papaoutai (c)

Snow-crusted birch trees. Frosted grasses, frozen-over puddles, and the sound of the river overflowing with melting slush. The late afternoon apricity soaked into Dovetail's pelt as he made his way through the territory, the sun gleaming almost orange as it began to set earlier than ever. How he'd missed RiverClan. He felt so drawn to it, one would have assumed that he was born to it through-and-through, birthed by the very mouth of the river itself, nurtured by river-silt and fish scales. But it wasn't the case. He'd always thought, then, that he had rogue blood. The idea had disgusted him but he'd been at peace with it. Former rogue, he'd told himself, echoed by Owlcall's kindness in adopting him and his siblings unconditionally. Owlcall hadn't been invited to this gathering. It was only the found kits. Because he suspected now, with a wariness that twisted his stomach into knots, that neither RiverClan nor rogue were his origins.

"Your mother is actually a former ThunderClan warrior. She left after her mate, me, was falsely killed."

As ever, Starlingflare's voice echoed in the barest recesses of his mind. At first Dovetail had pushed it away, explaining it off to himself as a dream. Just a dream. A frighteningly realistic one, to be sure, but definitely not a real visitation. And all that hopeful façade had crumbled with the second dream. When he'd learned a new fighting technique and awoken exhausted, sweating. And the subsequent times he'd risen mid-nightmare, claws unsheathed. He knew that all it would take to confirm his fears would be a single conversation. Starlingflare had said he'd visited the others. So, if they had never heard of him before, then it would all be made up. It would not be real. It would not have repercussions on his life. But, if they answered in the affirmative... Well. Dovetail was uncertain of what exactly the next step would be. He desperately wanted his father's love just as hopelessly as he wished to forget about him entirely, wished to protect his siblings from the strange ghostly appearances that he could not explain away. Because he had been to StarClan. At the Moonstone, he'd unmistakably interacted with Egretswoop, and the starry landscape had looked nothing like the grim and dismal foggy forest from which Starlingflare emerged. And if he was a real dead cat, and he wasn't in StarClan... there was only one other option.

But none of that would be relevant if Swandive and Pigeonpaw and Ravenpaw had no clue what he meant. So he'd brought them out here--asked them to talk, to walk with him on this leaf-bare afternoon, to go out on the territory for old time's sake... and because he wanted to talk with them. Because if it was true... then for some reason that itched at the back of his mind, the last thing he wanted was for Perchstar to get involved.

When Dovetail had asked her to go on a walk with him and her siblings, Swandive had jumped at the chance, excited for the chance to walk on Riverclan's own territory again. On her territory, a place she knew like the back of her paw. She and her siblings hadn't been born into the clan, that was true, but Swandive couldn't imagine her life any other way than what it was now.

Well, she could imagine it was warmer, with no snow on the ground and the water's chill soothing rather than shockingly cold. But still. "I've missed this place." She mewed, "I'm so glad we're home again." Being stuck away from here had made her appreciate what Riverclan had left behind even more than she had, truthfully. For however long her apprenticeship had seemed, she was glad it had happened on their own territory instead of along that unfamiliar lake or miserable mountainside. Sometimes, thoughts of what could have been if her life had turned out different nagged at the back of her mind. Becoming a warrior in the dense forests of another clan, or perhaps not becoming a warrior at all... But Swandive was intent to ignore those thoughts. Riverclan was all she needed.

Ravenpaw didn't hesitate a second once the invitation was extended to him about going on a walk with his siblings. Just the four of them. It was a little strange to not have Owlcall with them but he couldn't be here all the time even if he tried to be. He didn't linger too much on it, happy to be out in the territory once again with his siblings. It was a feeling that couldn't be replaced.

At every nudge Pigeonpaw gave him, Ravenpaw returned it just the same, not saying anything about their little competition to annoy the other, knowing it probably wouldn't end anytime soon. The apprentices were both hard to break when it came to something like this. Though he couldn't help but nudge her once again as soon as she said something about whacking her next time. A small chuckle leaving his maw. "Even if we did whack ya, I doubt ya would listen." Ravenpaw commented. "It would take Owlcall threatening ta throw ya in the gorge for ya ta listen."

The mix of emotions that settled over the small family like a cloud seemed hard to pin down, exactly. Part wistfulness for the past, part gratitude for the present. Part hurt over what they'd experienced, and part warmth from the comfort of knowing they would still have each other. It was like settling back into a familiar routine. Walking here alongside his siblings, Dovetail could feel content... or he would have, if not for the question creeping up his spine. The other reason he'd brought them all here with him. Not just to spend time with the most important cats in his life, but to determine the worry that had nagged at him ever since the first time he'd had the dream. If it was real. Still, despite his ulterior motives, he couldn't help but smile slightly at his sisters' and brother's antics. "It is great to be back," he agreed quietly with Swandive. "And Pidge, if you ever wander off like that again, Owlcall won't be the only one threatening to throw you in the Gorge. Next time you're bored, just bother me and we can spar or something."

The sun grew only lower behind the distant birch trees as they padded through the snow. Once Dovetail had deemed they were far enough, truly in an area of the territory that none other would stumble upon accidentally--no patrols, hardly anything but the distant sound of river water and the faint crunching of flakes beneath their paws--he stopped. "Hey. I have a question for all of you." Now that he'd said it, now that their attention turned to him, he felt a lump well up in his throat. What if he was making this up? Even worse... what if he wasn't? Would this change how they felt about each other? Would this turn their life upside down again? No, if he was wrong then they would just laugh at him... and if he was right, then they would all be wondering the same thing, too. So he had to ask. He had to ask. Pale blue eyes regarded each of them in turn--Swandive, Pigeonpaw, Ravenpaw--before he drew in a deep, shaky breath. Perhaps he should have brought his fox pelt for the comfort it would give him. "Have any of you been having... weird dreams, lately? Dreams about a tom who calls himself Starlingflare."

