in the small talk, the warrior very extraverted and not used to or liking the silence that seemed to follow them when Heatherberry thankfully spoke up on her own.

Swiftheart's heart clenched with sorrow at her friends initial words, 'she missed' ... a bit of a pause followed and swiftheart slowed her pace knowing how much Heatherberry's father and mentor meant to her, to both of them. She was about to quietly say how much she missed them too when the unexpected came.

Swiftheart's ears flicked a bit unsure if she had heard right at first as the deputy's name was said not once but twice. She slowly retraced a half step of her own to be by her side once more seeing as how Heatherberry had indeed stopped dead in her tracks.

At first, Swiftheart thought it was either her ears had misheard or that Heatherberry was so tired that it was just a slip. She could understand either one as she herself had also felt exhaustion lately. But the silence that ticked afterwards and then Heatherberry's quick almost overcorrection had the warrior glancing over to her with one eye raised slightly. Her ears were all flushed and wide eyes?? and how she said his name as if in a dream.

As she looked the medicine cat over more she realized that the way Sablestrike was talked about was something very familiar. It slowly dawned on her that it looked so familiar because she herself had felt it twice. Once for Ratrunner and once for Duskflight. Though she could not be 100% sure.

She let the silence continue for even longer not because she wanted to make it any longer on purpose but because she was trying to figure out the right thing to say and did not at all want to speak too early before weighing her words with the utmost of care. In her heart and spirit she felt that this was an important thing to get right and whatever she said here in response could have lasting effects for better or worse.

She was not even sure if her gut feeling was true or not. She found herself hoping it was true, she wished nothing but happiness for her niece. However, at the same time she did not want to say something on an incorrect assumption: that could lead to hurt feelings if this was not the case. For whatever reason the stars' decree of med cats was taken so seriously by everyone a rule she never quite agreed with or even understood.

In either case, the love that she felt for Heatherberry was unmoving and she somehow wanted to convey that in her response while leaving it open ended of her now creeping suspicion of what Heatherberry had said just now intentionally or not. How could she tell her friend that nothing could shake the view she held for her, without directly saying so and implying something that might not even be true?

She gave a slow nod finally and took a deep breath before breaking the silence. "I am... glad he makes you so happy" she gave a small grin to the medicine cat.
"He does... make you happy? yes?" she asked gently as she possibly could looking to her.
"you deserve happiness my sweet friend, in whatever form or way it takes shape in" she purred.

She held her breath slightly... hoping to stars that was the correct balance of what should be said.
She hoped it accomplished both cases: In the case that she had grossly misread the situation and that there was nothing there that it could be taken exactly as that, wishing her friend happiness of working with her fellow high rank.

In the case that she desperately, secretly hoped for she hoped it accomplished that in between the lines that not only did she swear to secrecy but also greatly approved of it. The stars could burn themselves out worrying about it, Heatherberry had been through dark forest and back, she deserved love.

Heatherberry didn't even look at Swiftheart as the older molly came to a slow halt beside her, too flustered to think of any sort of new excuse to cover her slip-up. Her eye closed tightly, waiting for some sort of disappointed remark from her snow-pelted friend.

But to her relief, she was greeted with nothing but kindness and well wishes for her happiness. Swiftheart may not have a mean bone in her body, huh? The feelings she had for Sablestrike were forbidden by the code; the very code she was sworn in by. The one Nightstalker himself had broken... Perhaps that was a driving force for Swiftheart's gentle questions. "Happy...?" Happy didn't even begin to describe how she felt for Sablestrike. Sure, the tom could do with some therapy of sorts for his harsh temper, but he had never once turned it on her. A part of her hoped that the side oh him that she had gotten to see and know and speak to was something only she was privy to. Another part of her wished others could see he held a heart. I think about him more than I should ever be allowed to. She would keep that thought to herself and instead thank Swiftheart for her support. "Oh, dear Swift you are too kind... I think if I had let this slip to anyone else, they'd have my throat in an instant." Her bright smile suddenly fell as a shadow cast over her features.

This could not happen again. There were precious few out there like Swiftheart. She was lucky tonight, but there was no telling what could have happened if it were anyone else.

"Swiftheart... I have a confession- Another one, I mean. Something far worse than harbored feelings." Her green eye scanned Swiftheart's blue ones, desperation oozing from every inch of her. Some would count it a blessing that her fur around her belly was fluffy enough to hide its growth. That the deaths of two very important figures in her life passing gave her the excuse to hide away in her den all day and night unless called for. But not Heatherberry. Because what would come after all of that? If she birthed forbidden kits, she would have to forfeit everything she worked so hard for. Everything Burdockroot left in her care. And ShadowClan would be forced to live without a medicine cat until StarClan chose a new one-- or perhaps they already had. As it stood right now... These kits could be harmed out of spite of how they were born from a broken code. An idiotic code. "I am... Expecting. Kits. Sablestrike's kits. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to protect them." Tears trailed down her greying cheeks as she spoke in earnest, looking for some sort of answer. Guilty for forcing this knowledge onto Swiftheart.

Swiftheart gave a happy purr and smile as her dear friend stuttered a bit then confirmed what Swiftheart had hoped. Sablestrike and Heatherberry were together! She had to gently bite her own tongue to not squeal with excitment and joy for her friend. Getting to be in love was the bestest feeling in the world. She had been fortunate enough to feel it twice herself.

"I am so happy for you" she purred nuzzling gently at her friends shoulder.

The mood and tone of her friend seemed to shift slightly however making Swiftheart's chest squeeze with worry... she was not sure of what made her friends features downcast now... was this to due with whatever happened at the windclan border with Sable? She guessed.


She sat still waiting and ears flicking as her friend started another confession.

As the news dropped, Swiftheart sat still stunned. She blinked a couple times after a long moment and looked to her medicine cat.

She gently tugged her into a quick hug before letting her go again. "It was not even noticeable my friend I had no idea" she whispered still in shock.

"Oh I am so happy for you... kits are a blessing" she was still so shocked and happy over everything that the realization was only just now coming to her what her friend had said as well.

"We will protect them... I promise you, I ... I d-dont know how yet but we will" she meowed quietly trying to sound as reassuring as possible though her own paws were trembling a bit herself.