"I had to fish Willowwisp out of the lake, she was so sick she didn't know what she was doing. I never want to do that again. The lake, the mountains... Just awful." She nodded at Pigeonpaw, "And Ravenpaw's right, it might take more than a whack for you." She snickered. Then her tone grew more serious as Dovetail spoke up, "Yeah. Don't... Don't scare me like that again. Being thrown into the gorge will be the least of your worries."

Dovetail came to a stop and turned to them, and Swandive could tell that something was on the tom's mind. He wasn't good at hiding it, that was for sure, and her paws kneaded into the snow. Whatever it was, they would deal with it, just as they always did. As a family.

The question that Dovetail asked caught her off guard, but it was the name he spoke that rang in her memory. "You've had those dreams too? I've been wondering about it... I've had just one so far, but the tom you mentioned is the same." She mewed, "It's not just some random tom - Starlingflare. He says he's our father." She breathed. The idea of it was both frightening and exciting, just as much as it was intriguing. It had been a while since her own dream, but she still remembered it. She hoped that she would have another one like it soon, the tom had seemed honest, and like he genuinely did care for his kits. It was simply a shame that he couldn't be there in life for them.

Ravenpaw wasn't expecting the question. He wasn't expecting for them to know about Starlingflare but it made sense that they would, he was their father after all. It made sense for the tom to want to see all of them and not just one of them. While others seemed unsure about their connection with Starlingflare, Ravenpaw was certain. "He is our father." Ravenpaw said. "I know his eyes anywhere.. they match mine. Well.. Eye." They were the exact same. No matter how much Ravenpaw searched for a difference all he could see in his reflection was the single eye staring back at him. To him it proved their relation.

"Ya guys can look for ya selves if ya want but M' certain of it." There wasn't any doubt in his mind that he was related to the tom that visited him in his dreams.

"You've had those dreams too?"

"I mean... yea, I've had a couple'a dreams..."

"He is our father."

That confirmed it. Dovetail let out a quiet sigh, taking in everything that they said. There was no way that they were just making this up. They all said the same things. Starlingflare... father... ThunderClan... murdered. This wasn't just him. It had to be real. His stomach twisted with the conflicting senses of joy and concern. That really had been his father, then, who praised him and congratulated him. But... he spoke to the others, too. And the strange foggy landscape in which the tom appeared looked nothing like when he'd spoken to Egretswoop in StarClan. What if Starlingflare was bad, in some way? He couldn't be. There was no reason for him to be. But why, then, did it trigger his protective instincts to hear that they'd all been having these same dreams? "I... worried that I'd made it all up. But he told me that he had seen you all, too. So I thought, since we're back, I would ask." Dovetail hadn't really thought this far ahead. Anxiously, his paws kneaded at the ground beneath him. Just like his siblings were doing; perhaps it was a trait they had all picked up from either of their deceased parents. What was he supposed to say? Would they think he was weird for expressing his concerns?

"He told me all the same things, too," he said instead, his voice quiet. "That we have ThunderClan blood, that he was murdered... that this is a good place for us to stay. So it has to be real, then, if we've all seen it. Right? The shadowy tom with one golden eye?" He wasn't crazy. They weren't crazy. His pale-blue eyes looked at each of them in turn--at the physical similarities they had with each other, and with their "father." "I don't feel like going to ThunderClan. I like it here, in RiverClan. We're RiverClan cats." That was something he was sure of, even in the midst of all the nauseating uncertainty. He knew that much at least. "But, aside from that, does this... change anything? About the way we're going to live? I mean. Owlcall and his family adopted us. Are we going to leave them behind for a father who... isn't alive anymore?" Dovetail swallowed back the lump in his throat.

It was not just Dovetail to have these dreams, but Pigeonpaw and Ravenpaw did as well. Swandive released a breath she didn't realize she was holding. So, they weren't just seeing things for the fun of it, it was real. It was... Nice, almost. To be vindicated. To know she wasn't alone in her dreams.

"I thought I believed it, but it's nice to be... Vindicated, I suppose. To have it confirmed. Know I'm not the only one, y'know?"

"...Yeah. I think they do." She murmured to Ravenpaw. The one-eyed tom had golden eyes too, she was pretty sure... Though it had been some time since her last dream.

At the mention of Thunderclan, Swandive's nose wrinkled. "Who could possibly want to go there? They killed our parents. Our mother ran from them." Perhaps if she hadn't, she might have survived kitting. "It was Pechstar and Owlcall who found us, they took us in even though they didn't have to. Riverclan is where we belong. They raised us, trained us... We are Riverclan in every way that counts." She declared, "I don't see why it should change how we interact with Owlcall and the rest, personally. They're still family, regardless of what we learned."

Ravenpaw nodded along with what his siblings were saying in response to Dovetail's question. He didn't feel the need to say much more on the subject considering that they covered it for the most part, but he added, "Thunderclan wouldn't treat us right anyway. Especially if they knew who our parents are." Not that he had an interest in Thunderclan, they smelled bad. Riverclan was his home and he wasn't going anywhere else.